by Lilah Rivers
The same answer came to him as it had over the previous twelve hours, since riding away from the Burnett ranch.
They need my help with those rustlers, Scott had to remind himself, if, in fact, there are rustlers, and they surely seem to think there are. That’s the real interest they have in me. But they needn’t have tried to appeal to anything more than my duties as sheriff. A good meal and a pretty face aren’t the wages I work for, they’re not what motivates me. But I don’t suppose they’d have much reason to know or believe that.
What a shame that the badge had come to earn such an ugly reputation, so blighted and tarnished by corruption and greed. It was almost as though people had a hard time trusting a law enforcement officer—they assumed from the very start that anybody who would presume to this lofty position must surely be lying, doing it for his own sake.
“D’you want me to ride into Harmond,” Doyle asked, “poke around?”
Normally, Scott would have thought the chore just a bit over his deputy’s professional head. But he seemed to be thinking more, showing more maturity, and this would be a good opportunity to stretch his wings even more.
“Yeah, that’s a good idea, Doyle. But be careful, be aware of your surroundings—”
“Make sure to buckle down the saddle ‘fore I ride out?”
Scott had to offer his deputy a little smile. He really is getting better, Scott had to admit. “Anything big, come right back. Don’t try to handle it on your own—don’t be a hero.”
Doyle nodded, but he seemed a little dejected. Clearly, the young man did want to be a hero, an element of his personality and an ambition Scott had always liked. But those could be dangerous qualities in the wrong situation, and Doyle could well be riding straight into one.
On the other hand, Scott told himself, we haven’t had rustlers in years, and Doyle’s right—rumors fly, imaginations run wild… mine as much as anybody else’s. How is Doyle really anymore immature than I am? Ready at my age and in my station to believe in fairy tales and flights of fancy? To think a young woman, well-bred and sophisticated, would be interested in some civil servant, and a sheriff? She’d have to see what I’ve seen, what I always saw—the dangers, the risks, the horrors that awaited anybody sad enough to fall into the orbit of a lawman. No, she’ll find a wealthy fellow out here or go back to Rhode Island.
But not me. And that’s fin,e if that’s the way it has to be. As long as she is happy, I begrudge her nothing, nor those good and decent Burnetts. All things work out as they should, and as my charges, they will always have the full measure of my dedication.
Scott started thinking about the other citizens of Angeldale, always smiling and friendly when they saw him on patrol. Do they have just as much mistrust in me as the Burnetts seem to? Do they think I have to be bought with favors and false friendship? Do they presume I only serve those who have treated me well, and that I will abandon to injustice and ruthlessness those who have not procured my favor?
Scott sighed. All this had been another good reason to isolate himself, to keep his life private and separate from the citizenry. Best to treat them all the same, he’d long felt, none better and none worse; hate none, love none, serve all.
Chapter 16
It had been almost a week since Sheriff Scott Covey had dinner at the Burnett ranch. The quiet days on the ranch had given Jodi a good opportunity to settle into country life, helping Amy with the household chores and cooking while Clinton saw to the hands and the business of the operations. The landscape was quiet, kingfishers singing during the day, crickets chirping at night, the smell of verbena heavy in the spring air. The days were getting warmer, suggestions of summer on the horizon.
Good things were coming.
And the unclarity of the past, things which hadn’t felt good even if they’d been for that purpose and in that cause, at last began to fade. Long walks under the stars had given Jodi time to plumb the depths of her own soul, and of the souls of others around her; seeing things more clearly than she ever had before.
But Jodi didn’t always like what she saw.
One day in the kitchen, chopping vegetables for a hearty beef stew that night, Jodi and Amy developed from a conversation of small talk into these weightier matters.
Jodi had noticed Pedro, the ranch hand, working with Clinton out in the back, repairing a fence. “He seems so dedicated,” Jodi commented, “Pedro, I mean. You can tell that just by looking at him, the dedication and respect. It really speaks well of him.”
Amy nodded. “It all happened before I arrived, of course, but the way Pedro told it to me, his parents were killed by Comanche in a feud with local banditos. None of it had anything to do with Pedro and his parents, of course, but… the Comanche didn’t see it that way.”
It was easy for Jodi to envision the gruesome details. “How horrible.”
“It must have been.” After a melancholy moment, Amy went on, “Clinton came upon the wreckage, the boy hiding in a hollow log, nearly eaten by wolves. He’s been working here on the ranch ever since. Clinton’s too modest to speak of it himself, of course.”
