After a while she calmed down, and made herself think about what else she needed to do. Preparing for the interview was the main thing. She left a suit and shirt out on the bed, and went into the lounge to read over her course notes. Reading was important. She might be asked something tricky, if the interviewers wanted to make sure she knew as much as she ought to. She took her notes and textbooks into the lounge, and sat on the couch, and read. She read all afternoon, for as long as she could, until she was too tired to concentrate, and then kept reading anyway.
Mostly she was waiting for Natalie to come home, so she could tell her the news. There wasn’t anyone else she wanted to tell first, and she wanted to be able to see Natalie’s face when she heard, too, rather than just phoning her at work.
She read until she heard Natalie’s key in the door, then put down her book, and waited. She meant to just tell Natalie she’d got the interview, to be excited and happy, but calm. Instead, as soon as Natalie walked in, she said, “Promise me you didn’t make this happen.”
Natalie closed the front door, and put down her bag. She looked over at Evie, and seemed confused. “Make what happen?”
“Please just promise me you didn’t.”
Natalie put down her briefcase, and then her keys. She kept looking at Evie, puzzled. She came over to where Evie was sitting, on the couch, and said, “Well, I don’t think I did. What might I have done?”
“I got an interview.”
“Oh,” Natalie said, and seemed relieved. She started to smile. She sat down beside Evie, and hugged her. “That’s good,” she said. “That’s really, really good, Evie. Where is it?”
“You really don’t know?”
Natalie looked blank. She shrugged, slightly, then shook her head. “Tell me.”
“At your firm.”
“Oh,” Natalie said. “Oh right, I see.”
“You didn’t…?”
“I didn’t do a thing.”
“And no-one knows about us?”
“Barely anyone. And not anyone who had anything to do with recruiting.”
Evie nodded, feeling better. She didn’t know why, but she’d needed that reassurance. She thought, quickly, making sure she’d considered everything else. The address she’d given on the application had been her actual home address, at her share-house, and the phone number had been her mobile. There was no other connection to Natalie she could think of, as long as Natalie hadn’t told anyone, and Natalie had said she hadn’t. That was good, Evie thought. That meant she’d done this on her own. She’d been capable enough to be shortlisted for herself, not because she knew Natalie. She was very glad to know that. She hadn’t realized she’d been worrying about it quite so much until suddenly the worry was gone.
“Sorry,” Evie said, after a moment. “I just…”
Natalie shrugged. “Don’t worry. It’s fine. Are you pleased?”
“Very.”
“Well done,” Natalie said, and kissed Evie. “That’s really good news.”
Evie grinned. “I thought so.”
“What’s the position?” Natalie said. “Which department?”
“Corporate, they said. But regulation and lobbying, I think, basically.”
“Not tax?”
“No. But it sounded like it’s kind of just floating around. That I get loaned out to different people until I find a place I fit. So maybe tax, I suppose. Do you have any idea?”
“Not really,” Natalie said, a little vaguely. “They loan you out?”
“Apparently. You don’t know?”
“How would I? I’m not supposed to ask questions that make people think about you.”
“No,” Evie said. “You’re absolutely not.”
“And so I don’t. Which of course means that now I’m not as useful as you’d apparently hoped. Which you presumably now regret?”
“Not at all,” Evie said, and kissed Natalie. “Asshole.”
Natalie grinned. She seemed quite excited. She hugged Evie again. “I’m happy for you,” she said. “This is good. You should be really proud.”
“Oh, I am. And there was another call too, another interview. In-house legal at a bank. It’s not as exciting, but it’s still something, so I don’t know, I suppose that’s good as well.”
“Not as exciting because you don’t really want it?” Natalie said.
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Is something wrong with it?”
“Nah,” Evie said. “I’m sure it would be fine if I had take it. And I’m probably more likely to get it, being realistic. I mean, it shouldn’t be as tough or as competitive or whatever. It’s just that it’s not a law firm, that’s all, and I’d hoped that’s where I’d end up.”
Natalie nodded. “Still,” she said. “That’s really good. Two offers in a day. You did well.”
“Yep,” Evie said.
“And you don’t know what you’ll like or how well you’ll do until you talk to them both. It might all be better than you expect.”
“Maybe.”
“You never know. You might end up with two job offers.”
“Yeah,” Evie said. “I’ll find out, I guess.”
She felt strangely reluctant to talk too much about details, and wasn’t quite sure why. In case she put herself off, she supposed, or give herself bad luck. It was silly, but Natalie seemed to understand. She didn’t press Evie for more information. She just sat there, holding Evie’s hand, and smiling at her, seeming proud.
*
“So anyway,” Evie said, after a moment, thinking she should say something. “They’re both jobs, and your firm’s is going to be much harder to get, so I suppose I should probably be caring more about the bank.”
“But if you’re not sure…” Natalie said.
“Oh, I’m sure. I’ll take whatever someone offers me.”
“But surely…” Natalie stopped. She seemed to be thinking.
“Just say it,” Evie said.
“Surely you shouldn’t take something you don’t actually want?”
