by Kitt Rose
We got into town around one in the afternoon. I’d booked us a room at the Holiday Inn Express. The hotel had a pool, which might be a nice distraction for her nieces and nephews. Z had loved the idea. But now that we were here, she was procrastinating. She’d unpacked both our bags and reorganized the drawers twice.
I could see when she ran out of excuses to keep her busy. She caught me watching and narrowed her eyes.
I laughed. “You don’t need to be nervous. I swear I won’t embarrass you.”
“Ha! As if that was what worried me. No, I’m worried about how badly my family will embarrass me. And I really hate that you’re going to see the trailer. I can only imagine what condition it’s in now.”
“It’s okay, baby. Really. I’ve already made up my mind about you, and nothing will change my opinion. Nothing. You are not where you came from.” I grabbed her hand and tugged her out of the room.
When we reached the car, I passed her the keys. She navigated us down miles of country roads. Dirty snow lingered along the narrow shoulder, though the road was clear.
Nothing green remained in the winter landscape. Bare trees reached their skeletal limbs toward a gray sky. Tension settled over Zirah’s shoulders and I knew we’d reached her hometown. Moments later, we passed a small green sign that read Welcome to Hickey Creek.
The little downtown area, consisting of a post office, a tiny grocery store, and a hair salon, was quaint. Small-town Americana all the way.
“Geez, this place hasn’t changed a bit,” Z said, pulling into one of a dozen parking spots beside the grocery store. “I worked here once. The owners, Mr. and Mrs. Oberton, have owned the place since I can remember. They overcharge for everything, but I don’t want to mess with driving forty minutes to the Super Walmart so it’s this or the gas station. I’m going to run in and get some things for my sister. Some lunch stuff at least, because I’m hungry.”
An old man was working the register when we walked in. An actual bell hung over the door, announcing our entry. The man nodded, his bald head gleaming under the fluorescent lights. Z threaded through aisles, grabbed some packaged lunch meat, bread, and sandwich fixings. I picked up a bag of chips and a box of Little Debbie Brownies.
Z smiled at the box. “Those are my sister’s favorite.”
“Well, then, let’s get two.” I snagged a second box from the shelf and her smile widened.
We brought everything to the register and the man gave me the once over. When he turned his attention to Z, he squinted. “Zirah Woods? Is that you?”
“Yes, sir. Hi, Mr. O. How’s Patty?”
“Doing good. I haven’t seen you around for a piece.” He started ringing up our purchases.
“No. I moved down south back in September. Just up for a visit.”
“Huh,” was all he said.
We wrapped up our transaction and I paid, ignoring Z’s protest. The moment we headed out the door, the old man picked up the phone. I was sure we’d just provided the old man and his wife at least a week’s worth of gossip.
Z turned onto a narrow road. Farm houses occupied both sides, spaced wide with empty fields. I knew Zirah had come from a small town, but I hadn’t realized it was a small farming town. A few more miles down the road and Z veered down a gravel road leading to a trailer park, and tension seemed to creep back into her body. Her hands flexed on the steering wheel, the knuckles turning white.
I reached over and patted her knee. “It’s going to be okay. I love you, no matter what.”
She stopped the car in front of an old blue and white metal trailer. A cracked cement stoop led up to a dented and discolored blue door.
“Home sweet home,” she whispered, eyes glued to the rundown trailer.
We climbed out of the car and I looped her arm around my waist, squeezing gently. Z leaned heavily into my side. A vein throbbed in her temple and streaks of white lined her jaw from how hard she clenched her teeth.
Everything in me wanted to swoop her up and take her away, where she wouldn’t have to feel this. Resisting the urge took effort.
Z knocked on the door once, then pushed inside without waiting for an answer.
The overwhelming smell of cigarettes and stale booze assaulted my nose as soon as we walked in. The small living room was a disaster. Stained orange shag carpet, the kind popular in the seventies, covered the room, filthy and dotted with small round burns. Tacky, faux-wood paneling covered the walls and a truly frightening cross hung above the couch.
