I could do that. I had done that in the past. It was why I always let my family run roughshod over me and take advantage of me. It’s why I didn’t complain when I was forced to pay their bills, or apologize to people they had offended because they would never admit wrongdoing.
I could focus on this kingdom, ignore the bigger picture, and retreat back to who I’d always been.
But it would be returningz to someone I had been trying to get rid of for the last several years. I had promised myself I wouldn’t be that fairy. I wouldn’t let myself fall under the power of another Cooper or a Ferdie or… even Gloriana.
It would be the greatest betrayal to turn away and say, “I don’t want to deal with this. I’m exhausted. I don’t want to look anymore. I can’t cope.” That would be my privilege speaking. I could walk away and be fine, but did that give me the right to?
I could return to my life with minimal scarring. But what kind of life would that be?
Hollow. So very hollow.
Dallan thought I was what was needed. He could be wrong, maybe he was right. The only thing I had to offer was my time and my life. I wasn’t doing anything better with them.
Time to step out from behind the sheltering curtains of ignorance into the full sun of experience.
It would burn. Hopefully I’d survive.
My family would have laughed at the thought that humans should deserve loyalty. But from where I was standing, we owed them everything. Without humans in our world, there would be no balance. We would descend back into Chaos and madness.
We were not set to be rulers over them.
We were supposed to serve them.
We were not better, more, greater, smarter.
We lived longer, but they seemed to experience more despite their shorter lifespans.
Human inferiority was a lie that had led us to this place where they had been degraded down to nothing more than batteries feeding fairy greed.
Better Chaos than such betrayal of what a Fairy Godmother was supposed to be.
The story always had been that fairies couldn’t lie because they were too pure, too perfect. Now, I thought it was backwards. Maybe we couldn’t lie because we’d always been so selfish, so petty, that lies would tip us all to evil all too easily.
Dallan and I wandered off to watch Agape play in the fields with the unicorns. They did seem to enjoy each other’s company. They appeared to be playing a sort of chasing game, but they all seemed to chase each other and then scatter and regroup only to chase each other again.
The beauty of it filled me up.
This is what this land should always have been.
This is what would be lost forever if we failed.
I hoped that these were not the only unicorns in our world, but I had never seen them anywhere else. It was possible that this was their last chance for survival.
What kind of a world didn’t have unicorns?
It must be a very grim place.
“You’ve been thinking,” Dallan said, reaching out to touch my forehead, which I was sure was lined with stress.
“Yes,” I said. “I’m trying to reconcile what I thought our world was, what I thought I was, with the reality of what I’ve seen here.”
Dallan’s face twitched sympathetically. “Hurts, does it?”
I nodded slowly. “It hurts.”
“Growing usually does,” he said, leaning against the fence and watching the equine ballet going on in the fields. “Comfort and contentment are sign of stagnation, I’ve learned. If you’re comfortable, you’re not growing.”
“There’s plenty of pain here,” I told him. “Maybe there’s enough growth here to go around.”
He winced. “It doesn’t work that way. But some good will come of this pain. I have hope, at least.”
For a moment he looked his true age. There was something timeless and deep in his expression, in the very stillness of the way he stood. Here was Dallan the ancient Voice of Mercy. Here was the Dallan who appreciated my innocence.
Would he still care for me once that veneer was gone? Or would I lose my appeal for him once I fully opened my eyes and admitted that my world was not fine? Was that naivete my only appeal?
Well, there was not turning back now. There was no chasing that cat back through the open door. He would either like the me I grew into or not, but he should never be the reason I stunted my own growth. Otherwise he might as well be Cooper.
We followed the Bellatrices that night, through the trees, across the seas, into the deepness of the shadows outside of the reach of the chandeliers. Magic enrobed us in darkness, so that the Fairy Godparents that came to gawk never even looked our way.
Dallan looked at what he could see of the Magic—he did not feel it the way I did, but I knew he could sense it in his own way. What I observed, I whispered to him, pointing out the way Magic was gathered, but never dispersed back into the land again.
He nodded, though I wasn’t sure if it was to tell me that he heard me or that he understood. Over the course of the night, his face grew grimmer. I could see him making note of what Godparents were here. I told him of the ones I had seen before—descriptions only, not names.
He rubbed his face with a weary hand. He took no joy in this task. How could he? I wondered what he would have been if Magic hadn’t shaped him into his calling as Mercy. Would he have been lighthearted and gregarious?
I couldn’t picture him any other way than how he was.
I needed to leave room for him to grow, too, I reminded myself.
He caught my hand in his and led me deeper into the shadows. We couldn’t see inside the pavilion anymore, but we could still hear the music. There, he gently twirled me around, took me in his arms, and we danced.
It wasn’t like the dancing in the ballroom. This was real dancing—imperfect, at times clumsy, and oh, so intimate. We danced with his chin bent to rest on the top of my head and my nose pressed against the soft him-smelling fabric of his shirt.
