by Holly Renee
I wanted him. There was no doubt about that, but I also feared what he would do.
He had the power to use me any way he wanted, and I knew that his want didn’t last long. If I gave myself over to him entirely, I wasn’t sure that I would recover.
He would move on as if nothing had ever happened, but I wouldn’t.
He slid back up, pushing the tip against my clit, and I tightened my hand around him. He continued the process over and over, he slid up and down. Up and down.
My resolve to tell him no was wavering.
One small move, and he would be inside me. One small move, and Beck would leave a mark on me that I wasn’t sure he wanted to leave.
He would be my first, and even when I wanted to forget him, I knew I never would. If I let him have that part of me, if I let him take it, I would never escape his hold on me.
But the more he rubbed against me, the more I was convinced that I would never want to escape.
“Beck.” I gripped his shoulders and tightened my thighs around him as he hit my entrance again. I had no idea what I was asking for. We were in the middle of a pool, at my job, and I didn’t want anything to do with him only a few moments before.
Now I was willing to give him anything.
“Please. I need more.”
His hand spasmed around mine, but he didn’t stop moving. He pressed harder into my clit, and I squirmed against him.
“Not tonight.” His breathing was heavy, his words rushed. I hadn’t expected him to turn me down. That thought hadn’t even crossed my mind.
I looked away from him, but he quickly brought my mouth back to his. He kissed me like he was desperate for it. Like it was the first time our lips had touched.
“Not like this.” He continued to move his hand, and I stared into his eyes as my orgasm built and built. “Not here.”
“You worried I’m going to take advantage of you?” I joked, but his eyes darkened so quickly at my words that I shuddered against him.
I wasn’t Cami. I hope he knew that. I hope he knew that I would never use him like that. I started to tell him that much when his mouth slammed down on mine. His hand moved faster and faster over mine, and I knew he was close.
Water splashed around us, small waves hitting us in the chest, and I tightened my hand around him.
I couldn’t think as he kissed me senseless. I could barely breathe. It only took two more hard strokes of his cock against me, and I fell apart. This orgasm raking through me harder than the first.
My body felt spent, it felt like it couldn’t handle another second of anything, and I gasped as he quickly pumped our hands over him.
He followed me over the edge, his cum hitting my stomach moments before it disappeared in the water, and my body slumped against his.
He held me like that for long moments without either of us saying a word, but I knew we couldn’t stay here forever.
Not in this place, not in this moment, not in this imaginary bubble where everything felt right.
“We should get out of here,” Beck whispered against my neck, and I nodded my head. I held on to him for a few more moments before I finally worked up the courage to let go.
We climbed out of the pool side by side, and he tossed me his dry t-shirt as he watched me. He was looking at me like I was a caged animal. Like I could break at any moment.
I thought that maybe he had felt like we had gone too far. I thought his concern was for me, but I was a fool.
I knew there would be consequences once I crossed that line with him. A line we had been tiptoeing since we met, but I hadn’t realized the extent of those consequences.
I knew that Beck wouldn’t be my knight in shining armor. He wasn’t the end game. He was just a boy in a town that I would forget at the end of this year.
That was what I was telling myself.
Beck Clermont was forgettable.
But I was so wrong.
I would never forget Beck or the way he made me feel that night, and neither would anyone else.
Chapter Seventeen
Josie
Lucas had barely looked at me all day.
I knew he was probably still mad that I had left the party with Beck, and I probably should have apologized to him. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
My father had insisted on us having a family dinner tonight, and I wanted to argue. I didn’t want to sit around a table with them and fake smiles and conversation.
Especially when my mind was somewhere else.
All I could think about was Beck.
I had driven us both home last night, and we both were a mess. He was shirtless and in a pair of jeans. His t-shirt was covering my wet bra and hung to my knees. My wet hair was piled on top of my head, but I didn’t care about any of that.
He held my hand in his the entire time I drove us, and I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about what things could be like with him. If Beck Clermont truly wanted me, wanted me for more than just my body or some stupid revenge he planned against my stepbrother.
Beck could hate Lucas, and Lucas could hate Beck. Neither of those things stopped me from wanting him. They didn’t stop my stupid heart from wanting more.
When Beck climbed out of my car, he had wrapped his hand in my hair, and he kissed me like he meant it. He kissed me like he was reminding me of something. It was like he was marking me, but even without that kiss, I would never forget.
“How’s school going, Josie?” My father lifted his wine glass, and I brought my attention back to him.
“It’s okay.” I wasn’t lying. It was less daunting than I thought it would be. Even with everyone watching and whispering about my every move.
“Lucas, how’s the team looking?”
Lucas looked like he was as annoyed as I was to be here, which was weird. He always did exactly what my father asked. He was the perfect son, and perfect sons didn’t grip their forks in their hands like they were going to break them when their father spoke to them.
“It’s fine. Coach has been talking about Will Hollis again.”
Will? The Will I met at the beach party?
