Impossible Things (Star Shadow Book 2)

by Beth Bolden

  “I know it looks like a golden opportunity to show people that this thing between you has been going on for a long time,” Jay pointed out.

  Benji wasn’t going to tell Jay, but the truth was, their relationship was only going to work if he and Diego let go of the past and looked forward to the future.

  “No video,” Benji repeated. “And you’ll send Rochelle my regrets that we won’t be able to work together.”

  “Yeah, yeah,” Jay said. “She’ll be pissed.”

  “Then she’s pissed.”

  Rochelle Andrews’ feelings were way down on the list of things he gave any shits about.

  “By the way, I sent that new guy of yours a chance for a radio interview, I hope he follows through on it.”

  “Felix?” Benji asked, realizing that he hadn’t said anything to Diego about moving in and moving Felix out of Leo’s house. Leo was just going to have to goddamn wait while they worked all this other shit out. “You do realize that’s Leo Humphries’ brother, right?”

  Jay brushed aside the information, which he’d probably known anyway and hadn’t deemed particularly important. “They wanted you initially, but I said you weren’t giving individual interviews right now.”

  “Why the hell not?” Benji asked. Hadn’t Jay insisted he pick either Diego or Rochelle as a publicity stunt to get him attention? And then he turned down a perfectly legitimate interview?

  “I’m saving all your solo promotion for after the reveal of your relationship with Diego. How would you feel being on the cover of Out magazine?”

  “Exposed,” Benji said, which was both true and a problem. He still didn’t know exactly how he felt about revealing his sexuality to the world. If he focused on revealing his feelings instead, it felt less like he was running around naked. But people weren’t going to want to know just about his current love affair, they were going to want to know why he’d married Sophie and now he was with Diego. They were going to want him to explain his sexuality, and since sometimes, Benji wasn’t sure he understood it himself, that was going to be difficult.

  Jay barked out a laugh. “Get used to it,” he said. “I’m lining up all kinds of primo shit for this.”

  “Great,” Benji said, not feeling particularly enthusiastic about that. The voice inside protested, but Benji shoved it down, forcefully. Diego was more important than his ambition. Period.

  “Go talk to Diego. Convince him to move his fine ass a little faster, okay?” Jay said. “I gotta run.”

  Benji hung up and tipped his head back, staring at the cloudless California sky. How had he even gotten here? It felt like he was being dragged behind a machine he couldn’t control. And even worse, it was a machine he’d picked out himself. Sure, it had been at the worst time of his life, when he’d been terrified everything was falling to pieces, but that didn’t make him feel any better right now.

  It had been almost easier when he was sure Diego would never agree to any part of Jay’s plan.

  “Hey, I was looking for you.”

  Benji glanced over and Felix was standing there, shading his eyes from the sun. “I think I got a call from your agent.”

  “Was he rude and domineering and convinced of his own superiority?” Benji asked.

  Felix smiled. “Yes to all of the above. But I handled him.”

  Of course Felix would have. Felix handled everything with aplomb, which was exactly why hiring him to be their new liaison was the perfect move. “I’m sure he enjoyed that.”

  Now Benji knew why Jay had refused to acknowledge either Felix’s name or his close association to the band.

  “Oh, he didn’t,” Felix confided, “but I sure did. Why did you hire such a dick to be your agent?”

  “Proven success,” Benji said morosely. Too many people were asking him this question lately. Fuck, he couldn’t stop asking himself this question.

  “Ah,” Felix said, a multitude contained in that one word. “Well, he passed along an interview request. I guess you’re not doing solo interviews right now, so he thought they might be interested in interviewing the whole band.”

  “Are they?” Benji, who had never turned down an interview in his life, almost hoped that they’d said no. He wanted to circle his wagons with the other guys and Diego held tight to his chest. All this at the very moment in which they needed to be getting out there, strengthening their brand. It was inconvenient.

  “Of course they are,” Felix said. “Are you kidding? They were fucking thrilled.”

  “You should schedule it, I guess,” Benji said.

