by CJ Cooke
“Kind of like me then,” I realised.
She sat up straighter and suddenly put the book back down on the table. “You’re right. Not using my magic didn’t make it go away or become any weaker. I just didn’t know how to use it. It’s probably the same thing with your wolf.”
“Maybe, but my wolf is a living thing.” This conversation was getting all kinds of confusing now. Was magic alive? I didn’t know if that was something we could really decide on between just the two of us. “I want you to try,” I suddenly said, coming to a decision even if I also now had an overwhelming urge to throw up.
Thankfully Calli didn’t ask me if I was sure or checked to see if I wanted to talk it through first, she slid out of her chair and knelt in front of me. I’d definitely be chickening out right now if she gave me a chance to. But this was something I needed to do, and if it would make the process easier later down the line, that had to be a good thing. Right?
Calli gently laid her hands on my knees, and I got the overwhelming urge to grab her and pull her into my arms. Realising this was the first time my mate had touched me anywhere apart from briefly holding my hand, I clenched my fists and shoved them down the sides of the chair to stop me from doing anything stupid. Like she’d said, we weren’t ready to take that step just yet.
“Okay, this isn’t going to hurt. I’m going to reach out with my magic and see if I can feel your wolf. If you want me to stop at any point, just say, I should be able to hear you.”
“Should? Why does that sound like you aren’t certain?”
“Well, I’ve never really done this on purpose before?” she confessed, her cheeks lighting up with a delicate blush.
“I trust you enough to be your guinea pig,” I grinned. Wow, did I? Yeah, I think I did. Oh well, it was too fucking late now because as I looked at her, her eyes closed, and she seemed to relax on the spot. A warm feeling slowly spread from her hands up my legs and into my body.
It was a strange sensation, almost like slowly getting into the bath and feeling the warm water coating your skin, except on the inside. I had a brief flicker of panic as I felt my wolf rise out of the back of my mind, but then, with a deep breath, I closed my eyes and gently exhaled to try and calm myself down.
I could feel her, the silky sensation of her magic as it moved inside my mind. It didn’t feel obtrusive. There was something almost sensual about the way she glided along, almost caressing my consciousness. I could feel my wolf now. He was alert and aware of something moving towards him. He didn’t panic. It was almost like he knew it was his mate. If anything, he just seemed to sit and patiently wait for her to reach him.
“Maverick, it feels like you have your wolf contained. Locked away,” she clarified.
“I… I always imagined him inside a cage,” I said, ashamed of what I’d done now that I had to confess it out loud.
“Do you think you could open the cage?” she asked, except her voice seemed to echo around my mind rather than come from her physical body.
“I don’t know how,” I admitted.
“Try relaxing, try reaching out for him. Let him know you want him to come to you,” she told me softly.
“Won’t that make me shift?” I asked in a panic, the reality of shifting scared me more than I wanted to admit.
“No, I don’t think so. It has to be a conscious decision to shift. All you’re doing now is saying hi. Apparently, I’ll be right here with you.”
“What do you mean, apparently?” I panicked.
“I’ve not done this before, remember. I don’t know what’s happening.”
“Cool, well, you just hang out in my mind for a bit then. I’m sure nothing can go wrong with that,” I snarked, the panic making me revert back to my old ways.
“Don’t make me try and make you pee yourself,” she laughed.
“I regret everything about this,” I muttered before I sighed and decided to just go with it.
Trying to relax, I looked inside myself and found the place where I normally shoved my wolf when I didn’t want to deal with him. Surprisingly he seemed to be patiently waiting for me. If I were him, I’d be rabid as fuck and trying to bite my face off.
“You are him,” Calli told me.
“Okay, it’s unfair that you can hear my thoughts right now.” We didn’t think this through before deciding to try this out.
“Stop whining and just get on with it,” she laughed.
Huffing out a sigh in part annoyance this time, I turned back to the issue at hand choosing to ignore Calli’s snicker of amusement as I did.
My wolf was looking at me in interest. I swear I could almost see his grey coat and the way he cocked his head. I couldn’t blame him, this was probably the most attention I’d given him my entire life.
Not knowing what else to do, I reached out in my mind and ran my fingers through his fur. I could feel the way the top coat was wiry and coarse, but there was a soft downy coat beneath it. Just as I was about to laugh in amusement, an overwhelming surge of emotion and power rocketed through me and with a gasp, I was thrown back in my chair.
I opened my eyes in panic, and when I did, I saw Calli lying on the floor at my feet, her eyes closed, seemingly unconscious. What the fuck just happened? Immediately dropping to her side, I scooped her up in my arms, pushing her hair away from her face.
“Calli, baby, wake up,” I whispered gently, begging her to open her eyes.
What if she was stuck inside my head?
Calli? I whispered in my mind, cringing at the thought of her forever stuck inside my head with access to every thought that ever crossed my mind.
“What are you doing?” I heard her laugh, and when I opened my eyes and saw her looking up at me in amusement, I’d never been more relieved in my life.
“Oh, thank fuck, I was thinking how terrible it would be to have you trapped in my head forever.”
