The conversation that followed surprised me. They said the book was cute and they liked the message, but then one of the women said, “We want to know more about you. We know you are an anchor at Fox News, and we watch you. Tell us your story.” I told them about my life, beginning right where this book actually begins. I went back to my childhood and told them about waking up most morning to find notes of encouragement from my dad next to my cereal bowl. That sparked their interest. We talked about the notes and the lessons I learned. I quoted some of my favorites, like, “If you stay up with the owls, don’t expect to soar with the eagles,” and “I hope I’ll never be afraid to fail.” I also quoted his sayings about character, including “There are two things in this world that no one can take away from you, your character and your reputation.” Since many of the notes had Bible verses in them, I shared a few of them as well.
When I finished talking about my dad, one of the ladies said something along the lines of “I think that is the book you need to write.” As I’ve said over and over in this book, God’s timing is always perfect. If I’d had this meeting with these ladies five years earlier, their suggestion would not have had the same impact. Talking about my dad and the lessons he tried to teach me as I was growing up made me think about all the lessons I hoped to pass on to the child that was growing inside me. While my dog book was cute and had great lessons, I realized the book I needed to write was not just for children in general, but for my own child in particular. I wanted to write a book for him or her that also honored my father.
The only thing left to do was write it, something I did not know too much about. More meetings followed with the ladies around the table at Simon & Schuster, who guided me through the process. Early on one said something along the lines of “Tell us what it’s like to work at Fox News. How do you report on all the tragedy, the terrorist attacks and children being killed, and the murders and all the political fighting?”
I thought for a moment. “I anchored the other day on The Five”—a Fox News show in the afternoons—“and we had a discussion about the very things about which you are asking. On air, I shared a Scripture that came to my mind and helped me feel better about all the hardships we face. The verse is, ‘In this world you will have trouble. But, take heart, I have overcome the world,’ John 16:33.” As soon as I shared this verse the ladies looked at one another and one said, “That’s it. We have the title to your book.” And that’s how my first children’s book, Take Heart, My Child, was born.
When I wrote it with help from Kathryn Cristaldi, I didn’t know how the book would be received. Everyone told me children’s books didn’t sell as well as other books, something confirmed to me by the amount of the advance I received from the publisher. The book became something much more personal (in terms of revealing more of myself and my story) than my dog book. By that point in my life I had grown far more comfortable in my own skin. I was fine with readers discovering who I really was. That wasn’t just true of the book. It was true in my regular job as well.
As I thought about writing that children’s book and the message that I wanted to share, it became clear just how essential that verse “Take heart, I have overcome the world” had become to helping me through reporting on such tough news stories. Crucial as it was to my development as a journalist, the relationship between that passage and my job was not something that had sprung up overnight—it had come through reporting on some truly horrific stories. Perhaps the most difficult of these had come in in May 2013, when Fox & Friends First sent me to Cleveland to cover one of the most disturbing stories I’ve ever had to report. Between August 2002 and April 2004 three young women had disappeared in the same area on Lorain Avenue. The family of the first woman to disappear, twenty-one-year-old Michelle Knight, believed she ran away after losing custody of her son. The other two were only teenagers, sixteen-year-old Amanda Berry and fourteen-year-old Gina DeJesus, and were believed to have been kidnapped. Amanda and Gina were featured in a 2005 episode of America’s Most Wanted and a 2009 episode of The Oprah Winfrey Show. Still, no one had a clue what had happened to the three of them. No one knew that their disappearances were connected until May 6, 2013, when Amanda Berry screamed for help through a crack in the front door of the home of former school-bus driver Ariel Castro. Two hero neighbors, Angel Cordero and Charles Ramsey, kicked the door open. At that moment Amanda ran across the street with her six-year-old daughter and called 911. Police arrived to find the three women who had been held prisoner and repeatedly abused by Castro for more than a decade.
I spent a week in Cleveland covering the story. Thankfully, this came a couple of years before I was pregnant. Otherwise I don’t know how I could have handled it. As it was, the whole time I reported from Cleveland, all I could think about was the suffering these girls and their families went through. When the camera was off and I was by myself I thought about the anguish they had to go through every single night, wondering where their little girls might be, imagining the worst. When the details of the story came out I was horrified that something like this could happen in this great country of ours. I felt so very blessed to have the life that I enjoy, one that I should never, ever take for granted.
No matter how deeply this story affected me, I still had a job to do. And that job was to report the news and dig for more details. One day, early in the week, I got a tip that the FBI was going to hold an as-yet-unannounced news conference, and went straight to the location of the conference and positioned myself where I had the best possibility of asking a question. You’ve seen news conferences on television. So many reporters squeeze into a small space, and if you are in the back or off to the side, you will not be called upon. After the FBI made a statement they opened up the floor for questions. I managed to be the second person at the mic. As all the national media cameras rolled I stepped up and said, “Ainsley Earhardt with Fox News Channel . . .” and then asked the second question of the news conference. That meant that no matter what network anyone happened to watch, they saw me and they heard my name. My bosses took notice.
