Complete Works of Plautus
Page 41
Enter STRATIPPOCLES and CHÆRIBULUS.
STRATIPPOCLES
I’ve told you all the matter, Chæribulus, and I have fully disclosed to you the sum of my griefs and loves.
CHÆR.
You are foolish, Stratippocles, beyond your age and lineage. Does it shame you, because you have bought a captive girl, born of good family, from among the spoil? Who will there be to impute it as a fault to you?
STRATIPPOCLES
Through doing this, I’ve found that those who are envious are all enemies to me; but I’ve never offered violence or criminal assault against her chastity.
CHÆR.
Then, so far, in my opinion at least, you are a still more deserving man, inasmuch as you are temperate in your passion.
STRATIPPOCLES
He effects nothing who consoles a desponding man with his words: he is a friend, who, in dubious circumstances, aids in deed when deeds are necessary.
CHÆR.
What do you wish me to do?
STRATIPPOCLES
To lend me forty minæ of silver, to be paid to the Banker from whom I borrowed it on interest.
CHÆR.
On my word, if I had it, I would not deny you.
STRATIPPOCLES
What then does it signify your being bounteous in talk, if all aid in the matter is dead outright.
CHÆR.
Why faith, I myself am quite wearied and distracted with being dunned.
STRATIPPOCLES
I had rather my friends of that sort were thrust into a furnace than into litigation. But now I could wish to buy me the assistance of Epidicus at a weighty price, a fellow whom I’ll hand over well-liquored with stripes to the baker, unless he this day finds me forty minæ before I’ve mentioned to him the last syllable of the sum.
EPIDICUS
apart . The matter’s all right; he promises well; he’ll keep faith, I trust. Ironically. Without any expenditure of my own, an entertainment is already provided for my shoulder-blades. I’ll accost the man. He goes up to STRATIPPOCLES. The servant Epidicus wishes health to his master Stratippocles, on his arrival from abroad.
STRATIPPOCLES
turning round . Where is he?
EPIDICUS
Here he is; I’m delighted that you have returned safe.
STRATIPPOCLES
I believe you as much in that as I do myself.
EPIDICUS
Have you been well all along?
STRATIPPOCLES
I’ve been free from disease; in mind I’ve been ailing.
EPIDICUS
As regarded myself, I’ve taken care of what you entrusted to me; it has been obtained; the female captive has been bought, about which matter you were sending me letters so often.
STRATIPPOCLES
You’ve lost all your labour.
EPIDICUS
But why have I lost it?
STRATIPPOCLES
Because she is not dear to my heart, nor does she please me.
EPIDICUS
What means it, then, that you gave me such strict injunctions, and sent letters to me?
STRATIPPOCLES
Formerly I did love her; but now another passion influences my heart.
EPIDICUS
I’ faith, it is a shocking thing for that to be unpleasant for a man which you have managed well for him; where I’ve done well, I’ve in reality done ill, since love has shifted sides.
STRATIPPOCLES
I wasn’t right in my mind when I sent those letters to you.
EPIDICUS
Is it proper that I should be the atonement for your folly, so as for you to substitute my back as the scape-goat for your folly?
STRATIPPOCLES
Why are we making words about that? This man pointing to himself has need of forty minæ, ready money, and in all haste, for him to pay a Banker, and speedily too.
EPIDICUS
Only tell me from what quarter you wish me to get them. From what banker am I to seek them?
STRATIPPOCLES
From where you like. But if I don’t finger them before sunset, don’t you enter my house; off with yourself to the mill.
EPIDICUS
You easily say that without risk and concern, and with a gay heart. I know our floggers; I feel the pain when I’m beaten.
STRATIPPOCLES
How say you now? Will you suffer me to destroy myself?
EPIDICUS
Don’t do that. I’ll cope with this peril and bold attempt in preference.
STRATIPPOCLES
Now you please me; now do I commend you.
EPIDICUS
I’ll submit to this in any way that’s pleasing to you.
STRATIPPOCLES
What then is to be done about this music-girl?
EPIDICUS
Some method shall be found out; by some means I’ll disengage myself; some way I shall get extricated.
STRATIPPOCLES
You are full of scheming; I know you of old.
EPIDICUS
There is a rich Captain of Eubœa, abounding in plenty of gold, who, when he knows that that one was bought for you, and that this other one has been brought here, will forthwith be entreating you, of his own accord, to transfer that other one to him. But where is she whom you have brought with you?
STRATIPPOCLES
I shall have her here just now.
CHÆR.
What are we now doing here?
STRATIPPOCLES
Let’s go in-doors here at your house, that, for the present, we may pass this day merrily. They go into the house of CHÆRIBULUS.
