by M. E. Parker
“No!” He turned his head again.
“Come on, don’t be like that,” I teased.
Suddenly, I heard someone clearing their throat—loudly. It wasn’t Andy. Andy let out a high-pitched yelp. We both looked towards the sound. It was Cameron, Andy’s roommate. Standing there with his arms crossed.
“I have so many questions right now, I’m not sure where to start,” he said, with a mischievous grin.
I felt the color draining from my face. There we were, in nothing but our underwear. I was practically on top of Andy. I quickly moved off him and set the ice cream on the table. I grabbed a throw pillow from the couch and put it in front of my crotch.
Andy’s eyes were wide. He looked back and forth between Cameron and I nervously.
“Jesus, Cam. How long have you been standing there?”
“Uhh … Long enough to consider masturbation,” Cam said as a wide smile spread across his face.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” Andy said, scooping up his sleep pants that were lying on the floor next to the couch.
“Well, I unlocked the door. I rolled in my big-ass suitcase. I guess you two were too oblivious to hear me.” I could tell Andy was ignoring him as he pulled on his pants. I wasn’t sure what to do at that precise moment.
“I thought you were coming back tomorrow,” Andy said.
“Me too. But I caught an early flight,” Cam replied. He strolled casually across the room and sat down in the chair across from the couch.
“Please, don’t stop on my account,” Cam joked. “I’ll just sit here and watch.”
“Cut it out, Cam,” Andy said, his eyes drifting over to mine.
“What? This is hot. Have the two of you considered making gay ice cream porn? I think we’re onto something here. We could all be rich.”
Andy rolled his eyes. “You’re already rich.”
“Okay. Fine,” Cam said. “Can you at least give me details? I want to know everything that’s happened since I left you two weeks ago up until approximately two minutes ago.” Cam clapped his hands in excitement. “Okay. Who’s going to start?” he asked, looking back and forth between us.
Andy glanced at me apologetically, giving me a small smile and a shrug. I offered him a smile in return, hoping he understood that I was okay. “I choose Andy,” I said, patting him once on the knee before getting up from the couch. “I’m going to go shower and dress.”
“Boo … Okay,” Cameron called out as I walked into Andy’s bedroom. “Just so you know, I consider this a clothing optional apartment.”
I laughed as I closed the door. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn’t help but stand by the door. I wanted to hear their conversation.
“So, what do you mean you caught an early flight back? I thought you were spending Christmas with your uncles,” Andy asked Cam.
“I went up to Chicago for a few days,” Cam replied.
“For what?”
“Oh no. You’re not changing the subject. What’s going on with you and the football player? God, Andy, you guys are too cute. It’s obvious that you’re head over heels for each other.” I wished I could see Andy’s face. “Look at you, Maybury, you’re blushing,” Cam teased.
I laid my head back on the wall beside the door and smiled. He didn’t deny what Cameron had said and he was blushing. That was a good sign. “So, tell me everything,” Cameron commanded.
Andy’s voice was hushed. “He asked me to be his boyfriend.”
“And you said?”
“I said yes, are you crazy?”
“Of course you did. How did he ask you and were you wearing clothes?”
Andy laughed. “Yes, we were wearing clothes. We were in the treehouse in my mama’s backyard. He carved a little heart on one of the boards and put our initials inside it.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake, that’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard,” Cam said. Andy’s laughter floated through the apartment.
“So, are you two fucking?” My heart started to race as I waited for Andy’s response to Cam. “Okay,” Cam said, “I’ll take your silence as a yes. Just so I’m clear, which one of you is getting fucked?”
“Actually, both of us,” Andy said in a soft voice. I could feel my face turning red. I wasn’t sure how I felt about him telling Cameron that piece of information.
“Oh, dear god, he’s vers? Jesus, he’s just like Mary Poppins, isn’t he?”
“What?” Andy asked laughing. I had the same question.
“Practically perfect in every way,” Cam said. I couldn’t stop smiling as I listened to their exchange.
