by Jen Jensen
Mitch rested his hands on the armrest of the chair. “Damned shame, that girl.”
“I don’t think Richard Crespin killed her. And I don’t think you did a very thorough job investigating her death, and I’d like to know why.”
“She was going to do a lot of damage, that’s why,” he said and turned up the television volume.
“What do you mean?” He stared at the television, a vacant look in his eyes. He sat quiet, unmoving. Jamis took the remote from his hand, muting the television.
“What do you want?” He turned to her.
“We were talking about Stephanie Gardner. You said she was going to do a lot of bad,” Jamis said, reminding him.
“Damned shame, that girl.” He drifted back to the television. “It’s too bad about her, but the damage was done. No use doing more damage.”
“Damage to who? Who were you protecting?” He took the remote from her hand, turning up the volume again. Sean Hannity yammered about something and Jamis took the remote back again, muting the television. “Mitch, please tell me who you were protecting.” She’d hold the remote hostage for answers.
He looked at her, at once present and gone. “My worthless son.” Jamis waited to see if he would offer anything else. They sat together in silence for fifteen minutes before he turned to her again. “What do you want?”
She handed him the remote and rose to leave, shutting his door quietly. He willfully neglected his duties as police chief to protect his son, who killed a woman claiming to carry his baby. Now, he’d lost his mind. In terms of justice, though, it still didn’t seem severe enough.
* * *
Jamis parked in front of Barbara Reynolds’s house. It was just four streets west of Stephanie’s house. Jamis rang the doorbell. There was noise behind the door. Voices murmured, rose in intensity, and then dropped off. Jamis felt anxious. Barbara’s husband died and now a stranger showed up on the doorstep, asking about his infidelities. Even her practiced analytical detachment couldn’t ignore the potential pain associated with her actions. But she wanted answers, and Stephanie deserved them.
Finally, an older woman opened the door. Her hair was brown with gray roots she’d not dyed recently. The bags under her eyes suggested sleep issues, and the wrinkles around her mouth and eyes were exaggerated. Stress aged people and it certainly had aged Barbara Reynolds.
Jamis introduced herself. “I’m in town working on an investigation. I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions. Are you Barbara?”
Her reaction was slow and dull. She nodded and opened her mouth, but a man stepped from behind her.
“What do you want?” He wore a baseball cap and stood at least six inches taller than Jamis. It was rare for her to meet someone that much taller.
“I’m investigating the death of Stephanie Gardner. I’ve already spoken with Mitch Sr. I realize it might be a hard conversation, but it appears as though I’ve gathered enough evidence to reopen her case. I plan to take it to the police, but I’d like to talk to Barbara first.”
The man stepped forward and shoved Barbara behind him.
“Hey, don’t shove her,” Jamis said, moving toward Barbara. He blocked her with the door.
“We know what people said about Mitch Jr. when that whore got killed.” Jamis jerked back at his words, furious. She needed to start carrying a stun gun. “It was all lies. She was trying to blackmail him to get money. We’ve got nothing to say to you.” He moved to slam the door, but Jamis stopped it with her foot and shoulder. She pushed it back open and he stumbled, shocked. They made eye contact and froze. Jamis imagined them at opposite ends of a dusty main street, hands on their pistols.
She was pissed. “It’s going to come out, sooner or later. The past is restless and wants to be heard, Mr…?” she trailed off, asking his name.
“Reynolds,” he spit. “Bobby Reynolds. He was my brother. It’s enough he’s dead. We won’t have you soiling his good name and hurting Barb any more than all those lies did all those years ago. Now get your foot out of my house before I call the cops.” Jamis moved her foot and he slammed the door.
“Well, hell,” Jamis said. She wanted to see Johnna. She texted her and began to drive in her direction.
* * *
Jamis talked about her day. Johnna had graciously invited her over to her house again.
“You think Mitch Jr. did it?” Johnna set Virginia’s food dish on the floor.
“I do. I’ll take everything I’ve found to the police tomorrow once I get Maggie’s report.”
“I hope this stops the dimension jumps and vivid dreaming,” Johnna said.
