“And we didn’t have to renegotiate at all.” She ended the story, sighing with relief as she said the last words.
“That’s great, Nat. I’m glad it’s all working out with the new business.” I was genuinely happy for her because this lifestyle, the move to LA, and her new business all seemed to remove that lost kitten look from her eyes.
“Me too, now we just have to get your guys on board.” She laughed nervously as she said it, tension stiffening her shoulders.
She could tell there was something holding it up, even if I didn’t say it. I had to clear it up with Todd this weekend at the show.
“They’re really into the idea, I just have to sell it a bit more. We haven’t had too much time to talk about it recently,” I lied. There was no way I was telling her about Todd’s reservations.
“I’m sure you won’t let me down,” she said, the anxiety clearing from her face. Her eyes shifted to Christopher in my arms. “The little stinker fell asleep while we were talking.” This time, she chuckled quietly, her eyes filled with love as she stared at our son.
Relief washed over me again as I looked down at him, the same wave of love I saw in Natalie’s eyes enveloping me. I stood, careful not to wake him, and gently lowered him to his crib. The last week, we had been trying to transition him to sleeping in his crib for naps while we were both awake to monitor him. So far, he was doing well.
After a successful transfer, Natalie and I crept from the room as quietly as possible, closing the door behind us. Before we even made it down the hallway, Natalie had the monitor app opened on her phone, staring at Christopher.
“He was pretty fussy after you left,” I finally admitted as we made our way into the living room.
“Oh no! Really? I’m so sorry.”
I wasn’t sure what she was apologizing for. “It’s not a big deal. I handled it. I think his teeth were bothering him.”
“Ugh, he’s really been in a lot of pain with the teething lately. What did you do to calm him?” I could tell she asked out of the necessity that she may need to use the remedy, and not just curiosity.
“Tylenol, and I let him chew on the pacifier.” I shrugged as I said the last part because it seemed absurd.
Natalie smiled. “I really need to buy him some teethers.”
I nodded as we sat down on the couch. Over the last two weeks, Natalie was more comfortable with me being in her space. She no longer sat in the other chair or the corner of the couch when we sat together. I took that as a sign of progress but knew it could also just be wishful thinking.
“I should probably be napping while he sleeps,” she mused, resting her head on the back of the couch and stretched her long, leans legs out in front of her to prop her feet on the coffee table.
I couldn’t look away from her legs for a moment, the dark, skinny jeans she wore clinging to the curve of her lithe thigh like a second skin. My eyes traveled up, over the thin white sweater tucked into the waistband at the front of her pants and where it hung slightly off her shoulder. I stopped my roaming eyes on her face, full lips together in a resting pout that I came to find adorable but others probably thought was off-putting, hazel eyes glued to mine as they finally met. There was so much in my head I wanted to say to her, especially in that moment when we sat alone in the quiet of the house, our child sleeping in the next room. It all felt so domestic, so settled, and though I never thought I would want this, it all felt so right. It felt like home.
“Go take a nap. I’ll listen for Chris,” I said, pushing every other thought to the side.
She cocked her head to the side, studying me for a moment before she spoke. “Are you sure? You’ve been with him all morning.”
I nodded. “You need the rest. You’ll burn out fast if not.”
With a sigh, Natalie stood up, smoothing her sweater with her hands. “Thanks, Rhys. I’m not sure what I would have done without you these last few weeks.”
She turned and walked away, leaving me to sit and stare at her as she went, trying to pretend like her words didn’t mean more to me than I should have let them.
38
Natalie
I should have been sleeping, but the moment my head hit the pillow, I was wide awake. The more I thought about only have an hour or so to sleep, the more awake I was. So, I settled for lying in bed with my eyes closed, my brain going a mile a minute. And of course, every thought was of Rhys.
Turning onto my side, I tried to shut my brain down, tell it to let me rest for just a little while, but it was no use. Though I couldn’t sleep, it felt great to rest in bed for a little while, and I ignored the urge to check the time on my phone again to see if it was time for Christopher to wake up. Rhys would come get me when he woke, I hoped.
I had meant what I said to him in the living room. Having him here was a godsend. I would have had to hire a stranger to stay with Christopher for my meetings and to start up my company, but with Rhys here, I didn’t have to worry. And the truth was, I didn’t worry when Christopher was with Rhys. I knew Rhys loved Christopher, knew he would do everything he could to care for him, and the teething crisis he had while I was gone solidified that for me.
Rhys wanted to be, deserved to be, with Christopher. But did I deserve to be with Rhys?
* * *
I woke with a start, my heart pounding, my eyes searching the room for Christopher’s bassinet. The sun was down, my room was dark, and the baby wasn’t in his bassinet. Where was he?
I jumped from the bed, rushing from the room in a panic. A hushed voice was talking in the living room as I approached.
Rhys.
My heart rate slowed as I halted at the edge of the hallway, the understanding of why Christopher wasn’t in his bassinet and I was alone in the room coming back to me. I put a hand on my chest, my breathing slowing, as I stood and watched Rhys with his back to me while he held Christopher on the couch, singing to him softly. His voice captivated me, the same way it had every other time I heard him sing. The same way it had when I saw him on stage for the first time.
