“Especially not over Meredith, but also, no, never.”
Evie thought about that.
“If you want to fight with Meredith,” Natalie said. “Go right ahead. Whatever you like. I’m on your side. I pick you. I’d just hoped we could all be nice, but that isn’t going to work for you, then never mind. Go for it.”
“I might.”
“Do. If you want to.”
Evie thought. “I probably won’t.”
“That’s good too. I’d appreciate it.”
Evie ate another bean. “We’ll see.”
“If you could try…”
“I’ll try.”
“Good,” Natalie said. “Because there is something else. I know this is terrible timing but I need to warn you. She wants to come back tomorrow to get her receipt, the one she was going to look for.”
Evie thought for a moment, then shrugged.
“Do you mind?” Natalie said.
“I don’t mind, but… Can’t you find what she wants and send it to her?”
“I don’t speak Italian.”
Evie looked confused.
“Somewhere in a box in the study are a couple of hundred receipts in Italian,” Natalie said. “From a holiday a while ago. Meredith wants one of them and I don’t speak any Italian. I don’t suppose you do?”
Evie shook her head.
“That’s a shame,” Natalie said. She thought for a moment. “Well, in that case, it’s up to you. You decide. I can either just give her the whole box, if you don’t want her here…”
“No, I…” Evie stopped. “What do you mean if I don’t want her here?”
“If you don’t want her here then she won’t be.”
“It isn’t up to me. It’s your place.”
“Even so. If you don’t want her here…”
“I never said that.”
Natalie thought for a moment. She wondered how much to explain. She had bad habits, and she knew she did. Ways in which it was easier to just let Meredith push her around. “I’m slightly messed up,” she said. “About Meredith. And it hasn’t mattered until now. But now there’s you, so I need to start fixing that. I need to start thinking about you too, and what you’re comfortable with.”
“You don’t…”
“I do. So tell me that you don’t want her here, and she won’t be. Simple. Because otherwise I can almost guarantee that first thing tomorrow morning Meredith will be at the door wanting to get her receipt. She’s persistent once she decides to do something.”
Evie thought for a moment. “I’m not going to whether say I mind. It’s your house.”
“But do you mind?”
“Not really.”
“You’re sure?”
Evie nodded.
“All right,” Natalie said. “Then I’ll let her in.”
“You’d stop her, just because I asked you to?”
Natalie nodded.
“Oh,” Evie said. She ate another bean, one of the last, and sat there for a moment, considering. “Let her in,” she said. “It’s fine. Um, but….”
“But?”
“But I might stay around while she’s here, though. If that’s all right.”
Natalie completely understood. She started to smile. “Of course you will,” she said.
“Stop it,” Evie said. “Stop smiling.”
“I’m not,” Natalie said, smiling more.
“You are, and you know you are, so stop it. I’m just being supportive.”
Natalie looked at her for a moment. “Supportive?”
“Yep. In case she starts trouble.”
“I’ve seen her dozens of times since we…”
“And now things are changing so she might make trouble.”
“Of course,” Natalie said, gravely.
“Stop that too,” Evie said. “Pretending to be serious is just rude.”
Natalie nodded, and kissed Evie, and picked her plate up off the table. “I’ve stopped,” she said, and went to the sink before Evie could see her face and say anything else. Any more would probably make her laugh.
She was glad it would. She was glad they were how they were. They fit each other well, she thought. Both little things and bigger things could be talked through without complications. With Meredith it had never been like that, not working things out so easily, and Natalie was starting to think that was far more important and she’d ever realized.
21: Evie
The next morning, Evie was woken by Natalie’s phone. She had almost expected to be. Natalie had taken the phone to bed, and left it on the bedside table, and must have been expecting it to ring as well, because she had reached over and grabbed at it and answered almost before the first ring finished.
