"It's not the same," he replied with a sad little frown.
"No. It's an upgrade," I agreed though he looked like he didn’t agree.
"So what did he sign for you?" Fox asked me before we had to hear another load of grief over JJ’s dumb mug.
“Just a photo and my hat and some merch things,” I said, looking through my heap for the photo while Chase piped up with his two cents.
"He refused to sign her tits," Chase said, giving me a flat look and I scowled at him as Fox bristled.
"Good." Fox looked from me to Chase, seeming to suddenly realise that he was hanging out down here like the rest of us and his posture tightened. "You need to go back to your room now anyway. Fun's over. And if you put her in danger by sneaking off out of the house with her again, then maybe I'll have to reconsider how lenient I've been with you."
The fun energy in the room popped like a balloon and I frowned at Fox as he strode away from us.
JJ sighed, reaching out to help haul Chase upright and I got up too but instead of leaving with the two of them, I folded my arms and waited for them to go.
“Seriously?” I demanded angrily as Fox dropped into an armchair and swiped a hand down his face.
“Don’t start with me, Rogue, you’re just lucky I’m not punishing you for going against my orders today too.”
“Oh, so that’s it? I thought this house was a democracy. Or does that only apply when it suits you?”
“You know full fucking well who and what I am,” Fox growled, dropping his hand and glaring at me. “I might be the boy you grew up with, but I’m a leader of the Harlequins now too. And Chase’s fate is a Crew issue. Not an us issue.”
“Well isn’t that convenient. I guess you get a free pass then for this asshole behaviour. Poor Fox just has to follow the rules. He couldn’t possibly pardon the man he grew up with after finding out he’d endured weeks of torture without ever once selling you out.”
“That’s enough,” Fox snapped, shoving to his feet and glaring down at me, using all of his big bastard points to try and force me into submission, but that wasn’t going to fucking happen.
“Don’t try to intimidate me, Badger,” I snarled, climbing up onto the couch so that I was just as tall as him as I glared into his eyes. “The only reason you banished Chase in the first place was because of me. I’m the one he left on that ferry and guess what? I’m over it. Was it a dick move? Yeah. Was I pissed as all hell at him for it? Yeah. But do I think that after losing his fucking eye, being beaten to hell and having his leg shattered while refusing to sell a single one of us out was punishment enough? Yeah, I do. So if I can forgive him for leaving me behind on that ferry then why the hell can’t you?”
“Because he almost lost you again!” Fox roared at me, lunging forward so suddenly that I stumbled back a step, losing my balance and falling onto my ass on the couch beneath him. “For ten long, miserable years I had to endure a life without you. Not knowing where you were or what had happened to you, worrying about you constantly and knowing I’d let you down in the worst possible way. Do you know how much the last words I spoke to you have haunted me all this time? I made you think that you were nothing to us. Nothing to me. When that couldn’t have been further from the truth. I wallowed in the dark and grew into a monster without you here to keep me from the worst parts of myself and he was just going to throw you away!”
Fox’s chest rose and fell heavily and he turned away from me, stalking towards the patio doors as he carved a hand through his blonde hair.
I swiped a stray tear from my cheek as my heart raced at his words but as I pushed myself to my feet I refused to back down from my point.
“And now you’re willing to throw him away just the same,” I said, my voice cracking. “So when will it ever just stop?”
Fox stilled, his entire body going rigid with tension and for a moment I thought he was going to turn back to me, break for me, agree with what I’d said and change his mind about this whole fucking mess and try to fix the family that had been broken so long ago.
But instead he just snatched a bottle of rum which was sitting on the table by the patio doors then stormed out into the dark by the pool without another word.
I drew in a shaky breath, wiping the tears from my cheeks as I decided to go after Chase instead of hounding after Fox.
He needed his meds anyway and I was sick of trying to convince Fox to stop being such an asshole towards Chase all the damn time. I was the one he'd left on that fucking ferry and it wasn't like I was pouting all over the house about it. He needed to drop it so that we could all move the fuck on or he was going to ruin us much more thoroughly than Chase had ever managed.