My heart sped back up for another reason, warmth spreading through my chest and limbs as I listened to his deep, melodic voice croon to our son. I didn’t even know what he was singing, and it didn’t matter. A thought occurred to me, one I hadn’t considered before, but now knew with a clarity that smacked me in the face. Just like the revelation I was falling in love with Rhys that night on the couch, I had been falling for him from that very moment when I first saw him on stage and hadn’t stopped since.
I never stood a chance.
The epiphany knocked the wind out of me for a moment and the hand that had vacated my chest came back, gripping my shirt to help steady my breathing. Not only was I in love with Rhys, but I had been falling for him from the beginning. While it was terrifying, there was also something liberating about it at the same time. I didn’t have to fight it anymore because it was out of my control.
It was then that I made the decision, without my pros and cons list, without the logic or reason I was so used to having when making business dealings. This wasn’t business and this didn’t need logic. This was love and I knew what I had to do at his concert this weekend. I only hoped I wasn’t wrong about the whole thing.
39
Natalie
“Everyone put your hands together for Weighted Armor!” the woman on stage yelled as the curtain opened up again, revealing Rhys and his band on stage.
A knot formed in my chest, lodging itself right in the middle, so it felt like I couldn’t take a deep breath. Rhys was stunning on stage, sandy blond hair hanging over one eye, which he flicked back with one hand, guitar over his shoulder, one hand on the mic. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him—he commanded that stage and I could tell why there were so many screaming women in the crowd. The other guys in the band were attractive enough, but Rhys… Rhys was something else altogether. He was a presence, a force on that stage, and when he began to sing, it felt like we were the only two people in the r
oom. It felt like he was singing directly to me.
As I listened to the words, my body tingling with the sound of his voice as it filled me up and wrapped around me like a blanket, I realized he may actually have been singing to me. He sang of a woman he met in a shadowy hall, a woman who captivated him with her body but also with her mind. The words were like looking in a mirror, sable hair and hazel eyes. I was shocked but also knew that if Rhys had written a song about me, long before I came to my own revelation that I was so deeply in love with him I had no other choice but to tell him, I had nothing to fear by baring myself to him.
I was on edge the rest of the concert, enjoying listening to Rhys play and sing, unable to look away from him the whole time, but anxious to talk to him afterwards. This feeling was new to me, the need to be with another person so desperately I felt like a part of me was missing without them, and I was unnerved by it.
Finally, they wrapped up their set, and after two encore songs, they left the stage. I pushed my way through the crowd, frustration building in my chest as it seemed like I was fighting a rip current to get out of there. But there was no panic, not like the time at Madison Square Garden when I so desperately wanted to leave. All I felt was urgency to see Rhys and tell him what I always knew but was afraid to admit to myself—I was madly in love with him and wanted to be together.
By the time I reached the backstage area, telling the security guard my name, I was so on edge my hands were shaking. It made no sense why I was feeling this way—Rhys was here and he wasn’t going anywhere—but something told me I had to talk to him, and soon.
As I rounded the corner to where the guys stood, packing up their instruments, their voices drifted towards me. I froze when I heard my name from one of the other guy’s mouths; he said it in such a way I got a chill. He was not a fan of me.
“You really want to work with her professionally, Rhys? Is that what you want or are you so clouded by the great lay that you can’t see her for what she is? She’s a snake, a bitch; cold-hearted and ruthless. That’s what Jessica said, and we saw it those first few times we met with her in New York. I’ll say it again, just like I said before, you don’t even know the kid is yours. She could be playing you like she did that Radcliffe guy, you were just stupid enough to fall for it. I don’t like any of this and I don’t think the band should sign anything she gives us.”
Silence followed his declaration. I was unable to move, tears pricking the backs of my eyelids and humiliation boiling in my stomach. This was the reason Rhys wasn’t able to get his band to sign with my new PR company, they all hated me. The worst part, probably more so than the fact I didn’t blame his band for what they thought about me, was that I didn’t hear Rhys denying it. I didn’t hear Rhys arguing with him about his words. Maybe he agreed with him? Maybe he thought the same thing?
How could I have been so naïve?
I had to get out of there, quickly. Hot tears ran down my cheeks, and I was unable to keep them from falling. My gut churned with the need to vomit. I whipped around, ready to leave, but was brought up short by another of Rhys’s bandmates behind me. His eyes went wide when he saw me, realizing I heard the declaration from the other guy around the corner. Suddenly, Rhys and the other two guys appeared from behind the curtain and I was trapped, my arms wrapped around my middle and my face streaked with tears and mascara. I was stuck in a nightmare.
“Natalie, how long have you been there?” Rhys asked, panic in his voice.
His eyes darted to the guy next to him. Todd, the one whose words cut through my heart like a hot knife through butter.
Todd’s face turned pink, but it wasn’t with remorse, it was with the knowledge he had been caught talking bad about me.
“I, uh, came to say goodbye,” I mumbled, unable to form a coherent thought beyond that, as I pushed past Nathan who was behind me.
