by Alie Nolan
He traced the small C that was etched into my skin, before reaching over and sliding Caleb’s wedding ring down a little to reveal a matching E.
Even if Caleb didn’t wear his wedding ring, it would be easy to miss the small letter surrounded by other ink, unless you were specifically looking for it. Mine stood out more against my clear, empty skin.
I looked at my hand and imagined what it would look like to add an M next to my C.
My chest tightened at the mental image.
Something so permanent to show Matty that he held an equal amount of my heart as Caleb did. That he was just as big a part of my life that Caleb was.
When I’d got the C tattoo, I’d been adamant that it would be the one and only time I got a tattoo. But I suddenly felt the overwhelming need for another.
“Will you tell me about how you two got engaged? What your wedding was like?” Matty asked.
I smiled at Matty as Caleb wrapped his arm around Matty’s waist.
“Well,” I started. “We got engaged a few months after we met. We just both knew we were meant to be together from day one, I guess. Anyway, at the beginning of our relationship, Caleb asked me to kiss him by writing it on a cupcake,” I chuckled at the memory. “It literally said kiss, with a question mark.”
“So,” Caleb added. “One day, when he was out, I made him another cupcake, and wrote ‘Marry me?’ in icing on it. When he came home, I gave it to him. I didn’t say anything, because I was so nervous,” he laughed.
“Obviously, I said yes.” I supplied.
“And, as for our wedding,” Caleb said. “We didn’t really have one.”
“What do you mean?” Matty asked.
“We just went to the registry office a few weeks after that night with the cupcake,” I answered. “No tuxes, just jeans and nice shirts. No guests, just a couple of people who worked at the registry office as witnesses. We signed the piece of paper, and then went and got these tattoos, because we hadn’t brought rings yet. Then we just went home, ordered a takeaway, and cuddled on the sofa.”
“That is the cutest thing ever,” Matty beamed.
I kissed him, then Caleb, and wrapped my arms around them both.
TWENTY-SEVEN
Caleb
Matty and I were walking by the river that ran through the centre of Portridge, holding hands, and enjoying the sunshine.
The three of us were still making it a priority to spend time together in pairs, so Matty and I had decided to go to lunch on a date, just the two of us, and now we were taking a stroll because it was such a beautiful day, we both wanted to be outside for a while.
We found an empty bench by the riverbank, and Matty tugged me down onto it next to him.
We sat quietly, our sides pressed together, and our joined hands resting on Matty’s thigh as we watched ducks float past us on the water’s surface.
“Did you think when we were younger that this would be how our lives would end up?” he asked.
“I couldn’t see any kind of future back then,” I answered honestly.
“But you do now?”
“I do,” I nodded.
He looked deep in thought, and I really wished I could hear whatever it was that was going on in his head.
“What are you thinking?”
“I was thinking about whether there’s a place for me in that future,” he said nervously.
“You are my future. You and Elliott, you’re it for me.”
His face broke out into the most stunning smile, and I was reminded again just how much I loved the man sitting next to me.
“I’m so glad I got a second chance with you. To do things the way I wish we could have before.”
“I am too,” he grinned. “But I’m glad we didn’t work out before, because if we had, we wouldn’t have Elliott.”
We wouldn’t have Elliott.
Hearing that made my heart feel fuller than it ever had.
His words were more important to me than he probably realised, because all I’d wanted from the get-go was for Matty to know that the three of us were all equal in this relationship—Elliott was as much his as he was mine.
I couldn’t believe I was lucky enough to find not one, but two men who wanted to be with me. And with each other.
If you’d have told me how my life would end up when I was seventeen, when I was convinced that no one could ever care about me, I’d have told you that you were insane. And if you’d have told me at seventeen that I’d one day get a second chance with Matty, I’d have laughed in your face.
But here I was, with everything I could have ever wished for.
I kissed Matty softly, enjoying the softness of his lips against mine as the world around us fell away.
I could have kissed him for minutes, or hours, I had no idea. I didn’t care though, because I would have happily sat there and kissed him for a year and not minded.
Kissing him, like kissing Elliott, never got old.
When we finally parted, his lips were slick and kiss-swollen, and turned up in a sated smile.
It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him that I loved him, but I stopped myself, because I had imagined saying it for the first time when the three of us were together.
“I hope the weather stays like this for the barbeque at Little Hollow,” he smiled, looking up at the clear blue sky.
His mention of the barbeque reminded me again of how we needed to tell his family… our family?
I didn’t know what to call them anymore.
They’d been so welcoming, that I’d begun to consider myself and Elliott a part of the family. Calling them ‘Matty’s family’ or ‘Jake’s family’ just didn’t quite fit anymore.
They were my family too.
For now, anyway.
I tried not to think like that, but it was hard not to worry about this all going up in flames when they eventually found out.
I’m sure they’ll be fine when they find out you and your husband have been fucking your brother’s cousin.
