“Tell me what happened,” he says, trailing his fingertips down the sides of my face.
So I do. I choke and sputter on the words, recounting the horrifying memories as they pop between my temples like bullets.
“Molly,” he repeats once I finish. “Like your family’s pub.”
I nod, swiping at my damp eyes. “Yes, we named it after her after...everything.”
“Babe, it’s not your fault that she was taken. You did what you could—”
“I could have done more. I watched her get raped. I watched them stick a needle in her arm. I watched them drag her into a car!”
“You couldn’t have taken on an armed group of men,” he says. “You never should have gone in there like that, not knowing what they might do to you if they had the chance.”
I melt into him as he strokes my quivering back. “I bet Conor would have saved her,” I say in a tearful voice.
“Bullshit,” Matteo grunts. “He’d have taken a bullet to the head for sure. Don’t ever fucking compare yourself to him!”
I shake my head. “He’d have had his gun. He could have defended himself. I had, what? Two shoes?”
“You managed to stab one of them.”
“It didn’t do Molly any good.”
“Did you ever find out why they targeted her?” he asks.
“Her father broke up a sex-trafficking ring they were running out of the Grand Canal Dock in Dublin. So they got revenge by taking his daughter.”
“What happened to her?”
I shrug. “She was never found. It keeps me up most nights, wondering what happened to her, where she went, if she’s still alive.” I sniff hard. “But as hard as everyone tried, we couldn’t find her. It’s like the earth swallowed her up.”
“I’m so sorry,” he whispers. “But that was a long time ago. You were only eighteen. You didn’t know how to—”
“But I should have!” I screech. “I tried so hard to do what was expected of me! To prove myself to my father! Ever since my mother died, I’ve done everything possible to have him put his faith in me as his successor. And when we were in Dublin, I’d found out he was going to choose Conor over me. It just made things that much worse that I’d let Molly get taken. After that, I figured my chances at leading the family were nil.”
“But that’s not how things turned out,” Matteo says. “You and Conor are on the same level. You have the same amount of power.”
“Yeah, well, after Molly was taken, things took a back burner and the decision ultimately was for both of us to support Dad. But ever since then, Conor has battled me, looking for a shot to take me out.” I let out a dry laugh. “I guess he finally figured out how. All he needed to do was kill a cartel lieutenant and boom! His competition gets married off, and the thorn in his side is removed.”
“Listen, for as much of a thorn as I think you are,” he says with a smile. “I don’t think Conor believed that killing Santos would rid you from his life. I think Conor is just an egotistical asshole with something to prove. He’s too stupid to do something that strategic. You give him more credit than he deserves.”
“I know it’s why my father never promoted me over him,” I muse. “He saw what I let happen.”
“Years ago,” Matteo reminds me. “You’ve come a long way since then.”
“And now he’s trying to get me out of his hair by arranging me to you.”
“I think we’ve proven more than a few times in the past couple of days that marrying me might not be as bad as you’d thought.” He grins, dropping his lips on my forehead.
“Yeah, well, I still have a past. And it’s still going to keep me from getting the future I want.”
“You have to trust me, Heaven,” Matteo says, placing his hands on my shoulders and looking deep into my eyes. “I’m going to protect you, just as I was instructed to do. And I’ll make sure you get everything you deserve.”
My shoulders slump, and I let out a sigh. “Sometimes when I think back on my life and what’s happened over the past few years, I wonder if I already have.”
“I know the past week and a half hasn’t been easy,” he says. “But things will work out. We just need to carry out the rest of the plan. You have to protect your family.”
“That was the only reason I agreed to this in the first place.”
Matteo’s hands run down the sides of my arms. “I know,” he murmurs.
“But I…” I swallow hard, clasping one of his hands. “I feel different now. This whole thing has become more than just obligation and orders.”
“For me, too,” he whispers, his breath hot against my cheek. “You’re not just payment of a debt, Heaven. I want you to know that.”