Evie was still waking up, and it sounded like Natalie was too. Natalie answered sleepily, holding the phone loosely against her head. She was lying where she had been, close behind Evie. Close enough Evie could hear both sides of the conversation, and could tell it was Meredith, and that Meredith was saying she was ready and downstairs.
“What?” Natalie said, and Meredith said everything again.
Meredith wasn’t asking if it was a good time, Evie noticed, and she hadn’t called first to say she was on the way. She was just announcing she’d arrived. It was rude, Evie thought, but at least she’d called from downstairs instead of just knocking on the door.
“Give me five minutes,” Natalie said sleepily. “Let me get up.”
“I don’t mind if you’re up,” Meredith said.
“I mind,” Natalie said, quite sharply, Evie thought. “So wait there.”
Meredith said something Evie didn’t hear.
“And wait down there,” Natalie added. “Don’t use the keycard.”
“Fine,” Meredith said.
“I mean it,” Natalie said, and hung up the phone. She put it back on the bedside table and rolled over to look at Evie. “You’re awake, aren’t you?”
Evie was lying with a pillow over her head. “You think?”
“Meredith’s on her way up.”
“No shit,” Evie said. “I heard. Isn’t it kind of early?”
“It’s after nine.”
Evie sighed. “Like I said.” She was being obnoxious on purpose.
Natalie got up, and made coffee, and brought some back to Evie. Evie was grateful for that. It was thoughtful, especially when Natalie probably wanted to be getting dressed instead. Evie kissed her, and Natalie kissed her back, and then went into the bathroom and stayed in there until the outside doorbell started buzzing.
“I think it’s been five minutes,” Evie called.
“I heard,” Natalie said. “Fuck.”
She came out of the bathroom twisting her hair up into a bun. She had a damp face, and no makeup on, but at least she looked awake, more awake than Evie felt. She dressed quickly, pulling on jeans and the old work shirt she’d had on last night. Then she stopped. She didn’t button up the shirt. She glanced around, and thought for a moment, and took the shirt back off. She picked up one of Evie’s singlets instead.
“Can I wear this?” she said.
“Wear what?” Evie said.
“This?” Natalie held it up. It was clean, one Evie hadn’t put back in drawer.
“Yep, of course,” Evie said. “Why?”
“No why,” Natalie said. “Just can I wear it?”
The front doorbell buzzed again. Natalie grabbed her phone, and called Meredith, and said, “Wait, I’m fucking coming,” and then hung up.
“I get why,” Evie said to Natalie, in case it mattered, and actually thought she did. For looking younger, or different, or less like the Natalie who Meredith had known, one or the other of those things, or all of them. Evie probably would have wanted to as well, if she had been in the same situation.
“You might get why,” Natalie said. “But there’s no why. Can I wear it?”
“I said yes,” Evie said.
“Sorry,” Natalie said. “I’m distracted.”<
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“I know,” Evie said, and watched Natalie pull the singlet on.
Evie felt bad for Natalie. She wanted to help, but wasn’t sure how. She watched, as Natalie smoothed down the singlet, and then poked at her hair, and then looked at herself in the mirror.
“You look hot,” Evie said, deciding that might help a little.
“No I don’t.”
“You really do. Like completely first thing in the morning fuckable.”
“Stop it,” Natalie said, and went to the bedroom door.
“Wait a second,” Evie said.
Natalie stopped. “Why?”
“Um, to make her wait longer. Why else?”
Natalie stood still for a moment, almost long enough for Evie to worry she was irritated. Then she started to smile. She came back to the bed, and kissed Evie, and said, “I’m really fine. I’ve done this before with her.”
“I know you are,” Evie said. “Of course you are. You’re you, and fucking amazing, and of course you can cope.”
“Yes,” Natalie said, slightly suspiciously. “But…?”
“Not but. You’re amazing. You can cope. Kiss me again.”
Natalie did, still wary.
“And again,” Evie said. “Kiss me again.”
Natalie did. “Why?”
Evie grinned. “Um, to make her wait. Like I said.”
