by Helen Rolfe
They sat next to each other on the log, sipping at their beers, Alex laughing every time there was a noise and Audrey almost leapt out of her skin. She didn’t know what she was imagining, they were totally alone – even dog walkers weren’t going to come out here at this time.
They got talking about camping, being out in the middle of nowhere. Alex had been as a kid plenty of times; he couldn’t believe Audrey never had.
‘Mum was never keen,’ she admitted. ‘Dad would be though.’
‘Yeah? What’s he like?’
Audrey told Alex all about her dad, his new life, the photographs he sent and the stories he told from the other side of the world. ‘His whole life is like one big adventure.’ An adventure she’d no longer be a part of, it seemed.
Alex cracked open another beer but Audrey was still working on her first. She took another gulp, not wanting to seem boring.
They talked more about school, laughing at some of their teachers’ efforts to make their lessons interesting. ‘It’s as though they think if they dress it up enough,’ said Alex, ‘chemistry will become this really interesting subject all of a sudden. Do you think they’re waiting for us to have a light bulb moment and suddenly declare we love it?’
Audrey laughed. He was good company as she’d known he would be, but when she glanced at her watch, she realised they’d been talking away for so long that her time was nearly up. It was marching on towards eleven o’clock but before she could mention it, Alex pulled her to her feet. ‘Look up,’ he smiled.
She tipped her head back and sure enough, a sliver of moon had crept out from its hiding place and in a sky peppered with stars in the gap right above them, it was as though it were their own private display, a slice of magic nobody else could see. ‘Wow,’ she breathed, not feeling the cold at all.
When she turned to look at him she almost stumbled back because his face drew close and all of a sudden he was kissing her.
Audrey didn’t think it was possible for another person to feel this good. The only boy she’d ever kissed was at a Halloween party when she was ten. And that had only been a peck on the lips, nothing on this level. Alex had the softest lips, even with a hint of stubble grazing her chin every now and then as their mouths explored and grasped at something new. His hand that wasn’t holding the beer made her shiver when it sneaked beneath her hair and pulled her closer. She wanted to put her arms around him but didn’t know what to do with her own bottle.
And then he was kissing her with an urgency she wasn’t sure about. His mouth left her lips, moved down her neck and across just below her ear lobe and he was making noises of pleasure that gave off a warning sign she couldn’t ignore. She thought she might have said his name, she wasn’t sure, but in the next moment she heard a smash and realised she’d dropped her beer. It had hit a piece of rock and shattered everywhere, the broken fragments glinting in the light of the moon.
‘What’s wrong?’ he asked, grabbing her arm, and she pulled away angrily. He held up his hands. ‘I just didn’t want you to stand on the glass.’
‘I…I…’ This was embarrassing. She’d reacted as though he was pushing her around when he was only trying to help. What could she say now? She’d made a total idiot of herself. He was popular, she was new to the school. Was he expecting something to happen, something more than a kiss?
He kept saying her name but every time he got closer she pulled away. ‘I have to go home.’ She started to run.
‘Audrey, wait!’ His voice came after her. ‘Audrey…’
But his voice faded because she was moving fast, weaving in and out of trees, getting as far away from trouble as she could.
But whatever way she turned, she couldn’t find her way out. She came up to one thicket after another, faced with a maze of woodland that would pose a challenge in the day never mind at night.
Audrey would’ve given anything right now to be home at Gran’s house, tucked up in her nice warm bed.
Instead, here she was, out in the elements and she didn’t know what to do.
Chapter Seven
Veronica
After Audrey went out, Veronica had shut the front door to her home and for the first time in a long while, the walls held a peculiar silence she wasn’t used to anymore. She’d soon put the radio on for some company and revelled in some Christmas carols, something else she’d missed experiencing but had slowly begun to enjoy again with Layla playing so many on the piano.