“You hope it does? Jesus Christ, me too.” Jamis picked up the cup of freshly brewed coffee in both hands. “The dreams are weird though. There are two women. They’re so different. Stephanie, I get.”
“Is this the field? The woman, right?” Johnna perched on the couch, as if she’d move soon. Jamis settled back, happy to be still for a moment.
“Yes. I’m just remembering that she talked to me last night. But I can’t remember what she told me. I remember it and I don’t.” She put her coffee on the table. “I can see her when I’m there but not really. When I wake up, I can’t remember her at all.” Johnna placed her hand on her forearm. Jamis looked down at her hand. Johnna moved it, as if she hadn’t realized it was there. “I’m terrible at this, so you know. I’ve only had one serious relationship in my life, and it imploded. I was a rogue for a while after that,” Jamis said, wanting to be honest.
Johnna left her hand on her arm. “I can’t say I was expecting that.” She smiled slowly and held eye contact.
Jamis was embarrassed and pulled her arms to her sides. She scooted back flat against the couch. She peered at Johnna from the corner of her eye. “I have issues.”
“I actually picked that up on my own,” Johnna said with a smile. Jamis smiled back. “I have issues too. Attachment issues. Abandonment issues. Intimacy issues. Feelings of overwhelming responsibility. Suicidal ideation, in phases.” Jamis turned to her, alarmed. “I run six days a week because it helps my depression. I don’t eat animals. I struggle for meaning. Because I watched my mom and brother die.” Jamis listened, her own incessant inner chatter quieted in compassion. “It’s hard to believe in any transcendent purpose after something like that happens.” She put her hands in her lap, folded them.
“So, it is possible we are two seriously damaged people. But I hope after you finish up with Stephanie, you consider staying around,” Johnna said, pushing off the couch a little too fast. “I have to get ready to go to Sara’s for a party. She told me to tell you to come.”
“Okay,” Jamis said, new certainty about her feelings for Johnna organizing inside. She wondered if she could gather them up, put them in Johnna to best explain how she felt. The depth of feeling was terrifying, and for a second, she wanted to flee.
“Let me get ready and we’ll go,” Johnna said, heading up the stairs. Jamis watched her until she faded from view.
She could just leave, not come back. Head out of town, go back to California. Something had shifted, and Johnna was opening to her. If it was what she wanted, why did she suddenly want to flee? Find a reason for it not to work so she didn’t have to try? It’s one thing to think she wanted something and something else entirely when she actually got it. She stayed, breathing through the urge to run.
Jamis patted the couch next to her and Virginia leaped. She rubbed her belly. “Virginia, I get so sick of myself.”
Chapter Seventeen
Jamis laughed as Johnna drove over an embankment of snow to park in Sara’s front yard. “I don’t want to park down the street.” Jamis followed closely behind Johnna, into the house, then as they navigated the crowded front room.
“I miss Virginia.” Jamis felt strange without her.
“She doesn’t love children, though. They overwhelm her. She’ll be fine dozing on my bed.” They stepped through the carpeted front room into the kitchen which had a long ba
r running down the middle of it. “There’s Sara,” Johnna said, pointing at a woman.
“What is this for again? Should I have brought a gift?” Jamis worried about social expectations more than was healthy, but it was because she attended so few of them.
“It’s Paul’s birthday, Sara’s husband. It’s fine. I gave him his gift a few weeks ago.” Sara came to them, and Johnna hugged her.
“You must be Jamis. My brother has been bragging about you all night,” Sara said. Jamis saw the resemblance between the sisters. It was the way they held themselves, the tip of their heads when they looked at someone, their smiles. Sara was shorter than Johnna, and pretty in the exact opposite way that Johnna was.
“If you want to grab something to eat, let me run and say hi to my dad and I’ll come right back and join you,” Johnna said. Sara turned away, called by someone.
“I want to meet your dad,” Jamis said.
