by L. D. Davis
She looked away then, because the car had slowed. When I looked out the window, I saw that we had pulled into a large driveway in front of a huge house. It wasn’t as big as the Herrington’s house, but it was still bigger than any house should be.
“And,” Lily said, glancing back at me as she put her hand on the door, “I am damn worthy of that wedding dress and this wedding.”
She got out of the car before I could say anything, not like I had a good response anyway. What could I possibly say? Even with her comment about Gavin and me playing house, how could I respond to that?
Corsey glanced back at me with a small smile on his face, like he agreed with her, and then he, too, got out of the Escalade. Not feeling worthy of much of anything, I followed.
Later in the evening, we all went to the diner for dinner. There were fifteen of us in all. Lily and her new little family, my mother, Wes and his children, Shawna, Cliff, Marco, my little monsters, myself, and Lily’s friend Mayson.
I wasn’t sure how I felt about the newcomer. She was a little vulgar, which didn’t bother me except I didn’t need any of the kids hearing everything she said, and there was this strange dynamic between her and Kyle. Every chance they got, they took a verbal shot at one another. It was funny, but also uncomfortable, because it was clear they meant every word. By the same token, they both seemed to secretly enjoy the bickering and insults.
I sat at the opposite end of the table from Lily, Kyle, and Mayson. Shawna and Cliff were to my right, Mandy was on my left. Marco sat between Mandy and Cora, who was next to Gavi. Beside him was Cody and then my mom. Paris was situated between Wes and Shawna. The preteen kept sneaking text messages to her friends, even though her father had told her to put her phone away several times. The poor kid was probably bored stupid. The other kids were all younger than her, and the adults were too old. I made a mental note to try to get to know her better, maybe have her come hang out with me one Saturday. It was becoming more obvious every day that our parents were in love, which was gross, but I supposed we could make the best of it.
With a sigh, I looked down at my plate. The food at Lily’s Diner was delicious, but I didn’t have much of an appetite. The array of food smells around me made my stomach uneasy.
“Are you not hungry?”
I looked up at Marco, who watched me carefully. We hadn’t seen each other most of the day, and besides a few quick words about the kids, we hadn’t spoken.
“Not really.”
“You should try to eat,” he said quietly.
I wanted to snap at him and tell him that I was an adult and knew when I should and shouldn’t and could and couldn’t eat, but before I could do that, Shawna, who had not been following our conversation, spoke up.
“We have some news,” she said, gathering everyone’s attention. She glanced back at her husband with a smile.
My brows rose. “What’s up?”
“You know Cliff and I had been planning to move to Florida just before…before Gavin’s death.”
I nodded slowly. “But you changed your minds afterward.”
“It just didn’t seem right to leave then. It would have felt like we were running away from his memory, and we wanted to stay in the house he grew up in for a while. There was so much of him still left there.”
Cliff nodded and quietly added, “There still is.”
Shawna smiled at her husband again, though this time, there was sadness in it. “There is, but…” She inhaled slowly. “Lydia, last week, we put the house on the market. We feel it’s time for us to move on. The kids are doing well. You’re doing so much better. We’re really proud of you for all you’ve accomplished in the past couple months.”
I felt nearly all the other adults’ eyes on me. Other than my mom, no one else knew how much I’d actually done recently, how much I’d overcome in such a short time.
“We’re not getting any younger,” Cliff went on to gently explain. “And we’re sick and tired of these cold winters and snow. We hope we still have a good many years ahead of us, and if we do, we would like to live those years in our dream home.”
Shawna’s eyes were full of hope as she met my gaze. “If you decide you want to follow us with the children, we’ll help you get started. If not, you know we’ll still be back and forth to see our grandbabies, and we fully expect you all to visit as often as possible.”
There was a boulder in my throat, making it hard to breathe or speak.
“This is…unexpected,” I managed to croak out.
Shawna reached across her husband and patted my hand. “I know, honey, but this is the best thing for us. I’m sure you understand.”