Oh my God, it sounded so fucking weird when my brain worded it like that.
Ugh.
I shook my head, hoping to shake away some of the bullshit my brain was spewing at me.
“You okay?” Matty asked, a slight hint of concern in his tone.
“Yeah, baby,” I smiled. “I’m fine. Just panicking about telling the family.”
“Don’t panic,” he brushed his fingers through my beard. “There’s a good chance they’ll be fine, and even if they’re not, remember that nothing changes between us.”
As soon as we got home, and Elliott was there, I was going to tell Matty how much I loved him.
Later that night, the three of us were lying on the sofa together.
Well, I was lying.
They were sitting at each end of the sofa, and I was sprawled across them. My feet on Elliott’s legs, and my head resting on Matty’s. Matty’s fingers were carding through my hair, and Elliott’s were drawing small circles in the arches of my feet.
I was in heaven.
We were watching a movie on the TV, although between the warmth of their bodies under me, and the sensations of their fingers on me, I hadn’t been paying attention to any of it.
It could have been the world’s greatest movie, and I still wouldn’t have cared to pay attention.
How could I when the world’s two most perfect men had their hands on me?
Without thinking, I looked up at Matty and blurted, “I love you.”
I couldn’t hold it in any longer.
Matty’s eyes widened, and his face split into the widest smile I’d ever seen.
“I love you too,” he replied. He looked to Elliott. “And, I love you.”
“I love you too,” Elliott said back to Matty.
I sat up and took Matty’s lips with mine, telling him again with my lips just how much I loved him. When we pulled back, Elliott leaned over me and kissed Matty with the same adoration I had.
TWENTY-EIGHT
Matty
I was at the Little Hollow summer barbeque, surrounded by my family, and half the population of Wiltonham.
The sun was high in the clear blue sky, and the weather was lovely—warm, but not too hot that everyone was melting. Everyone milled around, holding plates of food and chatting, as a low thrum of music played from speakers closer to the main houses.
I had just finished eating a burger and was putting my paper plate in the recycling, watching Caleb and Elliott talking to Jake.
Something that Jake said made Caleb laugh, and he slung an arm around Jake’s shoulders and pulled him into his side.
It was so lovely that they were finally getting to redevelop the close bond they’d shared as kids. I was so happy Caleb had returned to not only my life, but Jake’s, and everyone else’s too.
Caleb and Elliott slotted into this family perfectly, and I knew how much they loved now being included in family occasions and events like this barbeque.
It was a constant reminder of how much more they stood to lose than I did.
I knew, even if the family had a problem with our relationship, they weren’t going to distance themselves from me. I couldn’t be totally certain the same went for them.
Although, if I thought about it rationally, I doubted any of the Logans—regardless of their initial shock—would truly isolate either of them from the family. Logans were, by nature, and nurture, a loyal bunch. I didn’t think there were many things—if any—that would make them turn their backs on one of their own.
As much as I enjoyed watching my men from afar, as I watched them link hands, my palms inched to go over there and join them.
Caleb looked over his shoulder in my direction and shot me the most stunning smile that made butterflies flutter in my stomach.
Fuck, I loved them so much.
Grandad walked up beside where I stood, staring aimlessly in Caleb and Elliott’s direction. He bumped my shoulder with his to get my attention.
“You okay?” he asked.
I nodded and smiled. “Yeah, I’m good.”
“Caleb and Elliott seem to have melded into this lot easily, don’t they?”
I was immediately pulled out of my staring at the mention of their names. I turned to Grandad in confusion, having only heard their names, and not the rest of whatever he’d said.
“Huh?” I asked dumbly.
“They fit in,” he nodded in Caleb and Elliott’s direction.
“Oh, yeah,” I said, nodding. “They do.”
“They seem like lovely young men,” he said, a hint of some deeper meaning in his words, as his mouth turned up into a knowing smile.
“I, um…” I trailed off. “They are.”
I didn’t know what else to say.
Did he suspect something was going on between us?
And if he did, did anyone else?
Jake?
“You and them,” he started. “I’m not imagining the looks the three of you keep sharing, am I?”
Shit. He knows.
“How did you… were we… has everyone noticed?” I managed.
“Don’t worry. I don’t think anyone has figured it out. I’m not going to lie and say that I even understand whatever is going on, but I do know that I’ve never seen you look this happy, and if that’s down to them, then I’m fine with whatever you have with them.” He squeezed my shoulder and walked away to join his husband.
After the shock of that conversation, I needed a minute to clear my head, and maybe grab another drink, so I made my way through the field, back up to my parents’ house.
I couldn’t figure out what emotion I was feeling.
Shock?
Worry?
Relief?
Maybe it was a mixture of all three.
Grandad knew, and he was fine with it.
If the oldest member of the family was okay with me dating a married couple, that meant the younger family members were likely to feel the same, right?
Older people were the ones that were more likely to find it confusing and disapprove, surely?