The door buzzer went again. Natalie sighed, and stood up. She went over to the bedroom door.
“Um, hold on again,” Evie said. “Wait for real.”
Natalie stopped and looked at her. “Please don’t be difficult.”
“I’m not,” Evie said. “Not this time, I promise.”
Natalie waited.
“Should I really stay while she’s here?” Evie said.
“Yes, of course.”
“It’s just, I don’t need to if you want me to go away. I mean, I trust you and stuff. I don’t need to spy.”
“Well, I’m glad,” Natalie said. “And thank you. But isn’t it a little late to go anywhere? She’s right outside.”
“I can sneak out,” Evie said. “I could go down the stairs or something before she gets out the lift.”
“You’re not even dressed.”
“I can be quick. If you want me to go. Or I can wait in here and not come out.”
“I don’t. Any of that. You should do exactly what you want to do.”
Natalie seemed to be being evasive. Evie hesitated, unsure what to do. Natalie sounded odd, and seemed a little glum. Evie couldn’t decide if she actually wanted Evie to go away, or if she was just miserable and distracted, anticipating seeing Meredith.
“I can’t tell what you want me to do,” Evie said.
“I want you to stay,” Natalie said. “And not to hide. Unless you really don’t want to see Meredith again.”
“No I’m… Really I should stay?”
“Really. Whatever you like. I’m not going to tell you to leave just because someone’s coming to visit. Not ever.”
“Even her?”
“Even Meredith, yes.”
“So I should stay?”
“Please,” Natalie said. “Please do, if you want to.”
“And come out there and say hi?”
“God,” Natalie said. “Why not? Of course. Do that too if you’d like to.”
Evie thought.
“Do you want to?” Natalie said.
Evie shrugged.
“So do,” Natalie said.
“Okay, I will.”
Natalie went out into the hallway, and then to the front door. Evie heard her snap, “I told you to wait,” as she buzzed Meredith in.
“Be strong,” Evie called.
“I’m fucking strong,” Natalie called back. “You be strong. And behave. If you’re getting up.”
“I am,” Evie called. “I will.”
“Behave,” Natalie shouted.
“I heard,” Evie said. She slid out of bed, and started getting dressed.
*
Evie was still in the bedroom when Meredith arrived. She heard a knock on the apartment’s front door, and was curious enough to stand still where she was, listening.
She heard Natalie open the door. Natalie said something, but Evie couldn’t hear what. She couldn’t hear very much. Muffled voices, but frustratingly little else. She went and opened the bedroom door slightly, and then she could hear better. There seemed to be a fight happening at the front door. A fight in whispers. Evie heard Natalie say, “Keep your voice down, she’s here,” and, “I don’t give a fuck what you think.”
Evie couldn’t hear everything, and at first she couldn’t hear Meredith at all, not until Meredith came inside. Evie knew when Meredith had because she heard heels on the floor and knew Natalie was still in bare feet, and suddenly Meredith’s voice was clearer.
“Is she living here now?” Meredith said, and Evie just knew Meredith meant her.
“What business is that of yours?” Natalie said sharply.
“I don’t know,” Meredith said. “I wondered, that’s all. She seems to be here a lot.”
“Over the last two days you mean?” Natalie said.
“I suppose so, yes.”
“And if she is?” Natalie said. “What about it?”
“Nothing really,” Meredith said.
“So why ask?” Natalie said, and Meredith didn’t answer.
Natalie was annoyed. Evie could tell from her voice. Natalie had a way of sounding exhausted when she didn’t want to talk about something. She was doing it now, Evie thought. Natalie wanted Meredith to stop asking questions. Evie could tell that from the other end of the apartment, but oddly, Meredith seemed not to have noticed.
Natalie closed the front door, and she and Meredith came down the hallway towards Evie. Their voices got louder for a moment, then quieter again as they walked into the study, the room next to the bedroom.
