by Kitt Rose
He expelled a loud breath, like I’d hit him in the stomach, and I jerked back.
The look in his eyes melted me. I thought I would have done anything he asked if he only looked at me like that.
“Fuck. You are way too sweet.” He dug his hands into my hair, and he pressed my face into his neck. “You tired?”
“A little. But I don’t know if I can sleep right now. I’m still kind of… Wound up.”
“Well, we’ll have to see what we can do to put you to sleep, won’t we?” There was a delightful promise in his voice. He stood, tucked a hand under my legs and one under my back, and lifted me into his arms. I grabbed ahold of him as he carried me down the hall to the first room on the right. He set me down in the doorway. “Do you need to use the bathroom?”
I nodded.
“I’ll go use the one upstairs. I need to clean up. I’m kind of a mess here.”
I flushed. “Sorry.”
He threw his head back and laughed. “I’m not sorry. I haven’t come in my pants since high school.”
I blushed a brighter red.
“I’m not trying to embarrass you. There are washcloths and towels under the sink.” He winked and opened a door next to the bathroom and I heard the thumping of his steps as he headed upstairs.
I cleaned up in the bathroom, brushed my teeth with my finger, and washed my face. Borrowing Dennis’s hairbrush and a ponytail holder on the counter, I braided my hair. When I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I suddenly remembered my shirt was still in the living room. I wasn’t sure how I’d forgotten that. It was stupid because he’d already seen me like this, but I couldn’t help but be nervous.
Taking a deep breath, I crossed my arms over my chest and opened the door, crossing the hall into the bedroom. Dennis wasn’t in the room yet, so I took the opportunity to look around. The walls were painted a deep blue, almost navy. It should have made the room feel small and dark, but it didn’t. The carpet was off-white, the furniture ivory. A long low dresser sat on one wall, an armchair was tucked into the corner with a small table stacked with books, and then there were two nightstands and a bed with pale-blue bedding. It looked like something from a magazine. I saw a picture on the nightstand and walked over.
“That’s my parents.” Dennis’s voice came from behind me.
I jumped and whirled.
“Sorry. Didn’t mean to startle you,” he said.
“It’s okay. You look really young here,” I said after my heart began beating normally again.
Dennis was completely tattoo-free in the picture with short hair. He looked strange. Not bad, just not the Dennis I knew.
“Yeah. I was seventeen.” He came up behind me and his arms went around my waist, his hands splayed across my belly. He kissed my shoulder. “Want a shirt to sleep in?”
“Yeah.” I turned around to watch him go to the dresser. He unbuttoned his pants and turned his back to me. After pulling out a pair of boxers from a drawer, he dropped his jeans, leaving him standing naked in front of me. I had to bite my tongue. I knew my face was the color of a tomato, but I couldn’t stop looking at his butt. I never really thought I was a butt person but… But maybe with him…
His hair was loose and what I could see of his back was covered in a huge tree. His legs were strong and lean, the left earth and the right fire. He pulled on the boxers and turned. Tattoos decorated his abdomen and his ribs, yet his chest was free from ink. “You’ve got tattoos everywhere except your chest?” I asked.
He ran a hand down his chest. “I have a few other places that aren’t inked, but when you first start out, you end up practicing on yourself a lot. My sleeves were partially a way to fix some shit I did too soon. Now everything I have on me means something to me. May not be deep like Phini, but it means something. I’m leaving my chest until I’ve got something worth putting there.” He tossed me a t-shirt and grinned. “You keep looking at me like that and we might not get to sleep for a while.”
I pulled his shirt over my head. It was a dress on me. Giggling, I peeled off my leggings and rolled them up, setting them on the edge of the dresser. “It’s a little big.”
“Well, I do have a few inches on you.”
“A foot even.” I closed the distance between us and put my hand on his chest, skimming up until I could hook it behind his neck. Going onto my toes, I pulled his head down and kissed him, trying to tell him that sleep was the last thing on my mind.