“I’ll deal with it.” My father’s response was quick and final.
“What’s going on with Will?” I took a bite of the chicken, and I made a mental note to thank Liz later. It was delicious.
“You know Will Hollis?” Lucas looked at me like I was crazy.
“I’ve met him. Yes.”
“Of course, you have.” Lucas chuckled, but the way he said it didn’t sit well with me at all.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“Josie, please watch your mouth at the table.” I looked over at my stepmother, and I wanted to tell her to go to hell. She wasn’t my mother, and she didn’t get to act like one.
We were all quiet for a long time as we ate. I didn’t have anything to say to any of them.
I liked Lucas, but his mood swings were getting on my nerves.
My father spoke to Lucas and me again, but I barely responded. I just wanted to get away from them all.
By the time we finished dinner, I felt exhausted and completely over all of them.
Amelia was still staring up at my father like he was the best thing that had ever happened to her in her life, and I felt sorry for her.
I pushed away from the table and asked to be excused.
My father let me go, and I felt Lucas following soon behind me.
Lucas gripped my elbow as soon as we got to the top of the stairs and jerked me to a stop. “What the hell are you doing with Beck?”
“I’m not doing anything.” I tried to jerk my arm from him, but his hold was firm.
“I’m not fucking around, Josie.” His eyes bounced around my face as if he thought he might find the truth there. “If you’ve done something, you need to tell me.”
He was out of his damn mind.
We may have gotten closer since I moved here, but that didn’t mean shit to me. Lucas was being an assho
le, and I wouldn’t allow him to treat me like this.
“What happened between the two of you?” I stepped closer to him, forcing him to adjust his hold on me. “Why do you hate him so badly? What did you do?”
“You automatically assume that I was the one who did something.” He laughed, and part of me felt bad for him. He looked lost and maybe even sad. Whatever happened between him and Beck had affected him whether he wanted to admit it or not.
“Beck wouldn’t—”
He cut me off as he brought his face closer to mine. I tried to back up, but he held me there, helpless against him.
For the first time since I met Lucas, I was scared of him.
“Beck wouldn’t what, Josie? You don’t know a damn thing about him. You have no idea what he’s capable of.”
I knew what he said should have worried me, but all I could think about was how badly I wanted to get to Beck. I wanted to run away from this place and into his arms.
I knew he wasn’t my savior, but he was better than this.
“I know him better than you do.” I jerked my arm again, and this time Lucas let it go. “I’m not some fool, Lucas. I know what I’m doing.”
“Do you?” He ran his hands through his hair and stared at me. “I won’t tell you again to stay away from him.”
I jolted back. “You are not my father.”
“No.” He shook his head. “I’m not. But I’m doing what’s best for you. He’s using you.”
I had the same thought over and over in my head, but hearing it out loud was different. Hearing Lucas say those words felt like I was choking on them.
“You don’t know that.” My voice was weaker than only moments before, and I hated it. Lucas knew that he hit his mark. He knew that I cared about Beck far more than I would admit.
“I do. Clermonts and Voses don’t mix. Beck hates us, Josie. He may want in between your legs, but he hates us just the same.”
I reared back to slap him, but Lucas caught my hand in his before I could. He looked good and truly angry now, and I wanted his hands off me.
“Don’t be his whore, Josie, because that’s exactly how he’ll treat you.”
I jerked my hand from his and moved away from him before he could say another word. I didn’t want to hear what he had to say.
I didn’t believe a word that passed his lips.
Beck and I hadn’t discussed anything beyond last night, but that didn’t make me a whore. What happened between us was far too good to be spoiled by Lucas’s words.
Even if nothing else ever came of us, if last night was all we ever amounted to, I wouldn’t regret it.
And I wouldn’t let Lucas make me feel like a whore for it.
I climbed down the stairs and pushed through the back door before anyone could stop me. I needed to get out of that house.
There, I was nothing but a Vos. In this town, that’s all they could see. But I wasn’t one of them.
I didn’t hate Beck Clermont or his family, and I didn’t care whether or not his father was as successful as mine.
I didn’t care about anything that Lucas threatened me with.
I pushed out onto the beach and pulled fresh air into my lungs. I kicked my shoes to the side and let my toes sink into the sand. The sun was falling below the edge of the sea, and I felt like I was falling with it.
Everything felt like it was too much.
Beck, Lucas, my dad. I hadn’t wanted any part of any of them, but that hadn’t mattered.
I sat down on the sand just out of reach of the ocean, and I tried to concentrate on nothing but the sound of the water.
I used to do that a lot when my mom was sick. I would go outside and concentrate on something that was bigger than me. The ocean didn’t care about me or my life or my inconsequential problems. It just continued to push forward, it slammed against the earth over and over as if nothing I did mattered at all.
I sat there for a long time, and every time one of them would pop into my mind, I tried to push them away. But Beck refused to let up. I concentrated on the sounds, I dug my toes into the sand, I sang “Without Me” by Halsey over and over in my head, but none of that could keep him from my thoughts.