Z pointed to the crucifix. “That thing used to give me nightmares.”
“I can see why,” I said.
The thing was pale wood with an ivory Jesus crucified on it. Shocking scarlet red had been painted on his hands and feet and around his crown of thorns. Creepy.
A rust-colored recliner faced a small tube television with actual foil-covered rabbit ears. I was pretty sure those things didn’t work anymore. In front of a lumpy orange and brown couch, a mountain of crap hid what I assumed was a coffee table. Among the pile were an overflowing ashtray, empty beer cans, a dirty pipe, and discarded tabloid magazines. And these weren’t the classy who-slept-with-who type. Nah, these were trash. One headline read, “Dog-boy Found in Tibetan Monastery. Says he talks to God.”
On one end of the living room was a small kitchen, complete with green appliances and an overflowing trashcan. Dishes filled the sink and a battered wooden table featured four different folding chairs.
“Mom? Heather?” Z called out.
“Aunt Z!”
A boy who couldn’t be over sixteen raced around the corner, a big smile on his face. He threw himself at Z.
“Trent! What did you grow like five inches while I was gone?”
The kid was nearly Z’s height.
“Yeah. It ticked Mom off bad. She had to buy me all new clothes. Wait until you see Lucas. He’s the tallest in his class now,” he said.
Pain flashed through Z’s face and I wasn’t sure if it was the mention of her sick nephew’s name, or that she’d missed their growth. “Where is everyone?” she asked.
“At Uncle Steve’s. Grandma’s got a friend over and Mom got mad. I had to grab my backpack ’cause I think we’re staying there tonight.” The kid finally looked at me and his eyes widened. “Dude, you’re like a giant!”
I grinned and laughed. “Not quite, close though. I’m Dennis, your aunt Z’s boyfriend.”
Trent’s eyes snapped to Z. “You got a boyfriend?”
Zirah stiffened next to me. “Really? I’m insulted. Did you really have to ask it like that? Yes, I have a boyfriend.”
Her nephew blushed. “I—I didn’t…”
“It’s fine,” Z said, shoving the kid’s shoulder playfully. “How about we head to Steve’s before we wake the dragon?”
Trent snorted and we followed him outside. We didn’t get in the car though. We walked to another trailer, slightly newer and significantly nicer, six units down. Trent pushed through the door and I followed Zirah in. The second we stepped in, all conversation stopped.
A man who looked like a cleaner version of Andy levered himself out of a recliner.
“Holy shit. You look good, girl.” He crossed the room.
“Hey, Steve,” Z said as her brother pulled her into a tight hug.
When he released her, he gave me an appraising look. “You the guy?”
“I’m Zirah’s guy, yeah.”
“Do I need to threaten to beat the crap out of you if you hurt her?” he asked.
I grinned.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Mended
Zirah
I giggled. I couldn’t help it. My brother had just threatened to beat the crap out of Dennis. “Steve, he’s got nearly a foot on you. I’m not sure you’d win that fight.”
“Maybe not but he wouldn’t walk away untouched.”
Dennis smiled at my brother. “I get that this is your way of asking what my intentions are so let me just lay it out. I love her. She’s my future.�
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I jolted. To hear him say it, so plainly, felt like a kick of pure adrenaline in my heart. I bit my lip to stop from smiling like a fool.
Steve nodded, looking pleased, and patted me on the back. “I like him. Dennis, right?” He offered Dennis his hand and they shook, the tension evaporating.
Andy, Steve’s wife, and their two girls Kimmy and Michelle took turns hugging me and introducing themselves to Dennis. Once the excitement waned, I asked where Heather was.
“She’s in the other room. Hey, Heather! Rah-rah’s here,” Steve yelled.
“Rah-rah?” Dennis snickered.
“Don’t. Please.” I rolled my eyes dramatically. “It’s bad enough I can’t get him to stop.” Christian came around the corner and froze in the doorway, his eyes on Dennis. “Chris, get over here and give me a hug.”
He jerked his gaze over to me and grinned, but it was a tired smile. “Aunt Z! You’re here.”