Veronica was glad Sam was spending the night away. It might give both her and Audrey a chance to get a bit of perspective after their confrontation earlier. Sam could let her hair down at the wedding, Audrey could have a good time with her with friends, and perhaps when Sam came back to Mapleberry tomorrow afternoon they could both be rational. And it was time Audrey learned a few home truths about her own father. Veronica would’ve told her some earlier if she’d thought it would help. But she hadn’t wanted to interfere. She’d got most of her family back and this time she’d do anything not to let it go.
She added another log to the fire. It was really getting cold and although she couldn’t wait for the snow, despite the few flakes earlier, she was thankful it wasn’t forecast just yet. Sam had to drive home tomorrow, Audrey was out for the evening – she only wanted snow when she knew everyone was safe.
The fire crackled away and although Claude didn’t quite understand boundaries when she tried to knit, he was getting the hang of it. Every time he swiped for the wool she removed him from the arm of the chair and gave him a stray piece to play with. She made good progress with Layla’s hat, making the pompom to go on top. But when there was a knock at the door and Layla’s little face peeked in at the window, she had to hide the hat and the wool away in her bag. ‘Don’t even think about it,’ she warned Claude who had a crafty eye on the bag.
‘This is a lovely surprise.’ She hadn’t expected her little visitor today. Although Charlie didn’t look too relaxed. ‘You all right?’
‘Stressed. Here’s the thing: Bea has the flu and she can’t have Layla this evening. I’m on a half night shift, last one before my Christmas break, and I can’t find anyone to swap with me.’
‘Say no more – in you come, Layla.’
‘I didn’t want to ask. I can collect her in the early hours if needs be.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous, all night is fine by me. Layla can have Sam’s bed – she’s staying over at the wedding venue and won’t be back until lunchtime tomorrow.’
Charlie smiled. ‘So she is, she did mention it, but in my panic I totally forgot. But even so, are you totally sure?’
‘You ask me that every time, and every time I tell you the answer is “yes”.’
‘I don’t really know how to repay you. You’re a life-saver. It was either this or I volunteer to swap tonight for Christmas.’
‘No, you’re not doing that. Now go and get Layla’s things and drop them over. Everyone’s out anyway and I’m already lonely. Claude doesn’t say much.’ Layla sniggered.
His face relaxed into a smile. ‘You’re used to having company.’
‘It didn’t take long to change my ways,’ she agreed.
Charlie was there and back in no time; all the child really needed were some pyjamas and a toothbrush and the teddy bear she slept with every night and she’d be fine.
‘Well, this is an adventure, Layla.’ Veronica took out a portion of frozen Bolognese. ‘I’ll boil up some pasta and we’ll have this for tea. I was only going to have a sandwich but a growing child like you needs more than that. Now, what pasta do you like? We have spaghetti, rigatoni, tagliatelle or penne.’
‘Spaghetti!’ Layla said excitedly. ‘That one’s the most fun.’
‘And the messiest.’
‘Can I practice my piano?’
‘Off you go, this will take twenty minutes or so.’ She switched off the radio and the silence that had made her uncomfortable a short while ago was gone, and Veronica couldn’t be sorry. Layla was going to impr
ess her dad with these carols come Christmas Eve, she was sure of it. They’d kept it a secret for so long, quite how they’d managed she’d never know, but they had and it was going to be the best gift for Charlie.
Veronica and Layla shared dinner and conversation before settling in front of a Christmas movie with nothing but each other and the Christmas lights for company. And Claude of course.
When Layla yawned yet again, Veronica suggested she get ready for bed. ‘Come on, do your teeth and get into those pyjamas while I get your bed ready for you,’ she said, leading the way.
‘Do you think my daddy will ask your Sam on a date?’ Layla suddenly asked.
Veronica laughed at the direct question as they reached the top of the stairs. ‘Would you mind if he did?’
‘Of course not, I want it to happen.’ She gasped and covered her mouth. ‘Do you think it won’t come true now? I wasn’t supposed to say it out loud.’
‘I wouldn’t worry about that. The wish made its way up to the North Pole plenty of time ago – I’m sure it’s being dealt with by Father Christmas and all his helpers.’
