by Can Xue
“Yes, I did.”
“Do you think I can succeed?”
“Yes, you will,” Yiping whispered. But what she thought to herself was, I hope you don’t succeed. You should land with me.
Something crossed the cousin’s mind. He frowned and asked Yiping, “Have people in the two nearby villages said anything about me recently?”
“Yes. Someone said that you’re looking for your tomb. Is that true?”
“Ha-ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha!” Her cousin began laughing uproariously.
“Of course I fly around Tomb Mountain because I want to find a suitable burial place. This whole matter must be connected with Venus, isn’t it?”
“I don’t know.” Yiping shook her head, and her face clouded over.
They fell silent. Both of them looked at the sky and then looked at the village below the mountain.
When they parted, they agreed that Yiping would slip away from her home at midnight and Xuwu would meet her at the foot of the mountain. When Yiping went down the mountain, her cousin shouted behind her, “Yiping, you must take an afternoon nap, because if you doze off later, we’re both done for!”
“I know, cousin! I won’t doze off!” Yiping answered excitedly.
She ran home and immediately picked up the bucket and went to fetch water. She went once, and then once more, until the two water containers were full. When she sat down to rest, Auntie Li dropped in.
“Is your cousin a man or a bird? He flew over my head, and I was so scared I fell down! It was too eerie, wasn’t it?—a big guy flying back and forth over your head! I’ve lived a long time, and nothing like this has ever happened in our village before.”
Yiping was entranced. She looked at Auntie Li and laughed out loud.
“What’s so funny? Huh?”
When Auntie Li left, Yiping noticed that she also had a smile on her face. What on earth was Cousin up to? What did he want to communicate to the villagers?
After Yiping ate, she cleaned up the kitchen and went to bed. She planned to take a long, long nap.
She closed her eyes and counted. As she counted, she grew excited again and forgot how far she had counted. So she started again. She started over again several times to no avail. She looked at the clock. More than an hour had passed when she decided to get up and go to the field and pick beans.
As she picked beans, she looked at Tomb Mountain. One moment, it seemed that she saw a small red dot climbing to the mountain top. When she looked more carefully, she saw nothing. Probably the sun had been shining in her eyes. While Yiping was thinking about her cousin’s dangerous behavior, she heard people talking behind her.
“That Xuwu—he’s risking his life.”
She turned around and saw that no one was there. Who had been talking?
Yiping was busy the entire afternoon with the beans, washing them and drying them. Finally she finished everything.
When the sun set, she ran out of the house and looked carefully at the sky. She looked and looked, but she didn’t see Venus. There was no star at all in the sky. When she was about to enter her courtyard, Auntie Li appeared. She blocked the way and wanted her to answer a question.
“Xuwu has been staying in our village for such a long time: Does that mean he wants to marry you?”
“What nonsense!”
Very uneasy, Yiping pushed her away and dashed into her courtyard.
Yiping didn’t go to bed until late. Before she went to bed, she opened the back door.
Every now and then she shone her flashlight on the clock. When it was almost midnight, she got dressed and sneaked out. As she stood at the courtyard gate, she looked back once. Her home looked dark blue. How could this shabby adobe home be dark blue? Ordinarily, it was a not-quite-yellow, not-quite-gray color. Was it because of the moonlight?
Yiping walked very fast, almost jogging. After a while, she reached the foot of Tomb Mountain. At night, the mountain looked very large, as though it wasn’t a mountain but was the whole world. But her cousin wasn’t waiting for her at the foot of the mountain. Yiping was worried and afraid: she heard her heart thumping against her chest. After waiting a while, she decided to climb the mountain. She thought maybe Cousin had forgotten what he had said and was simply waiting for her where they usually met.
As she climbed the mountain, she heard a strange bird calling several times. She was so afraid that she felt death was approaching. She said to herself, I’m not afraid to die. After she said this three times, she felt more courageous. She was proud of herself, too.
Finally, she saw her cousin sitting on a rock next to the hot-air balloon. His head was drooping; it seemed he didn’t realize she had arrived. Could he have forgotten their plan?
“Cousin, let’s get going!” Yiping shouted.
“Ah! You’re here!” He was startled. “No need to hurry. Sit down for a while first.”