  Felix looked at him closer, and then crossed his arms across his chest. “You don’t seem happy about it,” he pointed out. “Are you sure you want me to?”

  “We need to strengthen our brand right now,” Benji said, hating just how much he sounded like Jay.

  Maybe he really was trying to turn Diego into himself, and even worse, he was becoming Jay. The thought sent a shudder through him. He would do anything to stop that from happening, even though at some point in the not-so-distant past, that was all he’d wanted.

  It was funny how finally getting together with the love of your life could change your perspective.

  Felix laughed. “You do, but not if you’re miserable giving an interview. Are you afraid you’re going to give away that you and Diego are finally dating?”

  Was he afraid of that? Not necessarily. What seemed more terrible was anyone actually finding out, and that wasn’t because he was ashamed of Diego. He was beautiful and brilliant and wonderful. It was the questions that the revelation would raise.

  “Of course not,” Benji said. Because the very last thing Diego needed to find out right now, especially when he was considering Jay’s plan, was that Benji was getting cold feet. Or even worse, that Benji was ashamed of anyone finding out they were dating.

  “I’d hope so,” Felix said, and he sounded strangely defensive. Of what, Benji wasn’t really sure. Of Diego? Maybe? But Felix had to know that Benji would never, ever let Diego down. What he wanted, more than anything else, was to make Diego happy.

  “Arrange the interview,” Benji said. “We’ll figure it out.” He turned to walk back into the studio. “Oh, and stop trying to make Leo uncomfortable. That’s not cool.”

  Felix’s face erupted into a massive grin. “But it’s so fun,” he whined.

  “Leo was trying to convince me to move in with Diego just to give you a place to live.” Benji attempted a stern look, which was hard when Felix looked like . . . well, Felix. “We’re not ready for that, and if it’s too weird for you dealing with Leo and Caleb, you should find your own place.”

  Felix rolled his eyes. “It’s not weird. They’ve been together most of my adult life. But I’ll find my own place.”

  Benji was surprised that had been so easy. “Really?”

  “Really!” Felix exclaimed. “I said I would.”

  “And don’t conveniently forget and then have to crash on Max’s couch.”

  Felix pouted. “But it’s such a comfortable couch.”

  “The world is not yours to manipulate at will,” Benji pointed out.

  “Even when it’s so easy?”

  It was Benji’s turn to roll his eyes. “Especially if it’s so easy. Remember, with great power comes great responsibility.”

  Felix laughed. “Okay, Spidey.”

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Ironically, the radio personality who had requested to interview Benji by himself, and had “settled” for Star Shadow as a group, was the same guy they’d gone on-air with right after Caleb had come back. The same one Caleb had told his story to, and the same guy he and Leo came out to.

  Benji told himself that this was merely a coincidence, because even though they were in southern California, and radio was still big there, there were only so many major radio personalities doing important interviews. But the coincidence still made him uneasy, and as they walked into the studio, he nearly excused himself and called Jay, but what would Jay eve
n tell him? To suck it up and do the interview anyway? Definitely.

  “You’re frowning,” Diego, who had subtly changed positions with Max so they were next to each other, hissed as he leaned closer.

  “This is the same guy we were with earlier this year. You remember the interview,” Benji muttered.

  “You mean the one where we blew everything up?” Diego said. He rolled his eyes. “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it. Nobody says you have to come out in the next ten minutes.”

  “I wasn’t . . .” It wasn’t like Benji didn’t want to tell Diego about all the ways he was fucking terrified—that he’d been wrong the other night, that he was scared—but right now was exactly the wrong time to say it.

  When they’d all finally taken their seats, the assistants getting their headphones and microphones configured, Steve Swan, the radio host, walked in to the recording studio.

  “Hey, guys!” he said brightly, beaming the million-dollar smile that had made him famous on both radio and television. Benji wondered how many of those teeth were actually original or if he’d a whole mouthful of implants. It wouldn’t be the craziest thing anyone had ever done in pursuit of fame.