I frowned when he hugged me, the smell of smoke clinging to his clothes and hair. When we separated, I sniffed loudly and gave him a hard look.
He gulped nervously. “Mom’s helping Ash. Some kid stuck gum in her hair at school.”
“Do you have peanut butter?” Dennis asked.
I looked at him, surprised.
“What? You think I have long hair for half my life without learning a few tricks?”
“Okay then, let’s go help.” I grabbed his hand and pulled him to the bedrooms, stopping in the kitchen to grab the jar of Peter Pan from the cupboard. Heather’s voice drifted down the hall, coming from the last bedroom. I stopped outside the door and squeezed Dennis’s hand.
This was so hard. Why? She was the same person she’d always been. That hadn’t changed, but knowing the truth messed with my head. I swallowed hard.
Dennis leaned down, slipping a finger under my chin. His eyes were dark and warm. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m right here with you.”
I inhaled, the air sticking painfully in my lungs, and nodded. My hand shook as I pushed open the door. Heather stood in front of Ashlynn, picking at her hair. Standing in the doorway, the moment felt surreal.
Ash was the first one to spot me, her big blue eyes bright with tears, but when she saw me, a smile grew on her face. “Auntie Z! Mom, look, Auntie Z’s home!”
Heather spun so fast she nearly lost her balance. She breathed my name, and then she was moving. Closing the distance between us. Her arms wrapped around me and the scent of White Musk enveloped me. I squeezed my eyes shut and leaned into her, her wiry hair tickling my skin.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered and she shushed me, rocking side to side. Confusion churned in my brain. Heather didn’t feel like my mom. She felt like my sister.
But freaking out wasn’t an option right now. Lucas needed me. Heather needed me. I needed to get my stuff together.
Clearing my throat, I pulled back. “Try this in Ash’s hair. Dennis said it should help.”
She took the peanut butter and looked up at Dennis. Way up. “Thanks, Dennis. I’d completely forgotten about this trick. It’s nice to meet you face to face. I had no idea you were so tall.”
Laughter bubbled and fizzed out of my throat. “Is that the first thing everyone says to you when they meet you?”
Dennis grinned, sliding an arm around my waist. “Pretty much.”
Heather worked the peanut butter into Ash’s hair, wiping the extra off on a towel. “How did you get here so quickly?”
“Dennis drove. We left yesterday morning and stayed in a hotel last night, hit the road early this morning. We checked into the Holiday Inn Express up on the highway. It’s got a pool so it might be a nice distraction for the kids. How’s—”
Heather held up her hand. “Not now. Let me get Ash in the shower and then we can talk, okay?”
Dennis’s hand flexed on my waist, drawing my attention back to him. “How about I go hang out in the living room, talk to your brothers, and give you ladies a minute?”
I rose onto my toes and kissed him softly. “Thank you.”
He brought a hand up to my cheek and ran his fingertips over one of my dimples. “Love you, baby,” he whispered before slipping out of the room.
When I turned back to face Heather, she was looking at me with the strangest look on her face. “What?”
“Auntie Z, is he your boyfriend?” Ash asked.
“Yeah, Ash, he is.”
An impish smile grew on her face. “He’s pretty cute.”
“I sure think so.”
“Mom, isn’t he cute?” Ash said, tugging on Heather’s hand.
Heather nodded, her face lightening. “Yeah. He really is. You look happy, Z. I can’t remember the last time I saw you this happy.”
“Never. I’ve never been this happy.
Her face fell flat and my stomach dropped with it.
“I didn’t—”
“In a minute.” She gave me a sickly smile, grabbed Ash’s hand, and half-dragged her to the door. They disappeared out into the hallway. I heard the bathroom door close a minute later.
With a deep sigh, I sat on the edge of Kimmy’s bed, grabbing one of her faux leopard fur pillows. Michelle and Kimmy were only a few years apart, but as different as day and night. Michelle was all sweet and sugary at sixteen, while her thirteen-year-old sister Kimmy was loud and flamboyant. I honestly worried about the boys in this town once she was dating age. She would eat them for breakfast.
