Kellan, more than anything else, was home to me.
When the tears welled up in my eyes, I couldn’t stop them, but when he pulled me against him, when he wrapped me in his arms, I found it didn’t matter. With him next to me, I could cry without being afraid I would crumble, could mourn everything I’d lost. I had someone to lean on.
“It’s okay,” he said, his lips pressed against my head. “We’re home now, Regan, and it’s going to be okay.”
We buried Beth and Logan behind the shelter, next to Jasper and with the other people we’d lost over the years. No one from the shelter was aware of the baby she’d been carrying or the new beginning it was supposed to have been for her and Logan, and those of us who’d traveled with them didn’t bring it up. The knowledge weighed heavily on me as dirt was dropped onto their bodies and they slowly disappeared from sight. It made their deaths seem twice as unfair.
Even more troubling was the knowledge that the others would never know what had become of their friends. Juliet, Alex, and Hickory would be waiting for them to return to Tennessee, but they never would. Maybe they would hear about the sinking of the American Queen and assumed we’d all died, or maybe they’d come this way one day, searching for answers. Finding us wouldn’t be easy, Oklahoma was a big state, and we hadn’t told them any specifics about where we lived, but if they were determined enough, they could make it happen.
Unlike our friends, we didn’t bury Andrew inside the fence. Instead, Cade and Blake loaded him into the back of the station wagon, his body wrapped in a tarp, and drove him away from the shelter. I hoped the birds feasted on his carcass.
After the funeral, I went to Emma’s condo and found her lying on the couch. She’d been in too much pain to come to the surface, but knowing that didn’t prepare me for the sight of the more than a dozen bandages covering her wounds. Andrew had done his worst, as usual.
“I’m so sorry,” I said, taking a seat on the coffee table across from her. “I should have stayed. I should have made sure he was really dead.”
“You had no way of knowing.” She took my hand, wincing slightly at the movement. “How could you have guessed he was immune?”
“It must have been the deal he’d made with the CDC,” I said, letting out a long sigh. “It’s the only thing that makes sense.”
“Maybe,” she said but sounded like she didn’t care. “It doesn’t matter anymore. All that matters is you’re home and you’re safe. Regan, I was so scared. So afraid I’d never see you again.”
“I know,” I said, almost choking on my tears. “We were, too.”
“But you’re here,” Emma whispered, her eyes shimmering but a smile on her lips. “You’re really here.”
“I’m really here,” I said.
I wanted to hug her, to throw my arms around her so we could cry together, but I knew the gesture would be too much for her, so I had to content myself with simply holding her hand. It didn’t feel like enough.
“Kellan and I are going to get married,” I said after a few seconds of silence.
Emma’s eyebrows lifted. “Married?”
“Yeah.” I rolled my eyes, trying to hide the fresh onslaught of tears. “It’s silly, I know.”
“No.” She gave my hand a little squeeze. “It isn’t silly at all. It’s amazing.”
Epilogue
Part of me thought I should feel utterly ridiculous in the white, lace dress, but I couldn’t. Not with Emma standing at my side, beaming like she was about to watch her daughter walk down the aisle, and not with Jessica weaving little white flowers through my hair. This day, while only symbolic, couldn’t be anything but happy. After so many obstacles and near misses over the last few months, I was going to savor every moment, every look, every kiss, and every hug. And not just when it came to Kellan, but with everyone else as well.
“You look so beautiful,” Emma said, sniffing.
“Don’t start crying,” I warned her. “We may be wearing the last mascara on Earth.”
“I still don’t know how you managed to find it.” Jessica slipped another flower into my hair before stepping back to survey her work.
Behind her, Harper, Christine, and Ava sat in my living room, dressed in their finest clothes—which meant the ones with the least amount of holes—watching.
“Daisy Mae, of all people.” I rolled my eyes even as my smile stretched wider. “The woman has a serious soft spot for Kellan.”
“Doesn’t everyone?” Emma asked.
“True.”
“All done,” Jessica said, nodding in approval.
“Can I look now?” I asked, standing from the dining room chair I’d been trapped in for the last hour.
“Of course,” the other woman said.
It seemed that no one could keep the smiles off their faces as I headed down the hall to the bedroom so I could look at myself.
The floor-length dress, which Emma and I had put in a special order for with traders at the Quartz Mountain settlement, swished around my legs as I walked. It had been more than a decade since I’d owned anything pretty, and the little girl in me reveled at the sensation. The feeling only intensified when I stopped in front of the full-length mirror—thankfully, whoever had owned this condo had thought it would be essential to surviving the apocalypse.
I’d only been twelve years old when the virus hit, but like most girls that age, I’d dreamt more than once about planning a wedding and buying a dress. It wasn’t anything I’d ever thought would happen, not after the zombies came, but here I was. Thanks to the combined efforts of my friends and family, we’d managed to pull together one of the most unlikely events imaginable. A wedding.
“I can’t believe it,” I said, and this time I was the one who had to blink away the tears.
“Stop,” Emma hissed from behind me. “Mascara, remember?”
“How could I forget?” I said, blinking faster in hopes of holding back the tears.