“Maybe after you’ve known me for five years. He’s not ready for you and I don’t want to scare you away.” Jamis couldn’t imagine anything doing that, but she respected her boundaries. Jamis filled a plate with food and wandered into the front room, taking in all the people in groups and conversations. There were fifty or more people in the house, and she felt momentarily claustrophobic. Someone recognized her and squealed, and Jamis wiggled her fingers while eating cheese cubes.
“Do you always inspire this reaction in people?” Sapphire said, at her side, surprising her. “I mean, it borders on the insane. Do you remember how I reacted to you?” She punched Jamis in the arm. She wore dark jeans and a long sleeved V-neck sweater. Her hair was down.
“You look gorgeous,” Jamis said.
“Shut up,” Sapphire said, flushing.
“For Sam?”
“I’ve given up. But thank you. That’s kind of you.” Sapphire’s eyes were sad, and Jamis wanted to fix it.
“Oh, hey. Walk with me to the wall of pictures,” Jamis said. “Tell me who they are. I love family photos.”
They stopped in front of the wall and Sapphire pointed. “Sara and Paul’s family here.” Sapphire pointed out Paul, who she’d yet to meet. Young Paul was next to his mother and father in a larger family photo.
“That’s Dan,” Jamis said, pleased to recognize someone.
“Yup.” They moved down the wall as Sapphire constructed a genealogical narrative. “Look at Sara, Johnna, Sam.” Jamis got closer to the wall. There were four of them. She presumed the youngest was Jacob. She looked to the right and took an abrupt step back before leaning in closer.
“Who is that?” Jamis pointed to a woman in the photo with her arms around Johnna.
“Emma. That’s Johnna’s mom. Isn’t she the most beautiful human you’ve ever seen?” Sapphire said, almost reverent. Jamis followed her through the photos to the end of the wall. Her heart pounded. Her vision blurred and darkened, and she dropped her plate. She stumbled, close to falling. Sapphire grabbed her arm and steadied her, looked around to see if anyone had noticed, but they hadn’t. Sapphire pushed Jamis backward onto a folding chair tucked in the corner of the room. “Oh my God, don’t do this here. Stop it. What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know. I saw her picture and I couldn’t breathe. I…” She looked around. “Sapphire, I think she’s the woman in yellow.”
“From your dream?” Sapphire was incredulous. “But why would it be her? You must be confused. This is about Stephanie.”
“I just saw her last night. I think that’s her,” Jamis insisted.
“You’re probably superimposing Johnna’s features on the woman. She looks like her mom,” Sapphire said.
“I’m not,” Jamis said.
“This is insane, Jamis.” Sapphire sounded exasperated.
“Don’t tell Johnna, please. I want her to like me.”
“Come on. Follow me.” Sapphire took Jamis into a room in the back of the house. Jamis said she felt better, but Sapphire brought her a plate of potato salad, chips, and macaroni and cheese, forcing her to eat. She washed it down with an orange soda and almost gagged.
“Sorry,” Sapphire said. “I was worried and grabbed whatever I could find. Did your blood sugar drop?”
“I don’t have blood sugar issues,” Jamis said.
“Are you sure?”
“I was being pulled into another dimension that day,” Jamis said, feeling defensive.
“Is that what happened today?”
“No, I just felt like the wind got knocked out of me. I was shocked. I’m seeing Johnna’s mom in my dreams,” Jamis said.
“I can’t believe it. Why? Why would Emma be talking to you?” Jamis shrugged. “Maybe once you go to the police all this weird stuff will stop happening.”
“You don’t believe me, do you?”
“Thing is, I do. But I don’t understand,” Sapphire said. They eased into a few minutes of comfortable silence. “You okay?”
“I think so, yeah,” Jamis said.
“Let’s go back. We can work on it tomorrow.” They returned to the party. Sapphire introduced Jamis to Paul and others in a flurry of movement and conversation, including Matt Davis, the man in love with Johnna, and she couldn’t dislike him. Jamis urged Sapphire to mingle, begging to sit down.
She approached Dan Abbey on the couch. “May I?”
He motioned to the seat next to him. “We met yesterday, didn’t we?”
“We did. Johnna did most of the talking,” Jamis said.
“You did okay,” he said, taking a drink from a red plastic cup. “These parties. My wife comes and disappears, and I end up sitting on the couch all night by myself.”