The girls’ room looked as if someone had shoved two wildly different spaces together. One half of the room was all red, black, and animal print, while the other was pastels and ballet posters. I was staring at one of those posters, thinking about how much Michelle would love Joey, when Heather came back.
After closing the door behind her, Heather slowly walked to the other side of the room, sitting on Michelle’s pale-pink comforter and wringing her hands together. Her eyes were locked on a spot in the carpet between us.
The silence in the room grew. Dennis’s deep voice filtered through the thin walls.
“He seems nice,” she finally said.
“He is. He’s really good to me, Heather. He loves me. And he loves music nearly as much as I do. His parents were professional musicians until they retired, so I am pretty sure they really like me too.”
Her warm honey-brown eyes met mine. “Of course, they love you, Zirah. Anyone would, everyone does. You’re smart and sweet. Determined, and so resilient. I’m proud of you.”
“As my sister, or as my mom? Because I gotta say, it’s been about a year since I found out and I just can’t quite get my head around it. I’m having a really hard time thinking of you as anything but my big sister.” I knew I was asking the same questions that I’d asked on Christmas during our call, but I needed to know the answer. It felt more important than breathing in some ways.
“I … Zirah, you gotta understand.” She broke off abruptly and inhaled. “Your daddy, he was nineteen and married. He wasn’t someone I shoulda been with. I ain’t saying he seduced me, but that man knew better. He had a wife and two kids at home and no business running around with a sixteen-year-old girl. But I was in love. I was so blinded by wanting away from Mom that I sort of became her.
“But even if he wasn’t an angel, he wasn’t a bad man either. And his kids needed a father. I didn’t think about you, and I’m ashamed of that, but I didn’t. I couldn’t see beyond my own needs and wants. I didn’t know how to be a mom, I was too selfish to be anyone’s mom. I dropped outta school and Mom took you as her own when you came. Whatever her faults, she stood behind me and loved you like her own.”
“Trouble is that she doesn’t love anyone except herself.” I couldn’t help the bitter edge to my voice.
My sister shook her head sadly. “No, Zirah, you’ve got that all wrong. She loves everyone except herself. You never understood, could never see beyond how her reputation hurt you. She was there first. Her daddy was every bit as bad as Mom, if not worse. And her mom up and left when she was a li
ttle girl. Like you, everyone expected her to fail, to fall into the same pitfalls that her dad had. But she’s not strong like you. You wanted to get out. So did she, but she didn’t have the courage to physically leave so she checked out the only way she thought she could. Drugs, alcohol … men.”
That stunned me. And made me feel a little self-centered. I’d never imagined… I shook my head. It changed nothing. “You still left me with her.”
“Z, can we just … not? I get that you’re pissed at me. I get that I deserve it, but can we just put a pin in it? I don’t have the strength. Lucas needs me right now. Lucas needs all of us right now.”
“I’m sorry. You’re right. I told myself I wouldn’t do this, and first chance I get, I start in on you. I’m sorry, Heather. All this can just sit for now. Tell me about Lucas. How is he? When can we get me tested?”
It was as if someone had pulled the plug on my sister and all the air just rushed out of her. She folded in on herself and her face crumpled into tears. I was up and moving before I even realized it. Taking the spot on the bed next to her, I pulled her into my arms. Her shoulders shook hard with deep sobs and I rocked side to side with her.
It took her a few minutes for her to calm down enough to speak. She pulled back, swiping at her face with the back of her hand.
“He’s scared. We all are. We can take you in tomorrow to get tested. I have no idea how long it will take to get the results back but I can’t imagine it’ll be more than a few days. Still, can you afford to miss that much work?”
“Heather, if my boss fires me for missing because of this then I don’t want to work for him.”
“No, I meant financially.”
“Oh. Yeah. I’ve been working a full-time job and a part-time one so I’ve got a good nest egg at this point. Plus, I’d hate to ask, but if it came down to it, I’m sure Dennis would help me.”