The rumble of Kris’ motorcycle makes me look away from Tasha. He always drives his beloved bike right up on the sidewalk in front of our gym, parking it where he can see it from the front counter. He doesn’t trust regular parking spaces because he’s had bikes get damaged that way. When Kris walks into work, he’s all smiles. I don’t know how the guy is so calm all the time.
“Are you going home to enjoy your Monday or will you be weirdly hanging out all night again?” Kris asks, giving me a knowing smirk. He’s right to tease me like that because I’ve been staying late at work for two weeks now, just to hang out with Tasha. I don’t think Brent knows about it since he leaves work at the normal time each day, or else he’d be teasing me too.
“Shut up,” I say, because I’m clearly a mature adult. Kris laughs.
I grab a duster and walk over to the weight machines. It’s not like Tasha to come to work and not say hello to me, and the tension in the room is thicker than syrup.
“Hey,” I say, walking up to her.
She doesn’t even glance over. “Hi.”
“Tasha… we need to talk. I’m really sorry about the picnic.”
“No need to be sorry,” she says quickly, still not looking at me as she dusts off a set of dumbbells. Dusting dumbbells takes next to no effort at all, but she’s treating the task as if it’s brain surgery, which means she’s clearly avoiding me.
“Yes, I am sorry. I ditched you at the picnic and I feel terrible. I wish I could have talked to you, but something serious came up. I’m really sorry. I had been looking forward to spending the day with you.”
“She did look very serious,” Tasha says. “I totally understand.”
The hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I was hoping she didn’t see Jordan that day at the park, but now I know she did. “Tasha… that wasn’t what it looked like.”
She laughs. “Wow, I’ve heard that phrase a lot.”
Finally, she looks up from dusting and her eyes meet mine. My chest aches as I look at her, because this isn’t my normal Tasha. There is no emotion behind her eyes. She’s cold, closed off. I did this to her. I made her feel this way.
“Tasha, please. Let me explain.”
She stands up, her jaw clenched tight. She’s shorter than I am, but she’s glaring me down right now in a way that makes me feel like the short one. “Seriously. Just let it go. I don’t care who you hang out with, but I do need to get back to work so…”
With that, she turns around and walks away, ripping out a piece of my heart in the process. I run a hand through my hair.
“Wow.”
Brent’s voice makes me jump. I thought he’d gone home already, but there he is, standing at the entrance to the employee’s only hallway that leads to our offices. The look on his face tells me he’s seen the whole awful exchange. He jerks his head. “Come to my office.”
I slink into the chair in front of his desk. Brent closes his office door, then leans his back against it, folding his arms across his chest. “Dude,” he says.
“Yeah, I know,” I say, my voice sounding as defeated as I feel. “Trust me, I know.”
“Kris told me what happened with the Jordan thing. Man, you should have called me. I could have handled her for you.”
“Yeah, that would have been a better idea.” My fingers sink into my hair and I ball my hands into fists. “My only thought was to get Jordan as far away from the picnic as I could, and then Tasha must have saw me leave with her.”
“You’ve got it bad for this girl,” Brent says. There’s a hint of amusement in his voice. “I mean, I had my suspicions, but wow.”
I sigh. “Yeah, I’ve got it worse than bad. And now she’s mad at me. I can’t blame her for being mad, but how am I supposed to make this better?”
“You could try talking to her,” Brent says.
I shake my head. “I literally just tried that and it failed spectacularly.”
“Hmm.” Brent runs a hand over his mouth while he thinks.
“Wait, are you actually trying to help me date my employee?”
Brent shrugs. “Love is worth it, man. If you think she’s the one, then I’m going to support you.”
I can’t help but grin even though my heart is broken to bits right now. “Thanks. I appreciate it.”
“Here’s what you do,” Brent says. “A huge gesture.”
“A what now?”
He holds out his hands, as if symbolizing something big. “Some crazy, awesome, big gesture. Like in the movies—something big. Think of something big and do it for her. Make it such a grand gesture that she’ll realize how real your feelings are for her.”
“Hmm…” I say, nodding along. “I can do that.”
“Good,” he says. “Because everyone deserves the happiness I’ve found with Dani. Especially you.”
22
Tasha
A few months ago, I wasn’t sure I’d ever see Janie get off the broken path and straighten out her life. I feared seeing her fail out of school, or start doing drugs, or any number of horrific things you worry about when someone you love is having problems. I feared for my own actions, thinking I wasn’t smart enough or capable to handle raising this teenager when I’m barely older than a teenager myself.
But now things are better than I imagined. Her grades are good, and she hasn’t gotten into trouble anymore. On Friday nights, she waits up for me to get home after work, and then we eat ice cream and watch movies and hang out. She’s slowly becoming like a best friend as well as my family.
I wish all aspects of my life were this good, but I’ll take what I can get for now. It’s been a week since the company picnic incident, and my heart is feeling a little better in that regard. My boss did try to talk to me once, but I basically told him I didn’t want anything to do with it.