"I'll talk to him," JJ said as the three of us made it into Chase's room and I pushed the door closed behind us.
"It's fine, man. Fox has made his feelings perfectly clear and I don't even disagree with him. I fucked up. And I keep fucking up. I couldn't even get myself out of that goddamn basement where Shawn was keeping me. I'd have died if it wasn't for Maverick showing up when he did. And Miss Mabel..."
We'd spoken more than once about the fact that the old woman who had once been the only adult I'd ever been able to rely upon was locked up in the Rosewood Manor basement, held by her asshole nephew so he could steal his inheritance before she'd even died.
"You know what?" I said suddenly. "We should go get her out of there today."
"Seriously?" JJ asked, his brow furrowing.
"Yeah. Why the fuck not?" I raised my chin as I made this decision, knowing I wasn't gonna back out of it. "She was always there for us when we needed her. All we'd have to do is sneak in through that tunnel you and Rick used to escape and we can rescue her. Kaiser Rosewood is just some fluffed up wannabe gangster. I'm not afraid of him."
"One problem," Chase said, pointing at his fucked up leg. "I can't exactly show you where that tunnel is. In fact, I was so out of it when I escaped that I don't even think I know where it is."
"Sorry, champ. You'll be sitting this one out," I told him, taking my phone from my pocket and shooting Rick a text, telling him what I needed him to do. “But I have someone else who knows all about the secret entrance on speed dial.”
"You really think we can trust Maverick to help with this, pretty girl?" JJ asked, the look in his eyes telling me he was in without me even needing to ask.
"Yeah. He's already agreed to meet us there." I held my phone out to show them the message he’d sent just as it pinged again.
"He also wants to remind you who owns your wet cunt when he sees you," Chase said in a pissy tone and I laughed as I glanced at the message Rick had sent detailing exactly that.
"Well, we'll have to see if he does a good job tonight before I start considering a reward system," I said with an innocent shrug while JJ gave me a hungry look that said he was more than happy to take part in that game.
The door swung open behind us and we all froze like a bunch of naughty school kids as Fox glared in at us with his arms folded.
"Were you gonna tell me about this half assed plan or just leave me in the dark?" he demanded.
"Probably the dark thing," I admitted as I turned to look at him, still feeling all kinds of raw and angry about our fight. "On account of you going all Badger on us and trying to say no."
"You think I'd shut you down on this?" Fox asked, emotion flashing in his eyes for a moment before he stamped it down. "You know I care about Miss Mabel too."
I bit my lip, approaching him slowly and taking his hand in mine as I held his gaze. "I'm not asking permission to go, because this is happening," I warned him. "But I am asking you to come help us," I added in a softer tone. "And I'd really like it if you'd say yes."
Fox glanced between me and the others, scraping a hand down his face before he nodded. "Yeah. Alright, I'm in."
I squealed a little bit, leaping up and wrapping my arms around his neck as I whispered in his ear. "We're meeting Rick at midnight."
I waited on the
track that led into the woodland surrounding the Rosewood Manor, leaning against a tree in the dark. I could have navigated these woods with my eyes shut, seeing as we’d played here so often when we were kids. It had all seemed bigger back then, an endless enchanted forest full of monsters and adventure. Now it was just trees, and the shadows were just shadows. Growing up was a bitch. It seemed like the world would be far better off if we kept the minds of children.
Anxiety stirred under my skin tonight as I waited to see Rogue again. After I’d told her what Krasinski had done to me, all I could think about when she left the Isle was that maybe once she was away from me, the reality of what had happened would fully descend on her. She’d realise I was dirty, and when she thought of me, she’d cringe. I’d almost played Russian roulette tonight for the first time in a while. I’d held the gun to my head and thought of his hands on me, I’d thought about the way Rogue might look at me the next time we locked eyes. But then I remembered her telling me she loved me and wondered if that could possibly be true. So instead of letting my mind create stories, I’d lowered the gun and decided I was going to see it for myself tonight, look right into her eyes and find out if my demons were too dark for her or if she could really handle them.