Yiping sat on another rock. She was shaking all over.
“The time in the sky and the time on earth aren’t the same,” her cousin said slowly, one word at a time.
“Show—show me how to—to operate the balloon, okay?” Yiping said, her teeth chattering.
“I’ve set it on automatic. You don’t have to do much. When she gets close, we have to be ready. If I do make up my mind and jump over to her, you must begin landing immediately. It’s easy. All you have to do is pull the switch.”
Xuwu spoke rapidly. Yiping wasn’t very sure of what he had said. She blinked, and her emotions surged.
They sat in the large wicker basket, her cousin holding the joystick, and the hot-air balloon began slowly leaving the ground. Yiping was frightened and didn’t dare look down. She wanted to get control of her feelings. Her cousin started talking nonstop.
“Yiping, you can’t imagine the encounters I’ve had in the sky. People think that hot-air balloons can’t fly very high, but this is just what ordinary people think. I’ve told you that I actually encountered Venus—and not just once, either! In that moment and that place, I assure you if someone had been helping me then, would I have flipped over onto it? What do you think? She was dark green. I sensed that she had a hairy surface. Could it be a kind of moss? I really regret that I missed the opportunity. What’s wrong with me—always having 20-20 vision only in hindsight? Yiping, I know that the villagers don’t appreciate what I do, and yet I really long for their understanding. These people are all my relatives. My parents grew up here; later they moved away. It was a scandal, but I bet you never heard it from your folks! And so when I came to this village last year, it was like coming back to my real family. You must think this is strange—Why do I sleep on the mountain? I don’t know why; I just have to shut myself away from the villagers so that I can sleep in peace. The villagers are all my relatives—Auntie Li, Uncle Huang, Uncle Liu, your parents. They keep coming into my dreams.”
Suddenly, his words were interrupted. Yiping felt acutely dizzy. She thought, The basket must be bumping against the mountain. This was the end. In a feeble voice, she shouted, “Help!”
When she opened her eyes, she realized that this wasn’t the end. The hot-air balloon was descending; she could already see the rooftops in the village. Those rooftops were the dark blue color that she’d seen earlier when she ran out—unearthly but lovely.
“Cousin, we’re descending. Aren’t you going to pursue Venus?”
Yiping felt a little disappointed.
“I miss my relatives so much! You can’t understand this feeling, for you’re too young. See: Uncle Li has walked out! He’s going to the outhouse; he has diarrhea. Our village is a multi-surname village, made up of refugees who came from many places. They established this village. You must know this.”
Yiping didn’t know anything about this. She looked hard, but she couldn’t see Uncle Li. Between two houses, next to a bamboo fence, it seemed there was a shadow slipping across. But the hot-air balloon was floating too fast with the wind, and she couldn’t get a good look.
“Cousin, let’s g
o up! Why do we have to stay so close to the village? I’d like to see Venus. There’s nothing to see in the village. Look, you’ve swerved again: we’re still floating near the rooftops. What are you really looking for?”
“Me? Didn’t you say the other time that I’m looking for a burial place?” Xuwu laughed out loud. “I see your papa. He got up and he’s chopping firewood in the dark. He’s always like this. The year I came down with cholera, he carried me on his back to the county hospital.”
“Don’t we have any way to ascend? I’d like to go up to a place several thousand meters high.”
“That’s impossible. Haven’t I told you? I have only low-grade fuel. At most, my hot-air balloon can climb five hundred meters . . . And I’m also not very interested in heights. In this deathly still night, my heart is close to this village.”
“Has . . . it . . . always . . . been . . . like . . . this—” Yiping asked in a lingering tone.
Glancing at her cousin, she saw him snickering. Yiping realized that there was an enormous distance between the two of them. She grew dizzy and grumbled, “Where did you come from?”
Her cousin didn’t answer at first. After a while, Yiping heard his voice; it was intermittent and seemed to be coming from the ground.
“Here’s Auntie Li; she’s sticking her head out the window . . . Now she’s walking into another room. She’s thinking about me
. . . She’s my relative. Oh, you mustn’t lean out; you’ll scare her . . . Here’s some thick smoke: it’s your mama cooking breakfast in the dark . . .”