They went into the study, and suddenly Evie couldn’t hear as well. Not that she really needed to. She’d already heard enough to tell what was happening. Meredith was complaining, and being snide, and Natalie was hoping she would stop. Meredith kept talking. Evie caught something about how embarrassing it all was for Natalie, and something about Natalie’s age, and then Meredith said well you know what these girls are like, and Natalie said no she didn’t actually, what the fuck was Meredith on about. Meredith was quiet for a moment, then said that Evie had been rude on purpose, and Natalie said, “God, Meredith, give it a rest.”
Evie felt pleased. She felt very pleased, and wasn’t sure why. Whether it was because Natalie was standing up for her particularly, or just that Natalie was standing up to Meredith at all. It didn’t especially matter, Evie thought. It was still good thing to hear.
Through the wall, in the office, someone opened the wardrobe. The wardrobe which backed onto the bedroom’s wardrobe, so suddenly Evie could hear clearly again.
“How old is she?” Meredith said.
“Does it matter?” Natalie said, then, “Twenty-one.”
“Oh god,” Meredith said. “Really?”
“Stop it,” Natalie said irritably. “Just stop. Help me look.’
Evie heard file cabinet drawers grate and boxes scrape, and then Natalie said, “Here.” There was a slither and then a thud. Natalie pulling something out the wardrobe and putting it on the desk, Evie thought. Then there was silence, as if both were looking through whatever Natalie had found.
Evie stood where she was, thinking. A part of her had wanted to make trouble, but she hadn’t quite decided if she would until right then. She hadn’t been sure in case she went too far or upset Natalie, but Meredith’s spiteful little comments had decided her.
She ought to do something. She ought to go into the study and do something slightly mean. She wasn’t quite sure what.
She thought about Meredith and how Meredith had noticed what she was wearing the day before. She thought about Meredith saying she was half-naked, when she hadn’t been at all. Part o
f her wanted to walk into the study naked, just to see what happened, to see how Meredith reacted. Part of her wanted to, but she knew she wasn’t brave enough. Not with Meredith staring and judging and perhaps saying something awful. She needed to do something else.
She thought about Natalie wearing her singlet and why Natalie had. It was a nice idea, she thought, to wear Natalie’s clothes while standing in front of Meredith. It was odd, but it made a kind of sense.
She picked up Natalie’s shirt, the one Natalie had just discarded. It was old and soft and still slightly warm from the brief touch of Natalie’s skin. Evie pressed it to her face, and breathed in, and it smelled faintly of Natalie.
Evie liked Natalie’s smell. That was reason enough to wear it.
Evie pulled the shirt on. She did it all the way up, then changed her mind, because even if she wasn’t going to be brave, she could show off just a little. She undid the top few buttons, which was about as bare as she could bring herself to be.
She pulled on the shorts she’d been wearing the day before, the same shorts that had offended Meredith so much, and then she went to look for Natalie.
She didn’t know exactly what she was going to, but she wanted to do something.
*
Natalie and Meredith were in the study, side by side at the desk, looking through a cardboard file carton full of papers. They were standing quite close together, so their arms touched as they moved. So they could both see into the carton, Evie assumed.
Evie stood in the doorway, watching, and tried to work out what she was feeling.
She didn’t like Meredith, and she wanted to be sure why. She wasn’t jealous, she was almost certain of that. She didn’t feel threatened, and she wasn’t worried that Natalie would leave her. She wanted to be horrible to Meredith, but it wasn’t because of jealously. It was just that she was angry. She was angry that Meredith had been lucky enough to have Natalie but then had treated her so badly, and she was angry that Meredith was still around, complaining and being unreasonable and making snide comments about Evie, acting as if she still somehow mattered.
She didn’t matter, and her pretending she did made Evie angry. It wasn’t reasonable and it probably wasn’t fair, but Evie didn’t care any more. She wanted to make some kind of point. She wanted to show Meredith she mattered, to make certain that Meredith knew Evie was there, and had a place in Natalie’s life.
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