Linsay told me that it was going to take at least three weeks for us to see a difference. Slowly but surely Hayden’s crying improved, although it took longer than I’d hoped. No dairy and no soy did the trick. By February, she was feeling a lot better.
AFTER HAYDEN WAS born, I did notice my prayers changed. I didn’t care about myself nearly as much and spent hours each day with Hayden in my arms and prayers on my lips. I couldn’t stop kissing her face and asking God to protect her life, place a hedge of protection around her always, bless her with friends, and always remind her how much she is loved. I will always pray over and over that God would give us a long life together and give me the tools to prepare her for the future. I pray that she would always know how much I love her and, other than Jesus, she is the greatest gift God ever gave me. I pray to be tough when I need to be, and soft when I should be. I ask Him for discernment.
THE FIRST TIME I ever left my baby for any length of time was right before Christmas, 2015. Hayden was around six weeks old. Fox News called and asked me to interview for the Fox & Friends anchor position. Perhaps I should have been nervous about leaving Hayden but I wasn’t. Not only did I feel comfortable with our babysitter but I was interviewing for my dream job—something for which my little girl would be proud one day. If anything I was excited and felt like I was one step closer to another answer to prayer.
When I walked into Fox News and saw all my coworkers, the one thing I heard more than anything else was “What? You didn’t bring the baby?” I smiled and said, “No, I didn’t bring her today, but I will soon. I promise.”
I walked into Roger Ailes’s office and we talked briefly. He told me there was a list of women in the running for the job. I remember thinking, “I love them all and may God’s will be done. Put the best person in the position.”
The interview lasted about an hour. I knew he was interviewing other candidates but I did not feel anxious about whether or not I was going to get the job. Believe you me, I wanted it. However, if God had taught me anything by this point in my life, it was that my worrying could accomplish nothing. I’d been disappointed before, and while I did not want to be disappointed again, I know that disappointment is just part of life. I had not gotten my “dream” job at Fox News before and the experience only made me stronger. If I did not get this position, I knew God still had great plans for my life. Rather than worry, I turned the whole process over to Him. “God, if this is your will, then make it happen.” I went in for a couple more meetings in January. Each time I prayed and asked God to give me wisdom as I answered the questions. The bosses at Fox News knew me and they knew my work. All of the times I’d filled in as an anchor on Fox & Friends were essentially my audition tape. I felt I was ready. Like I’ve written so many times in this book, I left the rest up to God.
At the end of January Roger offered me the job. “Congratulations, Ainsley,” he said. “The job is yours.”
I had waited so long to hear these words, to get this opportunity. I felt like crying and shouting and jumping up and down. Instead I broke out in a huge smile and said, “Thank you so much, Roger. I would love to accept the job. Thank you.”
Becoming an anchor on one of the network’s flagship shows brought with it many perks that were especially helpful for me as a working mom. For one thing, I would have a predictable, solid schedule. That made it easy to plan and get child care. I had to be at work by 4 A.M., which meant I wouldn’t have to get up until three or three fifteen. That was late for me. At the time, I was getting up at 2 or 2:15. The extra hour was helpful. Also, the consistent schedule would be great for raising a child. I was going to spend fewer days on the road and more time in the studio, in my office, and at home. In addition, Fox News provided me with an assistant (I never knew how badly I needed one until I got one), and a team of Fox & Friends producers and hair and makeup professionals.
The timing could not have been better. Once again, God knew what I needed and when I needed it. Uncertainty in my schedule and traveling all over the country were fine before I was a mom. But with a new baby I needed consistency and a set schedule. I also did not want to be out of town and away from her for a week at a time. My new hours seemed to be tailor-made for a working mom. Even though I go to work long before most people are out of bed, I can be home around eleven every morning. That means I get to be present for the best part of my daughter’s day. Eventually, when she is in school, I’ll be able to pick her up each day and attend all of her after-school activities. When I think of God’s timing, giving me this schedule right when I needed it, I can’t help but stand in awe of Him and give Him praise. Several years earlier I felt so down because I did not get the weekend job. Now I knew God had had something better in store for me all along. I just had to wait for His timing.
A couple of days after I got the call telling me I had the job, I woke up early and turned the television to Fox News. The show cut to a commercial. This was the moment my promotion felt both real and surreal. I watched as a promo announced that a new anchor was coming to Fox & Friends: me! My phone rang. It was my dad. “Are you watching? Your promo was just on television. This is really happening!”
“Yeah, Dad. Can you believe it?”
The promo ran again later in the day and then every day. Every time I saw it I said, “Thank you, God. You are really doing this. I am going to be one of the few national female morning anchors and the Fox News Channel happens to be the number one cable news network.” In South Carolina and Texas, I’d always been so focused on what was next and working toward my goals that I never felt like I could just relax and take a breath. Now, for the first time in my adult life, I could. It felt wonderful.