Lifting me up, he urged my legs around his waist, and I locked my ankles over his tailbone. When we came up for air, we were both breathing hard. With one hand, he pulled the covers back and laid me in the bed. “Be right back.” He went and snapped off the light, then climbed back into the bed close to my knees. His lips ran up my thigh, a hint of tongue here and there. “Let’s get rid of this for now.” He grabbed the shirt I’d just put on and pulled it up my stomach, covering the newly exposed skin with his mouth.
By the time he got back to my head and tugged the t-shirt over my head, I was shaking. I felt him hard against my thigh. Sitting up on his calves, he stared down at me, running a finger down my sternum to hook into the elastic band of my underwear. “Can we lose these too?”
Suddenly, I felt shy, a little unsure.
“You can stop me anytime Z.”
I nodded, nervous, but I did trust him, or I wouldn’t be here.
He tugged my underwear down my legs and tossed them aside. I took a deep breath as he looked down at me. “You’re so fucking beautiful. So sexy.” His hand ran up the inside of my thigh and he parted my legs gently. “I’m going to put my mouth here. If that’s not okay, tell me now.”
I was glad he didn’t ask me if it was okay because I wasn’t sure I could have answered that. But this way, my silence was an assent. After pulling a hairband from his wrist he gathered his hair back in a ponytail before his lips swept over my hipbones. His hands settled on my inner thighs and he spread me even further. He kissed me there, softly, like he was testing me. I stopped breathing for a moment and then his tongue snaked out and my head fell back against the pillow.
I quickly forgot about all the stupid little things I’d worried about before his tongue touched me. How things smelled or tasted or looked fled my mind and I lost myself. And then he moved down and his tongue stabbed inside me. I gripped the sheets on either side of me. When he slid a finger inside too, I arched up off the bed into his mouth. He stroked me, with his tongue and finger. Everything disappeared in a wave of sensation that filled me.
When he pulled back, I whimpered involuntarily. I opened my eyes and lifted my head to look down at Dennis. He was propped up over me, his chin resting on my pelvis and dark eyes on me. My breath hitched. He was so beautiful.
Smiling at me, he wiped the back of his hand over his mouth before climbing my body. He settled himself between my legs and kissed me. “You trust me?” he asked in a gruff voice. I nodded and he lifted off me. One hand disappeared out of view, the bed bounced a little, and then he lowered himself on top of me. The feel of naked flesh against me down there surprised me and I tried not to jerk.
“I’m just going to torture myself a little,” he explained, not really clarifying anything for me.
And then he was kissing me again and I got lost in him. When he rocked against me, I understood the meaning of torture. He slid through my wetness, gliding against my already sensitive flesh, and I brought my hands down to his lower back, clutching at him. When he sped up, I lost my reservations and grabbed the firm muscles of his butt, holding and pressing him tighter to me. He froze, tearing his mouth from mine. He pushed himself up so we weren’t touching as he looked down at me, his eyes heavy-lidded and intense.
“You’re testing my self-control, babe.”
I reached down between us and gripped him, sliding my hand up and down his length. His head fell forward and his jaw clenched.
“So stop controlling yourself,” I whispered.
His head shot back up. My heart beat faste
r.
“What?”
“I … I want to have sex with you.” My cheeks warmed with the blunt words. “I want you.” And I did. Being celibate hadn’t really been an intentional choice. I’d just never met anyone I’d wanted to take that step with until Dennis.
He was silent for a long moment and I was afraid he was going to reject me. “Are you sure? Z, we can do baby steps, we don’t need to rush. I’m good with waiting. Really. This is enough.”
Putting one palm on each of his cheeks, I pulled him down until our noses touched. “I know. I want this. You. Can’t you tell?”
“Shit.” He pushed himself off me and stood, and I fastened my gaze on his penis. I’d never really seen one. Except on my nephews when they were babies, and that didn’t count.
Would that really fit inside me?
On my knees, I walked across the bed to where Dennis stood frozen, indecision on his face. I kissed his collarbone, dragging my hands down the warm ripples of his abdomen. For someone so tall and lean, he had a lot of muscle definition. I loved his body, the way he felt under my touch. He was gorgeous and I just couldn’t get over that he was mine.
