by Flynn Eire
“And I believe I’ve made it quite clear what I would do if anyone tried to take out someone with his and my gift,” Seneca reminded them darkly. “Have you found any you’ve ‘handled?’” He glanced around the room and then at Proximo who shook his head. “Good. If you find any, the same mandate stands. They are to be sent to one of the two Wyrok who have the gift, and we will train them . It is a powerful, needed gift.” He growled when people made disbelieving noises.
“Tell them how many zakasacs you killed,” Theo said as he stood. “Tell them what you admitted to me and my mate, Ellison.”
I glanced out at all the people, taking in their expressions and obvious stance on me, people with my gift, or the situation overall… And I didn’t like what I saw. I met Theo’s gaze. “No.”
“You don’t get the option of not answering us,” that same douche councilman demanded.
I ignored him and met Claudius’s curious gaze. “If the official stance of the Wyrok is you guys need to know so you get a grasp of how big the threat is and the growing numbers, that is a conversation I’m willing to have later, but the answer has no bearing on this inquisition, and the whole thing is muddy enough. If people would change their vote or voice in any of this because of what I can or can’t do, not what was or wasn’t done, then they’re not worthy of their vote.”
“Agreed,” he said after a few moments. “And yes, that is a conversation we should have later. No offense to Councilman Ashton, as his intentions were good, always are, but not everyone here would feel the same.”
“And we need to have a conversation about this continuing while I was handling an assignment when I specifically said he doesn’t answer a single question until I was here, Claudius,” Seneca said, a chill in his voice I felt even when it wasn’t directed at me.
Claudius swallowed loudly as he slowly nodded, and I had a feeling not much scared the guy. “I understand. I will say we’re spread incredibly thin, Seneca.”
“I understand, Claudius, but I handled it since I was there. You could have handled pushing things back until I landed at least.”
“Why does he need to be here?” that same douche demanded. I would have felt bad to refer to him as a douche, but it wasn’t like people were giving me names.
I wasn’t important enough to get them.
Several people gave the guy a look of you’re kidding, right? He had just been threatening to “handle” me, and he had the balls to ask why Seneca demanded being included.
“Hello, lovely,” Seneca greeted me as if all the others weren’t there, walking right up to me and giving me a kiss. “Answer only what you feel comfortable with. That was the deal, and if people don’t like it, I will adjust the error of their feelings.”
“Shit, get bossy with them some more because I’m hard as fucking nails,” I breathed in his ear, smiling when he swallowed loudly. It was true. Watching him handle them, show who was boss, flat did it for me, it seemed.
“Tell us what happened in Quebec in your words,” Claudius instructed once everyone was settled back down, Seneca standing not even two feet from me as I sat in the hot seat.
So I did. I told them all Falcon and I already had to those at our camp and in his testimony already. I also told him about the first time my gift had come out.
“A kid didn’t make it into the room we barricaded them in when there was an attack. It was the best room to do it, stone walls we fortified, no windows, no vents to crawl through like Aliens —nothing. One door in and out that we fucking plated with all kinds of metal, and I put another huge sheet we combined in front of it once everyone was secure. Falcon realized it was easier for him to hold it if he could pull it towards him to secure as opposed to pushing.
“When we realized it wasn’t over, after they came for the coven leader’s mate, we did that because we couldn’t fortify the whole estate and it was best to keep them together. We couldn’t fit everyone, and we had to prioritize. Especially since they had next to no weapons.”
“Makes sense,” Claudius muttered, jotting down notes even though everything was being recorded. “And the child?”
“A little boy, about five or six, that already lost his parents in one of the first attacks and in the chaos someone missed him. When he heard screams, he panicked, and instead of running to the room we’d showed them, he ran for the exit where I was since I was one of the few with one of the dozen guns we had, which was all we had. I was about the same distance from him as a zakasac was, but the boy was heading towards me.
