by L. D. Davis
“I liked the carousel,” Cora piped in from the backseat.
I smiled at her in the mirror. “Yes, I know. You made your poor grandmother take you on that ride half a dozen times.”
She giggled. “She said if she got on it one more time she was going to throw up.”
“It is disturbing and adorable that you find that so funny.”
“I saw pictures of the carousel in Disney World. I want to go there and stay on it until I throw up. Then I’ll get back on and keep going until I throw up again.”
“You’re so gross!” Gavi said to his sister. “Besides, we can’t go to Disney.”
“Aunt Lily said Uncle Kyle said they owe us a trip to Disney World.”
“But Mom said we can’t afford to go, and it’s not fair for them to pay for us. Don’t you pay attention to anything?”
“I can take you all to Disney World,” I said. “We can go this summer. We could do the Disney cruise, too, and stay for two weeks instead of one.”
I began to grow excited at the prospect of a family vacation to Florida.
“And we can eat with Minnie Mouse and the princesses,” Cora said delightedly.
She and I went back and forth for a couple minutes as we discussed all the fun things we could do on the trip, but the boy remained silent and went back to staring out the window.
“Does the trip not sound exciting to you, Gavin?” I questioned.
His small shoulders shrugged. “It sounds exciting, but it probably won’t happen.”
“Why not? I have the money to make it happen, and it won’t be too difficult for me to convince your mom. Don’t you want to go?”
Again, he shrugged. “Yeah, but you probably won’t be here to take us. You’ll probably be in Italy with those kids.”
“Yeah, probably,” Cora added from the back. The excitement vanished from her voice in those two words, but two seconds later, she perked up. “Maybe Adam can take us. He’s fun, and he doesn’t have other kids. I like his eyes. They’re shaped funny, but I like his eyes.”
“I think Mom likes his eyes, too,” Gavi said. The brief look he threw me wasn’t that of an innocent little boy. Cora was younger and didn’t understand the power of her words, but Gavin, the little devil, knew exactly what he was trying to do, and it worked.
I gripped the steering wheel and tried not to grind my teeth. The kids spent one day with Adam and he was already their favorite person.
“You guys like Adam?” I asked, forcing a lightness I didn’t feel into my tone.
“Yeah! He helped Mommy sign me up for cooking classes.”
That really grinded my gears. I had wanted to do that for Cora.
“He made Mom smile and laugh,” Gavi said, this time without the smugness he’d had a minute before. “She was actually cool and fun like she was a couple months ago when you used to come over all the time.”
More than anything else I’d seen or heard since the last time I saw the kids, that statement gave me a clearer insight into how Lydia had really been doing in my absence. She always put on a big front for her kids, so if she changed so drastically that they’d taken notice, it was worrisome. It made me wonder what she’d been going through and why she refused to tell me. Furthermore, I wondered if she’d shared any of it with Adam, since they were obviously such besties now.
That thought made my ire bloom all over again. I’d never in the past felt the need to compete with any man. Whenever a woman attempted to pit me against another man, I hadn’t catered to those games. I’d let her go and move on, but that wasn’t an option here. I was unable to just let Lydia go, and the urge to fight Adam with both my wits and my fists was overwhelming. Worst yet, I had to fight him on two fronts, for Lydia and her children.
Getting all the kids and all their stuff to the penthouse from the garage was a challenge, especially since I had to carry a sleeping Amanda. Soon, Kyle and Lily would experience that task. It was already a pain to get groceries into the penthouse. I was familiar with that after I’d helped Lily several times in Kyle’s absence in the past. The building was not exactly family friendly, at least not for families with small children. I was glad for my cabin, my home I eventually wanted to share with Lydia and the kids.
Kyle, Lily, and their newborn daughter were in the dining area when we tumbled through the door. In addition to carrying Amanda, I also carried an overpacked diaper bag and a few shopping bags.
“You should consider moving before you have any more babies,” I recommended as Lily relieved me of a whining, sleepy toddler.