When my fingers reached the thatch of hair and his penis bumped across the back of my hand, I moved my mouth to his neck and nibbled on the skin there like he’d done to me. His breathing accelerated but his hands remained loose at his sides. I sank down his body until my face hovered above his erection. It jumped and I pressed a kiss to the head.
He exhaled in a loud puff of air.
Experimentally, I licked him. He tasted of musk and man.
His hands rose, hovering in the air as if he intended to grab me. But he caught himself and brought them back to his sides.
I opened my mouth and took just the head of him in, careful to avoid my teeth. Amazing how much this turned me on. I always thought it ridiculous in books when girls liked to do this, but now I understood. There was a certain power and satisfaction in affecting a man like this, affecting Dennis like this.
Remembering what I’d read in my smuttier romance novels, I swirled my tongue over the head and sucked, hollowing out my cheeks.
He groaned, “Fuck.”
Encouraged, I took more of him into my mouth, taking him as far as I could comfortably go before pulling back. I did that some more and his hands landed on the sides of my head, gently. Tilting my head, I looked up at him. His eyes were on me, half-mast and oh so dark. His mouth was parted, and a flush warmed his face.
He reached behind me and let my hair down, running his fingers through it before fisting it in his hands. With a moan, he abruptly pulled back, pushing me onto the bed on my back.
He grabbed a condom from the drawer on the nightstand and I watched him roll it on before he climbed onto the bed to hover over me. “Are you sure?”
“Yes.” It was barely more than a breath.
Dennis shuddered a little before lowering himself onto his elbow, his body pressed against my side. He ran a hand up and down the inside of my thigh teasingly. “You can change your mind at any time. I’ll stop.”
I reached for his face and stroked his cheek, feeling so very tender toward him. “You are so sweet. I’m so glad I met you. But I won’t change my mind.”
His face softened even further and he kissed me deeply. As we kissed, he shifted, lowering himself onto me. He slid against me and I moaned into the kiss. Using his hand, he positioned himself and I felt his rigid flesh part me, pressing into me gently.
I tensed, a wave of fear flashing through me, excitement right on its heels. This was really happening. Would it hurt?
“Relax, babe,” he whispered into my ear, and I concentrated on how good his skin felt against mine. How wonderful he smelled. His soft lips as they moved against mine. “That’s it.”
And he pushed forward more. It burned a little, but I made myself stay relaxed. Then he hit something inside me that halted his forward movement. He paused and I peeled my eyes open. Strain and concentration were written in the set of his jaw.
I grabbed his face and kissed him deeply.
He reared back and thrust the rest of the way inside until his hips rested on mine.
I broke the kiss and bit my lip, pressing my face into his neck, overwhelmed by the feeling. By the bright flash of pain. But he gave me time, holding there, all the way inside me.
I felt so incredibly full.
Dennis was inside me. Wow.
“I’m going to move,” he said in a strained voice. And he pulled out, pausing before he slid back in slowly. He went further and further with each stroke.
“Fuck. You feel so good. I’m barely hanging on here, babe.” He thrust a little faster, a little deeper.
I grabbed his back and wrapped my legs around his hips, wanting to be closer somehow. He sped up, grunting with every inward stroke. I became aware that I too was making sounds. Little moans and squeaks. But I didn’t care.
Dennis paused, grinding his hips into mine before withdrawing again and again.
My legs shook as that supernova of sensation built inside all over again.
“I need…” I panted, my hips moving restlessly. I wasn’t sure what I needed but wanted it all the same.
He shifted upward, his hand slipping between us and stroking my clitoris. “Come on, baby. I need you to get there.” His teeth found my nipple and tugged.
My orgasm rushed in, catching me by surprise. “Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh,” I moaned, and my legs locked.
“Thank God,” he bit out before slamming his hips into mine, the tendons in his neck tight and strained.