I knew that, no matter how long I lived, I would never forget this moment. In all the pain and terror, this dance was a breath of air, a drink at an oasis after crossing a parching desert, the falling of rain after a drought. It was a blissful reminder that there was good worth fighting for.
Music worth dancing to.
Even in the darkness, with danger all around us, there was beauty, too.
I would try to remember that lesson.
Things could be twisted, tainted, or torn. Good could be corrupted, purity betrayed, but that didn’t mean all beauty was lost. Look at Leigh and her courage, riding her unicorn across the sky to the rescue. Look at the Bellatrices and their incredible endurance, never knowing if this day would be their last.
Their beauty was deeper. They had always been lovely, but now they were more. Perhaps the single rose among the thorns was more precious and more beautiful than any other. Maybe the fallen swallow who flies again is that much more graceful.
I felt as if I were grasping for something just out of the reach of my understanding—as clear in my sight as the brightest star, and still just outside of my grasp.
I sighed and leaned my forehead against Dallan’s chest.
“What are you thinking about?” he whispered.
“I hardly know anymore,” I admitted. “I felt like there was something… but it’s gone now.”
“You’ll find it again when it’s the right time,” he reassured me.
I squinted up at him. In the darkness all I could see was the faint sparkle of light reflecting in his eyes. “You know you really do sound old when you say things like that, right?”
He snorted softly, and the wise man disappeared and became Dallan again. My Dallan.
I looped my arms around him, tucking them under the weight of his wings, and tried to pour love into him the way I felt he always did for me.
“Are you ready?” he asked, a few moments later.
I knew he wasn’t talking about the walk back to the hall, though that
would certainly be part of it.
Was I ready for the next step? To face whatever we needed to do to break this spell and put things right?
“Yes,” I said, firmly. “I am ready.”
Chapter Fifteen
“What we need is to have the proper ruler on the throne,” Erika said, lifting her practice sword and taking a swipe at me.
I tried not to yelp as I dodged it. Erika was far faster and stronger than I was. I already had a few bruises with her name on them.
“Agreed,” I stammered, side-stepping her. “You know all about strategy—all of you. How would you go about doing it?”
Gillie sighed and rolled her eyes. She paused in her sparring with Leigh and wiped the sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand. “We’ve thought about nothing else for the past several years. The problem is that no one in the kingdom remembers who we are. The soldiers are completely loyal to the foul man who plays king… There are only twelve of us. It would be a slaughter, and not in our favor.”
I mentally pushed the numbers up to add me and Dallan, and the captive soldiers to the mix, not to mention the unicorns, but the equation still looked grim.
I raised my hand for Erika to give me a moment to rest. I was practically panting, but Erika didn’t appear the least bit winded.
“There’s a way this is supposed to be done,” I told the Bellatrices. “Traditionally, the spell would be broken when the clever soldier gave the king proof of the princesses dancing. The clever soldier would then marry the princess of his choice and they would take over the rule of the country either then or when the current king died.”
“I’m all for his dying,” Amanda muttered.
I snorted. That didn’t surprise me one bit. If ever a man deserved to die for what he had done to his land, this was the one, much as I hated the idea of killing anyone ever.
“The thing is,” I said slowly, “Magic is going to want for the pattern to end the way it usually does. Magic doesn’t want a revolution, Magic wants a sweet happily ever after. And my guess is that it will assist us, if we arrange things the way it wants them.”
Joette shook her head. “It will never work. There are too many Godparents staying close by for us to have a chance at trying to do things the way Magic prefers.”
“Not if there’s a distraction,” Dallan said. He’d been training with Gabriel, since they were closer in size than any other pairing. I realized with mild dismay that he was even more handsome tousled and sweaty like this. It was unfair. I knew my hair was sticking to my face, which was probably an interesting shade of violet from exertion.
Charming.
“What sort of distraction?” Isolde asked warily.
Dallan wiped his hands off on his tunic. “Astraea and I can call a full meeting of Fairy Godparents. It’s within our rights to do so whenever we need.”
“With what excuse?” I asked curiously.
“Your death, of course,” Dallan said casually.
“Nice,” Bella whispered.
“Every Godparent will be required to attend,” Dallan continued. “We will keep them all as long as we can. Astraea has a particular gift for setting fairies off on one of those subjects no one can agree on—you know, like fair wages for Brownies or whether or not fairies should be allowed to have pets.”
I snorted involuntarily. I had seen fairies argue over either of those topics for hours on end. They were the sorts of things fairies got heated over.
“How about the tax cuts for the winged?” I suggested. That was a particularly touchy subject for my family. They, naturally, believed that winged fairies should be tax exempt. Because they were obviously deserving. They had wings, after all.
He grinned. The expression was startling. It lit his entire face up. There was not a trace of his usual shyness in sight. I liked seeing him like this.
“That’s a great idea,” he agreed. “I’ll have to suggest it to Astraea.”
“So, once the Fairy Godparents are distracted, what then?” Diedre demanded. “We still have a castle full of soldiers who have been perfectly willing to kill our kind in the past.”