Jodi nodded, unable to keep from smiling. “Of course.” Then, she decided she needed to speak up. “I almost thought that Scott and I would… But it was my fault, I can see that now. At first, I was… disappointed, frustrated, I admit that. I mean, I really liked Scott.”
“I know you did, Jodi. And I’m sorry it didn’t go as we’d hoped. I suppose we shouldn’t have meddled at all.”
“No, Amy, no, you were being a good and loyal and loving friend. That can never be a mistake.” After a moment of reflection and a long, sad sigh, Jodi added, “It was my fault. I shouldn’t have gone along with it. I knew it was too much, too soon; I was still all tied up with that Giles business, I guess there’s no point denying it. Then, falling for Scott—well, sort of falling for him… I was asking for it all to blow up in my stupid face, I suppose.”
“You have a beautiful face and a brilliant mind and a sparkling soul, Jodi. Never forget that.”
Jodi heaved another deep sigh. She would try to keep those things in mind, difficult as that often was. Even more difficult would be to forget her feelings for Scott, her hopes for a brighter and better future.
Hot emotion welled up within her, rising from Jodi’s stomach and into her lungs, her heart, her face; hot blood pulsing, tears suddenly welling and pushing up from behind her eyes. Amy seemed to read her rising sadness, as Jodi’s old friend placed her hand comfortingly on Jodi’s shoulder. But the sympathy only seemed to feed Jodi’s feeling of neediness, of helplessness, of shame.
“Oh, Amy, I… I just don’t know if I can handle all this.”
“All of what, hon?”
“All of it, Amy, everything; leaving Rhode Island, Giles… Maybe my father was right.”
“Well, Jodi, if you’re not happy here, you oughtn’t feel that you have to stay. I thought it would be good for us both. I guess I was wrong again.”
“No, Amy, it’s not that. You and Clinton, this place, it’s been… I’m so grateful to be here. And this is where I want to be, but my father suggested I was just running away from my problems, my true feelings. And he was right, Amy! I never left the sadness of losing Giles, or my upset with my cousin, even though I did forgive her and gave her my blessing. And I felt that sincerely, Amy, I really did, but… it's just harder to forget than I thought it would be.”
“But of course it is, Jodi! I always felt you were too hard on yourself, too disciplined. I know you always thought of me as rebellious, strong-willed—and I was. I think seeing you keep such a tight leash on yourself all these years sort of encouraged me to let myself loose a bit. As friends, one of us needed that.”
“Maybe we both did,” Jodi confessed, “for different reasons.”
“Well, maybe this and reasons that, Jodi! The more ways you look at a thing, the more particulars you see. But if it’s not a thing of your future, and it’s only a part of your past, why keep looking a
t it at all?”
Jodi turned, her eyes locking on Amy’s. “To better understand what I’m looking at now?”
“Or the better to see the future? But Jodi, that’s not the purview of any one of us—only God can know the future, and only He should know it.”
Jodi nodded. She knew her old friend was right again, hard as it was to digest the truths she was sharing.
Chapter 17
“Lemon and blueberry?” Amy shook her head. “That does sound heavenly.”
“It’s all about mixing the flavors,” Jodi explained, “the contrast of the sourness of the lemon with the sweetness of the blueberry, the creamy frosting and the spongy cake.”
“Contrasts,” Amy echoed thoughtfully. “Wish we had blueberries around here, I’d like to try it.”
Jodi gave it some thought. “I think we’ve got something really special here.”
Amy shook her head again as she kneaded the dough. “I hope so. Hot chilis and chocolate chunks?”
“Sweet and spicy,” Jodi pointed out. “It should work. And if not, we’ll pass ‘em out to the hands and go back to your chocolate.”
“Double chocolate,” Amy corrected her. After a few moments of quiet kitchen work, Amy said, “Hey, it’s nice to see you unwinding a bit, relaxed, even… happy?”
Jodi smiled. “Happy? That’s a passing thing, more I think about it. I mean, any child can be happy or unhappy and back again, based on nothing more than the right smile or the wrong frown or a sweet piece of candy.”
Amy nodded, seeming to take in what Jodi was saying.
“But being blessed,” Jodi went on, “that never changes—even if we fall short of the mark, He forgives us. Even when we falter, He’s a proud parent when we rise again. I’m grateful to be blessed, Amy; blessed with good health, good friends, loving parents, every advantage. So many others suffer much more than I do, and in so many ways. Strolling around under the stars, on two good legs that are strong and won’t buckle, I realize how small I am because my challenges are really so minor. Others face so much more, so much worse.”
Amy nodded, but her face seemed shadowed by sorrow. “That’s surely true, Jodi, and it reflects well on you that you understand that.”
