I chose normal individuals, having found the truly attractive people over-confident and mildly threatening. The meetings with them tended to make me feel angry as opposed to horny. I dated women until they slept with me. Sometimes that was for weeks, other times only minutes. Them wanting more fed my growing confidence. I would cut all ties after that first coupling.
But it wouldn’t be long until I searched for the next one, often because I needed someone else in my life.
I felt sure I would know the moment I met someone perfect. It wouldn’t be through a grubby hook-up site. My mother said she knew the moment she met my father. It would be a chemical reaction – I suppose I expected a thunderbolt.
The change began eighteen months ago with a sense of being watched while browsing at the supermarket. I’m a man of routine, shifts permitting, so I guess it wouldn’t have taken Claudia too long to work out when I shopped.
Every Friday night, I bought one of those rotisserie chickens and chunks of gammon from the deli. I’d get a selection of fruit and vegetables, and that would last me the whole weekend. Two weeks in a row, I came away with an itch between my shoulder blades. The next visit, I caught a young girl staring at me. I didn’t recognise her, but the moment our eyes met, she smiled. A few seconds later, our trolleys bumped while she grinned up at me.
‘Hey, don’t we know each other?’ she asked.
She was about five feet tall and pear shaped. Faint freckles glistened on her red cheeks. Her tracksuit had damp patches under her arms while unkempt hair hung heavily down her neck.
‘No, I don’t believe so.’ Her attire disconcerted me, but it was her wide eyed enthusiasm that made me step back. ‘I think I’d have remembered someone like you.’
‘Very smooth. Are you chatting me up?’
‘Erm…’
‘Just kidding, although I am single. Look, they gave us these at work this week.’
I read the glossy business card embossed with Claudia Birtwistle, Property Lawyer. I shook my head. ‘Name doesn’t ring a bell.’
‘You used to go to the Virgin gym. We flirted a little, you know, through the machines, but then you left before we spoke. Give me a call. I see you’re still in good shape. Where do you work out?’
‘I’m at the Holiday Inn leisure club. They installed new equipment but haven’t put the prices up yet.’
‘Perhaps I’ll check it out. We can grab a coffee now if you like?’
I didn’t want to be rude, but I couldn’t believe she was the person I had been waiting for. Regardless, the first date with my wife-to-be wouldn’t happen in a Morrison’s supermarket restaurant surrounded by feral toddlers and pushy pensioners.
‘I can’t. I’m off to the gym now. Have you just been to yours?’ If her moistness wasn’t through exertion, it could only be due to illness or drugs.
‘I’ve been to boxercise. It’s great. Another time, then.’
She did that annoying pretend phone hand gesture as she backed away and mouthed call me. I chuckled at the prospect but, as I wandered off, I realised the inane gesture was the only thing I’d found irritating. She wasn’t especially pretty, but I’d detected none of the bitterness that drunken Charlie had been unable to keep out of every conversation.
I was surprised to find that Claudia dominated my thoughts, and I almost rang her. I’d run imaginary calls through my mind but always felt daft. Work distracted me, and soon the weekend came around again; the time for my weekly shop. I arrived in new jeans and my best shirt. She wasn’t there. I dawdled like a fool in every aisle and clanged into other shoppers with my eyes on the horizon. Perhaps I’d read it wrong. Huge queues swarmed at the checkouts, and I nearly deserted the trolley in frustration.
I joined the self-pay line, which moved faster, and waited with sagging shoulders. A stony faced woman with a black ponytail turned round after I accidentally nudged her hip with my shopping. Mascara darkened blue eyes drilled into mine.
‘I thought you were going to ring me?’ said Claudia.
There it was. More lightning bolt than thunder. My startled brain managed a dodgy excuse as I grinned at her.
‘I wasn’t sure whether you wanted a workout buddy or a boyfriend.’
‘Maybe I haven’t decided yet.’
She was unrecognisable from the sweaty shrimp I’d met the previous week. Expensive looking clothes and high heels had turned her into something striking. Beautiful women always disarmed me and I mumbled rubbish as we queued. But, unexpectedly, I learned something else life altering. It doesn’t matter what you say if the other person is genuinely interested or thinking positive thoughts, as long as you talk or, better still, listen. She’d known of me but didn’t know anything about me. I bet she created an idea of what I was like. People desire something more if they can’t have it.
I considered whether her current look was just an illusion and not what I’d be getting, until I concluded something amazing. I would have them both. It’d be like having two girlfriends without the hassle of maintaining different lives. As she giggled at the strange things I’d put in my trolley while I searched for her, I knew, without a shadow of doubt, that I had found the one at last. We would be together, forever.
8
The Soul Killer
Last Christmas
It was my first Christmas with Claudia and I wanted it to be memorable. She came to my little house in River End on Christmas Eve. Claudia cherished this time of year. She had told me that she traditionally opened presents with loved ones the night before Christmas, so she could focus on the celebration and all the great food the next day. I wondered if it was a habit from an earlier boyfriend. I said nothing, but my stomach rolled at the thought of it.