“Oh, trust me. We’ve been talking about it.”
For a few minutes, we discussed the pros and cons of purchasing and building, but I was only half vested in the conversation. I kept looking away from her and glancing toward the long hall where Lydia’s room was. Cora skipped down the corridor with renewed energy, but only a moment later she reappeared, her face screwed up in confusion.
“Where’s Mommy?”
I stared at her for a few seconds before I turned my gaze to Lily. She looked back at me with a tight smile, before answering her niece.
“Mommy went out.”
Cora seemed to accept that answer easily and skipped back to the living room. Gavi, however, seemed just as confused as I was. Lydia didn’t “go out” alone.
“Where did she go? I thought she was tired.”
Lily and Lydia both were much closer to thirty than thirteen, but Lily wore that expression of one sibling who was throwing the other under the bus. Her face was smug, commiserating, eager and innocent all at once. Maybe she received no joy in sharing the details, but it did not set her back any, either.
“Your friend Adam picked her up less than an hour after you all left. I hadn’t realized they’d become so…cozy.”
I stood there absolutely stupefied for half a minute, before I repeated myself like un idiota. “She said she was tired.”
Lily shrugged. “I guess she got her second wind.”
I’d believed her when she said she was wiped out. Lydia had looked exhausted, but I wondered now if it was real. I thought I knew her better than that, thought I would know if she were pretending. Maybe she had planned to go out with Adam all along, had planned it as soon as she knew I would be taking the kids for the day. Perhaps she didn’t tell me because maybe their friendship was more than a friendship. I did catch them dancing closely together Thanksgiving night. I’d also found them together at Bodie’s party. When I’d asked Adam to go to Ohio for Lydia’s surprise medical appointment, he had been quick to jump on board. Up until this point, I’d been certain about his feelings for Celeste, but I was no longer positive on that.
I pushed a hand through my hair. I was thinking crazy thoughts. It was likely Lydia didn’t want to necessarily see me, but that didn’t mean she was carrying on a secret relationship with Adam. Still, I could not snuff out the raging jealousy I felt.
“Maybe you should give her a call,” Lily suggested. “I honestly didn’t expect her to still be out.”
I shook my head. “No.”
“Then you want some coffee while you wait?”
I shook my head again. “No. Actually, I have...I have some work to do. Do you mind if I leave the kids here?”
She seemed offended that I even felt like I had to ask. “Of course I don’t mind. They’re my nieces and nephew.”
I didn’t remind her that less than a year ago she barely acknowledged their existence and said my goodnights to the Gavi, Cora, and Mandy.
I didn’t like the way Kyle looked at me, with part amusement and part punch-my-face-in. “Are you sure you want to leave? I know you just spent the day with them, but the kids haven’t really had the chance to see much of you lately.”
I glanced over at where the kids were talking to their aunt. I didn’t catch everything they were saying, but I heard the name Adam. If I didn’t leave soon, I was going to be a dick.
“Don’t worry,” I said darkly. “I won’t be missed.”
Chapter Eighteen
Lydia
I was burning with rage and hurt as we entered the building where Kyle and Lily lived. I wanted nothing more than to confront Marco, to unleash my wrath on him, but when I walked into the penthouse, he wasn’t there. There was nothing worse than having a full-blown fight with someone in my head and not having a chance to say all those words out loud.
Kyle was in the living room with my kids. One of the Star Wars movies was playing on the television. Gavi sat on the floor, engrossed in the movie, Cora had fallen asleep in the armchair, and Mandy was asleep on Kyle with her cheek resting on his shoulder. Lily was nowhere to be seen. The sight of my kids all tuckered out from their day took some of the edge off my roiling emotions, but I still felt like I was vibrating within my own skin. I could barely calm myself enough to give Gav my attention for five minutes.
“Where’s Marco?” I hadn’t meant for the question to sound so harsh, but Kyle seemed unruffled by it.
His voice was soft so he wouldn’t wake the toddler in his arms. “He left about twenty-five minutes ago.”
