by M. E. Parker
“It’s true,” he whispered against my lips.
“Do you know how many times I’ve laid in this bed and jerked off thinking about kissing you?”
He chuckled and propped his head up with a fist, looking down at me. “Were you thinking about me every time you jerked off?” he asked as his fingers trailed down my side to my hip.
“Mostly,” I answered honestly.
“Mostly?” He grinned. “Who else?”
“Zac Efron,” I said, smiling at Chance.
“Fuck Zac Efron.” He smacked my ass and I couldn’t help but laugh.
“I would,” I joked.
“You would not,” he said as he caressed my ass cheek.
“Are you crazy? Who wouldn’t?” I teased.
“I wouldn’t.” He was tracing some kind of incomprehensible pattern on my ass cheek with his index finger.
“You’re lying. There’s not a person on this planet who wouldn’t fuck Zac Efron,” I said, laughing. I looked behind me. “What are you doing back there?”
“Writing my name. C-H-A-N-C-E,” he spelled aloud, tracing each letter with his finger on my ass.
“Why?” I asked, resting my forehead against his, smiling.
“Because you’re mine,” he whispered, smiling back at me.
“I am.”
“You are?”
“Yeah, I am. You want a Sharpie?”
He laughed. “Yeah. Fuck Zac Efron.”
“Okay,” I teased, before I kissed him and moved in closer. He squeezed my ass cheek and I closed my eyes, draping my leg over his. I don’t think there was ever a time I wanted someone more than I wanted him in that moment. I couldn’t stop myself from moving my hips. I wanted to feel his cock against mine. As his finger drifted from the cheek of my ass to the crack, I thought I would lose it. The sensation of his index finger gliding over my hole was almost more than I could bear.
“Fuck, Chance, don’t tease—” I whispered, just as he pushed his finger inside me. I couldn’t help but moan as he curled his finger. “Oh, god. Right there,” I whispered, pressing my hips against his. It felt incredible.
“Does it feel good?”
“God, yes. More,” I croaked.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” he whispered as he threaded the fingers of his other hand through my hair and pulled my head back.
Pulling away, I reached over him to my nightstand and grabbed a tube of lube.
“Here,” I said, handing it to him. I tried to catch my breath as he squeezed some on his fingers.
“On your back,” he ordered. I looked up at him smiling down on me and did what he asked. My dick was throbbing so hard it was painful. Spreading my legs, I raised my knees. I felt vulnerable, but safe at the same time. Before I knew it, he was kneeling between my legs, sliding two fingers inside me.
“Oh jesus. Chance,” I whispered, bucking my hips up.
“This is so fucking hot,” he whispered back as he fingered me. He braced himself with his other arm and knelt over me. I looked into his eyes. “Does it feel good?” he asked again.
I could barely answer. “Yes. God, yes,” I mumbled.
“I want you. I want to be inside you,” he said, staring down at me.
“I think I want that too,” I said breathlessly. I wasn’t lying. I wanted him. But I was nervous. Was I really going to lose my virginity? We hadn’t even discussed it. He didn’t even know I was a virgin. Was he? I assumed he’d fucked plenty of girls—but this was different. Should I tell him? I wondered as he stared down at me.
“We don’t have to. We can wait,” he said, looking down at me. I wondered if he could sense my hesitation.
I shook my head, wanting to rid myself of doubt. “I want to. Do you have a condom?” His body collapsed a bit and he rested his head on my chest.
“No.”
“You don’t?” I asked surprised.
He chuckled. “In my dorm room.” He looked up at me and then looked back down. “They’re probably expired,” he murmured.
“Huh?” I asked, trying to read his expression.
“Nothing. Do you have one?” he asked, breathing heavily.
I grinned. “No, I didn’t bring any. I didn’t think.”
He laughed and wiped his forehead against his bicep. “I could run to the store real quick.”
“Are you fucking kidding? I can’t wait,” I complained, looking down at my angry erection.