The thing was, I did understand. I really did. They had been maybe a few short months away from moving to Florida before Gavin died, and then suddenly, they had to jump in to help Mom take care of me and the kids all while dealing with their own grief of losing their only child. From their perspective, I was better. In many ways, I was, but at that moment, as what my in-laws said sank in, I didn’t feel better. I felt like my world was falling apart piece by piece. They had been there for me since I was a child, and even when they were upset with Gavin and me for what we’d done to Lily, they had been there for us. Shawna had been in the room for the births of all three children, and she had been the one I went to when I was scared I’d fucked something up with one of the babies, or to ask questions.
The truth was, they deserved this move, and I was happy for them, even if I was so sad for me and the kids that it made me sick to my stomach. My mom was all but gone. Marco would probably never be back to our home, and now the two people I’d depended on the most would be leaving. With everything I had going on, it was a lot to take in.
“We’ve had some offers on the house, and one is looking pretty promising,” Cliff said. “We could be living down south in as little as forty days or so.”
“That’s great,” I said, and meant it. “We’ll miss you, of course, but it’s time to live your own lives, and I understand that. I do. Just do us all a favor and don’t get eaten by any gators.”
Their laughter broke the tension between us.
“Congratulations,” Marco said, giving them a nod and a smile. “The children will miss you, but then you’ll be closer to Disney, right?”
“Not too far away,” Shawna said, beaming at the kids.
“We’ll get to go to Disney World!” Cora cried excitedly.
“Yeah, we won’t need Marco or Adam,” Gavi mumbled, but it seemed like only Marco and I caught it. I looked at my son with some confusion, and then at Marco, but he just sighed and looked down at his plate.
“Marco, maybe you can help us find what we’re looking for down there,” Cliff said, leaning forward on his elbows. “We’ll be staying with friends until we find a house.”
I tried to listen, tried to focus on their conversation, but all I could think of, all I could feel, was the growing, gaping, black pit of loss in my chest. My mom, Marco, and now Shawna and Cliff. Lily was as good as gone with the distance between us, figuratively and literally. I felt deserted, left behind and disregarded. Discarded.
I held on for the rest of dinner. I even held on throughout the tension-filled car ride with Marco back to the penthouse. Thankfully, he was on a business call most of the ride, and I was left to my own thoughts as I stared out the window.
I held myself together through the next hour and a half of commotion, between getting the kids to bed, a gassy infant, and wedding chatter and last-minute preparations. There were no bachelorette or bachelor parties for the bride and groom, but after all the children were finally asleep, and before I could escape to my room, Marco presented Kyle and Lily with a bottle of champagne he’d hidden in a cooler of ice somewhere in the penthouse. I felt the coolness of the liquid through the glass as he poured and briefly met my eyes, making my heart beat faster.
“I know this is not much of a bachelor or bachelorette party,” he said after we all had our glasses, “but I am will
ing to be the sacrificial lamb and strip for all of you.”
“I think I have a stack of ones somewhere,” Lily said and gave him an exaggerated wink.
Kyle’s arm tightened around her waist as he pulled her closer. His eyes were narrowed at Marco, but the corners of his mouth twitched slightly. “I think I have a vomit bag somewhere.”
I said nothing as I felt my face heat. I knew what his body looked like under those clothes. I knew how the smooth muscle felt under my fingers. I knew how his body reacted, where it warmed and hardened when touched in just the right place…
Marco’s voice took me away from my memories of his body. He smiled warmly as he looked at the couple. “I won’t say much now, since I do have an amazing toast prepared for tomorrow, but I want you both to know I am very happy for you. You each deserve every drop of happiness you get, and more.” He raised his glass with a nod of his head. “To new beginnings and second chances.”
“To new beginnings and second chances,” Kyle and Lily murmured, gazing at each other.