It didn’t make me feel any less uneasy about seeing her, all I could think about was her face twisting at the sight of me, a look of repugnance taking the place of the desire she’d felt for me before. I guessed fantasies did still exist as an adult, but they were the kind which convinced you that your worst fears could easily be brought to life. Imagination games weren’t fun when they were full of your worst nightmares.
The sound of voices reached me through the trees and I remained still in the dark as I listened to Rogue speaking to JJ, curious what they were like together when no one else was around.
“-you’d actually rather have a cabbage for a head than a potato?” Rogue scoffed.
“Potatoes have no personality,” JJ argued. “At least a cabbage has a bit of flare about it.”
Rogue laughed. “That’s stupid. Cabbages have those flappy leaf thingys, at least with a potato for a head you could blend in a little. Put a hat and some sunglasses on and no one would bat an eye.”
“Depends if the potato is head sized or potato sized,” Fox’s voice joined the conversation and anger tore up my spine. What the fuck was he doing here?
“It’s obviously head sized,” Rogue said in exasperation like he was being slow and a smirk tugged at my lips.
“How’s that obvious? You said, ‘Would you rather have a potato for a head or a cabbage?’” Fox tossed back.
“It was implied, duh,” she replied.
“Rogue’s right.” I stepped out of the trees into their path and Fox’s hand went straight to the gun on his hip, but he didn’t draw it. “Obviously the vegetable would be head sized. And I’d pick a potato clearly, a cabbage wouldn’t withstand a single good punch.”
JJ smirked as they all stopped in front of me and my gaze slid quickly to Rogue’s eyes, hunting for any source of doubt there about me. But she just strode right towards me, tiptoed up and kissed me like the only source of oxygen in the world right now was in my mouth.
I pressed her to me by her lower back, wanting to make a show for Fox but finding I didn’t give a damn about him as I just took a kiss from my girl and tasted her desire for me on her tongue. It soothed the thrashing creature in my chest which was afraid of her judgement and as our lips parted and I stared into her eyes, I found nothing there but the same hunger for me she’d had the last time I’d seen her. Thank fuck for that.
“Dammit, beautiful,” I sighed. “I think you just swallowed my heart.”
She chuckled, stepping back and rubbing her stomach. “Is that what that was? Tasted like a peach.”
I glanced over at Foxy, surprised he hadn’t tried to kill me for that move, but I found JJ had a tight hold of his arm and Fox’s teeth were bared like he was in pain.
“You should try doing some yoga, Foxy boy,” I said with a taunting smile. “It might help with the constipation you’re clearly struggling with.”
He jerked his arm out of JJ’s grip, his eyes darkening several shades as he strode towards me. Rogue automatically put herself between us and I noticed she had her own gun stashed in the back of her denim shorts. It was shit hot and I decided I wanted to get her a gun myself, one she could tuck back there between her ass cheeks any time she liked and remember who put it there.
“This is a one night only thing,” Fox said. “So I don’t want any bullshit from you. We’re going in there for Miss Mabel and when we’re out, we can go our separate ways again.”
I thought on that, rocking my head from side to side. “Nah, actually this is our operation. I don’t recall you getting an invite. So I say me, Rogue and Johnny James go and fetch her and you can sit here on a rock like an old, angry toad waiting for a rainstorm.”
Fox took a step toward me with a growl. “You son of a-”
“Bitch?” I finished for him as Rogue planted a hand against his chest to stop him coming at me. “Maybe. Or maybe she was a sweet little mermaid. No one knows. I could see myself with a seashell bra and a tail though, couldn’t you?”
“This isn’t helping Mabel,” JJ stepped in. “Let’s just get moving.”