I was excited about my new position and knew I had to work quickly to find childcare and get organized. I prayed and prayed about making the right choice. Because of my schedule, we needed someone to help us in the mornings. We started our search for a nanny and thought we found the perfect one, but it turned out that she had been diagnosed with cancer the year before and needed to start radiation treatment immediately. Her doctor cautioned her against being around a newborn baby given the type of radiation they were administering. That took us back to square one.
Thankfully, a friend at our church recommended someone. We interviewed her and instantly liked her. We actually had her come over to interact with Hayden in order to make sure it was the right fit. However, as January turned into February and the end of my maternity leave got closer, I started to feel guilty about leaving my baby girl. Between my husband and the nanny, I knew Hayden was going to be in good hands. But I couldn’t help but feel I needed to be there to take care of her. I tried not to dwell on the guilt of not being at home full-time and reminded myself that many moms all over the world work and have successful children. My own mom was a schoolteacher for thirty-three years and had to leave us early every morning. All of us turned out fine and we learned to be more independent as a result. Plus, like my mother, I was going to have the afternoons with Hayden.
MY MOM WORKED to provide a better life for her family. When I go back to Proverbs 31, that is the very definition of the “wife of noble character” the writer praises. He describes her as one who “works with eager hands” (verse 13) and “gets up early while it is still night,” to provide food for her entire household (verse 15). The wife of noble character is a businesswoman who buys a field and plants a vineyard (verse 16) and engages in profitable trade (verse 18). Vocations change over time. Proverbs 31 was written nearly three thousand years ago. I don’t know about vineyards or engaging in profitable trade, but I know that when I get up and go to work every day, I do it to put food on my family’s table. My parents taught me to save, and now I save as much as I can to secure a future for my daughter. The guilt I felt when I thought about going back to work, and the guilt I deal with on a regular basis just because I am a working mom, is nothing but a lie I choose not to believe. God gave me my family and He gave me my career. I want to be the woman worthy of praise
who excels in both.
I remember talking to a coworker at my television station in Texas about being a working mom and she said she wanted her children to see her in a professional environment. She wanted to be a good example, teach them the value of hard work, and prepare them for those times she could not be there for them. She felt like that was a lesson all children needed to learn.
I asked my mother once, “As a schoolteacher, what is the most important thing parents can do to prepare their children for life?” She said, without hesitation, “Autonomy. Children need to stand on their own two feet and learn independence.”
When I had to leave Hayden that first day, that advice went through my head. Was it easy? No. But I focused on the positives. I was excited to see my coworkers and talk to them about our experiences as mothers (I was now a member of their club). I could hold my head high knowing I was living my dream and that I was leaving one love (Hayden) for another love (my job). I had so many women whom I looked up to who had done it too, including my mom, and all of their children thrived and contributed to society in a mighty way. Plus, I knew Hayden would one day be proud of my accomplishments and it would make me a better person and mother.
To be honest, as much as we love, adore, and want to savor every moment with our children, staying at home with them is the hardest job. I applaud the women and men who do this. It is not easy. It is nonstop. Like many women, I choose to work, not because I want to be away from Hayden (not at all), but because I want to give her a great life full of opportunities. I like making my own living and it helps that I enjoy what I do. So if you have to work, hopefully you can also pick a profession you love. Although I crave “Hayden time” when I am on the job, I am happy at all moments of my life. At work, I get to do something for myself for a few hours and then I spend the rest of my day doing everything for my precious child.
Still, when I go to work, she is always on my mind. I am texting with my nanny during the commercial breaks and always watching videos from the day before with a big smile on my face. Hayden is my joy and reminds me of how sweet this life is. I will admit, there’s no place like home. When I walk in the door and call out, “Where’s my baby girl?” then hear her say, “Momma,” and see her running toward me, that is, by far, the best part of my day.
18
Front-Row Seat to History
And the Lord said to Samuel: “See, I am about to do something in Israel that will make the ears of everyone who hears about it tingle.”
—1 SAMUEL 3:11
I WATCHED A lot of news while I was on maternity leave, but the week before I returned to work, I didn’t just watch. I studied every story like I was studying for a big test. In a way, I was. If I was going to talk about the news stories with my co-anchors, Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade, I had to be prepared. I felt the weight and responsibility to them, my bosses, and the viewers.
Fox & Friends welcomed me with open arms on that first day. When I walked onto the set and took my seat I felt like I’d reached the end of a very long journey. At the same time I knew this was just the beginning of a whole new adventure. Steve and Brian introduced me with a video of clips from my first ten years at Fox News, all set to music. Our producers and editors had put it together and I’ll never forget how special I felt. Steve and Brian made me feel right at home, almost like I’d always been with them on the curvy couch. In a way, I had been. When the Fox & Friends female anchor or weekend anchor took the day off, I had usually been one of the first people Fox News called to fill in—for the last TEN years.