“Gee, thanks,” she laughed.
“You know I didn’t mean it like that. What the fuck just happened anyway?”
“I’m not entirely sure,” she confessed just as the door to the library burst open and several people ran inside, including my soon-to-be alpha, who looked all kinds of pissed off.
“What did you do?” Grey boomed, moving to take Calli away from me.
“I had a look inside Maverick’s head,” Calli said with a grin, answering the question like he’d asked her, even though it was more than apparent from the tone of his voice I was solely getting the blame for this one.
“You… what?” he sighed in exasperation, and I got the feeling that our mate was perhaps a bit of a troublemaker. “Why did you decide to have a look inside his head?”
“Oh, you know, reasons,” she shrugged, struggling to sit up from where she was currently draped across my lap.
As much as I didn’t want her to, I helped her sit up, and Grey scooped her up before sitting down in the chair she’d been in previously with her in his lap.
Looking up, I saw Tanner staring down at me in amusement and another of the pack members whose name I wasn’t entirely certain on. Whoever he was, he didn’t seem quite as amused.
“Do you care to enlighten us about these reasons?” Grey asked her, his tone softening now he was talking to his mate and not me.
I could see her about to tell him no, and I realised if I was ever going to be a part of this pack, then I needed to start showing them they could trust me. Part of that was going to be not keeping every little detail of myself a secret, even if this was the worst confession I probably had going for me right now.
“She was trying to help me connect with my wolf because... I’ve never shifted before,” I ended awkwardly.
The room fell silent as the men around me looked in shock. The look of pride on Calli’s face was enough to soften the blow and I realised I didn’t feel as ashamed as I’d assumed I would.
“How is that even possible, Mav?” Tanner asked. I could see the shock on his face, but what surprised me was the lack of judgment.
“You know what he’s like. I had to prove I was strong.”
The room fell silent, and no one spoke for an uncomfortable amount of time.
“Why did you come running in here?” Calli suddenly asked.
“We felt something through the pack bond,” Grey said, pulling her tightly against him, and she melted against him.
Strangely I didn’t feel jealous. I could feel my wolf's curiosity but also his acceptance. He was so much more present in my mind now. It was like he’d been underwater before, and now he’d finally surfaced.
“You look confused,” Calli said, and when I looked up, I realised she and the others all stood watching me.
“I can feel my wolf. It’s… different,” I shrugged. What else was there really to say?
“We need to talk about the bond…” Grey started, and Calli burst out into laughter. She’d predicted it after all.
Grey looked less than impressed for about five seconds before he broke into a grin. I knew the feeling. It was easy to see that it’d be hard to not see the lighter side of life with Calli by your side. She just brought something with her, something that made the world seem brighter.
“I want to take the bond,” I blurted out.
Fucking hell, did I? I wasn’t even sure. Initially, the thought filled me with dread, but I could see this place for what it was now—a second chance. And if taking the pack bond meant I got that, how could I really say no. Did I still want to take over, challenge Grey for alpha? No. I wasn’t even sure I could make decisions for myself at the moment. How exactly was I going to do that for an entire pack? But that didn’t mean I didn’t want a position in the pack. This idea of everyone being equal just seemed wrong. There had to be a hierarchy. There was no way it could work without it.
“Good,” Grey said in his gruff, no-nonsense alpha voice. “Tonight, we can see how you do with a shift, and then we’ll make plans from there.” He nodded his head. There was clearly not going to be a way around this or any argument to be had. The alpha had spoken, and this was what was happening. Strangely, Tanner looked confusedly at Grey, though, almost like he was unsure why he was acting like that. Something was going on, and I hated being out of the loop on it.
“I’m going to head over to the garage. Do you want to come with, Mav?” Tanner asked.
I could tell I was being gotten rid of, and I’d let them have their secrets for now. Whilst I might want to push and try and find out what was going on, the way into this was to earn their trust first. And I was going to try my hardest to do it. All else failing, I’d just ask Calli. I had a feeling she’d tell me if I really wanted to know.
Looking at the woman in question, she locked eyes with me before one corner of her mouth ticked up. She knew they were trying to get me out of the way too. Whatever was happening must be significant if she was going along with it for now.
Reluctantly getting to my feet, I let Tanner lead me out of the library, leaving the delicious scent of my mate behind. Perhaps I’d be able to persuade them to just let me try the shift with Calli because right now, the thought of having to change was making me shit myself. I’d never felt so unlike myself in all my life. And it wasn’t even because of my wolf’s second consciousness lingering closer to the front of my mind now. I’d never second-guessed and doubted myself as much as this. I’d never given a shit what anyone other than my father thought before. Working with the pack, trying to fit in, it was as alien to me as the dog that was now residing in the forefront of my brain. Weirdly though, it didn’t exactly feel wrong.
32
Calli
“I don’t like you being alone with him,” Grey’s voice rumbled beneath me.
I’d curled back up in his lap, enjoying soaking up his presence in this rare moment of silence.
“What time did Sean say he was getting here?” I asked rather than tell him there was no way he’d get a say on who I spent my time with. I knew it was whatever his increasing alpha powers were doing to his mind that made him say it, and I didn’t want this to turn into an argument.