She spent every Christmas Day at her dad’s house with her twin sister. Her mother had died in a car accident many years ago, which meant the remaining family members were a close unit. They visited her mother’s grave after lunch as part of the ritual of Christmas Day. She had been a religious woman and instilled the fear of God in her children. They kept her memory alive with weekly flowers. I prefer to let the dead rest in peace.
I didn’t have anyone else to buy for, except Barney, and I’d been getting him cheap whisky for years. He’d found a new relationship with the bottom of a bottle and discovered it less judgemental and demanding than my mother. Did his habit start the Christmas she died? Did my actions drive him to drink?
Christmas Day became the only time I saw him all year. He had retired from a career I don’t recall. When I asked if he was okay for money, he said he never spent all of his pension. I don’t think he left the house much. I enjoyed Christmas with Barney. It beat being alone. He smiled a lot on those few days. If my mother’s ghost haunted the house, it kept quiet when I returned.
I smiled as I watched Claudia bustling around my house that first year. To think that it was the first of many was comforting. I knew it’d be a special day now for Claudia as it was for me. She was more materialistic than me and enjoyed coveting things in shop windows when we were out, or admired items on TV adverts when we were in, and so I had assumed she was dropping me hints. I had kept a list so I wouldn’t forget. When it was time for us to exchange gifts, she went outside to get my presents, while I grabbed her boxes from the loft. I arranged them under my big plastic tree and all over the sofa. Her face was a picture when she returned.
‘Wow, so many. I wasn’t expecting that.’
It was just like her to be so modest. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn’t get her the very best? I poured her a sherry.
‘Not for me. I need to drive first thing. I don’t want to become a statistic.’
I smiled, but I’d imagined her giggling and resting her head on my chest as we watched a festive film. I knocked mine down in one go when she turned to fetch what she’d bought me.
‘These are just some little things to open. I thought I’d take you for a drive to the coast in a few days and treat you to a walk and some fish and chips.’
A brie
f flash of annoyance threatened to sour my mood. I’d thought she’d wear a dress as opposed to jeans, too, but I soon removed them and she said she’d never received so much attention. She promised it was the most intense experience of her life.
Claudia left first thing in the morning without drinking the expensive coffee I’d brewed for her. Alone, I held her gifts again. She had got me the boxset of the American series The Wire, and a tie and cufflinks set. The DVD looked interesting, but I didn’t wear ties and my shirts were button sleeves. None of that mattered though. We were a couple.
I went to the loft again and brought down the box that I used to hide things from my mother in. The tatty Easter basket and Charlie’s necklace were the only items I’d kept from my childhood and university. The rest of the bits just reminded me of unhappier times and were best forgotten. The two remaining pieces were important as they reminded me of the two women who tried to ruin my life. I nodded as I believed that Mother paid the necessary price, but my mood spoiled as I recalled Charlie. That wound still festered.
Never mind, I had Claudia now and she appreciated me. Claudia’s father, Donald, celebrated Boxing Day with a party for the wider family and we were both invited. Claudia relished the prospect. I’d have been happier on a rack with a spotlight shining in my face, but he was important to her.
I’d only met Donald briefly a handful of times, each a torturous occasion. He observed me in the same way a doctor stared at a sick patient: wondering where the faults were. He had an overbearing, blusterous manner, which made me nervous. I was never sure whether his challenges to play badminton and squash were real or his poor attempts at humour. Her sister, Annabelle, was more polite with her scrutiny than him, but her allegiance would never be to me.
On Boxing Day, we pulled up outside his house. There wasn’t much parking at the best of times on the old British Sugar site despite the eye watering cost of the houses, and we parked a two minute walk away near the estate playground. I shivered as I stepped from the car and helped Claudia into her coat despite the short distance. My eyes had bulged at the price of his favourite bottle of wine. Even so, I hoped my choice would impress him.
Claudia and I held hands and wandered past the playground to his house. I forced myself to breathe slowly and distract myself by staring at the swings and slides. They trigger strange emotions in me even though I only recall going on them once. It must have been when I was very young as the memory is hazy. Yet, if I think hard enough, I can feel the breeze on my face as I swing higher. My mother pushed me for a while, and I turned and laughed at her, knowing she loved me.
At that moment, it was difficult to comprehend that I’d ended up killing her. I focussed on her being beyond help by the time I did that though, and I needed to concentrate on myself. That was what she taught me. Heaven was her goal, and she got her reward.
Claudia noticed my melancholy looks at the empty playground, so she linked arms with me. ‘They always look sad with nobody in them.’
I agreed. ‘The kids will be back soon.’
‘Maybe ours one day?’
My heart soared at those words. Not that I wanted offspring. The world would be better off with no continuation of my family line, but at least she saw a future with me. I’d persuade Claudia later that we didn’t need children in our lives.
Music flowed down the street from her father’s house as we approached. Outside, the ripple of conversations and laughter spilled from an ajar window. They were the sounds of happiness and belonging. I steeled myself for the task ahead. Winning over the important people in her life would be essential.
I’d been online and found sites with ideas for people who found social situations hard. I had always wondered if some people were just born being able to chatter away. I had known many who didn’t like silence so they’d spout any old rubbish to avoid the possibility of a few uncomfortable pauses. My pocket contained a list of topics to prevent that occurring. People liked talking about themselves. I just had to get them started.
