by Plautus
ACT I.
Enter ERGASILUS.
ERGASILUS
The young men have given me the name of “the mistress,” for this reason, because invocated I am wont to attend at the banquet. I know that buffoons say that this is absurdly said, but I affirm that it is rightly said. For at the banquet the lover, when he throws the dice, invokes his mistress. Is she then invocated, or is she not? She is, most clearly. But, i’ faith, we Parasites with better reason are so called, whom no person ever either invites or invokes, and who, like mice, are always eating the victuals of another person. When business is laid aside, when people repair to the country, at that same moment is business laid aside for our teeth. Just as, when it is hot weather, snails lie hidden in secret, and live upon their own juices, if the dew doesn’t fall; so, when business is laid aside, do Parasites lie hidden in retirement, and miserably live upon their own juices, while in the country the persons are rusticating whom they sponge upon. When business is laid aside, we Parasites are greyhounds; when business recommences, like mastiffs, we are annoying-like and very troublesome- like. And here, indeed, unless, i’ faith, any Parasite is able to endure cuffs with the fist, and pots to be broken about his head, why he may e’en go with his wallet outside the Trigeminian Gate. That this may prove my lot, there is some danger. For since my patron has fallen into the hands of the enemy — (such warfare are the Ætolians now waging with the Eleans; for this is Ætolia; this Philopolemus has been made captive in Elis, the son of this old man Hegio who lives here pointing to the house — a house which to me is a house of woe, and which so oft as I look upon, I weep). Now, for the sake of his son, has he commenced this dishonorable traffic, very much against his own inclination. He buys up men that have been made captives, if perchance he may be able to find some one for whom to gain his son in exchange. An object which I really do much desire that he may gain. for unless he finds him, there’s nowhere for me to find myself. I have no hopes in the young men; they are all too fond of themselves. He, in fine, is a youth with the old-fashioned nanners, whose countenance I never rendered cheerful without a return. His father is worthily matched, as endowed with like manners. Now I’ll go to him; — but his door is opening, the door from which full oft I’ve sallied forth drunk with excess of cheer. He stands aside.
Enter, from his house, HEGIO and a SLAVE.
HEGIO
Now, give attention you, if you please. Those two captives whom I purchased yesterday of the Quæstors out of the spoil, put upon them chains of light weight; take off those greater ones with which they are bound. Permit them to walk, if they wish, out of doors, or if in-doors, but so that they are watched with the greatest care. A captive at liberty is like a bird that’s wild; if opportunity is once given for escaping, ’tis enough; after that, you can never catch him.
A SLAVE
Doubtless we all are free men more willingly than we live the life of slaves.
HEGIO
You, indeed, don’t seem to think so.
A SLAVE
If I have nothing to give, should you like me to give myself to flight?
HEGIO
If you do so give yourself, I shall at once have something to be giving to you.
A SLAVE
I’ll make myself just like the wild bird you were telling of.
HEGIO
’Tis just as you say; for if you do so, I’ll be giving you to the cage. But enough of prating; take you care of what I’ve ordered, and be off. The SLAVE goes into the house. I’ll away to my brother’s, to my other captives; I’ll go see whether they’ve been making any disturbance last night. From there I shall forthwith betake myself home again.
ERGASILUS
apart . It grieves me that this unhappy old man is following the trade of a slave-dealer, by reason of the misfortune of his son. But, if by any means he can be brought back here, I could even endure for him to become an executioner.
HEGIO
overhearing him . Who is it that’s speaking?
ERGASILUS
’Tis I, who am. pining at your affliction, growing thin, waxing old, and shockingly wasting away. Wretched man that I am, I’m but skin and bone through leanness; nor does anything ever do me good that I eat at home; even that ever so little which I taste out of doors, the same refreshes me.
HER.
Ergasilus, save you!
ERGASILUS
crying . May the Gods kindly bless you, Hegio!
HER.
Don’t weep.
ERGASILUS
Must I not weep for him? Must I not weep for such a young man?
HEGIO
I’ve always known you to be a friend to my son, and I have understood him to be so to you.
ERGASILUS
Then at last do we men know our blessings, when we have lost those things which we once had in our power. I, since your son fell into the power of the enemy, knowing by experience of what value he was, now feel his loss.
HEGIO
Since you, who are no relation, bear his misfortune so much amiss, what is it likely that I, a father, should do, whose only son he is?
ERGASILUS
I, no relation to him? He, no relation to me? Oh, Hegio! never do say that, nor come to such a belief. To you he is an only child, but to me he is even more only than an only one.
HEGIO
I commend you, in that you consider the affliction of your friend your own affliction. Now be of good heart.