“I raced to him, knowing I couldn’t fight with him. I jumped over him and into the zakasac , hoping to at least get a few shots close range to do the job and not waste the limited bullets we had. I was so, so angry at what little we had and how we were fish in a leaky fucking barrel for them to get. Next thing I know, the zakasac is screaming and I can feel her pain searing along my skin.”
“Your gift is painful?” Councilwoman Aberdeen asked, her eyes darting to someone else before looking back to me. “Always or that first time?”
I cleared my throat, glad Falcon wasn’t there to hear the details I’d kept from him. I was sure someone would say something, but hearing it firsthand was always harder. “Always. It’s always—I feel what I do to the person.”
“ Zakasacs aren’t people,” someone sneered.
I glanced around the room, not finding who it was, and shook my head in disgust. “If you think that, then you don’t know shit. Of course they’re people. They’re not bugs. They’re not livestock. Fuck, I couldn’t be that mean to livestock.” Whispers started, and I growled. “They are evil people, but they are people. They were once vampires. They’re not aliens. They were once you and me. Don’t forget that. I won’t because I feel the pain they do as they die.”
“What happened after your gift came out?” Claudius asked, waving others off.
I swallowed down a sob as I glanced down at my hands. “The boy wouldn’t come to me. He screamed and… He wouldn’t let me help him. I corralled him to where he needed to go, and once he was secured, I went to keep fighting.”
“And you used your gift to keep the coven safe? How many did you save?”
“Not enough,” I answered, knowing it wasn’t what he wanted. “I couldn’t control it or figure the trigger and got badly injured that first time. I took out two more before I couldn’t fight, shocked they didn’t get me when I passed out. They drank or killed enough or enough died so they retreated, or that was all that came that time. I don’t know. It was a big estate, and it wasn’t like I had a team or radios.
“All I know is more and more kept coming, and we had no help. I would call everyone. Apparently the number here changed, as is routine, and we didn’t know that. We called our council, and they said we were Canada’s problem. We called that council, and they’d say they’d call the warriors. We called the warriors, and they’d say to handle it ourselves and listen to the coven leader, which was our directive.
“They suggested we go find the nest and take out the source, but the coven leader went nuts after his mate was killed and said he’d shoot anyone who tried to leave her home after she gave the order to stay inside. He could not process she was gone and we had no help.” I sneered and raised my head to meet his gaze. “Except the help of whoever was covering it all up.”
“What do you mean?” he asked, searching my face.
I raised an eyebrow. “How do you explain weeks, months of attacks and not a single human got a hint of it. We were outside Quebec, not here where no one might never notice. It was a ritzy suburb. No humans were attacked in all of that? They came just for the coven and did no other damage in the year and a half they took out that coven? There were a few traitors working with the zakasacs inside the coven, but who was helping them outside to hide all of this?”
“Apparently one of the Midwest council members and two of the East Canada council members,” Proximo growled, stepping closer as he scanned the group. He barely gestured to the guilty cou
ncil members, and they were pulled out of the group by Basilia, Nero, and Morggyan.
Chaos broke out, and in a heartbeat Seneca was grabbing my arm as he pressed his lips to my ear. “Go to my room and lock the door. There are too many council guards here to keep track of, and this has escalated in a way we couldn’t foresee.”
I nodded, thinking they were a bit dense to not have seen it coming. Then again, this was all new and pretty shocking, whereas I’d had over a year to sit with it and look at every angle of it.
My shock came when I found Tadzio sitting out in the hallway with a large bottle of booze. He blinked up at me, and I kept walking.
“El, I’m sorry,” he called after me.
I froze, wanting to hear the words so, so much from him that my body completely forgot what I’d been doing. “Why?”
“Wait, why are you rushing off?” he worried as he stumbled next to me.
“Shit hit the fan, and Sen wants me somewhere secure,” I mumbled, not looking at him.
“Okay, let’s go. I can answer you once you’re safe.” He grabbed my arm, tucking the bottle in his back pocket and glancing around for any danger.
It was my turn to stumble, his actions throwing me. I couldn’t believe he gave a remote shit about me after my nasty comments and big mouth.