EPIDICUS
to himself . Go in-doors; I’ll now call a council in my heart to adopt measures about this money business, against whom, in especial, war is to be declared, and out of whom I’m to get the money. Epidicus, consider what you are to do; thus suddenly has this business been thrown upon you. But now you must not be slumbering, nor have you any leisure for delay. Now must you be daring! ’Tis my fixed determination to lay siege to the old man. I’ll go indoors; I’ll tell the young man, my master’s son, not to walk abroad here, or come anywhere in the way of the old gentleman. Goes into the house of CHÆRIBULUS.
ACT II.
Enter APÆCIDES and PERIPHANES, from the house of the former.
APAECIDES
Mostly all men are ashamed when they have no occasion to be; when they ought to be ashamed, then does shame forsake them, when there’s a necessity for their being ashamed. That man, in fact, are you. What is there to be ashamed of in your bringing home a wife, poor, but born of good family? Especially her, whose daughter you say this girl is, who is at your house?
PERIPHIANES
I have some regard for my son.
APAECIDES
But, i’ faith, the wife whom you buried I thought you had felt some respect for; whose tomb as oft as you see, you straightway sacrifice victims to Orcus; and not without reason, in fact, since you’ve been allowed to get the better of her by surviving her.
PERIPHIANES
Ah me! I was a Hercules while she was with me; and, upon my faith, the sixth labour was not more difficult to Hercules than the one that fell to my lot.
APAECIDES
I’ faith, money’s a handsome dowry.
PERIPHIANES
Troth, so it is, which isn’t encumbered with a wife.
Enter EPIDICUS, from the house of CHÆRIBULUS, softly crossing the stage.
EPIDICUS
at the door, as he enters . Hist! hist! be silent, and have good courage; with a fair omen have I come out of doors, the bird upon the left hand. Pointing to his head. I’ve got a sharp knife, with which to embowel the old man’s purse; but see! here he is before the house of Apæcides, the two old fellows, just as I want. Now I shall change me into a leech, and suck out the blood of these who are called the pillars of the Senate.
PERIPHIANES
Let him be married at once.
APAECIDES
> I approve of your design.
PERIPHIANES
For I’ve heard that he’s entangled with love with a certain music-girl, I don’t know who. At that I’m vexed to death.
EPIDICUS
apart . By my troth, all the Deities do aid, amplify, and love me; really, these men themselves are pointing out to me the way by means of which I’m to get the money out of them. Now then, come, equip yourself, Epidicus, and throw your cloak about your neck suiting the action to the word , and pretend as though you had been in search of the man all the city over. On with it, if you are going to do it! He hurries past the OLD MEN as though he didn’t see them, and calls out aloud. Immortal Gods! I do wish I could meet with Periphanes at home, whom I’m tired with searching for all over the city, throughout the doctors’ shops, throughout the barbers’ shops, in the gymnasium, and in the Forum, at the perfumers’ shops and the butchers’ stalls, and round about the bankers’ shops. I’m become hoarse with enquiring; I’ve almost dropped down with running.
PERIPHIANES
Epidicus!
EPIDICUS
looking round . Who is it that’s calling Epidicus back?
PERIPHIANES
It’s I, Periphanes.
APAECIDES
And I, Apæcides.
EPIDICUS
And I, indeed, am Epidicus. But, master, I find that you’ve both met me at the nick of time.
PERIPHIANES
What’s the matter?
EPIDICUS
Wait, wait! puffs and blows ; prithee, do let me get breath!
PERIPHIANES
By all means, rest yourself.
EPIDICUS
I’m quite faint; I must recover my breath.
APAECIDES
Do rest yourself at your leisure.
EPIDICUS
Lend me your attention. All the men of the army have been remanded home from Thebes.
APAECIDES
Who knows for certain that this has been done?
EPIDICUS
I say that it has been done.
PERIPHIANES
Are you sure of that?
EPIDICUS
I am sure of it.
PERIPHIANES
Why are you sure of it?
EPIDICUS
Because I’ve seen the soldiers marching through the streets in shoals. They are bringing back their arms and their baggage-horses.
PERIPHIANES
Very good indeed!
EPIDICUS
Then, what prisoners they’ve got with them! boys, girls, in twos and threes; another one has got five; there’s a crowd in the streets; they are looking out each for his son.
PERIPHIANES
I’ troth, a business very well managed!
EPIDICUS
Then, filly as many of the courtesans as there are in the whole city were going decked out each to meet her lover; they were going to trap them; that’s the fact, inasmuch as I gave especial attention to it; several of these had with them nets beneath their garments. When I came to the harbour, forthwith I espied her waiting there, and with her were four music-girls.
PERIPHIANES
With whom, Epidicus?
EPIDICUS
With her whom your son has been loving and doting on for years, with whom he’s making all haste to ruin credit, property, himself, and yourself. She was on the lookout for him at the harbour.
PERIPHIANES
Just see the sorceress now!
EPIDICUS
But decked out, sparkling with gold, and adorned so splendidly! so nicely! so fashionably!
