“I’m sure your friends in Whitehall will be anxious to hear your version of events,” Steven said.” You’ll probably get a Knighthood, CBE, DVD, VDO or something. Services to the Crown and all that.”
With a look of understanding, Rupert stared up at Steven. “I know more about you now Steven. It is really tough at the sharp end and a dark sense of humour helps you handle things better by making light of it. I can see that now.”
“Rupert on the road to enlightenment. Amazing. But back to business.,” Steven said. “When I write my report, I’ll confirm your conduct complied with what Britain expects of an officer and a gentleman. I hope your report confirms that Gunn and I did our part and the balance of our fees should be paid without delay. That is, if Gunn is being paid. Maybe she was just doing it for her country.”
Gunn looked in Steven’s direction but gave nothing away.
“I will,” Rupert advised.
“Thanks,” Steven said, and winked at his ex-commanding officer.
“It’s so unfair,” Rupert said, almost in a whisper. “What?” Steven asked.
“That you’re straight.”
“A bit of a bummer I know, but I wasn’t cut out for it,” Steven said with a grin. “So it’s bye bye, cheerio and pip pip for good probably. Not being high on your social register, I doubt if we’ll see each other again. Don’t do anything you wouldn’t do at public school.”
“Bitch,” Rupert said under his breath.
Realising it was probably their last farewell, Rupert gave a friendly wave, his demeanour almost sad for a moment. An ambulance arrived and two young paramedics placed Rupert on a stretcher and wheeled him away.
[*] Education standards are so low in Thailand, degrees obtained within the country are not usually recognised elsewhere in the world.
[**] Plebeian: A member of the working classes in ancient Rome.
98
Alone
When the lift reached the next floor up, the bellboy led Steven and Gunn to a different room than before. “I thought we were booked into the same room as last time,” Steven said in a questioning tone.
“You are,” Gunn replied. “This is my room.” “So that’s the end of our little romance,” Steven said, quietly.
“Job finish now. Only need to file reports and get paid. The official stuff takes place in Bangkok over the next few days. I booked a flight through the receptionist for tomorrow. Not too early though, thought you’d prefer a lie in after our little trekking holiday.”
Gunn shook Steven’s hand in a formal way.
“So you were just on the job for money”.
“Possibly,” Gunn replied.
“So what was all that about when we hugged in the middle of the road this morning?” Steven asked. “Momentary weakness on my part,” Gunn replied. “Post traumatic shock, probably.”
“Oriental people could act as if they had never seen you before,” Steven thought as he walked along the hotel corridor to the room he had previously shared with Gunn. “In fact women anywhere seemed to have that ability,” his thoughts added.
Steven half expected Gunn to knock on his door that night for some energetic sex, but she didn’t. He had not really thought she would, but his pheromones were still disappointed.
99
Planes, No Boats orTrains
The following day, the short flight to Bangkok from Chiang Mai was uneventful. During the hour or so it took to reach Thailand’s capital city, Steven recalled the flight home following his first love on the island of Guernsey, at the age of sixteen. Having lost his virginity to a sweet young fourteenyear-old - who he had found working at the perfume counter of a department store, at a time when the age of 14 was considered adult - the end of that affair was similar to the way he was feeling now. Albeit, real men were not supposed to have feelings.
Gunn was there but not there, the intimacy they had previously shared, now absent.
What an actress, Steven had reflected. Was it just Thai women who could turn their emotions on or off so easily, or just women in general? But back to the big city, at least farangs didn’t have to be lonely there. Whatever your taste, Bangkok would be happy to supply it. With a smile on its face. Subject to the client having the requisite quantity of cash of course!
100
Trains, No Boats or Planes
“I’m taking the train to the city centre,” Steven told Gunn as they walked across the tarmac at Don Muang’s domestic terminal.
Gunn failed to reply.
“It’ll avoid being stuck in traffic in Bangkok’s transportation nightmare. It’s almost lunchtime and people are still trying to get to work. The train is slow, but it’s still faster than going by road.”
Gunn finally responded. “OK,” she said, and accompanied Steven along the narrow pedestrian bridge leading across the highway to the single-track railway station.
101
More Snakes
The train was crowded with villagers from the North East carrying their goods to markets in Bangkok. Huge plastic bags of clothing run up by hand or sewing machine; cases of hand-carved wooden ornaments; silk flowers; vegetable produce in large wicker baskets; various forms of animal life in tiny cages - chickens, guinea pigs, a baby pig, and fish and frogs in buckets - it was business as usual.
One girl carried a poisonous snake in a net, hoping to sell it before the snail’s-pace train reached its destination. She failed in her snake selling enterprise, but the serpent would be off-loaded for cash as soon as she arrived. Snake blood was popular amongst the Chinese community everywhere in the world. Bangkok was no exception.
In the West, everyone on the train would not have been allowed on. That or arrested. At least their produce would not have been allowed on. The end result of every conceivable enterprise carried out in the mass of country communities where the majority of the population lived, Thai people and their traditional way of life was in many ways an example to the rest of the world. Such non-judgemental approaches to other people’s business would be a nonstarter on any Western rail system, and for certain no one would be allowed to carry a poisonous snake in a net. Such an event would bring the police and the press. On a Thai train, no one would blink an eye.