The experience in Cleveland reveals one of the great paradoxes of my job. Here I was reporting on a story that still touches me today. My heart was broken for these girls and their families and drove me to my knees in prayer for them. At the same time I had to be a professional and report the story. The way I covered these families’ nightmare turned out to be good for my career. My bosses noticed and commended me for it. That was not my goal. I just wanted to do the best I could possibly do, just as I do with every story I cover.
Ultimately though, I relied on my faith to get me through the darkness of that story. It’s often impossible to understand why bad things happen to innocent, good people. And, to be honest, we never will understand. That is where faith comes into play. We believe in something we can’t see, but we know it’s there. God has a purpose and a plan. In this world we will have trouble, but I can take heart knowing He has overcome it all.
When I was a little girl, my sister and I were heartbroken when we watched a made-for-television movie about the kidnapping of a boy named Adam Walsh. It made an indelible impression on my life. I remember most of the scenes still to this day. Adam was shopping in the mall with his mother and disappeared. His mom was frantically looking for him and you hoped Adam was going to reappear. But he didn’t. Adam was kidnapped and then murdered. I thought about the fear Adam must have felt. I couldn’t shake it and clearly have never forgotten his story. To this day, when I report on kidnappings, I always think of Adam Walsh.
When I was in Cleveland reporting on these missing girls who were found, I was relieved to be telling a story with a positive ending. But I couldn’t help but think of all they had gone through—the fear and grief. I was saddened that I had had such wonderful years at their age and these girls experienced ten years of pain. I hurt for them, just as I had when I watched the story of Adam Walsh. When I had to tell their stories on TV, I felt confident I was going to be able to report on t
he facts and show compassion. The story touched me and I think that emotion came across on air. The bosses had recognized that and praised me for my work.
After those broadcasts, more opportunities at Fox News opened up for me. In 2014, during the time Will and I were trying so hard to conceive a baby, Fox News created a new noon show called Outnumbered. It is still on today. The premise of the show was very simple. You take four female reporters or anchors, sit them on a big, curved sofa, and have them discuss the major news stories and hot-button topics. But they are not alone. There is a male guest who sits in the middle, who is usually an expert on whatever the big topic of the day is or he’s a celebrity or one of the current anchors or contributors at Fox News. That’s why the show is called Outnumbered. He is outnumbered by four smart, amazing women. The result is both entertaining and eye-opening.
After the debut of Outnumbered, I became a regular guest. As recently as a few years earlier I had been hesitant to fully be myself on the air and let our viewers see the real me. That changed on this show.
I loved being on Outnumbered even though it pushed me in terms of preparation. I could not just go on the show and rattle off an opinion without thinking it through. Being the planner that I am, I had to know every topic and study it thoroughly. Just like my days of preparing for a test in high school, I made pages and pages of notes, which I read and reread before going on the air. The show moves pretty fast, which meant I could not sit there and review my notes or read from them during the show. Unlike reporting from an anchor desk, there wasn’t a teleprompter or anything else to read from. Instead I had to lean on my notes, my prep work, and speak from my heart.
The more appearances I made, the more comfortable I felt. And this was when I finally, after years of trying, was able to open up and begin to share my true self with the Fox News audience. The real turning point came during one episode of Outnumbered, which was aired while I was pregnant. Students at a college in California voted to remove the American flag from what they called an “inclusive” space on campus. The students claimed the flag endorsed American superiority and imperialism. This was exactly the kind of story for which the show was created. When the discussion came around to me I could hardly contain my emotions. The story infuriated me. Honestly, I think the flag represents America and every citizen. It represents the people who laid down their lives for our freedom: freedom of speech, freedom of religion, freedom to raise our children how we each see fit. I take the flag seriously. The red, white, and blue was draped over both of my grandfathers’ caskets because they both fought in World War II. The flag unites all Americans, it doesn’t divide us.
And that’s what I said on air.
Our flag, I said, represents all of America, every creed, color, denomination, person or persons, every family, everyone in America. The red, white, and blue represents all of us, and here was some university telling kids they couldn’t fly the flag because it might be offensive. Banning the flag—that’s what should be offensive to every American who loves this country, I said. And, if you aren’t proud of the flag, leave the country. Good luck finding a place better than the land of the brave, home of the free, I added.
The response to that show was overwhelming. I received so many e-mails and messages from people across the country telling me how proud they were of me for saying what I did. My bosses also noticed and commended me. I was thankful people responded like they did because the truth is, I couldn’t help myself. I had to speak out. The experience made me ask myself, Ainsley, what’s taken so long? You need to start being yourself all the time. You’ve been too buttoned up.
For years, I never let myself open up in that way because in the back of my mind I worried that some other network or station would not hire such an opinionated reporter if Fox News ever let me go. Fear and worry never produce anything positive. I let the fear of “what-ifs” keep me from fully taking advantage of the opportunity I now had. When Ailes hired me he told me to be myself and be genuine. He said the audience members are smart—they can spot a phony. I tried to follow his advice, but always to a point. But things were changing. I was open about my faith and it was accepted. I was open about my traditional views and it was accepted. The viewers and my bosses embraced it. Everything was coming together and I was more confident than ever. It was God’s plan manifesting itself at just the right time. The best was yet to come.