“They won’t look for you in my room,” he offered as we reached the warrior’s dorm elevator.
“Sen told me to go to his room,” I argued, hitting the button for the top floor. “And no offense, because I don’t think you’re trying to get me to your room for naked time, but I’m with Sen, so it’s not okay to go to your room.”
“Yeah, okay,” he agreed after a few beats. When the doors opened, he checked out the floor first and waved for me to go ahead.
I did except he didn’t leave once I got the door open. I didn’t go in, feeling weird letting my ex-boyfriend into my current boyfriend’s room with me. “Why are you sorry, Tadz?” I heard him swallow loudly as he moved closer, flinching when he sniffed my hair and stepping into the room. “Stop it. We’re not together.”
“I know, I just miss you,” he whispered, coming into the room too. I sat on the bed, and he watched me intently even as he stayed against the door once he closed it. “I’m sorry I never said it right. That I couldn’t get you to hear me. You—I never wanted you to think it was about your size.” He held up his hand when I opened my mouth to jump on him. “El, please , hear me this time, okay? Please? Don’t get pissed because I am a selfish idiot and hear this.”
I huffed and crossed my arms over my chest. “Fine.”
“You changed after you transitioned.” He searched my face when I didn’t chew him. “I loved you, El. I wouldn’t have cared if you grew six inches or six feet. Yes , I tend to be attracted to littler guys, but that’s not—that isn’t all I go for. It wasn’t your size that bothered me. You changed. Your personality, and it wasn’t you.” He let out a growl and scrubbed his hands over his head. “You started acting like a big guy.
“Like you thought you had to be the big man because you got big. You didn’t change because you really did, but were forcing yourself to be the stereotype. That’s what upset me. That’s what I tried to keep telling you. You went from sweet Ellison to this other person, and not because your personality really changed. I was trying to tell you that you didn’t have to change. There’s no big guy code of how we have to be.”
I stared at my hands as I processed what he said, finally giving a slow nod. “I can see that. I-I felt lost, and yeah, I could see it having been like that to you. Maybe part of it was. The other part was my trying to shield myself from heartbreak.” I wiped away a stray tear I didn’t want to shed. “You say my size wasn’t a factor, but it was, Tadz. You looked at me differently. You didn’t look as interested, that was for damn sure.”
“I don’t know,” he admitted after a few moments. “It honestly didn’t register with me. I was so thrown by the shift in your personality I barely wrapped my head around the rest. It was like you changed in an instant and my El was gone. The El I loved so much.”
“Bullshit,” I rasped, fisting my hands. “You loved me so much that I just got my first blow job from Sen? You were so in love with me that you never told anyone about me?”
“That’s not true,” he snapped. “My friends knew.” He nodded as I finally met his gaze. “My friends knew, El. I didn’t want us to go public because being with a pre-trans is a major no-no. I think the only reason I’ve not gotten nailed for it after the fact is we’ve got so much other shit going on. I’ve seen warriors lose their positions and jobs for being with a pre-trans. It’s a big deal.”
“You never said it like that,” I bitched, jumping to my feet. “You just always said no one could know, like I was a dirty secret.”
Anger filled his eyes when I looked at him. “I did explain it actually. Several times. Your temper tends to make you only hear insults, and I get that with you being an orphan maybe, but I didn’t even know you thought you were human until college until recently. So you weren’t all that forthcoming with the personal information, either. Which was why I wasn’t. I didn’t want to get my heart smashed if you changed after your transition.
“Which you did, so yeah, I thought it smart to try and keep things light. It didn’t work, and I fell in love. I loved you. I do love you, El.”
“Don’t. I’m with Sen,” I whispered, backing away when he looked like he was going to come towards me.
“And if you weren’t?”
“I’m not trying to jerk you around. I talked to Gilroy and told him Xana could tell you that. I’ve never had an ex-boyfriend before and—”
“I know. I know, El. I’m trying to get you back. I’m fighting for you like I should have back then.”