They all drank from our glasses. My sister and her almost husband continued to look at each other like no one else and nothing else existed. When my gaze wandered, it got hung up on Marco’s face. His eyes were on me as he drank. Something about the way he stared at me made a shiver roll up my spine. I looked away.
A few minutes later, I was finally able to make my excuses and get away. The little champagne party was cute and nice, but it hadn’t done anything to really make me feel better. If anything, that gaping black hole grew a little more. With Lily getting married, it only put more separation between us. She would soon be busy with her happy new life as she finally got everything she wanted—the man, the baby, and her dream job.
In my room, I tuned the small stereo on the dresser to an old school R&B station, stripped out of my clothes, and went into the bathroom. After I brushed my teeth and washed my face, I stared at my reflection in the mirror. For hours I’d wanted to be alone to cry, but now I glared at myself, willing myself not to break down, not to be weak. I inhaled deeply and let it out slowly through my nose as I tried to relieve the pressure in my chest and behind my eyes. After a couple minutes of this, when I thought I was safe from bursting into tears like a stupid emotional girl, I went back into the bedroom to find some pajamas, but there was a man standing in my room.
Marco’s eyes traveled up and down my body. Goose bumps popped up on my skin.
“What do you want?” I asked without ceremony and went to my suitcase.
“I wanted to check on you. You didn’t seem well at dinner, and Shawna and Cliff’s news didn’t seem to help.”
I didn’t look back at him as I rummaged through my suitcase. “I’m fine.”
“Don’t do that,” he said so quietly I barely heard him.
“Don’t do what?”
“I am trying, Lydia. I’ve always tried. Don’t block me out.”
I stood up and turned around, a shirt and a pair of sleep pants in my hands. I stared at him as I dressed, and he held my gaze. After I was clothed, I stood there for another several seconds, just staring at Marco. Finally, I turned away from him again and sat on the bed.
“I’m tired.”
“Lydia,” he said my name as a soft plea.
“I’m tired,” I said louder. “Please go. I just…I can’t do this right now. I’m so fucking tired.”
He watched me for another moment before he sighed deeply. “Okay. Tomorrow then.”
“Tomorrow is Lily’s wedding.”
“I don’t care,” he said harshly. “I don’t care if I have to tie you to a chair or to that damn bed. Tomorrow, we will talk.”
He left the room, closing the door a little harder than necessary.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Sometimes in life, things happen that have the potential to derail us. I could have moped my way through the day, locked myself in the bathroom every twenty minutes to cry—and puke—or I could have been a world class bitch to everyone I came in contact with, but I didn’t do any of that. I picked myself up out of the comfort of my bed and pushed forward with the day. It wasn’t my day, after all; it was Lily’s.
Time ticked by fast. Before we knew it, there were only a few minutes to go before the ceremony began. I looked at my sister with awe as we stood together in front of a mirror. She did not look like she’d just had a baby only a few weeks ago. Then again, she wore something under her dress that tightened up the belly area and lifted her tits, but still…
The dress was gorgeous and seemed to be made just for her. It was backless to show off the beautiful art on her back, with thin, delicate straps. The bodice was embroidered and beaded in a floral pattern that reminded me of the tattoo of lilies and vines that climbed the length of her back. The front of the ruffled, organza skirt was short, stopping just at mid-thigh to show off her legs and red four-inch heels, but the sides and back of the dress were floor length. Her hair was in a beautiful, loose chignon and decorated with tiny red and white jeweled flowers. Her makeup was perfect, but it was her own happiness that made her face glow.
“Want to know something sad?” she asked as we stared at her reflection.
“I don’t think there’s anything sad about that dress.”
She laughed softly. “No, that’s true. What is sad, however, is that my husband won’t be able to take me out of this dress and ravage me. I’m still a few weeks and a doctor’s appointment away before I can do the dirty.”
“You can always put your dress on after the doctor clears you and let him take it off you then.”