16
Hayden DuBose Proctor
I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him.
—1 SAMUEL 1:27
BY THE TIME my due date arrived our small apartment was nearly bulging at the seams with baby gear. We were overwhelmed by the love and support from friends, family, and even Fox News viewers who helped us get started. I loved seeing baby toys, clothes, and supplies in my apartment. They made me all the more eager to meet my child. My baby was coming soon and this was another sign of God answering my prayers.
Our apartment wasn’t the only thing running out of room. I was too! When we first started talking about having a baby I said I wanted a fall baby. Now that fall was here I was ready. One problem presented itself, however. About a month before my due date we learned that the baby was breech. That is, instead of being head down, our baby was feet-first. The news frightened me. My mother had always told me how dangerous and painful it had been to deliver my older sister, who was also breech. (She should have had a C-section, but her doctor made her deliver naturally.) The umbilical cord was wrapped around my sister’s neck. She came out unable to breathe.
I’d heard this story for years, so I was terrified when I heard the word breech. While there is a process through which they can get a baby to turn, my doctor and a few friends discouraged me from undergoing it. It was not only painful, but if the cord became wrapped around the baby’s neck when it turned, the baby would lose oxygen and I’d have to have an emergency C-section. It was risky and I was not willing to put my child through it just so I could deliver naturally. I wanted to do whatever was best for my baby. That meant scheduling a C-section. I still held out hope that the baby might turn on its own. A friend told me that if you drink a Slurpee every night, the baby would turn. I thought it was worth a try. Every night, on his way home from work, Will stopped by the local 7-Eleven to pick up a Slurpee. I also did exercises to help encourage the baby to turn. Although I enjoyed the Slurpees, they didn’t help.
There are many positives to having a C-section. I was able, for example, to schedule the actual day of my child’s birth. My doctor gave me a choice between Friday, November 6, and Tuesday, November 10. I chose the Friday date to make it easier for my family to fly to New York. Also, it was a few days earlier than the tenth and I was ready to deliver. I wanted to meet my baby and have a decent night’s sleep. Being pregnant was beginning to be a bit uncomfortable.
At the insistence of my amazing, understanding bosses at Fox News, I planned to take four months off after the birth. I felt guilty about being away for so long. In television, you feel a responsibility to your viewers. People are used to seeing you when they start their day. I felt like I needed to be there, but my bosses wouldn’t hear of me coming back sooner. They told me this was time with my child that I would never get back. “Enjoy it,” they said to me.
I hoped to do just that, but right before I was scheduled to give birth, the female anchor on Fox & Friends announced she was leaving the show to spend more time with her family. As the anchor of Fox & Friends First, I thought moving to the main show was a perfect fit. I already filled in for her whenever she took a day off. On top of that I regularly contributed to the show through newscasts and headlines. I knew I was most likely in the running for anchor position, but I wasn’t immediately sure.
But then, for just a split second, a seed of doubt crept into my mind. I’m out on maternity leave and I won’t be at the forefront of their minds. I had to snap out of that mind-set, and fast. I refused to let it spoil the time I was going to have with my baby. God had this, I r
eminded myself. He knows what is best for me and He will make it happen if it’s His will. I just had to leave it in His hands. Besides, my worrying wasn’t going to make the situation any better.
Before I left for maternity leave, I let my bosses know I was interested in the anchor position. I thanked them for their amazing support during my pregnancy and for allowing me to take four months off. Then I added something along the lines of “I would love to be the next female anchor on Fox & Friends. If you need me to come back early, I will do whatever it takes to make this work.” Thankfully, I learned soon after that, I was one of the candidates under consideration and they did not need me to cut my maternity leave short.
ON NOVEMBER 6, 2015, I got up early and headed to New York-Presbyterian Hospital. When I moved to New York ten years earlier I knew this was where I wanted to have my baby someday. I even made sure that my doctor practiced at New York-Pres before I went to see her for the first time. The hospital has an unbelievable reputation and is equipped with a beautiful maternity ward. Also, if there is an emergency, God forbid, the doctors and nurses are some of the best in the world. The hospital juts out over the FDR Drive in Manhattan—my room actually looked out on the East River—and the views are quintessential New York, the city where all of my dreams had come true. It was the perfect place for my baby to enter this world.
We still did not know whether we were having a boy or a girl. If God gave us a son we planned on naming him William Bartlett Proctor Jr. after his father. If we had a girl we were pretty sure she was going to be Hayden DuBose Proctor. Hayden is my middle name and DuBose is a family name from my dad’s side. My paternal grandfather’s cousin was DuBose. I was told the DuBose family left France to escape religious persecution, and many of them settled in the South. The name fit perfectly, considering my faith is so important, and the DuBose family supposedly put their love for the Lord above all else and moved to America for religious freedom.
The Light Within Me Page 15