“But you didn’t ,” I snapped, wiping my eyes again. “And maybe I can forgive you one day for not being there when I needed you most, for letting your hurt feelings or whatever come before my safety as I begged you for help but—”
“But you still blame me for it all. That’s not fair, El!”
“No, not blame you. It wasn’t all on you, but I don’t know if I could ever forget it.” I let out a shaky breath. “I couldn’t trust you’d not be there for me when I needed you again. It wasn’t like you forgot a birthday or something, Tadz. You have no idea what we went through. How could I ever get past that?”
“You could if Seneca wasn’t in the picture,” he bitched.
“No, Sen has nothing to do with this.” I shook my head as I paced around the room, wishing it was bigger so there was more space between us. “I told Gilroy if I was worried about you, not able to get in touch with you, the devil himself wouldn’t have been able to stop me from getting to you and making sure you were okay. I don’t care if we were broken up or—”
“Not all of us are as perfect as you then,” he growled. “That doesn’t mean I didn’t love you.”
“No, you’re right, it doesn’t. It just means you loved yourself more. You’re selfish, Tadz, and I’m not even trying to say it as a dig. Maybe you loved me as best as you could, as you’re able, but I deserve someone who would move heaven and earth to protect me, be there for me because that’s what I’d do. And that’s Sen for me. I’m sorry it hurts you, but I moved on while I was gone. Yeah, I couldn’t be with someone, but my heart moved on—”
“So it’s about you hurting me? Your gift? You’re with him because you can’t hurt him?”
“No, it’s the reason I can touch him, though.”
The door swung open, and I jumped, seeing Tadz did as well when Sen stepped into the room. “Okay, I can’t keep just listening from out in the hall. What does that mean?” He looked like I’d bitch slapped him a few times, and I scrubbed my hands over my head.
“Tadz, I wouldn’t be with you right now if there was no Sen or I had a different gift. My heart has moved on, okay? It’s over .”
“Fine, but answer the rest.”
I growled, hati
ng they were making me spell this out. I met Sen’s worried gaze. “You’re safe for me to touch. I wouldn’t ever risk touching someone otherwise, especially with how I feel about you. I wouldn’t risk it. I’m not with you because we’re immune to each other, but because we are, it’s the only reason I could risk getting involved.” They still didn’t seem to get it, and I sighed. “I’m willing to risk my heart getting smashed again because I like you so much.
“But I don’t have to risk killing you. If you weren’t immune, I wouldn’t go near you, ever. I wouldn’t go near anyone ever. I’m too dangerous. I’m not with you because you’re immune, because there’s still a risk being with you, it’s just all about me getting hurt instead of a risk to you.”
“Lovely, I’m still risking a lot too,” he assured me, the hurt look leaving as he finally understood. He stepped towards me but then stopped and shot Tadzio a side look. “I warned you what I’d do if you upset him.”
“Sen, don’t,” I murmured, getting another hurt look as I moved to him. “We needed to hash this out. It was better to settle this and—”
“How is this settled? ” Tadzio argued, grabbing my arm and spinning me to him. “I still don’t get why you changed. The first time. I mean, I get it after this assignment, you went through fucking hell, but why did you change first? I didn’t—”
“I don’t know,” I cut in, seeing how upset he was. “I don’t know, Tadz. I didn’t think I did. I mean, I felt rejected and tried to hold it together. If I came off another way or I hurt you, then I’m sorry too. Thank you for making sure I understood it wasn’t about my physical changes, but too much has happened. I moved on. You should too.”
“I started to,” he rasped, letting me go. “I thought I had, but then you came back, and all you went through, it was all my fault.”
“No, not all your fault,” I sighed, letting him off on that when I saw how the guilt had eaten him. “You were one piece in a bigger, evil picture. I get how you couldn’t have fathomed anyone would pull something so horrible. You believe in the chain of command and honor, that others are honorable. I’ve seen too much of them not being honorable where I doubted from the beginning. I’ll forgive you, Tadz. I just need more time.”