Claudia and I stopped at the door. I pressed the bell. She leaned over and kissed me on the cheek as I took a final deep breath and straightened my shoulders. A whole party of normal happy people were expecting us, while the perfect girl on my arm was planning our future. It was the highlight of my whole life. I thought that things could only improve, but reality differs from dreams, and hope can vanish like smoke.
9
The Soul Killer
Claudia’s father opened the door. He seemed different from how I remembered him; smaller, older or thinner, and he’d grown a weak beard. His joy at seeing Claudia, though, was always evident. I received a small frown while he guided her into his house, as though I shouldn’t follow. There were about twenty people dotted around the rooms downstairs. The kitchen extended into a conservatory and gave the place a lovely feeling of light and space.
Claudia kissed him on the cheek.
‘Dad, beer for me. You two have met before, so I’m going to find Annabelle, while you boys chat about how great I am.’
She bounded up the stairs and away.
He glanced at the bottle I’d passed to him. ‘Not bad,’ he said with a raised eyebrow and held my gaze. I remembered the golf clubs near the door and searched my memory for conversation starters.
‘You like golf?’ I ask.
‘I keep them there in case of burglars.’
I shuffled on the spot. ‘They’d regret breaking in here.’
‘It was a joke. I love all sports. How about you?’
‘Some.’ I considered trying to blag him, but my knowledge on the subject was poor. I’d played twice, and I agreed with whoever said they called it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. I gestured to the clubs.
‘I have played, but I found it tricky. A couple of times a week, I run, keep fit, that sort of thing.’
‘Shame. Tall, strong fella like you should be good at golf. I suppose running is something. Do you want a beer as well?’
‘No, I don’t…’ I was going to say drink much, but I knew he would think less of me ‘… drink when I’m driving.’
‘I wouldn’t have thought one would kill you?’
‘It tends to make me sleepy. We see a lot in A & E who’ve only had one or two. Besides, I have a valuable cargo.’
That got his attention. We had reached the kitchen by then. An elderly gentleman nodded hello and left us alone next to the Aga.
‘I guess you must see some sights at work.’ He pondered the rest of my comment. ‘Your cargo is not just valuable, it’s priceless,’ he said, after stepping close. ‘You look after her, or you answer to me. Seeing her happy and content is the only thing that matters before my time’s up.’
‘Let’s hope that’s a long way off.’
His eyes searched mine for a few moments. ‘I guessed she wouldn’t tell you. I’m ill, and it doesn’t look great. A man with nothing to lose can say what he likes, don’t you think?’
‘I suppose so.’
‘I wondered if I’d find anyone good enough for my daughter. It’d need to be someone very special. Do you fit the bill?’
‘I believe so.’
He opened the fridge door and passed me a still water. His expression told me he didn’t agree. ‘Orange squash is in the cupboard. I’m afraid we’re all out of straws.’ He attempted an unconvincing smile. ‘Feel free to go and mingle. Most people don’t bite. Have a good time. There’ll be food in an hour or so.’
I wandered around, trying to fit in, but most of my conversation topics fell flat. It became clear they were more suitable for first dates than as ice breakers with elderly strangers.
I did recognise one guy there due to his thick blond hair and red face. He wasn’t dissimilar to Boris Johnson. We sometimes bumped into each other running or cycling next to the river. He noticed me at the same time I did him. We were similar heights, but he possessed the heavyset body of a retired rugby player. I often overtook him and I guessed he exercised for w
eight control rather than for pleasure. I meandered over to talk to him. It’d be nice to chat to a familiar face with a shared interest, but just before I reached him, his jovial expression faltered. He sneered in a manner I’d seen many times from drunks, turned his back on me and sauntered away.
I caught Claudia’s dad and her sister, Annabelle, deep in conversation, and judging by their averted gazes when they spotted me looking over, I was their topic. It looked as if they weren’t singing my praises.
A little later I watched as Claudia’s family brought all the dishes out for the table. It was a Christmas feast, the likes of which I hadn’t seen before. They all laughed and dodged around each other as they worked, the guy I knew from running helping them too. It turned out he was Annabelle’s husband, Malcolm Somerville, and the whole group were so obviously comfortable and trusting with each other that a nasty thought occurred to me. While these people dominated Claudia’s life, I could never compete.
10
DI Barton
Ginger’s Wake
Barton surveyed the thinning crowd in the conservatory at Orton Hall Hotel where Holly had booked the wake. He spotted retired DCI Naeem talking to her successor and his new boss, DCI Sarah Cox. Barton’s application for promotion had failed at the interview stage, but he held no malice towards Cox. He believed they had chosen the right person for the job.
Her nickname had been Apple when she first joined, but as she rose higher the jokes got left behind. Barton thought she looked a little like Jennifer Aniston, but he’d never felt comfortable enough around her to mention it. Naeem had been a brilliant boss, and he missed her greatly.
Behind him sat a large collection of full bottles of wine on a table alongside a virtually untouched buffet. He observed a few more faces escape out of the back door.
The Soul Killer Page 4