  “Steve,” Benji acknowledged. “Good to see you.” Starting with Benji, Steve went down the line and shook everyone’s hand: Diego, Max, Leo, and finally Caleb.

  “Thanks for having us back,” Caleb said, grasping Steve’s hand with both of his own, his voice sounding especially heartfelt. Benji, who’d actually seen the live numbers and then the syndicated listens of that particular interview, bitterly thought that there was no way Steve was ever not going to have them back. He’d been undeniably famous before that interview, but that interview had been one of the most popular he’d ever done—and for no reason other than Leo and Caleb had decided they were done lying.

  After a few minutes of checks, they went live.

  The bad feeling Benji had been trying to ignore for ten minutes, grew as Steve said, “I’m so lucky to have Benji of Star Shadow here today, as well as the rest of the band, taking a break from recording their new album.”

  Benji knew he’d been the original request, and when Jay had shot the request over to Felix, the interview had grown to include the rest of the band, but he was polling third in popularity now. Steve would know that, just like Jay did. So why single him out as the leader when the most vocal leader of their group had always been Leo?

  “How is the album coming, guys?” Steve asked.

  Annoyingly, Benji watched as four sets of eyes latched on to him. Apparently, just like Steve, they’d decided he was speaking for everyone today.

  “Thanks for having us today,” Benji said. “And it’s coming along. We’ve got about a week and a half under our belts, so far, but lots of work ahead of us. We’re just excited that we can finally bring our fans some new music.”

  “You did give us a little gift already,” Steve said, his sly smile painfully evident in person, but completely missing from his tone of voice. “That great cover of ‘The Scientist’ that you recorded while you were on your reunion tour. Was that the beginning of a new, mellower sound for Star Shadow?”

  “We’re older and we’re wiser, Steve, but we’re the same musicians,” Max said. Yeah, they definitely did have a newer, more mature sound, but this wasn’t the best time to roll that out, and Max knew that.

  “It was a powerful song, especially the way you performed it,” Steve said. “We’ve all seen the tour footage, I’m sure.” They’d even released some of their own, packaging it up really nicely as the music video. It hadn’t quite reached the numbers of the Taylors and the Arianas of the world, but it had done unexpectedly well.

  The fact that Leo and Caleb kissed half a dozen times during it probably didn’t hurt.

  “Well, we have Coldplay to thank for that,” Leo said dryly.

  “So now that you’re recording another Star Shadow album, any plans for more solo work? Benji?”

  Benji tensed. “Not right now,” he said, hoping he didn’t sound rude, but also hoping that his tone made it clear he didn’t want to discuss his solo career.

  “But you’ve been up to more than just a new album,” Steve said, and this time the sly insinuation in his voice was crystal clear. Benji jolted in his seat, and his eyes met Felix’s, where he was standing, watching through the window in the producer’s booth. Diego reached over, and under the cover of the table, dug his fingertips into Benji’s knee. Like he too knew what was about to happen and wanted to prevent Benji from lunging after Steve and breaking all those million-dollar teeth.

  “We have?” Caleb always sounded so innocent and pure, despite what he’d been through. Like he couldn’t ever lie, even though he’d been incredibly adept at lying all the time. It was a talent and a skill that still came in handy.

  “While you and Leo have been leading the paparazzi on a merry chase during your runs,” Steve said, “Benji and Diego have been enjoying the happiest place on earth. I had a fan send in some pictures they found on Twitter, and I hope you guys have seen these, because they’re adorable.”

  Benji frowned. “Yes, we took Diego’s daughter one day last week,” he said, but Steve had kept going, and none of it was good. This was why he’d wanted Benji and Benji only—and why he had been more than happy to invite all of Star Shadow, because it meant Diego would be there too.

  “You guys didn’t tell me you were dating,” Steve said in a teasing voice. “You’re such a cute couple.”

  Benji gritted his teeth. He wasn’t going to deny he was dating Diego, not with Diego right there, but what else could he do? This was too early, not in line with any of their plans, and he didn’t feel even close to ready to divulge anything yet. Why hadn’t Felix fucking vetted any of these questions? Didn’t he know that radio guys like Steve would do anything to get a really choice sound bite?