“Are you kidding me? This thing is so heavy. I don’t want to ever put it on again, despite how great I look.” Her eyes flickered to me. “You look sensational.”
My dress was obviously much simpler, but no less beautiful. It was red, made of chiffon, with spaghetti straps, an empire waist, a long, flowing but flattering skirt with a slit that went all the way up my leg and stopped just a tad higher than mid-thigh. It wasn’t something I’d been happy about when I first realized what she’d chosen for me to wear as her maid of honor, but the more I put it on for fittings, the more I liked it. It was longer than I would have liked, but since I finally had some pain relief for my leg that didn’t knock me on my ass, and physical therapy had done wonders, I found walking in it easier, and less of a disaster than expected. My makeup complimented my paler complexion and my hair was like my sister’s, except my chignon was on the opposite side of my head. My shoes were red flats instead of heels, but I didn’t feel embarrassed about that fact like I had at the Herrington party.
I did look…good. Pretty. Not as pretty as Lily, but pretty enough. I wondered what Marco would think of me in my dress, but almost immediately dismissed the thought. It didn’t matter.
The excitement grew, as did everyone’s nervousness. When the wedding planner came in to tell us we’d be starting in ten minutes, I hugged Lily, careful not to smudge our makeup.
“I am very happy for you,” I whispered to her. “You were right. You do deserve this, all of this, and more.”
“Thank you, Lydia,” she whispered back. “I’m glad you’re here.”
I pulled away and walked out of the room with a promise of returning quickly. I wanted to check on Adam. We’d texted a couple times throughout the day, but I promised I would find him before the ceremony started. I hurried down a corridor that led to a side entrance for the ballroom and slowly pulled the door open a crack. My eyes wandered through the guests until I spotted him. I didn’t have my phone on me, but Corsey stood only a few feet away and I got his attention easily and asked him to send Adam to me. I waited in the semi-dark hall for only a few moments before my friend slipped in.
“Holy crap you look amazing,” he said before he could shut the door all the way.
I blushed. “Thanks.”
“How’s the leg holding up?”
“Good. Really good, actually. I’ll probably put a little more cream on before I start any kind of da
ncing.”
“Good idea. The dances we practiced will be fine, but don’t go out there and try to do the Soulja Boy or anything.”
I winked. “Give me a few more months.”
Adam grew serious, though his face was open and soft. “How’s everything else?”
The small smile I’d had faded almost to nothing. “I only puked twice today, so that’s progress, or luck.”
“Have you told him?”
I shook my head. “No, and I don’t know if I want to. Not yet.”
“You shouldn’t wait. You’ve done all that before.”
“I don’t think it’s a good idea to tell him at my sister’s wedding. Anyway,” I said and abruptly changed the topic. “How are you doing out there? I thought I’d check on you. I didn’t want you to think I lured you to a party of serial killers and abandoned you to your fate.”
Adam allowed the subject change, though reluctantly. “There are worst things than serial killers. You didn’t mention there would be vapid egotists at this shindig.”
“Ah, yes. The groom comes from a long line of vapid egotists to my understanding. This estate belongs to his V.E. mother. You’ve never met Kyle Sterling?”
“Once or twice, but I’ve never had a conversation with the guy. He seemed very…”
“Like he has a stick up his ass?” I offered.
“I was going to say starchy, but using stick-up-ass as an adjective will also work.”
I chuckled. “He’s really not bad. Kyle’s a good guy with a big heart, but he doesn’t like people to know it.”
“Sounds like this woman I know. Red hair. Freckles. Kinda cute. Ring any bells?”
I gave him a bland look. “Shut up. Go sit down, asshole.”
He planted a loud, wet sounding kiss on my cheek. “You’re gorgeous. See ya later. That first dance is all mine.”
He slipped back through the door just as movement to my left caught my attention. Marco was meandering down the hall in my direction, and he wasn’t alone. Celeste walked close by his side. I didn’t know where they had come from, but I was sure they’d seen me with Adam a moment before.