He collapsed on top of me and I wrapped my arms tight around his sweat-slicked back, kissing his shoulder. His mouth found mine and he kissed me sweetly, slowly. Then he shifted and pulled out. I winced—I was definitely going to be sore tomorrow.
Rolling off me, he grabbed a tissue from the bed side. I couldn’t see what he was doing, but I was pretty sure he was getting rid of the condom. Turning to my side, I reached out, tracing a branch down to the trunk on the tree on his back. He looked over his shoulder at me, a slow smile making his eyes crinkle at the corners. He pivoted in the bed, pulling a knee up onto the mattress.
“Are you okay?”
I smiled and nodded, scooting over to him.
He wrapped his arms around me and hauled me up against him. “Fuck, you’re so sweet. So perfect.”
“I’m not perfect. Definitely not. I think you might be though. I can’t find the right word, so I’ll settle for beautiful. I love your eyes, your hair, and your tattoos. I really love this squid right here”—I traced it with my finger—“and this goldfinch here.”
His eyes darkened as I talked and when I fell silent, his fingers tangled in my hair at the back of my neck, pulling me to him for a quick kiss. “I’ve got something I want to show you. Stay here. I’ll be right back.”
After grabbing his boxers off the floor, he pulled them on and headed out of the room to the right. I slid out of bed and winced. Yup, sore.
I went to the bathroom, grabbing my underwear and the t-shirt on my way. “I’m going to use the bathroom.”
When I came back to the bedroom, my heart gave a weird thump at the sight of Dennis leaning against the headboard. He had a ringed notebook in his lap. I jumped into the bed, bouncing on my butt next to him.
Laughing at me, he tugged me over. “Here. This is what I’ve been working on.”
He passed the notebook and I looked down at an intricate pattern that resembled lace covering the page. Interwoven in the lace were flowers and behind it all, peeking out here and there, was a colorful viper. I ran my hand over the page, without touching it. “It’s beautiful.”
“It’s for you. I drew it thinking of your back and a way to camouflage your scars. Snakes symbolize leaving the past behind—literally shedding the past. It felt appropriate for you.”
“You did this for me? To put on me?”
“Yeah. I thought a lot about your scars after that first time you
showed me. I couldn’t get them out of my head. I know they bother you. I don’t remember exactly where the, uh, raised ones were. But the snake could cover those, disappearing in the lace and flowers. I used roses mostly for the sketch, but they can easily be changed. Different flower, a different color, whatever.”
“Dennis, this is beautiful, really. But I can’t afford to do this. It’s an unnecessary expense and until I’ve got a cushion—”
He put his hand on my mouth. “No. Let me do this for you.” He smirked. “To you.”
I hesitated. As much as I wanted to say yes, this was too much.
He grabbed my hands. “Zirah, I’m in awe of you. You’ve had a shit life thus far and the people who should have protected you didn’t. The people who should have loved you didn’t love you enough. I care about you. You’ve become very important to me and I want to do something for you. This is what I do. And I would very much enjoy doing it to you.”
I snickered. “Sorry. That was sweet but … I believe you did enjoy ‘doing it to me.’”
He snorted and rolled his eyes.
“But seriously, I don’t know if I can accept something so huge.”
“It’s not huge. It’s really not. The cost of a tattoo is all about the time investment. You wouldn’t be costing me anything.”
“Let me think about it. I haven’t really considered this seriously. And I need to decide if I want something on me forever, and if I do, if that’s it or like you said, do I want different colors or flowers or whatever.”
Dennis nodded and flipped off the light again. I cuddled into his side and he slid an arm under my neck. His breathing evened out so before I lost my nerve, or he fell asleep, I propped myself up over him and he opened his eyes.
“And … I care about you too. I don’t think I’ve ever been so close with someone. You make me happy, just being in the same room with you makes me happy. And I trust you like I’ve never trusted anyone before. I’m glad it was you. Whatever happens, I’ll never forget this moment,” I finished on a whisper.
His arm tightened around me and I closed my eyes. Sleep found me quickly and for the first time in a long time, I slept without nightmares.