“Well, except for how I kind of need to work somewhere…”
“Why?”
Evie looked at Natalie. “I don’t know quite what you mean?”
“Why do you need to work somewhere? You don’t need to, really, do you? Not need, like otherwise you’ll starve.”
“Not starve, no…”
“So why take a job you don’t want? Why not wait for something better?”
“Um, because there might not be something better. Because recession, remember?”
“Perhaps,” Natalie said. “But why not try before you assume that? Why not wait a little longer, and see?”
“I don’t know,” Evie said, suddenly wondering that herself now Natalie had asked. “Because you won’t like me as much if I do?”
“What?” Natalie said, seeming surprised. “Evie, that’s…”
Evie shrugged. She’d been teasing as much as anything, but Natalie actually looked quite shocked.
“Why would you even think that?” Natalie said. “That’s awful.”
“I don’t, not really,” Evie said. “I don’t know.” She thought it, but she didn’t. She’d assumed without thinking properly, she supposed. “You seem to want me to have a good job,” she said. “To get somewhere and do well and whatever. I thought you liked that about me.”
“Well yes, I do. But it’s not the end of the world if you do something else.”
“You keep trying to get me to let you help…”
“To help,” Natalie said, sounding worried. “For your sake. Not for mine.”
“But you like that I’m ambitious. Don’t you?”
“Of course. But that isn’t…” Natalie stopped. “Ambitious can be waiting, too. Holding out for the right thing.”
Evie sat there for a while. “Oh,” she said. “Yeah, I suppose so. I hadn’t thought of that.”
“God, Evie, don’t take a job you don’t actually want. Not somehow because of me.”
/> Evie nodded, slowly. She sat there looking at Natalie. Natalie seemed confused, and now Evie was too. “I’m not completely sure what you’re saying,” Evie said, after a moment.
“Don’t take a job you don’t want,” Natalie repeated. “Why, what else would I be…?”
“But why are you saying that right now? What exactly do you mean?”
“Just that. Don’t take a job unless you want it.”
Natalie was being evasive, Evie decided. It wasn’t obvious, and it might not even be intentional, but Natalie was avoiding saying what she ought to know that Evie meant.
“You’re being difficult on purpose,” Evie said. “Aren’t you?”
Natalie hesitated. “Perhaps.”
“Could you not? Please?”
Natalie nodded. “Sorry.”
“What’s going on?” Evie said. “I’m really confused.
“I am too,” Natalie said. “I’m just trying not to assume.”
“Assume what? I don’t understand.”
“About your job. And what I say. Whether it’s my place to talk about what jobs you take at all.”
Evie still didn’t understand. “Of course it’s your place. I asked you what you thought…”
“Even so.”
“But we’re only talking…”
“About your life and your career, so I’m not sure I’m entitled to have an opinion.”
“Entitled?” Evie said. “Fuck, of course you are.”
Natalie seemed relieved. She nodded, apparently happier. Evie sat there waiting, expecting Natalie to start explaining what she’d meant, but Natalie didn’t speak.
“So what is your opinion?” Evie said in the end.
“I don’t know,” Natalie said. “Take as long as you like to find the job you like, I suppose.”
“Okay,” Evie said. She looked at Natalie, thinking. It seemed like there was still more. Evie wasn’t completely sure what, but considering what they’d been talking about when things had become uncomfortable, she was starting to have an idea. “So me being here while I wait,” she said slowly. “Me living here. Does that make a difference to why you just lost your shit?”
“I didn’t…” Natalie said.
“Um, you kind of did. Does me being here make a difference?”
“About jobs?”
“Yeah.”
Natalie shrugged. “To me? Not at all.”
Evie thought. “So even if I take ages to find a job, I shouldn’t worry about being here?”
“Not in the least,” Natalie said. “No.”
“Oh,” Evie said, still thinking. She wasn’t quite sure how, but that definitely felt like something was changing. “Are you sure about that?” she said. “Because if you really mean it…”
“I mean it,” Natalie said, sounding tense.
Evie felt odd, and Natalie didn’t seem entirely herself, either.
“Okay, good,” Evie said. “That’s good. But I’m still not completely sure what we’re saying right now.”
Natalie sat there for a moment. “I’m not either.”
Evie sighed, and looked out the window at the view. She wanted to go into the kitchen and smoke, but she was trying not just automatically have a cigarette every time she wanted one. She watched a ferry on the harbour instead.
“I’m confused,” she said.
Natalie nodded. “I am too.”
“I’m not sure if we’re talking about jobs or something else.”
“Jobs. Aren’t we?”
“So tell me what you’re saying about jobs. Before I get mixed up again.”
“I want you to be happy,” Natalie said. “That’s all. So don’t take a job you don’t want. Simple.”
“Oh,” Evie said. “Okay.”
“It is kind of simple,” Natalie said, seeming oddly defensive.
“Yep, it is.”
Evie felt uncertain, and Natalie seemed to notice.
“Why?” Natalie said. “Is there something else we ought to be talking about?”
“I don’t know,” Evie said.