Yiping couldn’t see anything, because her eyes were filled with tears that had suddenly gushed up. She quietly and repeatedly asked her cousin, “Should I cry? Should I cry? . . . Should I . . .”
“Go ahead and cry, go ahead,” her cousin said.
His voice was still coming from the ground. Was it possible that he was no longer beside her?
Yiping stretched her hand out to the right—she was startled when she felt nothing but air! At the same time, she heard a dull sound: the wicker basket had turned upside down on the ground, and she had rolled into the paddy field next to it.
It was already light in the east. Yiping scrambled up. She was covered in mud like a clay figurine.
Her mama stood in the field and called her, “Yiping! Yiping! What’s wrong with you?!”
Yiping washed herself with water from the field and then went home. She covered her face with her hands so that her mama couldn’t see her face.
“I was dreaming! I was dreaming!” she said as she walked.
“Oh, so you were dreaming. That’s really dangerous.” Her mother sighed.
As soon as she got home, Yiping took a shower and washed her hair. After that, she went into her bedroom and bolted the door.
Not until she sat down on her bed did she remember what had just happened. Had the hot-air balloon flown away while she was rolling into the field? When she climbed out of the paddy field, she hadn’t seen the hot-air balloon. Apparently her mama hadn’t seen it, either! So had her cousin flown the hot-air balloon away? Yiping felt weak all over, but her eyes were dry; she wasn’t crying. She also remembered that when she was in the basket her cousin’s voice had come from the ground. He had said, “Go ahead and cry. Go ahead.” So the hot-air balloon must have flown away by itself. Had her cousin jumped to the ground before she had? Yiping felt that her face was burning hot. She was so ashamed! She wished she could find a hole to hide in.
She didn’t know how much time passed before she heard a voice next door in her parents’ room. It was Auntie Li.
“He didn’t come this morning. That’s the way he is. When you make a point of waiting for him, he doesn’t appear. He plays hide-and-seek with you. I can’t stand his always flying over my head. It’s scarier than a big horsefly!”
“He’s almost finished with his experiments. I guess he’ll leave soon,” Mama comforted her.
“Really? But I don’t want him to go. Isn’t this strange? The year of the big snowstorm, he slid into the well but survived. He’s really lucky.”
Sighing, the two women went to the hall. Yiping wondered why they were sighing.
At twilight that evening, the sun was just setting, and Yiping was standing in the garden looking at Venus. Venus wasn’t green, but chrysanthemum yellow.
“Do you see her?” Her cousin’s voice—distant and feeble—came from the mountain over there.
Yiping looked down, a smile on her face. With all her might, she looked at that mountain. She seemed to faintly see a white dot swaying in the bosk. The sky darkened quickly. When she looked at the sky again, Venus had really turned green.
TRANSLATORS’ ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
The following persons at Yale University Press, as well as an anonymous reader, have gone out of their way to be helpful: Kristy Leonard; Danielle D’Orlando, with the Margellos World Republic of Letters; and Dorothea Halliday, managing editor. The talented Nancy Ovedovitz created the intriguing cover design. Susan Laity, senior manuscript editor, has brought to this undertaking everything that one could ask for: she is capable, collaborative, thorough, sensitive, and understanding. Working with her has been a pleasure. John Donatich, director of Yale University Press, has been patient and encouraging throughout. He is a leader of Can Xue’s considerable cheering section, and over the years he has been consistently supportive of her and her writing. We greatly appreciate the professionalism and enthusiasm of this remarkable team for this project, and we thank them all. Finally, as always, we thank Can Xue for entrusting her incomparable works to us.
CREDITS
The credits page constitutes a continuation of the copyright page.
Chinese Publication History
“Story of the Slums”: part one: originally published as “Pinminku de gushi zhiyi” by Qingnian wenxue in China, copyright © 2006 by Can Xue; part two: originally published as “Pinminku de gushi zhier” by Huacheng in China, copyright © 2007 by Can Xue; part three: originally published as “Pinminku de gushi zhisan” by Furong in China, copyright © 2007 by Can Xue; part four: originally published as “Pinminku de gushi zhisi” by Baihuazhou in China, copyright © 2007 by Can Xue; part five: originally published as “Pinminku de gushi zhiwu” by Zuojia in China, copyright © 2007 by Can Xue.