“I know, Cam.” Andy let out a loud sigh. “I’m so fucked.”
“Oh god, you really love him, don’t you?” The tone of Cameron’s voice had changed. He wasn’t joking around anymore. “What’s wrong, Andy?” My heart was pounding in my chest as I waited for him to answer. “He’s not out,” Cam said, answering for him.
“Yeah, but I’m gonna deal, because he’s everything I ever wanted,” Andy said. My heart broke a little when I heard Andy’s words.
“Are you sure? Have you thought this through? I mean, he’s not just any guy. Everyone on campus knows who he is.”
“I’m aware.”
“So how is this going to work exactly?”
“What do you mean?” Andy asked.
“I don’t know. Like what about those formal things?”
Andy chuckled. “Football players don’t have formals. Formals are for fraternities.”
“Okay, whatever. But I’m sure they have like team dinners, picnics, and parties and shit like that. The kind of shit that you need a girlfriend or a date for.”
I squeezed my eyes shut. I hadn’t even thought about all that shit. He was right though. There’d be a ton of that stuff coming up in the spring.
“I don’t know, Cam. I obviously won’t go. It’s not that big of a deal.” I could hear the sadness in Andy’s voice.
“Obviously. But will he invite a girl to those things? Will you be okay with that?”
No!
I wanted to bust through the door and tell Andy, no, I’d never do that to him. But I didn’t. I stood there behind the closed door. Listening. Like a coward. Taking my punishment. Part of me was pissed at Cameron for going there. But he was right.
“No. I don’t know,” Andy said. “We haven’t talked about it. We’ll figure it out as we go, I guess.”
“Okay. So, what about regular stuff? We always go to Wild Orchid on Friday nights. Is he gonna go with us?”
Andy chuckled. “No. Probably not.”
“So, you’re not going to go either?”
“I don’t know.”
“So, what? You’ll go to End Zone and hang out with all the football players?”
“No. I don’t know, okay? Maybe we’ll just hang out here.”
Cam sighed. “You don’t think that will be a little suspicious. He’s not out. You’re not out. His friends will wonder where he is. Our friends will wonder where you are.”
“Jesus, Cam. I don’t know. Okay? We’ll work it out. I’ll probably just go out with you guys. He’ll go out with his friends and we’ll meet up later. I. Don’t. Know.” I could hear the frustration in Andy’s voice. I felt it too. There were no good options.
“Andy, I’m not trying to be an asshole.”
“Coulda fooled me.”
“Seriously, Andy. I’m sorry. I just want you to be sure you understand what you’re getting into. I don’t want to watch you get your heart broken every other week. Maybe you should just talk to him about it. Just so you guys are on the same page—so you don’t have unrealistic expectations.”
“Yeah. Maybe.”
“It’s gonna be hard sometimes,” Cam said.
Andy sighed. “I know that. But he’s worth it. That part will suck. But the rest of it’s perfect, Cam. So, I’ll deal.”
“I think you’re probably right.”
“About what?”
“That he�
�s worth it. I wouldn’t have said that before today. But now I’ve seen him in his underwear.” I heard some fumbling around. “Shit, Maybury. You almost hit the lamp.” I assumed that Andy had thrown something at him. “Seriously, if you love him, then I’ll love him. And who knows? Maybe he’ll just wake up tomorrow and decide he’s ready to come out.”
“That’s not going to happen. It’s different for him.”
“Andy, coming out sucks for everyone.”
“It’s different for him. He has football. His father is super religious. I’m not going to pressure him. I need you to promise me that you won’t either, Cam.”
“I promise I won’t say anything to him about coming out,” Cam said.
I took my ear away from the door and walked into the bathroom. I’d heard enough. I knew I needed to come out. I couldn’t hurt Andy over and over. That’s what would happen. Every time I didn’t ask him to some football event, every time I didn’t invite him out with my friends, every time he wanted me to go out with his friends but wouldn’t ask. Every time would hurt him. It was all my fault. I hated it. I hated myself for being a coward.