“If there was,” Natalie said. “Would it change anything about jobs?”
“Probably not.”
“So don’t worry about it now.”
Evie nodded. “Okay,” she said. “So don’t take a job I don’t really want, that’s what you’re saying?”
“Not unless you want to, no.”
Evie sat there thinking.
“So no to the bank?” Natalie said.
“I think so,” Evie said. “Unless they make it sound really good. Really interesting.”
“Of course.”
“But I doubt they will,” Evie said. “Because I just do. Which pretty much means lots more pressure for your firm tomorrow.”
“Not really, does it?” Natalie said. “Not if you don’t need that particular job.”
Evie looked at her, confused.
“Not that one especially, I mean,” Natalie said. “Instead of something else equally perfect later on.”
Evie thought about that and decided it was true. In a silly way it made complete sense. She had the luxury of waiting, and knowing she did meant there would be less pressure on her tomorrow. She felt relieved. She couldn’t quite believe she hadn’t thought of that herself.
“Oh yeah,” Evie said, surprised. “Shit, you’re right.”
“Probably,” Natalie said, grinning.
“Thank you,” Evie said. “For saying that. And thank you for not caring how long I take.”
Natalie shrugged.
“I mean it,” Evie said. “Especially about the waiting. It helps a lot.”
“Yes, well, you would for me.”
Evie looked at Natalie, wondering whether to be clever. Natalie probably hadn’t entirely meant that, Evie thought. Not when it didn’t make any sense.
“Um,” Evie said, deciding she would. “So how’s that, then?”
“How what?”
“Me doing it for you? How’s that going to work? You’ll crash at my place or something if you need to? Because I’m sure you’d be really happy in my student share house. Eating our shitty student share pasta.”
Natalie grinned. “I don’t know. It doesn’t matter, as long as you would. That was all I meant. And you will, so that’s what counts.”
“Well, of course I would, if you needed me to, but the point is it’ll never happen. And you’d hate it if you had to, so I don’t know why you would.”
“I’d want to if you were there,” Natalie said, sounding pleased with herself.
Evie sighed, and gave up, and leaned against Natalie instead, pressing herself close, hugging tightly. She felt happier now, and more confident, too. She felt much better about the interview tomorrow. A superstitious little part of her seemed to have decided that since she didn’t need the job as much, everything would go better at the interview. Silly as that was, she thought, it was probably true. Now she wasn’t under as much pressure, she’d probably do better. She’d be calmer and her desperation wouldn’t show.
She sat there hugging Natalie, looking at the view. She thought about Natalie trying to help her, and how she’d done this on her own. She’d done it on her own, she thought. She was actually quite proud of that.
“See?” she said. “I didn’t need your help after all.”
“No you didn’t,” Natalie said.
“So there,” Evie said, into Natalie’s neck.
“You still should have let me help though,” Natalie said. “Just because.”
“Or not,” Evie said.
“Or,” Natalie said. “You could have let me.”
Evie smiled, even though Natalie couldn’t see her. “Nope,” she said.
There was silence for a moment.
“You’re thinking I’m being premature, aren’t you,” Evie said. “That I’m saying I don’t need your help way too soon.”
“I wasn’t,” Natalie said. “I am now.”
“I am,” Evie said. “Except I
’m not. Because if not this job, then the next, yeah?”
“Exactly,” Natalie said.
“Then like I said. Without your help. So there.”
Natalie kissed the top of Evie’s head, and Evie smiled again.
*
Evie sat on the couch, holding Natalie, looking out at the view. She watched dusk fall over the harbour, and the lights of ferries on the water, and wondered how it had all happened that she’d ended up here.
“So the other thing we weren’t talking about,” Natalie said suddenly.
“What other thing?” Evie said.
“From a moment ago,” Natalie said. “Whether we were talking about jobs or something else…”
“Oh that,” Evie said.
“Well, we’re done with jobs, so let’s talk about the something else.”
“Um,” Evie said. “Okay.”
“I have a thought,” Natalie said.
“I imagine you do.”
“An idea, that’s all. Just while everything’s becoming organized, and we’re kind of settling down…”
“Oh no,” Evie said.
“What?”
“This sounds like something big.”
“It is,” Natalie said. “But not something bad.”
“It better not be,” Evie said.
Natalie smiled. “Move in here,” she said. “Move in properly. All your things. Move completely, and stop paying rent on your flat.”
Evie sat there for a moment, thinking. She wasn’t sure what to say.
“I’ve wanted to talk to you about this for a while,” Natalie said. “But I promised myself I’d wait until you found a job.”
“Um, I haven’t yet…”
“If not this one, then the next…?”
“Oh,” Evie said. “Yeah.”
“What I mean is,” Natalie said. “We’ve settled something about jobs tonight, so now feels like the time. If feels close enough to you finding a job that now we should.”
“You’re impatient,” Evie said.
“Probably.”
“You really want to do this?”
“Of course I do. You’re here most of the time anyway, and we seem to be able to stand each other, so why not? We seem to have got through some quite tricky times, like your exams…”
Evie's Job Page 49