“It’s almost time!” Jessica called from the other room.
My heart leapt like it was cheering, and I turned to face Emma.
She looked me over with an appraising eye, her mouth puckered. “You ready?”
“More than ready.”
“Are you sure you have everything?”
The way she was eyeing me, like I’d forgotten something important, made me look down.
“I think so.”
Her lips were still pursed when I looked up, and she said, “You’re missing something.”
“If I am, it’s a little too late to do anything about it,” I replied.
“I have the perfect thing.” Emma snapped her fingers like she’d just thought of it, and I smiled at how rehearsed the gesture looked. When she grabbed the floral bag she’d brought with her to my condo, she was grinning. “Now, this is just a loaner.”
“A loaner?” I asked, my curiosity piqued.
“Yes, you know. Something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue.”
“Okay…” I hadn’t planned for any of that.
Emma pulled a little wooden box from her bag and lifted the lid, presenting it so I could look inside. It was a pearl necklace.
“This was my mom’s.” She swallowed. “A few years ago when Blake and I were still together, we went back to my house and I got this. My mom wore it on her wedding day, and she always used to talk about how one day I’d wear it. I plan to.” She shrugged and rolled her eyes. “Whenever that happens. In the meantime, I want you to wear it.”
Now my mascara was in serious in danger of running. “Oh my God.”
“Stop,” she said, blinking as much as I was. “Or we’re both going to end up crying.”
I let out a half laugh, half sob. “I’m not sure if I’m going to make it through the day without sobbing.”
“You and me both.” Emma rolled her eyes as she waved her hand in front of me, motioning for me to turn. “Now, let’s get this on you so we can send you down the aisle.”
I did as
I was ordered, and she slipped the necklace around my neck. The pearls were cold against my skin, and heavier than I’d expected, but exactly what I’d needed to compliment my dress.
“Thank you,” I said when I was facing her again.
Emma’s smile was almost motherly. “You’re welcome.”
“It’s just too bad I don’t have all the other things,” I looked down at the necklace, frowning as I fingered the pearls.
“Other things?”
“Yeah, you know. Something old, something new, something borrowed,” I lifted the necklace, “and something blue. I’m missing three of those.”
My friend pressed her lips together, but it didn’t stop them from twitching. “Well, you have the dress. That’s new.”
“New to me,” I said, rolling my eyes. “More likely it counts as something old.”
“Fine,” she said with a huff. “Then we’ll just say you have a new beginning. How’s that?”
That made me smile. “I like that better.”
“Good,” she said, sounding very pleased with herself.
“That still leaves old and blue.”
“I’m sure we’ll be able to figure something out,” Emma said, hooking her arm through mine.
I didn’t know what she meant, but when she led me into the other room, I didn’t protest. Everyone was waiting for me, and there was an air of excitement hanging over our heads as we headed up the stairs in a group. Whispered voices were audible as we neared the common room, and Cade stood waiting at the bottom of the final set of stairs.
“You look beautiful,” he said when I stopped in front of him. “Are you ready for this?”
I nodded a little too fast in hopes of pushing the nerves and emotions away. “Ready.”
Emma stood at my side while Jessica, Christine, Harper, and Ava whispered their goodbyes before heading up. My stomach felt like I’d swallowed a hornet’s nest, and even when I slipped my arm through Cade’s, it didn’t settle.
Once we were alone, Emma gave me a kiss on the cheek. “I’m so happy for you.”
All I could do in response was smile.
I watched her head up the stairs, taking slow, even breaths, and when she’d finally disappeared, Cade started moving, urging me forward.
We were halfway up before I found my voice. “Thanks for giving me away.”
“I wish it could have been Jasper,” Cade replied, regret in his voice even as he gave my hand a little squeeze, “but I’m happy to do it.”
“No one will ever be able to replace him.”
“No,” he said, “they won’t.”
I kept pace with Cade as we reached the top of the stairs, one hand on his arm while the other lifted the skirt of my dress so I didn’t fall, and before I knew it, we were stepping into the common room. The room was bursting with wildflowers, bundled together and twisted into garlands and wreaths. They must have picked this part of the state clean to get them all.
Everyone was gathered in the room, and they all turned at my entrance. Bill shot me a grin, while his wife clung to his arm. The kids stood at their side—Jack, Jill, and little Tiana—their faces lit up like this moment meant as much to them as it did to me. We passed Diane, Harper, and Christine, and the teenagers who’d come to live in the shelter when Bill arrived. There were so many faces, so many sets of eyes on me, but I could barely focus on any of them, because I was too focused on the front of the room.
Brady stood front and center, flanked on one side by Emma and Ava, with Blake and Kellan on the other. Like me, he had put in a special order for clothes and was dressed in a black suit—minus the tie—and the sight of him made me want to start crying all over again.
But the second my eyes met his, all my nerves melted away and were replaced by a sense of calm I hadn’t felt since before the virus. His gaze held mine as I walked, and with each step I took, the more I was able to let go of the past. All the pain and uncertainty, all the struggles of the past ten years. He was all I could see, all I could think about. All I wanted. All I needed.