I’ve been down this path before. I’ve dated guys who had other girls on the side, and I don’t care to ever revisit that type of life. It’s just not worth it. I’d rather cut Noah out of my life now, and deal with this heartache all at once and then move on. It’s better than if I tried to go back to normal and kept my crush on him knowing he had another girl in his life. That would only end in more heartache down the road.
Luckily, Noah respected my wishes and he’s stayed away from me all week. When I arrive at work, he leaves, just like he used to do before he started hanging out and flirting with me after his shift was technically over. I know it might be a little rude, especially as an employee, but I don’t even look at him when I get to work anymore. I’m afraid if I do, if I venture into a smile or a hello, then I’ll start crying.
Because although we didn’t actually have a relationship yet, it had felt like one was taking shape each day we hung out. Our long talks and flirty banter and smiles shared across the room—they all meant something to me. I liked him so much. Way more than I want to admit. And now I’ve had to let him go to protect my own heart, and it just sucks. No part of this is fun in any way.
But I try not to ruminate on my own heartache. Instead, I’m focusing on work and looking into online classes at the college so that I might be able to finally finish my degree while still working. I’ve been putting my gym paychecks to good use, and Janie and I finally have some breathing room in the budget. Not a day goes by that I don’t feel that ache deep in my chest from my grandmother’s missing necklace.
I’m determined to make it up to my grandmother’s memory, in any way I can. Starting with finishing school. I’ll graduate and become a real teacher and I’ll make enough money to quit my job at the gym. I used to love working there but now the pain of seeing Noah is just too much. I don’t need to be reminded that I’m a failure at capturing and holding the attention of a good man. Right now, that gym is just a paycheck to me.
* * *
Monday is brutal. I get stuck subbing for a first grade class that is filled with tiny little hyper monsters who are only pretending to be children. They run me ragged, and by the end of the day, it takes all the
energy I have to drag myself out to my car and drive to the gym. I’m not about to call in sick or anything, but geez. This day is awful. I just want to go home and sleep. But my second job awaits.
I head inside just like always, but unlike always, Noah is there. He’s standing right at the door and I can’t even try to avoid his gaze because he’s standing too close.
“Tasha,” he says. His voice sends a shiver down my spine. I hate that my body still reacts to him like this. I should be over him by now.
“Do you need me to do something?” I say in my perfect employee voice. Not my friend voice. Definitely not my flirting voice.
“Yes,” he says. “Come with me.”
He walks out the door and I follow him, a little worried that I’m about to be fired. And, well, maybe I can’t blame him because he’s my boss after all and I’ve been ignoring him. Crap. I don’t want to go back to surviving without this second paycheck.
I am a walking ball of nerves, but luckily we don’t walk far. For some reason, Noah leads me to his truck, then he opens the passenger door.
“Are we going somewhere?” I ask.
“Just get in. I’ll explain.”
I swallow and step into the truck. He might have another girlfriend, but that doesn’t mean I don’t trust him. I know he’s a good guy in general. It’s not his fault he likes that other girl better than me.
He walks to his side of the truck and gets in, then he starts the engine and turns on the air conditioning.
“Where are we going?” I ask.
“Nowhere,” he says, shifting to face me. “I just need to talk and I can’t do it in there where anyone could hear.”
“Oh.” My throat feels dry. All he’d have to do is close his office door if he wanted to fire me. This feels… different. I look up at him. “Okay…”
“Tasha…” He takes a deep breath, his fingers flexing in his lap as if they really want to run through his hair but he’s resisting it. “Tasha… you’re amazing. You’re seriously amazing. In every way. And so beautiful and so kind and—”
My eyes widen. Not what I was expecting.
“Sorry but…” He looks down. “Can I just talk and you listen? I just want to say it all at once.”
“Okay,” I breathe.
He continues. “That girl you saw me with… she’s no one. Seriously. I mean, she’s kind of my stalker, but she’s not an ex-girlfriend or anything. We never dated. I’ve never liked her. I really need you to believe me. Brent can vouch for me because he’s known her for years. I hadn’t seen her in a long time and then she found me on the gym’s social media pages and she showed up drunk, trying to talk to me again. I didn’t want her to ruin the day and I couldn’t make her leave because she was way too drunk to be driving. So I took her keys and drove her home. Then I filed a restraining order on her. Now she can’t come around me anymore, and her parents have told me she’s getting therapy for her drinking problem.”
His words crash into me and my heart races while I take it all in. This isn’t at all what I thought was going on with him and the blonde girl from the park.
“I feel so bad for leaving you like that,” he says, shaking his head. “I should have walked back told you in person, but I panicked, I guess. I don’t know. I’m an idiot. It won’t happen again.”
I feel dangerously close to crying. I blink and try to hold it together. “I don’t even know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything. But, I want you to have this.” He reaches into his shirt pocket and pulls out a small cream-colored velvet bag. My heart skips a beat because that bag looks so familiar. It’s almost identical…
He hands it to me and my mouth falls open. My grandmother’s initials are embroidered on the bottom of the bag, just like I remembered them. I open it and pour the necklace into my palm.