ERGASILUS
crying . O dear! HEG. half-aside . ’Tis this afflicts him, that the army for guttling is now disbanded. Meanwhile, have you found no one to command for you the army that you mentioned as disbanded?
ERGASILUS
What do you think? All to whom it used to fall are in the habit of declining that province since your son Philopolemus was taken prisoner.
HEGIO
I’ faith, ’tisn’t to be wondered at, that they are in the habit of declining that province. You have necessity for numerous troops, and those of numerous kinds. Well, first you have need of the Bakerians. Of these Bakerians there are several kinds, You have need of Roll-makerians, you have need too of Confectionerians, you have need of Poultererians, you have need of Beccaficorians; besides, all the maritime forces are necessary for you.
ERGASILUS
How the greatest geniuses do frequently lie concealed! How great a general now is this private individual!
HEGIO
Only have good courage; for I trust that in a few days I shall bring him back home. For see now; there’s a captive here, a young man of Elis, born of a very high family, and of very great wealth; I trust that it will come to pass that I shall get my son in exchange for him.
ERGASILUS
May the Gods and Goddesses grant it so!
HEGIO
But are you invited out anywhere to dinner?
ERGASILUS
Nowhere that I know of. But, pray, why do you ask me?
HEGIO
Because this is my birthday; for that reason I’d like you to be invited to dinner at my house.
ERGASILUS
’Tis kindly said.
HEGIO
But if you can be content to eat a very little ——
ERGASILUS
Aye, even ever so little; for on such fare as that do I enjoy myself every day at home.
HEGIO
Come, then, please, set yourself up for sale.
ERGASILUS
I’ll put myself up for purchase, just like a landed estate, unless any one shall privately make a better offer that pleases myself and my friends more, and to my own conditions will I bind myself.
HEGIO
You are surely selling me a bottomless pit, and not a landed estate. But if you are coming, do so in time.
ERGASILUS
Why, for that matter, I’m at leisure even now.
HEGIO
Go then, and hunt for a hare; at present, in me you have but a ferret, for my fare is in the way of frequenti
ng a rugged road.
ERGASILUS
You’ll never repulse me by that, Hegio, so don’t attempt it. I’ll come, in spite of it, with teeth well shod.
HEGIO
Really, my viands are but of a rough sort.
ERGASILUS
Are you in the habit of eating brambles?
HEGIO
Mine is an earthy dinner.
ERGASILUS
A pig is an earthy animal.
HEGIO
Earthy from its plenty of vegetables.
ERGASILUS
Treat your sick peoples at home with that fare? Do you wish anything else?
HEGIO
Come in good time.
ERGASILUS
You are putting in mind one who remembers quite well. (Exit.)
HEGIO
I’ll go in-doors, and in the house I’ll make the calculation how little money I have at my banker’s; afterwards I’ll go to my brother’s, whither I was saying I would go. Goes into his house.
ACT II.
Enter, from the house, PHILOCRATES, TYNDARUS, and SLAVES and CAPTIVES of HEGIO.
A SLAVE
If the immortal Gods have so willed it that you should undergo this affliction, it becomes you to endure it with equanimity; if you do so, your trouble will be lighter. At home you were free men, I suppose; now if slavery has befallen you, ’tis a becoming way for you to put up with it, and by your dispositions to render it light, under a master’s rule. Unworthy actions which a master does must be deemed worthy ones.
PHILOCRATES
and
TYNDARUS
Alas! alas! alas!
A SLAVE
There’s no need for wailing; you cause much injury to your eyes. In adversity, if you use fortitude of mind, it is of service.
PHILOCRATES
and
TYNDARUS
But we are ashamed, because we are in bonds.
A SLAVE
But in the result it might cause vexation to our master, if he were to release you from chains, or allow you to be loose, whom he has purchased with his money.
PHILOCRATES
and
TYNDARUS
What does he fear from us? We know our duty, what it is, if he allows us to be loose.
A SLAVE
Why, you are meditating escape. I know what it is you are devising.
PHILOCRATES
and
TYNDARUS
We, make our escape? Whither should we escape?
A SLAVE
To your own country.
PHILOCRATES
and
TYNDARUS
Out upon you; it would ill befit us to be following the example of runaways.
A SLAVE
Why, faith, should there be an opportunity, I don’t advise you not.
PHILOCRATES
and
TYNDARUS
Do you allow us to make one request.
A SLAVE
What is it, pray?
PHILOCRATES
and
TYNDARUS
That you will give us an opportunity of conversing, without these and yourselves for overlookers.
A SLAVE
Be it so; go you away from here, you people. Let’s step here, on one side. To the other CAPTIVES and SLAVES. But commence upon a short conversation only.