This system of capitalism in its purest form - where freedom was sacrosanct - dramatically opposed organisations such as the European Common Market. In Europe, subsidies were paid to already rich land owners not to grow anything! This helped keep prices high to the consumer! Add EEC legislation which regulated the roundness of tomatoes, the length of bananas and straightness of cucumbers, dumping all produce that did not fit, and Thailand was another world.
Despite the low-key chaos surrounding him, Steven felt at home. If the consortium of governments kept to their agreement and he was paid the balance of his fee, he would probably stay in Thailand. He had always loved Siam after seeing Yul Brynner in ‘The King and I’. He was only a kid at the time, but it had left an indelible emotional mark. He would definitely stay until he caught island fever and needed the contrast of some aggravation in his country of birth.
“ Arai?” What? Gunn interrupted Steven’s thoughts. “You were on another planet, I think. Probably thinking of me.”
“I’d have fucked anyone with a light brown skin after two years plus in the UK. Don’t let the Western side of your genetic make up fool you into thinking you’re more important than you actually are.” Steven paid Gunn back for her wet-fish attitude in Chiang Mai the previous day.
Steven’s ego had been satisfied, but he’d probably ruined any chance of continuing, let alone developing, his relationship with Gunn. However, in the Orient you never really knew anything for certain. So having won the latest round in the million-year battle between the sexes, he must surely have lost the girl. But clearly he had never had the girl, only her body. Albeit, her body had been well worth having.
102
An Abstract Farewell
Standing in the crowded railway station in Bangkok, the build
ing throbbing with commerce and life, Gunn shook Steven’s hand.
“I expect you’ve already made arrangements to meet up with Field Marshal Chang, liaise with the authorities and get paid. You did let it slip you are claiming a fee,” Steven said, knowing that women took care of most aspects of Siamese commerce. In fact without them, the country’s past economic success would not have occurred.
“Uncle James will not return to Bangkok until tomorrow. He had no way of knowing when our mission would be complete. In fact when I spoke with him on the phone last night, he was surprised to hear from us at all. He is currently in the north, celebrating the marriage of one of his many grandchildren.”
“So he and the whole community will be intoxicated for days,” Steven reflected. “Did you know Thai people lack an enzyme which metabolises alcohol? They can get blind drunk on one glass of anything. They even manage to cut costs on that,” Steven said with amusement.
“ Farang know everything,” Gunn replied, before handing Steven an official-looking envelope.
Steven took the envelope and opened it.
“It gives you details of the time and place,” Gunn added.
“Always the consummate professional,” Steven said. “Still, I admire you for that.”
“Anything else you admire me for?” Gunn asked, her question loaded with double-entendre.
“I’ve ruined her personality,” Steven thought.
“Will you be there tomorrow?” Steven asked, ignoring the alternative connotations of Gunn’s question by asking a straight question of his own.
“Maybe,” Gunn replied.
“I think that must be the Oriental way of saying goodbye, minus the fake show of emotion,” Steven said with a mix of disappointment and cynicism. “Don’t tell me. Lord Buddha said it is important not to get too attached.”
After a few seconds of silence, Steven terminated the abstract farewell.
“Lord Buddha was right.”
103
Lost Love
Emerging into the hot, atmospheric streets of Bangkok at lunchtime, Steven realised the best thing for lost love was to get his beta-endorphins pumping at the hotel gym. Later he might screw someone. There were plenty of movie-star-standard young ladies to choose from in Bangkok. He would probably choose one. Maybe two. Possibly three.
Bangkok was definitely a city that never slept, and no matter how outrageous a whim, wish or fancy, concerning any pastime, taste or need - within or against the law - Bangkok and Thailand in general, would move heaven and earth to supply it. Subject to the would-be client having the requisite quantity of cash, of course!
The tuk tuk Steven hired raced towards its destination with the speed of a rocket ship on its way to the outer reaches of the Universe. It was not unknown for tuk tuks to overturn occasionally, the occupants crushed by a bus careering along in the oncoming lane. Such is the pattern of Thai driving.
104
Home From Home
An amalgam of thoughts plagued Steven’s mind as he entered the foyer of his favourite hotel. To ensure a tip, a bellboy immediately took charge of his holdall.
In philosophical mood, Steven considered the worst case scenario. He hoped there was no official doublecross going on, but Rupert’s department had refused to put anything in writing for fear of placing their own careers at risk, should anything go wrong. Nothing could be traced back to the British government, and that made him vulnerable. Even the advance had been paid using a bank draft from an offshore company, so perhaps he would not receive the balance of his fee. Then again, maybe it would come minus a huge withholding tax. Nothing would surprise him concerning the British ruling elite’s lack of principle or ethics.
Tipping the young bellboy who had quickly folded his clothes and placed them in the wardrobe, Steven was content to reconnect with the comfort of a soft bed and round-the-clock room service. In fact he was almost pleased to lock himself away in the privacy of his hotel room, and it was no surprise he drifted into a deep and welcome sleep.