I had filled in so many times our viewers had seen me literally grow up and they knew me. They contributed to the woman I am today and the success with which I have been blessed. I will forever be grateful to them. I know they are out there pulling for me. I hope our viewers know how much I pull for them too. I want them to love their jobs. I want them to have happy marriages. I want blessings in their lives, good health, and lots of children and grandchildren. I want them to look at the generations behind them and say, “Our love created all of this.” I want them to know the love of Christ and have hope for the future.
On that first day as the permanent anchor on Fox & Friends, I felt more at home than ever. Why? I felt like God put me in the position for a reason. I had confidence and assurance in that. I knew He was protecting me and watching over my daily experiences. Therefore, I had permission to be myself—trusting Him all the while. The Ainsley that found her inner voice on Outnumbered (when I talked about the flag) was the Ainsley I wanted to be on Fox & Friends. And, I allowed that Ainsley to come out again and not worry about the consequences. Since that February morning in 2016, I have been the real, genuine Ainsley and—like it or not—I never looked back. Living under the watch of my God is actually the most freeing, liberating move I have ever made. I can be myself and trust in Him to direct my path.
I don’t believe in coincidences. I think everything happens for a reason. It was not a surprise that I joined the Fox & Friends family when I did. God gave me this job right in the middle of one of the most significant elections in the history of the United States. Regardless of how you feel about the results, everyone agrees that from start to finish it was one of the most surprising races ever. Not only did I get to report on it, attend many of the debates, and cover the Democratic and Republican conventions as one of the anchors on Fox & Friends, I also had the privilege of interviewing many of the key players, including the future president and first lady, the Trump children, and the future vice president and his family.
The first time I met Donald Trump I was walking down the hallway at Fox News near the hair and makeup rooms.
“Ainsley,” he said to get my attention. “Hi, you are doing such a good job.”
I did a bit of a double take to make sure he was talking to me. “Hi, Mr. Trump, thank you,” I replied. I was baffled he knew my name. At the time I reported overnights, and he was a billionaire New York real estate developer, star of The Apprentice, and a regular on Fox & Friends. There was already talk of the possibility of Mr. Trump running for president, but I never imagined he would actually do it.
My first formal introduction to candidate Donald Trump came on August 16, 2016, at a town-hall meeting in Milwaukee hosted by Sean Hannity. I traveled to the city with a Fox & Friends producer and our crew (camera and audio guys) to give the Fox News viewers a behind-the-scenes look at the event and introduce them to the Trump supporters, many of whom had driven hours to hear him speak. As a childhood actress, I was very familiar with the small theater setting. That is the best way to describe the ambience of this town hall. Every seat was filled with the most enthusiastic crowd I’d ever seen, most of whom also identified themselves as Fox News viewers. One woman had driven up from Georgia. Another man I met had been to more than a dozen Trump events. I felt like the rookie in the crowd since this was my first town hall or rally (although I did go to the conventions, including the Republican National Convention in Cleveland where Mr. Trump gave his acceptance speech).
After interviewing the crowd at the town hall, I made my way downstairs, where all the town-hall guests were waiting. Sean Hannity had just arrived and I hoped to get a quick interview with Donald Trump. I knew it was now or never. Once it was taped, the future president would be escorted off the stage and taken to his car immediately. I had already requested an interview and was waiting to hear if it was truly going to happen. His handlers came in before he arrived. Security was sweeping the place and his staff was feverishly making sure everything was in order. We didn’t see Mr. Trump arrive, but we could tell from the buzz in the room that he was there.
A few minutes later one of Sean Hannity’s staff members came over and directed me toward another room.
“Ainsley, Mr. Trump would like to meet you,” he said.
“All right. Let’s go,” I said.
I followed the staffer down a hall and into one of the dressing rooms. Secret Service agents and security were everywhere. They let me right in w
hen I walked up to the door. The dressing room was like something out of the movies. There were mirrors covering all the walls and those large, round lightbulbs attached to the wall. Sean and Mr. Trump were talking and laughing. As soon as they saw me, Mr. Trump stood up, gave me a hug and said, “I am so happy to see you. I am so proud of you. Congratulations on the success of Fox & Friends. I understand your ratings are up thirty-three percent.”
“Thank you, Mr. Trump,” I said. I was blown away and a little embarrassed. Here he was, running for president of the UNITED STATES, and he’s asking questions about me. He wanted to talk about my career and my success. In the midst of all his preparations for debates and speeches and rallies he had taken the time to check on the ratings of my show. Who does that!? I could see why he was so successful as a businessman. He genuinely cared about others. I remember meeting Bill Clinton at a party in New York and all the guests were saying the same thing about him: “He is very engaging and will make you feel like you are the only person in the room.” I saw those same qualities in Mr. Trump and I knew instantly he had a good shot at winning the presidency even though the “experts” said he was going to lose in a landslide.
The Light Within Me Page 17