“It doesn’t mean I’m giving up my dreams or goals,” I say as he gently lays me down on the mattress.
“No.” He shakes his head, angling himself over me, a look of intensity shadowing his features. He opens my legs with his knee, the head of his cock grazing my pussy. With a throbbing pulse, I lick the palm of my hand and grasp the thick shaft, long strokes massaging his length.
“But it does mean I’m falling in love with you,” I whisper, the fingers on my free hand grazing the side of his face.
“I’m falling in love with you, too, Heaven,” he murmurs, a smile lifting his lips. It’s a vision that actually makes my heart flutter in my chest. It’s not often that he smiles…I mean, really smiles, like he means it. I’ve seen hints of it here and there, but nothing like this. “And I’ll take care of everything…of you. Always.”
I nod, tears stinging my eyes. They had been sad ones, tormented ones. Now, they are hopeful for the future.
Our future.
The one in which I was ordered to participate.
And it’s now the one I freely accept.
Matteo lets out a moan as I drag my hand up and down his length. “God, you’re so fucking good at that.”
I smile up at him, rubbing him harder, my fingers alternating between his cock and his balls. I knead them as I lift my hips, his swollen head meeting my slick opening. “Make love to me, Matteo,” I whisper.
A tiny yelp escapes my lips as he presses into me, his massive cock stretching me wide. It burns in such a good way, igniting the flames of desire that pool in my core. Last night, he gave me what I needed. The pain of his hand smacking my ass, over and over with increasing intensity, distracted me from the emotional anguish that has plagued me for the better part of the last month. It came to a head yesterday with that altercation with Conor and the carnal lust that stirred deep in my gut was unleashed, along with all of the agony that accompanied it…the ever-present belief that I’d never be enough, that I’d never get what I want and deserve, that I’m weak.
Matteo knew just how to make those beliefs dissipate, even if only for a little while.
I have a feeling he has ways of making them disappear for a longer time…deviant therapy tactics that can make me forget for longer.
And maybe even heal me in the process.
I’ll bet that secret room of his downstairs can be very therapeutic for me. He’s never told me it’s there, but I’ve taken a few peeks and I’m thinking he might need to take me on a tour very soon.
He thrusts into me with long, hard strokes…plunging so deep, it makes me cry out with need. Each push makes me clench my legs tighter around him, keeping him burrowed inside of my wet heat. But he knows what I want, and he drags his hard cock out of my pussy, grazing my clit, and then my spot, with each push back in. The sensations coursing through me paralyze my body. I don’t want to move, breathe, or even blink because he feels so good. My body writhes under him as his cock glides against my spot, slowly and methodically. I tremble against him, lancing the flesh on his back with my fingernails. Tingles shoot out from my core to the ends of my fingers, curling my toes as screams of pleasure bubble up in my chest and erupt out of my mouth. I bury my face in his shoulder, my pussy clenching tight around him as I drive my hips against his. My eyes
squeeze shut, my teeth are clenched tight, and bright white light flashes across my eyes in the midst of the darkness blanketing the room.
The orgasm shocks my system, sizzling every nerve ending from the top of my head to the tops of my toes. It rages through me, ravaging my whole body, mind, and soul until I succumb to the bliss flooding my insides.
And my God, I feel more alive than I ever thought possible.
Because of a man whom I was ordered to marry.
A man whom I hated because of all he took from me.
A man I was convinced I’d hate forever.
Matteo drops next to me on the bed with a contented sigh, laying his head right next to mine. He drapes a muscular arm over me. “Ahnuhbooh,” he murmurs, his face buried in the plush pillow.
I drop a kiss onto his shoulder. “I love you, too,” I whisper, letting my eyes float closed.
And suddenly, I can breathe again.
Chapter Sixteen
Matteo
I’m getting married today.
And I’m actually happy about it.
Who in the fuck would have thought that would have ever happened?