When we reached the front, Cade gave me a peck on the cheek before handing me off to Kellan and taking his place beside Blake. I was trembling when he took my hand, but not out of fear or nervousness. It was something more, something bigger. Joy and hope and a million other feelings, all of them having to do with Kellan.
“You look stunning,” he whispered as he ran his thumb over the top of my hand.
I had to swallow before I could say, “So do you.”
Brady cleared his throat and in a loud voice began to talk. Being the most articulate person I’d ever met, he’d been the obvious choice when we were looking for someone to perform the ceremony, but as he read the words we’d chosen, I found it didn’t matter. I couldn’t hear him, couldn’t focus on anything but Kellan.
It wasn’t until Brady said, “Have you the rings?” that I finally snapped out of it.
Kellan’s ring, a simple gold band I’d picked up in Altus, was on my thumb, and I slipped it off as he slid his hand into his pocket. I was first, and almost on autopilot I repeated the words Brady recited before sliding the band onto Kellan’s ring finger.
Then he took my hand in his and started talking. “I give you this ring as a symbol of my love for you. Let it be a reminder that no matter what, I will always be with you, and that nothing, not even death, can sever our eternal bond.”
Kellan slid the ring on my finger, and I had to blink away a fresh barrage of tears. It took a moment for my eyes to focus on it, and when they did, something about the delicate sapphire ring tickled a memory.
I looked up, meeting his gaze. “I recognize this. Why?”
“It was your mom’s,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.
My mouth dropped open, and it took me a second to find my voice. “My mom’s?”
“I went to your house.” Again, his words were quiet, like he wanted only me to hear what he had to say. “I went through her things, and I found it.”
That was when it all came rushing back. It had been before the virus, and my parents had celebrated their anniversary—the last one they would ever have. My dad surprised my mom with this ring. I remembered her showing it off, remembered watching the diamonds encircling the blue stone shimmer under the lights. At the age of twelve, I’d been enthralled by anything shiny, and the fact that my mom had loved it so much had made it doubly beautiful in my young mind.
“My dad bought this for my mom,” I whispered, running my finger over the stone before looking up. “How did you remember?”
“I remember her showing it to my mom, but more importantly, I remember the expression on your face.”
“The expression on my face?”
Kellan gave my hand a gentle squeeze. “You looked so beautiful.”
Emma leaned closer to me and whispered in my ear, “Blue and old.”
The laugh I let out helped push the barrage of tears that were threatening to break out of me.
“I love you, Regan,” Kellan said. “I’ve loved you since we were kids, and I swear I’ll do everything to make you happy.”
“I love you,” I said, and once again I was on the verge of sobbing.
Brady stood waiting, staring up at us with a grin on his face, and when he was sure we were done, he cleared his throat.
“By the power vested in me by this group of people,” he paused when light laughter rolled through the crowd of onlookers, “I now pronounce you husband and wife.” He gave Kellan a pointed look. “You may kiss your wife.”
Kellan grinned, but his eyes never strayed from mine as he cupped my face with his hands and pressed his lips against mine, and once again, everything bad that had happened seemed to disappear. All the death and hopelessness, all the pain and fear. None of it mattered because Kellan and I had each other. No, the future wasn’t certain, and it probably never would be, but one thing was. We loved each other.
Dark clouds were gathered on the horizon, but the storm was still a good dist
ance off. In the driver’s seat, Kellan wore his usual expression of concentration, his eyes scanning the dusty, Oklahoma landscape as we sped toward Altus. It never failed to make me smile, mostly because it seemed to get more severe with each year that passed. First, all those years ago when I started going on runs with him, then growing in intensity after we’d gotten together. Then I’d gotten pregnant. Now it was rare to see even the smallest of smiles on his face while we were out.
I put my hand on his knee and gave it a squeeze, but he barely glanced my way. He did, however, look in the rearview mirror. It wasn’t tilted in a way that allowed me to see into the back seat, and I was forced to turn so I could look as well. When I did, our nine-year-old son, Jasper, shot me a grin that was a carbon copy of Kellan’s.
His dark hair blew about his head as the wind rushed through the car, and his big, brown eyes were barely visible behind his goggles. At his side, his sister’s hair was a little tamer since I’d braided it before we left the shelter, but not much. Bethany’s gaze met mine, and her smile stretched wide, the six-year-old not the least bit concerned about the gap where her front teeth had been, and my heart nearly melted. They rarely got to leave the shelter, but when they did, it was as exciting for them as Christmas morning.
I lifted my hand, lowering my ring and middle fingers but keeping the other ones raised, and my children’s smiles stretched wider. I love you, I mouthed even though they knew what the gesture meant.
When I looked at my husband, his gaze was on me.
“Watch the road,” I said but smiled.
Kellan’s focus returned to where it should be even as he took my hand in his—my two fingers still down—and pressed his mouth against my knuckles. The kiss was soft, barely more than a brush of his lips, but it sent a shiver through me that went all the way to my toes. Ten years married, and he could still make me tremble with just a touch.
The Oklahoma Wastelands Series Box Set | Books 1-3 Page 84