  “Dating? Really?” Leo said, his voice going even higher than normal. Unlike his boyfriend, he was a horrible liar, but Benji still appreciated him taking the question. “I think I’d know if Benji and Diego were dating.”

  “The pictures are on my website,” Steve said, more to the audience than to Leo, “you guys can judge for yourselves. But if you are,” he added, with a grin that Benji definitely wanted to wipe off his face with his fists, “we can all agree—super cute couple. Maybe even giving Leo and Caleb a run for their money.”

  Steve cut to commercial, and Felix burst in. It looked like the producer had tried to bar the door and prevent him from entering the studio. But nothing could ever hold Felix back from something he wanted—Max being the only notable example.

  “This interview is over,” Felix said through clenched teeth. He looked even more murderous than Benji felt. He didn’t know how Diego was doing; he’d been so afraid that even glancing in Diego’s direction would give away everything he felt and Steve would exploit it.

  “Sure, I already got what I wanted, anyway,” Steve said, still grinning, like with teeth like those, he couldn’t do much else.

  Diego’s hand dug harder into Benji’s knee. “It’s fine,” Diego said, under his breath. “It’s fine.”

  But it wasn’t fine at all. They’d been totally blindsided here, and instead of managing to deny it or even say something that wasn’t a denial but wasn’t a confirmation either, he’d just sat there like a statue, like an idiot.

  ———

  As soon as they were out of the studio, Felix immediately started apologizing. “Oh my God, if I’d known he was like that, I would have asked to see the questions ahead of time.”

  Leo shot him a look—after all Felix was his brother. “You didn’t know to ask for the questions ahead of time?”

  Felix threw up his hands. “This is important information you need to share with me.”

  “I guess we all assumed you were already more knowledgeable than we were,” Caleb admitted wryly. “It’s okay, we’ll all live.”

  Benji glowered. Of course Caleb was saying that, Felix was hi
s boyfriend’s little brother, and he hadn’t basically outed them on live radio.

  “Yeah, you will, but Benji looks like he’s going to kill me,” Felix said apprehensively.

  “Benji was just surprised,” Benji said, trying to tamp down his frustration. He could feel his phone going crazy in his pocket, and he knew it was Jay calling and texting him. Probably furious that his donated interview had nearly destroyed everything he was working for.

  “Okay,” Felix said tearily. “I really am sorry. Just because I pretend like I know what I’m doing all the time, doesn’t mean I do.”

  “It’s fine, really,” Diego said, reaching out and putting a comforting hand on Felix’s shoulder. “I can’t count how many times we messed up when we were getting started.”

  Diego straightened and looked straight at Benji. “You didn’t deny it,” he said, as the rest of the guys clustered around Felix, reassuring him. “You could have.”

  “No, I couldn’t have,” Benji said, surprised that Diego would ever think he could have. “We said we weren’t lying anymore.”

  “Even when the truth scares the shit out of you?” Diego asked, raising an eyebrow.

  Benji chuckled humorlessly. “I guess that wasn’t as secret as I’d hoped.”

  “I thought about it, I’ve been thinking about it, and I was wrong to believe that you weren’t scared. It’s a terrifying thing, exposing yourself like Jay wants you to.”

  “And you’re not scared to do it?” Benji asked. They were in the parking lot of the radio station, and he couldn’t exactly reach out and hold Diego close the way he wanted to. No doubt Steve even had cameras in his parking lot, hoping to catch something he could sell to TMZ or post on his own site.

  “Of course I’m scared, but I’ve been thinking about this for longer than you have,” Diego admitted. He hesitated. “Besides,” he added, “I’ve learned that having you next to me makes everything easier than it should be.”

  Benji smiled. “Same.”

  “I bet you that Jay has called you about ten times since that aired,” Diego said. “By the way, before you go call him back, I did look at the pictures you were talking about, the ones that Steve mentioned. And . . . I do think we’re giving Leo and Caleb a run for cutest couple.”