Chapter Eleven
Andy
Chance came along with me on my run again the next morning. I refused to race him, no matter how many times he tried to turn it into a competition. About a mile in, he gave up and jogged at a steady pace beside me. When we passed his dorm, he stopped and pointed out his window and made me to promise to wave up at him. I promised him I would. It made me sad. I’d gotten used to spending so much time with him. That would change as soon as school started.
When we got back to the apartment, we stood in the kitchen and downed a bottle of water. “I need a shower,” I said.
“Do you need company?” he flirted.
Cam walked in. “Dear god, it’s way too early for that,” he said as he fell down in a chair at the kitchen table.
“It’s never too early for a shower,” I said, ruffling his hair.
“Stop it, Maybury. You stink.”
“That’s why I’m taking a shower, beautiful,” I teased as I walked out of the kitchen.
“You go ahead. Take your shower with your football player. I’ll just be sitting here, wishing I had coffee, possibly jerking off.”
Chance laughed out loud. “Of course you’d think it’s funny,” Cam said grimacing at Chance. Chance didn’t respond.
I wanted the two of them to get along. I also knew that it was mostly my fault that there was still some tension between them. I’d never really apologized to Cam for lying to him. As much as I was in love with Chance, Cameron was like a brother to me. I needed there to be peace between them.
As if Chance could read my mind, he said, “I’ll start the coffee. You go ahead.”
“Nah,” I said. “I can do it. You go ahead.”
He ignored me as he went to fill the coffee maker with water.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake. I’ll make coffee. You two go have your shower blow jobs or whatever.”
I couldn’t help but laugh as I watched Cameron rub the sleep out of his eyes. He was an asshole in the mornings. I hoped Chance would give him a break and get to know him.
“Cameron, you have no idea how to make coffee.” It was true. He drank it every morning. But I always made it, or I brought it to him from the coffee shop.
“It can’t be rocket science. It’s not like I can’t figure it out,” Cam grumbled before he laid his head down on the kitchen table. I wondered if he was hung over. He’d gone out to Wild Orchid the night before, but I had no idea what time he’d come home.
Chance cleared his throat. “I’ve got it, monkey. I’ll meet you in there. Coffee coming up, Cameron.”
“Thank god,” Cam gasped.
As I walked away, I said, “I’m making pancakes later.”
“What kind?” Cameron and Chance said at the exact same time.
I laughed. “Strawberries and whipped cream for you Cam, and maple syrup with bacon crumbles for the hottie making your coffee.”
Chance’s laugher floated across the kitchen. “Real whipped cream or the kind from the can?” Cameron asked.
“Real,” I replied.
“I love you, Maybury,” he mumbled. He was definitely hung over.
“Love you too, beautiful,” I teased.
A few minutes later, Chance was stepping into the shower with me. He immediately started washing my back.
“Should I go?” he asked.
I turned around and wrapped my arms around him and kissed his neck.
“Please don’t go yet,” I begged. We only had a couple of days left before school started. I wasn’t ready for him to leave.
“I don’t want to,” he whispered. “I just don’t want to cause problems between you and Cam.”
“You’re not. Please just give him a chance.” I looked up at him. “He’s a complete asshole in the mornings. He’s kind of a spoiled brat. He grew up in a Chicago suburb in a mansion with servants. He can’t do things like make coffee or wash dishes. But I swear, Chance, once he knows you, he’ll love you like I—” I had to stop myself. I almost told him that I loved him. It was too soon for that. I corrected myself. “It takes him a little time to trust. But once he does, once he calls you a friend, he’s loyal to a fault. He’ll always have your back. He’ll do anything for you. I swear, he’s a good guy. You’ll like him, if you give him a chance.” I nestled my head against his chest. I was desperate for them to get along.
Chance lifted up my chin, forcing me to look into his eyes. “I already like him, monkey. I liked him the first night we met. He looks out for you. That’s why I like him. I just don’t want to mess up anything between you guys.”