PHILOCRATES
O yes, it was my intention so to do. Step aside this way to TYNDARUS .
A SLAVE
to the other CAPTIVES . Stand apart from them.
TYNDARUS
to the SLAVE . We are both greatly obliged to you, by reason of your doing so, since you allow us to obtain what we are desirous of.
PHILOCRATES
Step here then, at a distance now, if you think fit, that no listeners may be enabled to overhear our discourse, and that this plan of ours mayn’t be divulged before them for a stratagem is no stratagem, if you don’t plan it with art but it is a very great misfortune if it becomes disclosed. For if you are my master, and I represent myself as your servant, still there’s need of foresight, and need of caution, that this may be carried out discreetly and without overlookers, with carefulness and with cautious prudence and diligence. So great is the mutter that has been commenced upon; this must not be carried out in any drowsy fashion.
TYNDARUS
Just as you shall desire me to be, I will be.
PHILOCRATES
I trust so.
TYNDARUS
For now you see that for your precious life I’m setting at stake my own, as dear to me.
PHILOCRATES
I know it.
TYNDARUS
But remember to know it when you shall be enjoying that which you wish for; for mostly, the greatest part of mankind follow this fashion; what they wish for, until they obtain it, they are rightminded; but when they have now got it in their power, from being rightminded they become most deceitful, and most dishonest; now I do consider that you are towards me as I wish. What I advise you, I would advise my own father.
PHILOCRATES
I’ faith, if I could venture, I would call you father; for next to my own father, you are my nearest father.
TYNDARUS
I understand.
PHILOCRATES
And therefore I remind you the more frequently, that you may remember it. I am not your master, but your servant; now this one thing I do beseech you. Inasmuch as the immortal Gods have disclosed to us their wishes, that they desire me to have once been your master, and now to be your fellow-captive; what formerly of my right I used to command you, now with entreaties do I beg of you, by our uncertain fortunes, and by the kindness of my father towards you, and by our common captivity, which has befallen us by the hand of the enemy, don’t you pay me any greater respect than I did you when you were my slave; and don’t you forget to remember who you were, and who you now are.
TYNDARUS
I know, indeed, that I now am you, and that you are I.
PHILOCRATES
Well, if you are able carefully to remember that, 1 have some hope in this scheme of ours.
Enter HEGIO, from his house, speaking to those within.
HEGIO
I shall return in-doors just now, when I shall have discovered from these people what I want to know. To the SLAVES. Where are those persons whom I ordered to be brought out of doors here, before the house ?
PHILOCRATES
By my faith, I find that you have taken due precaution that we shouldn’t be missed by you, so walled in are we with chains and keepers.
HEGIO
He that takes precaution that he mayn’t be deceived, is hardly on his guard, even while he’s taking precaution; even when he has supposed that he has taken every precaution, full often is this wary man outwitted. Was there not good reason, indeed, for me to watch you carefully, whom I purchased with so large a sum of ready money?
PHILOCRATES
Troth, it isn’t fair for us to hold you to blame, because you watch us closely; nor yet for you us, if we go away hence, should there be an opportunity.
HEGIO
As you are here, so is my son a captive there among your people.
PHILOCRATES
He, a captive?
HEGIO
Even so.
PHILOCRATES
We, then, have not proved the only cowards.
HEGIO
to PHILOCRATES, supposing him to be the SERVANT of the other . Step you aside this way, for there are some things that I wish to enquire of you in private, on which subjects I would have you not to be untruthful to me, They step aside.
PHILOCRATES
I will not be, as to that which I shall know; if I shall not know anything, that which I don’t know I’ll tell you of.
TYNDARUS
. aside . Now is the old fellow in the barber’s shop; now, at this very instant, is Philocrates wielding the razor. He hasn’t cared, indeed, to put on the barber’s cloth, so as not
to soil his dress. But whether to say that he’s going to shave him close, or trim him through the eomb, I don’t know; but if he’s wise, he’ll scrape him right well to the very quick.
HEGIO
to PHILOCRATES . Which would you? Would you prefer to be a slave, or a free man? — Tell me.
PHILOCRATES
That which is the nearest to good, and the furthest off from evil, do I prefer; although my servitude hasn’t proved very grievous to me, nor has it been otherwise to me than if I had been a son in the family.
TYNDARUS
aside . Capital! I wouldn’t purchase, at a talent’s price even, Thales the Milesian; for compared with this man’s wisdom, he was a very twaddler. How cleverly has he suited his language to the slave’s condition.
HEGIO
Of what family is this Philocrates born?
PHILOCRATES
The Polyplusian; which one family is flourishing there, and held in highest esteem.