“Our Human Neighbors”: originally published as “Yuren weilin” by Shanghai wenxue in China, copyright © 2016 by Can Xue.
“The Old Cicada”: originally published as “Laochan” by Huacheng in China, copyright © 2010 by Can Xue.
“The Swamp”: originally published as “Zhaozedi” by Tiannan in China, copyright © 2013 by Can Xue.
“Sin”: originally published as “Zui e” by Hunan wenxue in China, copyright © 1996 by Can Xue.
“Shadow People”: originally published as “Yingzu” by Shanhua in China, copyright © 2010 by Can Xue.
“Crow Mountain”: originally published as “Guiwu” by Zuojia in China, copyright © 2011 by Can Xue.
“Catfish Pit”: originally published as “Nianyutao” by Changjiang wenyi in China, copyright © 2012 by Can Xue.
“Lu-er’s Worries”: originally published as “Lu-er de xinshi” by Zuojia in China, copyright © 2012 by Can Xue.
“Her Old Home”: originally published as “Jiuju” by Shanghai wenxue in China, copyright © 2013 by Can Xue.
“I Am a Willow Tree”: originally published as “Yizhu liushu de zibai” by Renmin wenxue in China, copyright © 2013 by Can Xue.
“The Outsiders”: originally published as “Waidiren” by Shanghai wenxue in China, copyright © 2012 by Can Xue.
“The Queen”: originally published as “Nuwang” by Dayi wenxue in China, copyright © 2018 by Can Xue.
Translation Publication History
“Story of the Slums,” part two: Published by Conjunctions (Fall 2015) in the United States, copyright © 2015 by Karen Gernant and Chen Zeping.
“Our Human Neighbors”: Published by Conjunctions (online edition, Summer 2
017) in the United States, copyright © 2017 by Karen Gernant and Chen Zeping.
“The Old Cicada”: Published by Words Without Borders (November 2013) online, copyright © 2013 by Karen Gernant and Chen Zeping.
“The Swamp”: Published by Ninth Letter (Fall 2015) in the United States, copyright © 2015 by Karen Gernant and Chen Zeping.
“Sin”: Published by Conjunctions (Fall 2011) in the United States, copyright © 2011 by Karen Gernant and Chen Zeping.
“Shadow People”: Published by Pathlight (Spring 2013) in China, copyright © 2013 by Karen Gernant and Chen Zeping.
“Crow Mountain”: Published by Asymptote (July 2015) online, copyright © 2015 by Karen Gernant and Chen Zeping.
“Her Old Home”: Published by Conjunctions (Fall 2018) in the United States, copyright © 2018 by Karen Gernant and Chen Zeping.
Stories Originally Published in English Translation
“The Other Side of the Partition”: Published in English translation by Moving Worlds (2016) in the United Kingdom and Singapore. Translation copyright © 2016 by Karen Gernant and Chen Zeping. Published in Chinese as “Gechuang de nabian” by Tianjin wenxue in China, copyright © 2018 by Can Xue.
“Euphoria”: Published in English translation by Conjunctions (Spring 2017) in the United States. Translation copyright © 2017 Karen Gernant and Chen Zeping. Published in Chinese as “Xingfu” by Huacheng in China, copyright © 2017 by Can Xue.
“Venus”: Published in English translation by Conjunctions (Spring 2013) in the United States. Translation copyright © 2013 Karen Gernant and Chen Zeping. Published in Chinese as “Qimingxing,” by Huacheng in China, copyright © 2013 by Can Xue.
CAN XUE, pseudonym of Deng Xiaohua, has written many novels, volumes of literary criticism and philosophy, and short works of fiction. I Live in the Slums is her tenth book to appear in English. Her novel The Last Lover (2014) won the Best Translated Book Award for Fiction. Five Spice Street (2009) was a finalist for the Neustadt Prize. Frontier (2017) made the 2017 “Best of” lists of National Public Radio, the Boston Globe, and World Literature Today. Love in the New Millennium (2018) was long-listed for the Man Booker International Prize and the Best Translated Book Award. In 2001, Can Xue moved to Beijing from Changsha, Hunan. She has recently moved to Xishuangbanna, Yunnan, where she continues writing and jogging every day.