Dallan nodded at me. “Grace will do her thing with Magic. She’ll explain everything and it will be pushing around all the players towards the correct ending.”
I nodded. Inwardly I cringed at the thought that I wouldn’t be able to follow through with Dallan’s promises.
“We need a hero,” I said. “The tale needs a hero that can prove what has been happening here. He will need to have proof, like branches from the trees.”
Caroline wrinkled her nose. “Does it have to be a man? We always had a High Priestess in our order, not a king.”
“Once Magic is appeased, you can go back to how it used to be done here,” I promised. “It would help if the man was willing to marry one of you. That is Magic’s favorite part of the whole sequence. Magic can be extremely romantic.”
I was surprised to see that everyone was just accepting what I said. No one asked me what I was talking about or tried to argue that I didn’t know what I was saying. It was nice and a little bit terrifying to be around people who listened to me.
“I’ll do it,” Gabriel volunteered. “Since you said it was what drew me to Orionis in the first place. Maybe Magic will be on our side if it’s someone it already picked out.”
“Who would you marry?” I asked curiously.
He glanced towards Leigh and her heart-shaped face turned scarlet. She didn’t appear able to speak, but she nodded her head vigorously.
A love match, then. Good. Magic would be drawn to that. It would help get Magic on our side. It liked worthy lovers to find joy together.
Dallan shot me a look that said, “Will that help?”
I nodded slightly.
“Be safe,” I whispered, standing on tiptoe to reach Dallan’s ear.
He kissed my cheek. “I’ll be safer than the rest of you,” he said. He pulled back so I could see the way his eyebrows folded together. “What will you do, if it all goes wrong?”
“Fight,” I said immediately. “It’s the only thing we can do. The Bellatrices will be armed to the teeth under their pretty dresses, and so will I. I hope it won’t be necessary.”
“It will be fine,” Dallan said, his voice far more certain than I knew mine was. “Magic loves you. It will do whatever you ask.”
I wrinkled my nose at him. “Liar,” I teased.
Dallan shook his head and kissed my nose. “Which one of us sees you more clearly, Grace? I hope one day you will know your true worth.”
Agape nickered in agreement and nudged me from behind. He would carry Dallan to the council buildings, where they would call for the gathering.”
Tonight, we all hoped, would be the last night of dancing. In the morning, with the Fairy Godparents occupied, we would make our move.
May Magic work for our good.
“Trust your instincts,” Dallan said, pressing his forehead against mine.
Agape nudged me again, firmer this time.
I turned to him and gave him a good scratching underneath his mane. His lower lip wobbled in relaxed appreciation.
“You take good care of the two of you,” I told the longma. “Be as scary as you need to be, just be safe.”
Agape’s eyes flickered briefly with green flame. I had never seen him in what was called his ‘unfurled’ state, but I had no doubts it was terrifying. In appearance he was half skeletal horse, half dragon, with a thick curling mane and the lashing tail of a reptile.
The idea that he could appear more terrifying was an impressive thought.
Personality-wise, he fit his name. He was loving and good to all who knew him. He was particularly fond of Astraea, which I thought was fitting. She appeared lovely and delicate, but she was fierce and literally Justice. Agape looked dangerous and frightening, but he was everything lovely and good.
I hugged him around the neck and gave him a good scratch under his forelock. He rubbed his head up and
down against my fingers.
Dallan came up behind me and kissed the crown of my head. “We should go. Are you going to go watch the last dance?”
I nodded. “Yes. I can’t abandon them now. It will let me gather the last bits of evidence we need for the spell to be completed properly tomorrow.”
“Be safe,” Dallan said, throwing my own words back at me. “You have back-up here, with Flit and the Bellatrices. The rest of us are behind you, too. Your relationship with Magic is a gift. I have no doubts at all.”
“Don’t you?” I murmured.
He smiled and shook his head.
He kissed me quickly. I could have handled a longer interlude, but time was pressing on us from every direction now.
One more night, I told myself as I watched the pair disappear into the shadows of the trees. One more dance. One more night before the betrayers would fall and everything would be set to rights.
We just had to make it through one more night.
I gathered my evidence carefully as I followed the Bellatrices down the path. We were all on edge tonight, determined not to give any sign that anything had changed.
The only sign I had that Dallan had done his part was that there appeared to be fewer Fairy Godparents watching the dancers than usual. Even those that appeared at an early hour left before the music was over.
I hoped that was a good sign.
I trusted Dallan.
Now I needed to find that level of trust in myself.
I sat in the shadows outside the pavilion, in the deepest dark I could find. There were no nighttime sounds here, nothing other than the faint orchestral dance music on the pavilion. No crickets. No nighttime birds and screaming night animals.
It was a muted, muffled… stagnant-feeling darkness.
I reached towards Magic. As it had been, ever since I’d come to Orionis, it felt as if there were thick sticky layers between us. We could push through, but it wasn’t the usual friendly contact I’d had elsewhere.
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