I shook my head, feeling tears well in my eyes. I wondered if he meant it. I wondered if he really liked Cameron. No one ever liked Cam when they first met him, with the exception of puppies and kittens, sorority girls, and any guy who wanted to fuck him. I looked up at Chance for a second and wondered if it was possible that he was attracted to Cam. I couldn’t stop myself from asking. “When you said, you liked him the first night you met him, did you mean—”
He interrupted me, laughing, “I meant, I thought he was hilarious. Most people are intimidated by me. He didn’t give a shit. But most of all, I love how fiercely he protects you, Andy.” He shrugged. “That means he sees you how I see you.” He leaned down and kissed me as the warm water flowed over us.
When he finally pulled away, I couldn’t help but ask him, “So, just so I’m clear, do you like him in a ‘friend’ sort of way or in a ‘I’d like to fuck him’ sort of way?”
Chance laughed out loud. “Make no mistake. Cameron is beautiful, as you call him. He belongs on the cover of a magazine or maybe his picture should hang in a museum somewhere. But the guy I want to fuck has dark hair, with little bits of auburn and yellow in it. He has green eyes, with flecks of gold and brown. He has freckles that you can barely see scattered across his cheeks. He has an ass just exactly like this,” he said grabbing my ass and squeezing, “and he has lips like this,” he said before he bent down to kiss me.
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Okay. Okay. I get your point, cheese-monster.”
“Oh, I’m the cheese-monster?” he teased. “I seem to remember somebody telling me if they could invent the perfect man, they couldn’t even dream of inventing somebody as perfect as me.”
I laughed out loud. “I totally did not say that.”
“Yes, you did.”
“Did not,” I said, pouring some body wash in my hand.
“Did too,” he whispered as he bent down to kiss me.
Thirty minutes later, I was standing in front of the stove in the kitchen flipping pancakes. Cam was sitting at the kitchen table scowling at his iPad as he sipped on a cup of coffee. Chance walked into the kitchen.
“I’m starved. That smells incredible,” he said as he sat down at the table with Cam, who ignored him. He turned in his chair. “You need help?”
; I looked back at him and smiled. “Nope. I got it.”
“You sure?”
“Yep.”
“Maybury doesn’t like anyone to get in his way in the kitchen,” Cameron chimed in without looking up from his iPad.
“Hmm,” Chance acknowledged as he looked awkwardly around the kitchen.
The moment felt awkward. The silence was awkward. I was used to silence with Cameron in the mornings. But having Chance there made it feel awkward. I was trying to decide how to start up a conversation when Cam sighed and put his iPad down on the table. “So, I guess I have a new roommate now?” I looked over my shoulder and watched Cam smirk at Chance.
It was frustrating. “Come on, Cam. He’s not moving in,” I said, trying to save Chance from having to respond.
“Oh really?” Cameron narrowed his eyes at Chance. “How many nights have you slept at your place in oh, let’s say, the last month?”
Chance cleared his throat to respond. But I’d lost my patience. “Jesus Cam, can you lighten up?” I turned to Chance. “Ignore him, it’s probably PMS.” Cam looked up at me with a red face. I knew my words would strike a nerve with him and I wanted him to turn his attention to me and leave Chance alone. I gave Cam a look that said, I’m not playing.
Chance reached over and grabbed my hand and squeezed it. “It’s cool,” he said, turning towards Cam. “He’s right. I have been over a lot.”
I sighed. “It doesn’t matter. He doesn’t really care. He’s just … I don’t know what he’s doing.” I waved my spatula towards Cam. I really didn’t know what was going on in Cameron’s head. He was happy for me. I knew that.
Cam laughed. “I’m not doing anything.”
Chance cleared his throat again and looked at Cameron. “Listen man, it’s cool. I can go. I don’t have to stay over. Whatever. Just let me know. I don’t want to cause problems between you and Andy.”
I watched as Cameron stared at Chance. He was caught off guard, I could tell. It wouldn’t take him long to realize that Chance was a good guy, if he’d try for more than thirty seconds.