I cursed under my breath and pressed the palm of my hand against my forehead.
My soon-to-be brother-in-law watched me, his brows pulled together. “Are you okay?”
I laughed softly, and even to my ears it sounded a little unhinged. I felt a little unhinged. “No.”
Damn, I was going to cry. Not wanting Kyle or Gav to see, I turned away and went to the window. The amazing scenery of the bridge, the city, and the river were blurred by my tears. A minute or so went by before Kyle joined me. He’d traded Mandy for a box of tissues, which he held out to me. I expected questions, but for a good five minutes, he just let me cry until I was ready to talk.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m crying.”
He leaned casually against the glass, arms crossed. “I’m going to assume it’s because your golden boy isn’t so golden after all.”
My eyes rolled. “I’m sure you figured that out when he stuck his tongue down your girlfriend’s throat.”
“I’ve known the man since I was in college. I have had it ‘figured out’ for a long time. This is about Celeste?”
“You knew? Did everyone but me know he took her with him to Italy?”
“It isn’t uncommon for them to travel together.”
“This wasn’t ‘traveling together’ to vacation in the south of France or a trip of leisure. This was him including her in a very personal space…and excluding me. I wasn’t even given the courtesy of him letting me know about it. I had to find out about it secondhand from Adam.”
Kyle stared out the window, his expression thoughtful. “I have a sister; I don’t know if you know that.”
I shook my head. I didn’t know, and I wasn’t sure what that had to do with anything. He turned his gaze back on me. There was undisguised sadness on his face, an emotion I was certain he didn’t often let show.
“I haven’t talked to her in a long time, since I was just a boy. No one can replace her, just like no one can replace my brother, but in forty-eight hours, you will officially be my sister, too. I want you to know that I am here for you, for whatever you may need, whether it be monetary or just someone to talk to. Also, as your official big brother, if you need me to punch Marco in the face, I’ll punch him in the face. I don’t care if he’s my best man.”
My laugh sounded watery and snotty. I snatched another tissue and blew my nose. “You probably already owe him one for swapping spit with Lily.”
Kyle grimaced slightly as he tossed the box of tissues on the dining room table behind us.
“Believe me, we had it out. Once Lily was safely situated here, and after you and your family left, I gave him what he deserved. However…” He paused and stood up straight. He looked at the floor for a few seconds, as if he were gathering his words. “Lately, I’ve been thinking about how the actions of one or two people can drastically alter the projection of the lives of many. If you and Gavin had never happened, I may have never met Lily. I wouldn’t have that beautiful baby girl upstairs. In fact, Lydia, I am certain that I wouldn’t be alive right now. If Marco wouldn’t have kissed Lily, I wouldn’t have come back here when I did. Things could have gone very differently for Lily and Amara. I am grateful for you, Lydia, even if I shouldn’t be. As for Marco, I am grateful for him, too, but I’ll still punch him in the face for you if it will make you happy.”
Again, I laughed despite my tears. “How about you hold him for me and let me do the punching?”
One corner of his mouth lifted. “Deal. Let’s just do it after the wedding. I don’t want bruises on his face for the photos. Lily wouldn’t like that.”
We were quiet for a couple minutes. I checked to see if Gavi had been paying any attention to us, but he was still watching TV with rapt attention. All the noise from the movie was sufficient to cover my quiet conversation with Kyle.
“Why did you and Marco break up?” he asked without preamble.
Lily had asked me the same question a few times, but I hadn’t wanted to answer her. I didn’t want to hear her judgments on the matter, but Kyle was different. The more time I spent with him, the more he felt like a brother I never had. He’d been acting like one since before I knew him.
“Celia,” I said softly.
Kyle seemed to understand immediately. His eyes widened a bit, and he nodded his understanding.