As he sat up on his knees, he smiled. “I can’t either. I got you, Andy.” He gripped my cock and began to stroke it as he fingered me. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to think about the periodic table. I wasn’t going to last. Every time his long fingers pegged my prostrate, I came off the bed.
“Fuck, Chance,” I moaned and reached forward to take his dick into my fist.
“No, baby. Put your arms over your head. I want to watch you come,” he said quietly.
I nodded and put my arms above my head. The vulnerability that I felt was overwhelming as he stared into my eyes. His fingers were moving in and out of my ass and his other hand was wrapped around my cock. Our breathing was in sync as he jerked me off.
“Ahhh … god … yes,” I moaned.
“I love to watch you come,” he whispered. “I love the way your cheeks turn pink and the way your mouth opens a little and you let out that sexy fucking moan.”
No one had ever made me feel like that before … I felt special. My entire body quivered.
“Come for me, Andy.”
His words were all I needed. I’d never let go like that before. As soon as I managed to open my eyes, I looked up at him and watched a moan slip from his lips as he reached down to touch himself, he immediately exploded. I looked down at my stomach. His release was mingled with mine. “Oh ma’ god … Chance …”
He fell on top of me. I loved the weight of his body on mine. Everything felt exactly right. I felt like, for the first time in my life, I was exactly where I was supposed to be. I entangled my fingers in his hair and forced his forehead against mine. “That was …”
“I know,” he said, before he kissed me.
I wanted to say, I love you, but I was too scared to say it. I loved him. I’d always loved him, but the last month of us together had proven to me that I was hopelessly, irreconcilably, head over heels, fucking gone for him in every possible way. It scared the shit out of me.
As our breathing slowed, he lifted his head and kissed me again. “I know I say this all the time, but I can never get enough of you, Andy.”
“Me neither,” I replied, wishing we could say more.
After we laid there for a while, he whispered in my ear, “Can I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
He grabbed ahold of my hair and pulled my head back. I looked up into his eyes. “Do you prefer top or bottom?”
I couldn’t help but let a chuckle escape my lips. “I don’t know.”
Chance cocked his head. “What do you mean, you don’t know?”
I reached up and rubbed his cheek with my thumb. “I don’t know. I’ve never done either.”
Our eyes connected. “But, you and Mark. You dated for a year?”
I shrugged. “Yeah. He made it clear from the beginning that he only topped, and I don’t know, it just never felt right.”
He leaned down and kissed my forehead. “But you were … We almost … You wanted to …”
I ran my hands through his hair. “Yeah, it felt right. I want to with you.”
“You do?”
“Yeah. I mean, maybe not here. I never pictured it here. Maybe when we get back to school, to the apartment?” I rambled nervously.
He leaned down and kissed me again, this time on the lips. “I’ve never either,” he whispered. “But I want to with you.”
I laughed and gently tugged his hair. “I already know you’re a gay virgin, Chance. You don’t have to make it into a big confession.”
I watched as he wiped his brow. “I’m not just a gay virgin, Andy. I’m lik
e a virgin, virgin.”
I pushed his head back to force him to look at me. “What? Seriously, you haven’t ever? I thought you and Kara in high school?”
He shook his head. “No. She wanted to on prom night. I couldn’t. My dick doesn’t work with anyone but you,” he said as he buried his face between my neck and shoulder.
I laughed out loud. “Don’t lie to me, Chance.”
“I’m not lying,” he whispered against my shoulder. “You’re the only one I’ve ever wanted.”
“It’s because I’m the only guy you’ve ever been with.”
He lifted his head, looked at me, and shrugged, “It’s because you’re the only one I’ve ever wanted.”
I nodded. “You’re the only one I’ve ever wanted.”
“So, we’ll wait until we get back to school then.”
“I think so. It’s just a week, right?”
“God, a week is a long time,” he said, kissing my shoulder.
I laughed and ran my hands over his muscular back. “If we left early, I could pick up some extra shifts at the bakery.”
He looked up at me with glistening eyes. “I could use the time to get a head start on my final design project. How soon would you want to go back?” he asked.
I shrugged. “Tomorrow?”