“Natalie! Natalie, wait! Let me explain!” Rhys called behind me as he chased me out the back doors of the arena.
I looked around frantically, trying to get my bearings to find the parking lot. Tears blurred my vision and I swiped them angrily as I made a right turn around the building, which thankfully brought me right out to the edge of the parking lot.
“Natalie!” Rhys called again. I could hear his footsteps approaching but I didn’t stop.
I felt like a fool, playing house with a man who thought I was an evil bitch trying to pass off my son as his. Why was he there anyway? Why did he stick around so long? Was it just for the sex? I couldn’t make sense of all of it in my head, but I didn’t want to try to right then. I just wanted to get away.
Finally locating my car, I unlocked the door and slid inside, starting the engine quickly as Rhys approached my door. He banged on the window, trying to get me to open the door. I only shook my head and drove away, and though I tried not to I looked back at him in the rearview mirror as I left, I did.
And what I saw broke my heart into a million pieces, all over again.
40
Rhys
Everything happened so fast. One minute, we were coming down from the high of the show, joking and laughing as we put away our instruments and gathered our things to put back on the bus. The next, I brought up the deal with Natalie’s new PR firm. Rob said he wanted to look over the contract again, but Todd cut him off, going off on a tangent, spitting hateful words about Natalie at me as I stood with my guitar case in my hand, unable to respond. How could this guy, who I had known since high school, say the terrible things he was saying about the woman I loved to my face?
It was the shock of the moment that kept me speechless for over a minute. It was that minute that cost me everything. When we rounded the corner and I saw her standing there, face streaked with tears and panic in her eyes, I knew she heard him. But it wasn’t just that she heard what he said, it was what she didn’t hear that made her run.
I didn’t do a damn thing to let her know I didn’t agree with the motherfucker.
I let her believe I agreed with him.
I felt a hand on my shoulder but didn’t stand up, not right away. I continued to stare at the ground, my hands on my knees as I tried to calm the rage in my chest. Rage at Todd for the vile words he spewed about Natalie.
“Get your fucking hands off me,” I growled once I found my voice again at whichever of my bandmates had the nerve to touch me after that.
“Look, man. I didn’t mean for her to hear me,” Todd said, no remorse in his voice for what was said, only regret that he was caught.
“Oh, so that makes it better then, huh? You didn’t mean for her to hear the vile shit you said about her so it should be okay? Fuck you, Todd. Fuck. You. I’ve had more than enough of the shit you’ve been saying about Natalie and I don’t give a shit about what your little fuck buddy Jessica has to say about her. Jessica doesn’t know shit and neither do you. If this is how you feel, if this is how you all feel, I’m done with this. I’m done with Weighted Armor and I’m done with the three of you. You hurt the woman I love and I just let you say that shit without doing a damn thing about it.”
I pushed him out of the way, ignoring the looks of shock and confusion on Nate and Rob’s faces as I did.
“Rhys! Rhys!” Nate called behind me, his hand clapping down on my shoulder to make me stop. “Todd’s an asshole, bruh. Rob and I don’t agree with any of the shit he said. Trust me. We were about to sign the contract, man. Don’t walk away from the band because of him.”
I shrugged his hand off and he let it drop to his side. “I refuse to be in the same band as him anymore.” I stabbed my finger in his direction. “He’s become toxic, with his drugs and women and shit, and now this. I’m done. So, either he’s out, or I’m out.”
I walked away, not waiting for a response. I had to get back to LA to talk to Natalie before it was too late.
* * *
Traffic from San Francisco to LA was shit despite the late hour. It took me well over five hours to get back and the whole time my mind was preoccupied wit
h Natalie. I worried about her driving all the way home in the middle of the night because I knew she wouldn’t stay the night in the hotel like we had planned, not after what happened. I worried about what she was thinking, and what she would do once she made it home. I worried she would never forgive me.
By the time I reached the edge of the city, I was wound tighter than a spring and ready to snap. The sun was coming up to the east and I squinted as I exited the highway. Only a few more miles and I would be home.
Home.
The word popped into my head on its own and I couldn’t argue with it. Natalie’s house was home and the thought of losing her and Christopher now gripped my heart like a vise. I had to drive faster.
It was fully morning by the time I pulled into Natalie’s driveway. Her car was there, haphazardly parked behind my mom’s. Birds chirped in the bright late April morning as I exited my car, and I silently cursed them to shut up under my breath. They could start up their chirping again when Natalie forgave me.
If she forgave me.
The door was unlocked when I turned the handle and I burst in, not even thinking to be quiet because the baby may be asleep. I was greeted by a grim look from my mother, who was perched on the edge of the couch, holding the baby.
“Ma, where’s Natalie?” I barked without even a hello.
“She’s in her room but she doesn’t want to talk to you,” my mom said, her face telling me she was angry with me.
“Mom, please, I have to talk to her.”
She shook her head. “Dammit, Rhys, how could you do that to her?” my mom scolded me in a whisper, so as not to disturb Christopher.
One Song: book two in the one series Page 26