But Jodi had to shake her head. “I’m ashamed it took so long.”
“These things don’t happen on our timetable,” Amy pointed out, glancing upward to the source of the ultimate authority. And there was no arguing the time it would take to finish making and then baking the cupcakes.
The house filled with the warm smell of rising cake as Jodi and Amy went about making the frosting, mecca-based to accentuate the sweetness of the chocolate. Once the tray of cakes was finished and cooling, the two women spread the frosting over them and sprinkled them with a bit of ground cinnamon.
“Wow, Jodi, they smell delicious.”
“I have to admit, my hopes are pretty high.”
Shrugging, Amy looked at her. “Only one way to find out.” Amy pulled one of the cakes from the tray, handing it to Jodi before taking another for herself. They each took a bite of the dessert.
The flavors came alive in Jodi’s mouth, the hot chili peppers mixing with the sweet chocolate, the cooling cream frosting against the spongy cake, the cinnamon maximizing all the other flavors.
Jodi glanced at Amy, and her friend’s rapturous expression told Jodi everything she needed to know about the deliciousness of the cake.
“Oh, my goodness, Jodi, this is… this is …I don't even know what to say.”
“Obviously,” Jodi teased with a little smile. “Good?”
“Good? Fantastic! I mean, it's hot, it’s cool, there’s some bite, a good amount of sweetness. It tastes just like New Mexico, but like nothing in New Mexico—perfectly at home and yet special. It's you, Jodi! It’s your entire trip here, wrapped up in a tasty treat!” Amy took another bite, rolling her eyes and licking a bit of frosting from her lower lip.
“Well, my stay isn’t over yet.”
“Keep baking these, we may not let you leave!” They shared a little chuckle, Amy seemingly entranced by the cake. “These are going to be the hit of the baking sale, Jodi, I’m telling you so right now.”
“You think?”
“I know! You won’t be single long after the men of Angeldale get a taste of these.”
A little smile crept over Jodi’s lips, but only a little one. “Right now, I don't know, Amy.Love, all that—it hasn't brought me much.”
“Not yet,” Amy corrected, “not that you can see. But you know God works behind the scenes, and then, suddenly, he pulls the curtains open and reveals what He’s created. It seems a revelation, but really, things were turning our way, little by little, all the while.”
“And it’s for us to have faith that those workings were going on even before the curtains are drawn back.”
Amy shrugged. “That’s the way it was for me. I hate to say this, Jodi, and I hate myself even more for thinking it, for feeling it, but…”
In the lingering silence after Amy’s voice trailed off, Jodi pressed, “Amy?”
Amy broke out in an uncomfortable smile. “Well, I hope you won’t judge me too harshly for this, but when you first told me that you and Giles were getting married, I—I was happy for you, I really was. But I guess I can admit now that I was a little sad for myself. I wanted a man to love too, and a future with my best friend. Then, quite suddenly it seemed, I was facing a life where I had neither one.”
“Amy, I—”
“I came out here not sure if it was the right thing—hoping it was, praying and being faithful that what I was doing was in accordance with God’s plan. And it was, Jodi, praise be that it was. Because God doesn’t make mistakes, Jodi, He only makes corrections.”
Jodi nodded. “It’s for us to do the same then, when we can. So that's just what I intend to do.” Amy tilted her head in a slight confusion, wordlessly bidding Jodi to explain. “I think I should stop worrying about some man loving me, or loving some man. Loving God, that's what's important. You and your little community has welcomed me, loved me, and God has blessed me with so many reasons to be grateful. How could I reasonably invest myself in anything or anyone else?”
After a thoughtful moment, Amy asked, “You're not determined to be a spinster, like we talked about as kids? Jodi, we were kids then—we had no need of men or love or companionship. But we’re not children anymore. God doesn’t want us to be alone.”
“But Amy, we’re not alone. We have each other, and wherever we turn, God is there, Jesus is right beside us.”
Amy nodded. “He is a miracle worker.”
“And surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”
Amy rested her hands on Jodi’s, giving her a warm squeeze. “Amen.”
“Am I interrupting bible study?”
Jodi and Amy turned to see Clinton stepping in with a smile that quickly turned quizzical. “What is that heavenly scent?” he asked curiously.
Amy pulled another cupcake from the tray and handed it to him. “Jodi’s contribution to the upcoming baking sale.”
Clinton took the dessert in his hand and bit into the cake. His face seemed to melt into the picture of ecstasy. “Holy—”
“Clinton!”
“What, honey? I wasn't going to… but this thing is amazing!” He turned to Jodi. “You made these in Rhode Island?”