“How..?” I breathe. Tears flood my eyes, falling down my cheeks when I blink. I stare at the beautiful diamonds and the delicate gold chain. “How did you do this?”
“I called my attorney friend and we paid a visit to the pawn shop. They gave us the name of the person who bought it, and well, I made them an offer they couldn’t refuse and they sold it to me.”
My fingers close over the necklace, keeping it safe as I clutch it to my chest. “I can’t believe you did this.”
“I wanted you to know how much you mean to me, Tasha. I thought… if I could just show you by doing some big romantic gesture, then—”
I’ve heard enough. I lean across the front seat of Noah’s truck and I throw my arms around his neck, my hand still gripping tightly to my grandmother’s necklace.
I press a kiss to his cheek. “Can we go back to how we were?”
He pulls back and peers at me, his hands softly cupping my face. “Do you mean go back to being boss and employee or… who people who flirt constantly?”
I grin, my lips salty from my tears. “The second one.”
He grins too. “I was hoping you’d choose that one.”
“So… where does this lead us?” I ask.
“To our first kiss?” he says, a playful grin on his lips.
I’ve pictured this moment so many times, imagined what it would feel like, how it would happen. And now it’s actually here, existing in the real world and not in my imagination. I almost can’t believe it.
“Sounds like a plan to me,” I say, closing my eyes.
Noah’s lips are soft, but sure. His kiss is kind and sweet, his hands holding my cheeks with the gentlest touch, as if he’s afraid he’ll break me. But what he doesn’t know, is that I’m not broken. Not anymore.
In fact, I’ve never felt so whole in my life.
23
Noah
They say you don’t know what you have until it’s gone. Well, I say I had no idea what I was missing until I found it. Life with Tasha by my side is better than all of the twenty four years I spent without her. I wake up every day feeling happy, with a sense of purpose, and with a thrill of whatever the future will bring. My life is no longer just about working at the gym and taking my dogs on walks. Now it’s about her. About discovering every little detail about this woman, and somehow liking her even more with each passing day. All I care about now is the life we’re building together.
Kris can’t shut up about how different I am at work now. He’s offered to switch shifts with me since I stay all evening just to hang out with Tasha, but I won’t let him do that because I don’t actually want to work when she’s there. I just like to hang out with her. I know that makes me a terrible boss, but I don’t care. I am crazy about this girl.
It’s Saturday night, and we’ve chosen to stay inside today. Last weekend we went out on a date and had an amazing time. I brought her flowers, and made reservations at a Japanese steakhouse in the next town over. The food was amazing and the atmosphere was so romantic. This weekend, we’re just going to chill. It was Tasha’s request. I think she doesn’t like that I want to take her out to beautiful places and pay for it. Because of her money situation, she’s a little uncomfortable if I spend what she considers too much money. I don’t care at all, and in fact I like spending money on her. But if she doesn’t want me to, I’ll respect it. For now.
A half-eaten box of pizza sits on the coffee table next to our glasses of wine. We’re watching an 80’s movie on the television, and I can tell it’s one she’s seen a million times because she smiles before all the funny parts. I love watching her smile. I love seeing her happy.
She looks over at me. “What?”
“Nothing,” I say innocently, stroking my fingers through her hair. She’s cuddled up against my chest, which is my favorite place for her to be.
She lifts an eyebrow. “You’re looking at me.”
“So?”
“You’re supposed to be watching the movie.”
I shrug. “You’re way more interesting than the movie.”
She makes that little shy smile that I’ve gotten used to seeing whenever I compliment he
r, and then she rests her head back on my chest and watches the movie. I keep idly playing with her hair, just enjoying the peaceful moment between the two of us. I love hanging out and doing nothing with this woman. She’s amazing in every single way.
Every now and then, I think back to when I first met her and how much it hurt to crush on this girl while feeling like I couldn’t do anything about it. I wish I could go back in time and tell that version of myself that it would all be okay. That sometimes life makes us wait a little bit. Sometimes good things are in the works and we just need to chill out and wait for the right time, for when all the things we want will happen for us.
Having a crush on her for so long and not knowing if she liked me back or not was painful. And bittersweet. And just awful at times. But it’s all worth it now. And maybe I wouldn’t have appreciated everything I have now if I hadn’t been forced to suffer through my crush on her. I don’t know. But I do know that I’m happy now.
And that’s all that matters.
When the movie is over, it’s just after ten o’clock, which is still pretty early as far as I’m concerned. Tasha sits up and stretches out her arms, yawning. “Now that I work two jobs, I am tired allllll the time,” she says, yawning again.
“I wish you could quit one of them,” I say, knowing very well that the job she’d have to quit would be the one at my gym, and I don’t want that at all. “I mean… I want you at the gym, but I hate that you’re tired and overworked. Maybe you could cut back on your hours or something.”
She shakes her head. “No way. I need the money.” She pokes me in the arm. “Plus, you’d see me less if I didn’t work every day.”
“Or I’d see you more because we’d just hang out at home.”
Flirting with the Boss: A love at the Gym Novel Page 11