A smile tugs at my lips as I recline against the leather seat in the back of Roman’s Bugatti. He’s driving, Dante is in the passenger seat, and Sergio is on my right in the backseat. My brothers flew in last night from various locations — Sergio from Las Vegas, and as usual, because of his secret assassin lifestyle, Dante kept us guessing about where he’d been before flying into JFK International Airport.
My brothers had every intention of keeping me occupied on my last night as a bachelor, although distracting them with a pop-up sex party in the West Village was a much better option, in my opinion. It kept my lap free from naked dancers and gave them the time of their lives.
Ever since I took Heaven to the club a week ago, we’d spent pretty much every waking hour together — in the gym, out at restaurants, shopping, wandering around her old digs to make sure all businesses were again running smoothly. There was only one two-hour period when she broke away from me, and that was to try on her mother’s wedding dress with her Aunt Maura.
Declan was in meetings all day around the city, so I didn’t get a chance to corner him about Conor. And to be honest, I don’t think I need to waste my time. Soon enough, Conor will be handled and out of our hair. Heaven didn’t go to her father about that standoff, so as far as Declan knows, all is right in the Mulligan empire.
Until it’s not.
And that time is coming.
It’s the one thing that drags my lips down from their upward climb.
I have work to do and it needs to be done quickly…before someone decides to handle it for me.
I pull at my bowtie, that nagging little thought fast becoming tight as a noose around my neck.
“Nervous, bro?” Sergio quips, chugging from a bottle of Jack Daniel’s while we’re stopped at a light.
I lift an eyebrow. “So classy. No glasses?”
Sergio shrugs. “This whole thing is kind of lacking in class, yeah? I mean, you’re marrying into a mick family at this tiny little church, and then we’re eating at some Irish restaurant afterward where we’ll probably be drowning in corned beef, cabbage, and potatoes, and swimming in warm beer. We’re in Manhattan, for fuck’s sake! Why not the fucking Waldorf Astoria? Or The Plaza? It’s not like you can’t afford it. What the hell, Matty?”
I shrug. “Heaven wanted something small. Why does everything need to be larger than life for you, Serge?”
“Because why the fuck not?” He chuckles and takes another gulp. “When you’re rich, you just do that kind of impractical shit because you can and because people expect it.” He points the bottle at Roman. “I mean, look at Romo. He’s got this sick car. He doesn’t need it. He barely ever drives it, but he has it. Why? Because he can!”
“I don’t see what the big deal is,” Dante grunts, grabbing the bottle from Sergio. “If they wanted to keep it small, who the fuck are you to challenge them? And also, warm beer is Britain not Ireland, you dumbass.” He glares at Sergio and Sergio rolls his eyes.
“You always get like this after a job, you know that?” Sergio says. “Why can’t you be a happy assassin?”
“Maybe I’d be happy if you were the target.” Dante takes a long gulp of the liquor and hands it to me. I grasp the neck and down a long sip.
“Damn, Dante. That was cold, you fuck.” Sergio snickers. “Be careful or that dildo I stole from Matty’s party last night is going right up your ass later!”
I listen to my brothers banter until Roman pulls up to the front of the church. He looks at me in the rearview mirror. “Looks like a nice church. I mean, God don’t discriminate, yeah?”
“I sure as hell hope not,” I grumble. We pass around the bottle a few more times until it’s empty.
“When is Pop getting here?” Dante asks, rubbing the back of his neck. I know he’s not exactly anxious to see my father. They have a pretty rocky relationship since Dante isn’t the kind of order taker that my father wishes he was, and there’s always some battle brewing between them.
Seems like there will be a lot of those in the coming weeks.
“He’s going to call me when he arrives,” I say. I miss my mother terribly but right now, I’m glad she’s not here to see this…what I’ve done and what I’m about to do.
“You ready?” Sergio says, nudging me. “For that ball and chain to be wrapped tight around your ankle? I sure as hell hope this plan is worth it, Matty. You’ve got a lot riding on these ‘I dos.’”