A smile spread across his face. “Tomorrow sounds perfect.”
“My mom will hate it.”
“So will my parents,” he added.
“Yeah,” I said as I let out a breath.
He turned over on his side. I cuddled up close to him. “I’m happy, Chance,” I said, wondering if he was feeling even half of what I was feeling.
“I’m happy too, monkey.”
I laughed. “Did you just call me monkey?”
Chance chuckled. “Yeah.”
“Uh, why?”
“Because when we sleep, you always cling to me like one of those little spider monkeys. You know, with your arms and legs wrapped around my back.”
“Fuck you, Chance,” I said, pushing him away. “I’ll never touch you again when we sleep.”
He rolled over. “Are you crazy? Get back here. I love it. Come here,” he said, grabbing my arm and wrapping it around him. “You’re my monkey.”
“Fuck you,” I whispered in his ear.
“Okay, monkey,” he said, pulling me closer.
We drifted off to sleep. A deep sleep, apparently, because the next thing I remembered was hearing the garage door open. I shook Chance.
“Wake up. Chance. Wake up.” He turned around looking confused. “Chance. Mom just got home. We need to get dressed.”
“Fuck!” He jumped up from the bed and started pulling on his clothes. He fell over twice trying to get his jeans on. I couldn’t help but laugh. “It’s not funny.” He grimaced as he tried to button his flannel shirt. “I’ve gotta go.” I looked up at his face and he was white as a ghost.
“Chance. It’s fine. We’re dressed. Everything’s fine. She won’t care that you’re here.”
“I’ve gotta go, Andy,” he said as he raced out of my room and down the stairs. I tried to follow, but I heard the back door click before I’d even reached the bottom landing. I let out a breath as I walked into the kitchen to find Mom walking in from the garage.
“Hi, sweetie,” she said as she slipped off her clogs beside the door.
“Hi, Mom. How was work?”
“Absolutely insane. I’m glad to see you. What did you do all day?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. I read and napped,” I lied, sort of.
“Uggh … terrible Christmas Day. You ready to see what Santa brought?” she asked, smiling at me.
“Yeah, Mom. Do you care if I shower first?”
“No, go ahead. I’d love to clean up too. I’ll pour us a glass of wine,” she said.
I tried to push Chance’s hurried departure out of my mind as I wondered back downstairs after my shower. Mom was sitting on the couch with two glasses of red wine in front of her on the coffee table. I sat beside her.
She held up a glass. “Merry Christmas, kiddo.”
“Merry Christmas, Mom,” I said, picking up the other glass and pressing it gently against hers.
“Are you happy?” she asked.
I let out a breath. “I am,” I said, smiling at her.
“I can tell. You’ve been different since you came home. You’ve met someone, uh?”
I shook my head. “I don’t know. Maybe. It’s still early. Can we not talk about it yet?” I asked nervously.
“It’s fine. I won’t push you. I’m just glad you’re happy,” she said, patting me on the knee. “Go get your gift,” she urged.
I went and grabbed the only gift under the tree and unwrapped it. It was a sweater that I’d seen with her in Wilsonville a few days before. It was in the window of an exclusive, overpriced men’s clothing store. It was dark green. Cashmere. And I’d taken a peek at the price, $250.
“It’s too much, Mom.”
She backhanded me on the shoulder. “No, it’s not. I’ve gotten a lot of overtime in. Plus, it’ll look great on you.”
“I love it,” I said, wrapping her up in a big hug. It was too much. But I knew if I made a fuss, it would hurt her feelings. I got up and grabbed her gift off the mantle. She cried when she unwrapped the pearl earrings.
“You can’t afford this,” she whispered.
“Yes, I can. I have a connection. I got a deal,” I said, kissing her on the cheek.
“They’re beautiful,” she said, wiping a tear from her cheek.
“Just like you.” I smiled at her.
“Shut up,” she said, playfully pushing my shoulder.
“What do you want to do for dinner?” I asked. “I could make some pasta. I made a chocolate pound cake and hot fudge topping last night. We could have that for desert.”