PERIPHIANES
What was she drest in? Was it a royal robe, or was it a plain dress?
EPIDICUS
A skylight one, according as these women coin names for garments.
PERIPHIANES
What! was she dressed in a skylight?
EPIDICUS
What’s there wonderful in that? As though many women didn’t go through the streets decked out with farms upon them. But when the tax is demanded, they declare it cannot be paid; while to these hussies, to whom a larger tax is paid, it can be paid. Why, what new names every year these women are finding for their clothing — the thin tunic, the thick tunic, your fulled linen cloth, chemises, bordered shifts’ the marigold or saffron-coloured dress, the under-petticoat or else the light vermilion dress, the hood, the royal or the foreign robe, the wave pattern or the feather-pattern, the wax or the apple-tint. The greatest nonsense! From dogs, too, do they even take the names.
PERIPHIANES
How so?
EPIDICUS
They call one the Laconian. These names compel men to make auctions.
PERIPHIANES
But do you say on as you commenced.
EPIDICUS
Two other women behind me began to speak thus between themselves; I, like my wont, went away a little distance from them; I pretended that I wasn’t attending to their talk: I didn’t quite hear all, and still I wasn’t deceived in a word they said.
PERIPHIANES
I long to hear it.
EPIDICUS
Then one of them said to the other with whom she was talking ——
PERIPHIANES
What?
EPIDICUS
Be quiet then, that you may hear. After they had caught sight of her whom your son is dying for: “Prithee, how happily and luckily has it befallen that woman for her lover to be wishing to set her free.” “Who is he?” said the other. She mentioned Stratippocles.
PERIPHIANES
Troth now, I’m undone; what is it I hear of you?
EPIDICUS
That which really took place. After this, I myself, when I heard them talking, began again to draw closer towards them little by little, as though the crowd of people was pushing me, whether I would or no.
PERIPHIANES
I understand.
EPIDICUS
Then the one asked the other, “How do you know?” “Why, because a letter has been brought her to-day from Stratippocles; that he has borrowed money on interest from a banker at Thebes; that it is ready, and he himself has brought it for that purpose.”
PERIPHIANES
Tell on — I’m undone!
EPIDICUS
She said that she had heard so from her and from the letter which she had seen.
PERIPHIANES
What am I to do now? I ask your advice, Apæcides.
APAECIDES
Let us find some clever, useful expedient; for he, indeed, will either be here just now, or is here already.
EPIDICUS
If it were right for me to be wiser than you, I could give you some good advice, which you will praise, I fancy, both of you ——
PERIPHIANES
Then where is it, Epidicus?
EPIDICUS
Yes, and useful for this purpose,
APAECIDES
Why do you hesitate to mention it?
EPIDICUS
It’s proper for yourselves, who are the wiser, to be the first to speak, and for me to speak afterwards.
PERIPHIANES
Aye, aye, of course — come, say on.
EPIDICUS
But you’ll laugh at me.
APAECIDES
On my word, we will not do so.
EPIDICUS
Well then, if it pleases you, use my advice; if it doesn’t please you, find better. There’s neither sowing nor reaping for me in this matter; only that I do wish the same that you wish.
PERIPHIANES
I return you thanks. Make us partakers in your wisdom.
EPIDICUS
Let a wife at once be chosen for your son; and so take vengeance on this music-girl whom he wants to liberate, and who is corrupting him for you; and so let it be managed, that even until her dying day she may remain a slave.
APAECIDES
It ought to be so managed.
PERIPHIANES
I am ready to do anything, so long only as this may
be brought about
EPIDICUS
Well then, now there’s an opportunity of doing so, before he comes into the city, as to-morrow he will be here; to-day he will not have come.
PERIPHIANES
How do you know?
EPIDICUS
I do know, because another person told me, who came from there, that he would be here in the morning.
PERIPHIANES
Then say you what we are to do.
EPIDICUS
I’m of opinion that you ought to do thus: you must pretend as though you were desirous to give her liberty to the music-girl for your own whim, and as though you were violently in love with her.
PERIPHIANES
To what advantage does that tend?
EPIDICUS
Do you ask that? Why, that you may purchase her beforehand with money, before your son comes, and may say that you bought her to set her at liberty ——
PERIPHIANES
I understand.
EPIDICUS
When she’s bought, you must remove her somewhere out of the city; unless your own feelings are any way opposed.
PERIPHIANES
O no, skilfully suggested.
EPIDICUS
But what say you, Apæcides?
APAECIDES
Why, what should I? Except that I think you’ve contrived it very cleverly.
EPIDICUS
Then, in consequence, all thoughts of marriage with her will be removed from him, so that he will make no difficulties as to what you wish.
APAECIDES
Long life to you, wise as you are, it really does please us.
EPIDICUS
Do you then skilfully do whatever you are going to do.
PERIPHIANES
I’ faith, you speak to the purpose.