‘Do you really think so?’
‘I know so.’
While Layla did her teeth, Veronica tugged the sheets from Sam’s bed and as she did so, something colourful dropped out from beneath them. It took her a moment to realise what it was: the teddy bear she’d given her years ago, the bear Audrey had mentioned being on Sam’s wardrobe. Veronica had known she had it after Audrey told her, but she hadn’t figured on Sam keeping it with her for sleeping. And something tugged at her, the childhood Sam had missed because of her, the girl who’d been happy-go-lucky at one time but not after Veronica became really bad. She bit back a sob when she heard Layla coming in. She only hoped Sam got some comfort from the bear; it’s what she’d always intended when she gave it to her.
‘Check?’ Layla asked, opening her mouth for inspection.
‘I believe you,’ Veronica smiled. ‘I don’t need to check.’
‘Daddy sometimes gets me to use those funny red tablets that leave marks on your teeth.’
‘I remember Sam bringing some of those home from school too. She thought they were a lot of fun – she’d chew them without cleaning her teeth just to shock me.’ It was funny the little things you remembered. They seemed insignificant at the time but it was those fragments of the past that made up the life you once knew. And when you no longer had that life, you’d give anything to piece together those seemingly unimportant occurrences that could give you back a sense of identity.
Veronica put Sam’s teddy on the shelf against one wall and once Layla had arranged her favourite teddy to one side of the bed so she could climb in, she offered to read to Layla.
Layla smiled. Perfectly capable of reading on her own, she said, ‘You can read ten pages. Then I’ll take it from there.’
Trying not to smirk, Veronica perched next to her and opened Jacqueline Wilson’s Dancing the Charleston. And when she’d read her quota – probably three times what Layla suggested, but she wouldn’t let her stop, she left Layla to enjoy more of the story.
‘Lights out by nine,’ she called behind her. ‘I’ll come up again to tuck you in.’
Veronica made a cup of tea, and logged onto Facebook to see if any of her new friends were around. She’d grown accustomed to their banter, there was never big news, but it was good to talk and in a way much easier than on the telephone or in person. It was as though you were able to show a little more of yourself through your words. She couldn’t remember having this kind of kinship since her nursing days and the connections were blossoming more every day.
There was already a message waiting for her from Morris, thanking her for the Christmas wreath. ‘It’s been a long time since anyone gave me anything quite so thoughtful,’ he told her. ‘You get to my age and you feel invisible.’ Veronica told him he was being melodramatic and he liked that she’d called him out on it; he said she challenged him. It wasn’t long before their banter turned a little more personal.
Morris: I need you to help me understand something, Veronica.
Veronica: I’ll do my best.
Morris: I’ve lived in this house for four and a half years. I go to the village high street, I’ve drunk in the pub on occasion when my son comes to visit, I’ve taken my grandson to the play park, which I understand (from my conversation with your beautiful granddaughter when she delivered the wreath) is opposite your home. So why then, have I never seen you? I recognised June from her photograph, Bridget too, but as much as I look at your picture I just can’t place you. I know I’ve never met you before.
On the computer she could be anybody she liked, she could pretend, she didn’t have to be the crazy lady from number nine. Except she wouldn’t lie, not to Morris, already she thought too much of him to do that. They had a lovely group with June and Bridget, but already she felt a special connection with Morris who took their chats into the messages section rather than in the group. Veronica felt like a modern woman with these talks. Was she online dating? It certainly felt like it, especially when she felt this uncomfortable with the conversation.
Veronica: How do you know we’ve never met before? You could’ve passed me in the street any number of times.
Morris: I know I haven’t, I’d remember you…
Veronica: Flattery will get you nowhere, Morris.
Morris: Neither will avoiding my question.
Veronica shut the laptop. Enough for tonight. Her heart was thumping and it reminded her of the times she’d launched into a full-scale panic attack, and that certainly wasn’t on tonight’s agenda.