“Chocolate pound cake with hot fudge?” she asked, smiling at me.
“Yeah, is that okay?”
“That was Chance’s favorite, wasn’t it?”
I shifted on the couch. It was the first time she had uttered Chance’s name since everything went to shit in high school. “Was it? I don’t remember.”
“This will be good. We can bring it for desert. Liz invited us for Christmas dinner. I texted her on the way home from work and told her that we’d come.”
“What? Mom, no. Let’s just stay home,” I said nervously.
“Come on, Andy. It’ll be nice. I haven’t ever asked you what happened between you and Chance, but whatever it is, you two seem to have worked it out. You guys rode home together, right?”
“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean …”
Mom interrupted me. “I’ll wrap up the cake and we’ll head over in about fifteen minutes,” she said, as she walked off into the kitchen.
I was in a complete panic. I picked up my phone and shot off a quick text to Chance.
Chapter Two
Chance
I was standing in the kitchen when I saw Andy’s text appear.
Andy: Hey, my mom just informed me that we are going to dinner at your house. Tell me right now if it’s too weird. I can make an excuse.
Before I could even finish reading the text, another came through.
Andy: 911. Tell me what to do!!
I smiled as I looked at his texts. I loved him. I’d wondered about it earlier that morning, but after we’d spent the day together, I knew. It would be completely weird having him at Christmas dinner, but I wanted to see him.
Me: It’s not too weird. Come. I want to see you, monkey.
I stared down at my phone, watching those little typing dots appear and disappear.
Andy: Okay. <3
I let out a breath when I saw his response.
Me: <3
As I stared down at the tiny heart I’d sent to Andy, I sucked in a deep breath. It all scared the hell out of me. I was going down a path that would change my life forever. The truth was, I wasn’t sure when or if I could ever come out
, but I was sure of one thing—I couldn’t live without him. I’d had him. He was mine. I needed him in my life. I wasn’t sure that I could breathe without him.
My mother’s voice startled me out of my thoughts as I stared down at the messages.
“Chance.”
I jerked my head up from my phone and quickly slid it into my pocket.
“Are you okay, baby?” my mother asked as she squeezed my arm.
I nodded and swallowed the lump in my throat. “Yeah. No. Yeah. I’m okay,” I lied.
My mother rubbed my back. “You can talk to me about anything,” she said, running her fingers over my back.
“I know,” I responded, as I looked up at her.
“Are you sure? You look flushed. Are you getting enough sleep?”
“No. Yeah. I’m good. Do you need help?” I asked with half of a smile.
“Sure. Could you set two more places at the table? Julie and Andy are coming for dinner.”
I cleared my throat. “Really?” I asked. I was terrified my voice would give me away. I was worried I didn’t sound surprised enough, or maybe I sounded too surprised. I rubbed my eyes before I reached in the cabinet for two dinner plates. I wasn’t sure I could do it. How was I supposed to act around Andy? No matter how I acted, my father would figure it out. He’d be looking for it. My hand shook as I pulled the plates out of the cabinet.
“Yes. I’m so happy you and Andy are on speaking terms again. I never thought it would take this long for you guys to work things out. It broke my heart when the two of you stopped talking to each other.”
I couldn’t help but be shocked by my mother’s comment. “You never said anything,” I said, placing the plates on the counter, looking up at her nervously.
She shrugged. “Julie and I agreed, for the sake of our friendship, that we would let the two of you sort it out.”
I nodded. It never occurred to me how my actions may have affected their friendship. Julie Michaelson was my mother’s only real friend. I’d known that for a very long time. My mother knew every person in town. Most everyone loved her and considered her a friend. But there was only one person who got to see every part of her. That was Andy’s mom. The irony that Andy was that person for me, was not lost on me in the same moment.
I looked down at the floor. “I’m sorry. Just so you know, it was all me, it had nothing to do with him. I was just fucking stupid.” My face turned red as soon as I realized what I had said. I had never dropped the “F bomb” in front of my mother before. “Sorry. I didn’t mean—”