But, if Grandad had noticed, that meant it was only a matter of time before others did too. We clearly weren’t being as subtle as we thought we were. And I didn’t want anyone else to find out without us telling them.
We needed a plan.
I walked into my parents’ house, the front door leading directly into the open-plan kitchen and lounge, and began searching through their fridge for a drink.
The two main houses were attached by a terrace, but because Ness and Steph’s house was bigger, everyone usually went into their house for drinks and to use the toilet at gatherings like this. That meant that my parents’ house was silent and empty—perfect to take a minute to process my feelings.
As I stood in the kitchen area, holding a newly opened can of beer, the front door opened, and Elliott walked in.
He smiled when he saw me, and walked directly over to me.
“What are you doing in here?” I asked.
“Both of the toilets in Ness and Steph’s house are occupied, so your mum told me to come over here instead of waiting,” he said, and took the beer out of my hand to take a sip.
“Oi,” I chuckled. “Hands off my beer, I need this.” I snatched it back and Elliott laughed.
“Why do you need it?”
I sighed. “Grandad knows.”
“About us?” he asked.
“No, about the moon landing,” I rolled my eyes dramatically. “Yes, about us.”
We laughed for a moment before he asked, “How’d he take it?”
“Better than I would have thought, to be honest. Didn’t care in the slightest, actually. He was just happy that I was happy.”
“That’s good. And just so you know, I’m happy you’re happy too.”
Elliott smiled down at me and I couldn’t refrain from touching him a second longer.
I put my beer down on the side by the sink, and flung my arms around him, pressing my lips firmly against his.
“Hmm,” he hummed. “What brought this on?” He wrapped his arms around my waist, keeping me close to him and blanketing me in his warmth.
“It was torture out there,” I chuckled. “All I wanted to do was to stand between you and have you each wrap an arm around me.”
He kissed me again, lingering this time, and allowing me to seek entry into his mouth.
I clung to him, my arms around his neck, as I got lost in our kiss… so lost, I didn’t hear someone open the door.
“What the fuck!” Jake bellowed.
Shit.
I let go of Elliott as quickly as I could, but the damage had been done. I turned to see Jake staring at me like he’d just watched me murder someone.
“Jake,” I inched closer to him, but he backed away. “I can explain.”
“How could you?” His voice trembled as he spoke, and the sound tore my insides apart.
“Please, let me explain,” I begged.
He wouldn’t listen though. He stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind him.
“Shit,” I shouted.
TWENTY-NINE
Elliott
I didn’t say anything, just placed a comforting hand on Matty’s lower back in an attempt to calm him down. He was vibrating with anxiety, and the tension was radiating from him.
I should have assumed that anyone—including Jake—could have walked in on us kissing, but I hadn’t cared. I just wanted to kiss him, so I did.
And now I felt like shit.
This was the exact opposite of how we wanted Jake to find out about us.
“I need to go after him,” Matty finally said after a few moments of silence.
“Go,” I said. “I’ll go get Caleb.”
He nodded and rushed out of the room, in search of Jake.
I exited the house, my eyes scanning the groups of people scattered throughout the large open space.
In the distance I could see Jake running towards the bunkhouse
, and Matty rushing in that direction after him.
“What’s up?” Max pulled my attention from looking for Caleb.
“Have you seen Caleb?” I asked, ignoring his question.
“He’s over there,” he pointed, to where Caleb was standing with Ethan and Wyatt. “Seriously, what’s going on? I saw Matty run out of the house, and now you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“Jake walked in on Matty and me kissing,” I sighed. “He didn’t react well.”
“Oh, shit,” he said, and all I could do was nod, before jogging over to Caleb.
I grabbed his arm and tugged it a little. “Sorry, I need to borrow Caleb,” I told Wyatt and Ethan.
Wyatt shot me a concerned look as if to say, “Everything okay?” I nodded, even though it wasn’t the truth.
“What’s up?” Caleb asked as he started following me in the direction of the bunkhouse. “Why are we walking so fast?”
I gave him a brief rundown of what had happened, and he cursed under his breath and picked up the pace.
When we walked into the bunkhouse, only moments after Matty had followed Jake inside, Matty’s raised voice echoed throughout the building.
“Jake, please, wait,” Matty said, sounding breathless from running after Jake.
Caleb and I stopped in our tracks, neither of us knowing whether we should wait by the door and eavesdrop or go into the lounge—where their voices were coming from—and risk making things worse.
It was probably best to give Matty and Jake a few minutes alone.
Everything we’d been dreading looked like it was going to happen.
I couldn’t bear the idea of Caleb having to go through this again.
Losing his brother.
My chest felt tight, and my heart was thumping so loudly against my ribs that I was worried the noise would get us caught eavesdropping.
“Fuck off, Matty,” Jake growled. “I don’t want to talk to you right now.”
There were a few long beats of silences, and then I heard Jake mutter, “I just got him back.”
“Please, J, it’s not what it looks like,” Matty told him.