She left the laptop closed for a good thirty minutes, enough time to go and tell Layla she should pop her light off now. She tucked her in, promised she could play the piano in the morning although not too early if Audrey needed a lie-in.
She looked at her watch. Audrey should be home soon, so she didn’t have too much longer to wait up. Sam probably didn’t remember but she’d always waited up for her too. Sometimes Sam had stayed out until three or four in the morning and Veronica had never got a wink of sleep until she heard the key in the lock, the footsteps on the stairs and seen the strip of light from the bathroom run under the door to her bedroom. Only then had she turned over in bed and gone to sleep.
Veronica looked at her laptop, sitting innocently on the table as though teasing her to open it and answer Morris’s question. He’d probably given up and was watching television instead by now, so she braved typing a response. She could send it now, let him mull over what he thought and she’d face his response in the morning.
She took a deep breath. Morris, June and Bridget had told her things in confidence, a trust had developed between them all, and yet Veronica still hadn’t managed to bring her problem out into the open.
But perhaps she could now tackle this hurdle with the help of Morris’s kindness, which she felt even through a screen, running through wires or however it was the internet connected these days.
She stretched her fingers the way she did before playing the piano, and typed…
Veronica: You won’t have seen me since you moved to Mapleberry because I don’t leave my house. I haven’t left my house in five years.
There, she’d told him. Hands rested in her lap after she pressed the return key. She felt good now it was out there. Another person knew. Audrey talking about agoraphobia, giving it a name when she first realised her Gran had a problem, had been like a slap in the face, but a much-needed one. And telling Morris now, it was another step she’d taken. Quite in what direction she wasn’t sure yet.
She was about to close the laptop for the night when the funny sound came as he sent a reply…
Morris: I knew it … if we’d have bumped into one another we’d both remember … we’d have ended up in the café or the pub, talking nineteen to the dozen, we’d have gone for a walk for hours, getting home long after dark…
Veronica: You’ve been reading too many romance novels�
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Morris: I can’t deny it, they’re my guilty pleasure. Tell me this, Veronica from number nine, why don’t you venture out? Mapleberry is a beautiful village, especially in the winter, the big tree on the field all lit up and waiting for people like us to mark another Christmas. You’re missing out…
Veronica: I know I am. And the reasons for my agoraphobia are lengthy. I won’t bore you with them all this late at night.
Morris: Bore away, happy to listen/read. But pause a second, I’m going to need a nightcap first … nice strong whiskey should do it. Get yourself one, I’ve a feeling we’ll need it…
Was this what online flirting was like? Veronica decided she quite liked it! With a giggle that belied her age, she popped the kettle on to make a camomile tea. Anything too strong would have her awake until all hours.
She settled back down with her cup, and when he told her to ‘fire away’ – she could imagine him sipping his whiskey as he took everything in – she poured out the whole story.
When she’d finally finished and her wrists ached from all the typing, she discarded the remains of her tea that had gone cold. But she caught sight of the clock as she did so. Audrey was ten minutes past her curfew now, and she was starting to worry. She almost sent her a message but held back. Ten minutes wasn’t a big deal, was it? She’d probably got carried away chatting to her friends, but her concern had her peeking out of the shutters in the lounge all the same, to see if there was any sign of Audrey. She’d assured her gran she wouldn’t walk home on her own so Veronica had visions of this Alex escorting her home and if she was lucky, she’d catch a glimpse of him.
Veronica did her best to relax and it helped that Morris had already sent another message by the time she got back to her laptop. He told her everyone had their issues, this was hers, and he added in one of those funny GIF moving pictures Audrey had shown her on here, of a teddy bear doing a dance with the words ‘We got this’ above.
Veronica felt tears welling up. She’d kept herself isolated, cooped up for such a long time, missing out on so much. And all it had taken was a bit of time with a laptop to realise even if she never left this house again, she didn’t have to go through life alone – there were people out there willing to go above and beyond to have the friendships she wanted and needed.