“I know,” I mumble, hairs on the nape of my neck standing at attention.
“You sure you know what you’re doing?” Roman asks with a quirk of his brow.
I look from one brother to the next. For as long as I can remember, I assumed control over our family as the oldest is expected to do in our world. I learned my lesson the hard way and made sure to never let my judgment falter again. I like to think I’m still in control of it, even though seeds of doubt about this scheme have rooted and begun to sprout.
But now is not the time to come clean to my brothers about my feelings for Heaven and how I feel about the plan I so carefully concocted…how I’m panicked that when the shit hits the fan as it will most definitely will, it’s going to drive the woman I love away from me forever.
Because there is no way to avoid that.
Dante slaps me on the shoulder and I manage a smile. “It’s all good, guys. Come on, it’s about time.”
We all gather on the sidewalk, ready to go into the church when I furrow my brow. My phone…
“Romo, lemme have your keys. I think my phone slipped out of my pocket. I’ll call Pop and then meet you inside.” I grin at my brothers as Roman tosses me the keys. “Don’t wreak too much havoc in there, okay? They’re going to be my in-laws.”
I watch them jog up the stairs and disappear inside of the church. Part of me just wanted to keep my family out of this sham, but it’s good having them all here. I never like to say I need anyone, but right now?
I do.
I reach into the backseat for the phone and dial my father’s number.
“Hey, Pop,” I say when he answers. “You okay?”
“Yes, yes,” he says in his thick Italian accent. “I will be there in a few minutes.”
“Okay, good. I’ll be out here waiting.”
I hang up and look toward the tall spire swirling out of the top of the light gray stone building. I never thought I’d be standing here outside of a church, waiting to get married. A chill slips down my spine as I recall the last time I was in church.
It wasn’t a wedding, though. It was a funeral.
Joey’s funeral.
My throat tightens.
Joey was my younger cousin.
I let out a deep sigh as I lean back against Roman’s car.
Heaven isn’t the only one who has nightmares about her past.
It’s because of Joey that I’m here right now,
why I can never settle, why I am always pushing, planning, and controlling every last detail of my family’s organization. It’s because of him that I lost myself to begin with, something who tears me up inside to this day, knowledge I will take to my grave.
Admitting it would be weakness.
And weakness just doesn’t fit in with my strategy.
A long time ago, my head wasn’t screwed on straight. My father and I didn’t see eye to eye, and I was on a power trip gone awry. I wanted his attention and I got it, but it was the wrong kind of attention, and it had a godawful consequence.
He kept Joey under my wing. I think he figured it would calm me down, to be accountable for my cousin who needed a role model since his dad has been killed in a drive-by perpetuated by a rival family back in Italy. But I was too busy making a reputation for myself to be bothered.
He was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and he had called me for help.
I was neck-deep in an underground poker game with the dredge of the Earth, and with twenty grand in the hole, I had not a single shred patience for playing babysitter.
I stayed in my game.
He got in the middle of a gunfight.
I lost my fucking car.
He lost his fucking life.
I was stupid, arrogant, and toxic, if I’m being honest. My goal was to create a reputation for myself, a calling card, if you will. It was the only way to get my father to put his trust in me.
In the end, it had the exact opposite effect.
I’ve been trying to make up for it ever since by hovering over my brothers, making sure that they stick to our plans and not stray because I know what happens when you wander too far away from them.
I’ve built that reputation.
I’ve earned the trust.
And now…my throat tightens…I’m at risk for violating it yet again.
I should have complete control over this situation but I don’t.
I’m not the one calling the shots anymore.
But I need to figure out how to grab that damn bullhorn because like Sergio said, there’s a lot at stake.
The stress knot lodged at the base of my neck is so tight and it’s growing larger by the second.
Savage Ruler: A Dark Italian - Irish Mafia Arranged Marriage Romance (Sinfully Savage) Page 15