“I’m not heartless,” I continued. “I know Massimo’s illness is hard on their family, but Marco has all but stepped into the role of her husband and the father to his nieces and nephews. He even stopped staying at his parents’ and started to stay at his brother’s. I tried to be understanding, but the phone calls and text messages became less frequent, and many of the ones we managed to have were cut short by Celia or the kids. When he finally came back for a visit, it didn’t take long for the phone and FaceTime calls to start. Gavi, Cora, and Mandy had been so excited to see him, but he wasn’t really with us, you know? Most of him was still back in Italy, with her, with the family they may have had together if she hadn’t taken his brother instead.”
“So, you were jealous,” Kyle said unpretentiously.
I let out a derisive snort. “Yeah, I was jealous. Wouldn’t you have been?”
“I would be outrageously jealous.”
I gestured to him with my hand, as if to say, “Well, there ya go.”
“So, you broke up with him because you were jealous.”
“No, I broke up with him because he was hurting me, and he was hurting my children, and…” I sighed, looked away from him, and tried to focus on the nightscape out the window. “And I was scared. I was afraid he would choose his family over there and abandon us here. After all I’ve experienced in the past, I wouldn’t have been able to…” I paused and licked my lips, almost afraid to admit my true feelings and thoughts out loud. “I wouldn’t have been able to handle it. It was very hard for me to open myself to the possibilities with Marco, and even harder to admit how I felt about him, and to literally bleed my heart out at his feet.” My last few words broke as I began to quietly cry again. “His rejection of me and my kids would have ended me, maybe not in the physical sense, but there would be no undoing all the damage.”
Kyle retrieved more tissues and handed them to me. Again, he gave me a much-needed minute to cry.
“I’m sorry. I don’t usually cry, like at all.”
“Lily was the same. She cried a lot throughout her pregnancy, though. Hormones. Listen, I’m not going to patronize you with fluffy bullshit terms of optimism. I will tell you that Marco and Celeste are good friends, and I don’t believe they are anything more than that. As for Celia, I think he might be in a little too deep there, but not in the way you think. I’m not going to tell you that you need to give Marco a chance. I will tell you to give yourself a chance, and that my offer to punch him in the face will stand forever. Also, I think you should know that we did invite Celeste to the wedding. I’ve known
her for a number of years now, and Lily really clicked with her while I was away. If you feel you need a friend by your side, bring Adam. I’ll make the necessary adjustments.”
Inwardly, I cringed when he said Celeste would be at the wedding, but I couldn’t object to her presence there. It wasn’t my wedding.
“Okay. I’ll check with him. Thank you for…for this. I know you’d rather be with Lily and Amara.”
“I wish I could offer you some helpful advice, but I’m still a work in progress myself.” He gave me a self-depreciating smile.
“If it’s any consolation, I think you’re doing great.”
“I hope so,” he said softly and left me to my thoughts, my tears, and the city night beyond the glass.
Chapter Nineteen
I awoke from a dead sleep and bolted upright in bed. With my hand over my mouth as if that alone could hold back what was coming, I raced to the bathroom and painfully fell to my knees in front of the toilet just in time. The sound of my violent heaving echoed off the tile in the bathroom. My eyes watered and I felt the veins popping out of my head and neck. After I hurled up what felt like my whole soul, I continued to dry heave until I was a weak heap on the floor.
With a groan, I reached up and flushed the toilet, ridding myself of the evidence of my steak dinner. I leaned against the tub for a long time, too stunned to move. I never wanted to touch another mushroom again. Like ever. Ever.
I dry heaved twice more before my stomach finally settled. I got up and brushed my teeth, rinsed with mouthwash, and washed my face. The walk back into the bedroom felt a little sideways. Great, I was lightheaded, too. I sat down on my bed, picked up my phone and dialed without ever looking at the time.
“It’s one in the morning. This better be good.”
“Adam, you’re a doctor. I’m dying.” I sounded pathetic, but I felt pathetic. My body felt wrung out like a dirty dish rag. Despite the toothpaste and mouthwash, my mouth tasted like a dirty dish rag.
“Dying how? If it’s a slow death, can we talk in the morning?” He yawned loudly as if to prove his tiredness.