Grey huffed in annoyance, but then I felt his chest expand as he took a deep breath before slowly releasing it. He was trying, I knew he was, but I was praying Sean had some answers for us because I didn’t want to lose the Grey I’d first met.
“In about an hour,” he finally said, his voice already having calmed and nearly back to his normal tone. “Have you had any breakfast?”
“No, I don’t think we’ve really got any food in. We desperately need to go food shopping, and we need to do it before the kids get home from school because there’s nothing for them to have for dinner,” I told him.
“What did they eat this morning?” he asked, and I could hear the concern in his voice. It weirdly made me feel all warm inside when Grey got so protective over the kids.
“River took them to the diner for breakfast. He ended up having to take Abby as well because she got upset they were going without her. Blake went with them, and he’s going to bring her back when they finish, but I think he’s going to stop by and see Jean first.”
Grey shifted beneath me, and then his finger slipped under my chin, and he tipped my head back, so I was looking at him.
“So what you’re saying is we finally have the house to ourselves for an hour?” He rumbled out a growl at the end of his sentence, and my thighs automatically clenched together at the promise that sound meant.
“Yes, except for my very protective and very punctual uncle, who can turn into an enormous dragon, that will be here by the time that hour is up,” I pointed out. It was the figurative bucket of cold water I’d known it would be.
“Fine,” he sighed. “Let me see what I can rustle up for us to eat. I’m pretty sure there are some waffles in the back of the freezer. We can hit the books while we wait for Sean to get here.”
Nothing had ever sounded less appetising than waffles from the back of the freezer, but I’d let it go if it meant I got some food in me. This afternoon we definitely needed to hit the supermarket. The store in town was still closed, the thought making me immediately think of James and whatever he was currently going through. Whatever it was, though, it probably wasn’t as bad as his poor wife. I should really make an effort to go and see her. I just needed to make sure I didn’t inadvertently take a demon with me when I went. Why was life so difficult right now?
Grey came back with the waffles and a syrup bottle and set them on the small table next to me.
“We really need to get some more furniture in here,” he said, looking around.
“I already ordered some last night, and the desk I ordered for the house is being delivered tomorrow, so at least we’ll have that.”
“We might have an old table in the basement we can bring up in the meantime,” Grey said distractedly. “I’ll look this afternoon.”
I picked up the book I’d been reading before and started to pick at my waffles while I tried not to drip syrup on it or me. It was pretty interesting, but I was trying to skip over the parts that weren’t relevant. There were a couple of pages on wraiths, but all I’d read so far seemed pretty basic. We needed to know their weaknesses and how we were going to kill one. That seemed far more detailed than this book went into. But from the brief insight it’d given me, at least I was pretty sure what we’d seen now was indeed a shadow demon, even if Cassia had already confirmed it.
“Where’s Cassia?” Grey asked as he sifted through the other books on the little table before pulling one out.
“She’s resting. I told her I’d try and heal her some more this afternoon, but she was to stay put until I got to her. She needs to stop jumping out of bed and running around places. She’s still got a hole in her stomach where there isn’t supposed to be one,” I huffed out.
Bloody stubborn witch kept pulling her stitches out and was going to make it even harder for me to heal her. Hunter had all but threatened to tie her down this morning when I caught her trying to sneak into the library. There was
a look of interest in her eye at the suggestion I really didn’t want to think about.
“Good luck with that,” Grey laughed. “I give her an hour before we catch her trying to escape her sickbed again.”
“You’re probably right.” I shook my head in exasperation even if deep down I could admit I’d be just as bad in her position.
We sat in silence for the next half an hour as we both flicked through the books I’d gathered. There wasn’t a whole lot of information to be had on what we were trying to research, but there were more books here than we could get through in the short amount of time we probably had.
“This is interesting,” Grey said, turning the book he was currently reading to face me. “It talks about gathering moonlight to dispel darkness.”
I took the book from him and looked at the drawing of a witch funnelling moonlight through her and lighting up the night. There wasn’t much information about the ritual involved but what details were there made it seem fairly simple. I didn’t know why but when it looked easy, it always made me suspicious they weren’t quite telling you the whole picture.
“We should make a pile of books which could possibly help on… the floor?” I finished lamely. Yeah, we really did need more furniture in here.
Grey just chuckled and hauled himself out of the chair. “I’ll go see if I can find that table. You keep reading.”
It was nice having Grey as a study buddy. Blake would undoubtedly help this afternoon, but Nash and Aidan had gone to the garage with Tanner and Maverick earlier. With Cassia out of the game for now and Hunter not leaving her side, we’d have to try and rope in some help to get through all the books we had and hopefully find a solution to our problem. Grey might not be saying it out loud, but when that shadow demon made it through the ward, it was coming for him. I couldn’t lose him. Not because I didn’t know enough. Not because I never made my mother teach me. She may have refused, but I’d just accepted it. I should’ve made her. I travelled the world for nearly two years, I had ample opportunity to learn then. The naive belief I had forever could get my mate killed, and I’d have no one to blame but myself.