The sun was gone by the time I finally sat up. There was nothing but the water, the moon, and me, and it reminded me how alone I was.
It didn’t matter how I felt or how Beck didn’t feel. Nothing in this life was permanent. Whatever did or didn’t happen with him was temporary. It all was.
I pushed off the sand to stand and turned back toward the house. I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw Beck sitting there, a good twenty feet behind me, and he was just watching me.
I hadn’t heard him or seen him, and I had no idea how long he had been there. He was sitting on a low wall at the edge of my property, and his hands were on his knees. His eyes, though, they were on me.
I felt awkward as I walked toward him. My hair was blowing around my face, my heart was racing, and my head was a mess. We hadn’t spoken since I left him last night, and I didn’t know what to say now.
Especially after talking with Lucas.
It made me feel off. He made me second-guess everything.
I stopped when I was still a handful of feet away from him. “What are you doing out here?”
“Looking for you.” He seemed distant, and I didn’t know if that was just in my head. “I tried to message you.”
My eyes flicked up to my house, then back to him. “I left my phone.”
He nodded and looked out toward the water. “Are you okay?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?” Unless he meant because of what happened last night. I didn’t know why he would think I wasn’t okay unless he thought I regretted it. Unless he was regretting what we had done. “Last night was amazing.”
His gaze jumped back to mine, and I wanted to close the distance between us and force him to tell me what he was thinking. I wanted to kiss him senseless and drive all the thoughts racing through his head away. I wanted to chase them from mine.
“Josie, I…” He hesitated and ran his fingers through his hair. I didn’t. I pushed forward and bent until my face was level with his. I gave him the slightest moment to push me away before I pressed my lips against his in a desperate kiss.
His hands found my hips and he pulled me down against him until I was straddling his lap. I groaned at the contact and the memories that were still fresh on my mind, and I kissed him like I never wanted to let him go.
His arms wrapped around my back, and he felt just as desperate. His touch was brutal and bruising and filled with so much need.
“Stay with me tonight?” His words were muffled against my mouth.
“What?”
“Stay with me.” He pulled me back and looked me in the eyes. “Just for tonight. Just you and me.”
“Your parents.” There was no way I was just walking into his house and letting Mr. Clermont see me there. Not like this.
“They aren’t home.” His hand shook slightly against my back. “They won’t be back until late.”
“I don’t know.” I shook my head, but I wanted to. I wanted to be alone with him, where the rest of the world couldn’t touch us.
“No expectations. We don’t have to do anything. I just want you there.”
My heart felt like it was going to pump out of my chest. “Okay.”
He smiled up at me, the first smile I’d seen on his face since I first saw him out here, and he stood with me in his arms.
I laughed as I wrapped my legs around him. “I should go tell my dad something.”
“He won’t even notice you’re gone.” He was right, but the thought still wounded me a bit.
I wrapped my arms tighter around him as he carried me through the sand. He didn’t set me down until we pushed through his back gate. He kept my hand in his as we passed the pool, and I tried not to blush. The memories of the night before came flooding back, and I was about to spend an entire night with him.
I w
ouldn’t lie and say that thought didn’t make me nervous.
He said there were no expectations, but there were. With guys like Beck, there would always be expectations. His and mine.
And I was suddenly more scared of mine than his.
Tonight, I needed him to make everything Lucas had said disappear. I just needed to feel something more. Just for one night.
I wasn’t looking for a promise. I was just looking for something that only he could give me.
We pushed through the back door, leaving the cool air behind us, and it was mostly dark inside as he led me through. The house was so similar to my father’s but so different at the same time. It actually looked like someone lived here.
There were dozens of photos on the walls of Beck, Frankie, his father, and his mom. They looked happy. They looked like a family.
They looked so different from us.
He led me upstairs without a word before opening a door and flicking on a lamp. The large room was shrouded in soft light, and I took in every square inch. There were some clothes thrown on the floor by his bed, which was unmade and covered in deep gray bedding. There was a desk near the window that overlooked the ocean, and I ran my fingers over the dark wood that was scattered with papers and a few baseballs.
I didn’t know what to do or say. I was in his space, everything about this moment intimate, and I stared out the window to avoid looking at him.
“You want to watch a movie?” He pushed my hair over my shoulder to bare my neck to him, and he laid a gentle kiss against my skin. It shouldn’t have had the impact that it did.
“Yeah.”
He intertwined his fingers with mine and walked back toward his bed. My heart raced as I let him lead me. He felt different tonight. He wasn’t rushed or angry or overwhelmed with need. It was just me and him, and something about that seemed far scarier than the rest.
Normally I didn’t have time to think. He never allowed me room to second-guess.
He climbed onto the bed, and I followed him. He leaned against his headboard and opened his legs before he pulled me between them. My back was pressed to the front of him, and he wrapped his arms around me as he relaxed.
I was stiff as a board.