by Toni Maguire
Perfect for Christmas!
Acknowledgements
This book has been a labour of love and tears. Being fully open about my life has been one of the hardest, yet fulfilling experiences of my life. I would have never imagined myself writing acknowledgements for a book about my past – up until a certain age, I didn’t think I’d be alive. Some people have saved me; they didn’t know it, but they pulled me out from the darkest hole possible.
To my partner, you have seen it all, you witnessed the tears, the fears, the years of therapy. You remained by my side through it all. You showed me what love truly means. I always said even if one day we part ways, I’ll love you forever and be grateful for all you have given me. For the first time ever, I didn’t feel like a burden, an inconvenience, I felt alive.
To my children, my girls, the loves of my life, what can I even say? You are everything, you both simply are. Your smiles, laughs, cuddles and kisses, they’re the reason to wake up in the morning. I’ve been called a lot of names, but ‘Mummy’ is, and always will be, my favourite. I look at you two and cannot believe I made you, me! You are all I wish I was, so brave, smart, hilarious, strong-headed, kind and beyond gorgeous. I’m amazed every time I look into your eyes. I hope one day when you are older and start having questions, you will read this book. I hope you will be proud of me.
To my baby, as I’m writing this, you are happily kicking in my belly. Know that you are so loved already. You sure do challenge me already, but I cannot wait to meet you and show you our beautiful family.
To Toni, it’s so strange how sometimes people who haven’t been in your life long can make a huge impact. You are just that. I never thought anyone would be interested in hearing about my life. Not only were you interested, but you made me feel less alone. For the first time I had a voice worth hearing. Your kindness is beyond belief, you’ve been like a surrogate mum. You never judged me, I always felt comfortable telling you the worst details, those that still bring me shame. You gave me hope.
To my dear readers, thank you for your support, thank you for listening to my story. My biggest wish is for it to bring a glimmer of hope to those still suffering. You are not alone, far from it. I wanted to share my darkest moments with you because I know a lot of you will relate, perhaps for the first time. I want you all to know that things will get better, you don’t have to suffer in silence. Keep safe, everyone.
Childline
You can talk to Childline about anything. No problem is too big or too small. Call free on 0800 1111.
Childline is a UK charity supporting young people in the UK, and there is also Child Helpline International for organisations in other countries that may be able to help. For more information, visit www.childline.org.uk.