105
Surprise Visitor
The nourishment room service supplied plus the shave and shower Steven took, invigorated his mind as well as his body. Feeling pleasantly at ease as he lay on the bed of his hotel room that night, Steven relaxed. Albeit, he still missed the girl.
Deciding to raincheck any trip to Soi Cowboy, Nana Plaza or Patpong, Steven thumbed through the hotel’s movie guide, reconciling himself to a quiet, solitary evening watching a film. But eventually he became bored. A Hollywood action adventure was no longer of interest, he had just lived through one for real.
“Fuck room service,” Steven said aloud as he heard a knock on the door. “Wrong room number I bet. Shit, I’m starting to talk to myself. Perhaps I’d better go to Patpong after all.” Steven opened the door.
“I’m here to service your room, sir. Hope it’s not an inconvenient time.” The chambermaid looked amazingly like Gunn. “Fuck you,” Steven said.
“That’s a special service, sir. A large tip would be required,” Gunn replied.
“A large tip?” Steven’s thoughts strayed into the pornographic.
106
Short Time orAll Night?
Gunn walked in Steven’s hotel room as if she owned the building. But maybe her family did, anything was possible in Thailand. Unpacking a small overnight bag, she hung a few items of clothing in the wardrobe.
“Make yourself at home,” Steven said, surprised to see Gunn at all, even more so regarding her obvious intention to stay the night.
Gunn said nothing as she carefully laid out perfume and toiletries on and in one of the room’s twin dressing tables.
“Anyone would think you’d been here before,” Steven added.
Gunn ignored Steven’s ironic observation and continued unpacking the contents of her small overnight case.
“I’m surprised you want to stay the night with me. The mission’s over and you no longer have to masquerade as beautiful young Thai bar-girl accompanying ‘old’ farang for his money,” Steven said.
“Maybe I like you, have you thought of that? Or maybe just like your body. Want to use you like men use women,” Gunn replied, her manner confident and challenging.
“Come on, why?” Steven asked.
As normal with Thai people when they have no wish to address an awkward or personal matter, Gunn simply changed the subject.
“Are you hungry, Steven?”
Picking up the in-house telephone, Steven dialled room service. “What would you like?” he asked.
“Farang on toast,” Gunn replied.
Steven replaced the receiver.
“You have grown up, Steven,” Gunn confirmed.
Steven said nothing.
“Not so arrogant as when first meet. Oriental education good for farang chauvinist pig.”
Steven still said nothing. What was there to say, Gunn was right.
“Lon macma, too hot. Take shower now,” Gunn declared.
Steven sat quietly reading the Bangkok Post, checking the state of the economy and local share prices. Perhaps he would invest in Thailand if the parties he had recently worked for intended to stick to their deal and he got paid. But then again, perhaps he would not. Too much corruption and double-dealing in both British and Thai society.
Clean from the shower and wearing a short satin dressing gown, Gunn walked around the bed to where Steven was sitting.
“Are you hungry?” Gunn asked.
“Perhaps, but not for food,” Steven replied. Gunn changed the subject.
“Why you not talk like Rupert?”
Steven attempted to explain the class differences and varying accents in his country of birth, but gave it up as a bad job. It could take all night to illuminate upon the reasons why people like Rupert, in order to overtly make claim to upper-class status, wished to linguistically separate themselves from the rest of British society by pronouncing words like ‘of course’ as ‘ov kawz’ and ‘house’ as ‘hice’. That plus gen
erally masticating their words before uttering them through clenched throat and pursed lips as if they were suffering from anal retention. Such gross pretention was impossible to explain to people from other nations.
Gunn had still not managed to understand the ostentatious, double-barrelled British name tradition yet, so there was no way a few minutes explanation concerning the British strangulated vowels method of RP (Received Pronunciation) would make any cultural headway [*]. Thinking about it for a few seconds, Steven settled for a two word reply which he hoped would suffice.
“Different schools.”
“I’m glad you not like Rupert. Ladyman no good for me. I like sexy man with hard body and ‘I’ll be back’ voice.” [**] You have both,” Gunn explained, as she casually removed her short satin dressing gown.
Minus the discarded garment, Gunn wore a half bra and a pair of almost transparent bikini briefs. Her small physique, baby breasts and complete absence of under arm or pubic hair - a characteristic of many Thai women over the legal aid of consent - enhanced the fantasy that she was a prepubescent schoolgirl. [***] Steven instantly got a hard-on.
“You look like jail bait. I could get arrested just for looking at you in the West. How come so many Thai girls don’t have underarm or pubic hair?”
Gunn feigned annoyance and jealousy. “You see many naked Thai girls?”
“I do believe you’re trying to trick me,” Steven said as he looked towards his almost naked young companion, enjoying the view.
But Gunn was enough years over the age of consent to be legal everywhere, and like the majority of Oriental females, just looked young.
Slipping her fingers inside the seam of her bra, Gunn pulled out a small, tightly folded piece of paper.
“I have kept this close to my heart for a week now,” she said in a soft, breathy voice like an Oriental Marilyn Monroe, as she held the scrap of paper just out of Steven’s reach.
Sleepless in Bangkok Page 27