“Well, I guess you’re lucky tonight. I’ll keep you company.” He held up his cup to Jamis.
“Sorry I had to run off so quickly yesterday. I had a meeting.”
“No problem. I don’t think anything else you might have shared would have mattered,” Jamis said.
“Really? Did you find something?”
“I’ve found a lot. Nearly enough to open the police file again.” Her phone chirped. She held up a finger and pulled it from her pocket. It was Sam, asking where she was so he could make his way to her. She responded. “Sam is trying to find me.”
“Hard to believe you’ve made so much progress in such a short amount of time.” Dan shifted to turn toward her.
“Well, I think I’ve had a lot of help.” The conversation trailed off when Matt and Sam approached. She drifted through the rest of the party with partial consciousness, laughing when appropriate and sharing when necessary.
But a question worried her. Why was Emma talking to her in her dreams, and what had she said to her the night before? Sweat ran down her sides, and finally, when she could take no more, Johnna arrived at her side and said, “Let’s go.”
* * *
Jamis was in Johnna’s living room again with Virginia stretched across her lap. Johnna was next to her. Jamis wanted to hold her hand but felt unbelievably nervous, her hesitation blocking her desire. Jamis looked at her and considered telling her she spent the night before talking to her mother but hesitated. Johnna might reject her. “I should probably head out. It’s getting late and I don’t want to keep you.”
The front door opened. Virginia jerked awake and gave a half bark from the couch as Sam came in. He smiled, seeing Jamis on the couch. “Hey there.”
Jamis pulled her hands into her own lap. “I was just leaving before you came in, so don’t get any funny ideas.”
“Never, but you can stay, if you want. You’re so welcome,” Sam said.
“Sapphire loves you, and she’s amazing so stop being stupid,” Jamis said in a rush of emotion. Johnna covered her mouth with her hand. Sam looked at Jamis, shocked, and put his hands in his lap.
“We’re just friends. We…she…”
“I couldn’t help myself, dude. Really, get on that before she finally meets someone new. She can’t wait forever, even though she has. Didn’t you notice? She loves you. Just text her, ask he
r to go get coffee, and propose marriage. There is no one better for you in the world. She’s like one in a bazillion.” She turned to Johnna. She felt hyper and chaotic. Her emotions were organizing a revolt and soon she’d have no control. It was best she retreated. “I appreciate the offer to stay, though. I have to get the information organized and typed up to go to the police.”
Johnna rose, gaze uncertain. “I’ll walk you out.” She touched Sam’s shoulder. “She’s right,” she said. He was silent, unmoving, processing the information.
Jamis stopped on the stairs of the porch and tucked her hands in her pockets. A bitter wind blew, and she crouched into herself. Jamis wanted to hug Johnna but didn’t.
“You need a better coat,” Johnna said with a small smile. “Are you okay? Is all this just wearing on you?” She stood on the top step of the porch, Jamis the bottom.
Jamis heard, “Tell Carmen.” She said out loud, “Tell Carmen.” Johnna tipped her head, uncertain. “Tell Carmen is what I heard last night. What would I tell Carmen?”
“Maybe your mind filled in some blanks,” Johnna said, leaning on the porch rail.
It was possible. “I just feel like I’m missing a big piece of this. A connection that’s vital.” She met Johnna’s eyes. Once again, the question rose unbidden. “Who is Carmen to you?”
Johnna stepped down to the bottom step, right in front of her, and tugged on her coat collar, pulling it tighter around her neck. She smoothed it down and stood on her toes to kiss her cheek. She wasn’t much shorter than Jamis. She imagined they’d fit together well, their legs intertwined.
“Carmen is the woman my mother loved,” Johnna said. Jamis was shocked. She’d forgotten she asked the question. “Let me know when you get back to the hotel.”
Johnna slipped back inside and Jamis finally moved when a gust of wind challenged her balance. She drove to the hotel as her mind fired with connections and possibilities. But she was unsettled, out of sorts, like pieces of her rattled out of place and struggled to find their way back where they belonged.