“I’ll move when he stops looking at me like he’s gonna put a bullet in my head the second I turn my back on him,” I said with a sneer, jerking my chin at Fox.
“Unlike you, Maverick, I never wake up planning to kill my own brother,” Fox said with an echo of the long lost love between us.
“Not until I fucked Rogue anyway,” I mocked and Rogue cursed, slapping my chest hard.
“Would you both just stop it?” she demanded as Fox bristled, his shoulders heaving like a bull about to charge, and I rather enjoyed being the red flag that riled him up. “Miss Mabel is alone in that house with her monster of a nephew and we’re the only ones that even know she’s alive. So can we just go rescue the only decent adult I ever knew as a kid?” Her expression flickered with emotion and my shoulders sagged as I gave in to those destructively blue eyes.
“Fine, but I still don’t see why you brought him along for the ride.” I turned around, taking my chances with Fox’s anger as I led the way up the track.
“Technically he caught us planning to sneak out and invited himself,” Rogue murmured.
“And technically, I wouldn’t have had to if you trusted me with things like you apparently do the rest of our family,” Fox said in frustration.
“Family,” I tsked, shaking my head. “I see you inherited Daddy’s delusions.”
Fox moved to walked beside me and I upped my pace, sensing he was trying to take the lead even though I was the only one who knew where to find the damn entrance to the tunnel. JJ and Rogue half jogged behind us to keep up as we walked on the verge of running.
“At least I still know the meaning of the word,” Fox bit at me.
“And what’s that, Foxy? Being bossed around by you all day?” I tossed back.
“No. Loyalty,” he growled.
“Yeah, loyalty to you. If your little family are loyal to each other and not you though then it’s game over, right?”
“It goes both ways,” he hissed.
“Uhuh,” I said lightly. “It’s cute that you think your remaining so-called brother wouldn’t stab you in the back just like the other one did.”
“Shut up, Rick,” JJ snapped from behind us, but I was on a roll now, enjoying seeing how hard I could get that vein in Fox’s temple pulsing.
“Nothing could destroy mine and JJ’s bond,” Fox said assuredly and I couldn’t help a dark chuckle, earning me a jab in the back from Rogue which I ignored.
“You’re a king sitting in a falling castle, brother, only you’re blind to the roof falling down around you.”
“My castle is just fine,” he gritted out. “But yours is sure looking pretty empty. You ever think about making nice and coming home?
”
My eyebrows arched and I stole a glance at his face, finding an unreadable wall in his eyes. Why the fuck would he go and say that?
“I don’t ‘make nice’,” I muttered. “And there’s no home for me in Sunset Cove anymore.”
“I think you’re afraid,” he said in a low voice.
“I’m not afraid of anything,” I growled.
“Yeah you are,” he pushed. “You can’t let go of your anger at Luther or me because that’s all you’ve got left, isn’t it? Just you and your Isle and your rage. But it doesn’t have to be like that.”
“I’m rather fond of my rage, we go way back. But are you actually angling for a makeup hug, Foxy, or do you just want me to get closer so it’s easier to slide a knife into my back?”
He shook his head in irritation, saying nothing and I frowned, unsure what the fuck he was thinking until he finally spoke again.
“I guess we both know it’s too late for that,” he said, lifting a hand to run his fingers over the place on his neck where I’d shot him. My throat constricted like a python was coiled around it and I focused back on the track ahead of us as we all fell silent and marched into the dark.
“You seem a little bitter about me hating you, Foxy,” I said after a while and he shrugged.
“You seem a little half-hearted in your attempts to hate me, Rick,” he replied.
“How so?” I scoffed.
“Apparently you have eyes among my men watching me. I haven’t rooted them out yet, but I have to wonder how you haven’t caught me off guard before now if you’re watching my movements.”
“Nah, it ain’t men,” I said dismissively, ignoring his accusation. “Might be a bug or two though.”
“Hmm.” He eyed my expression, clearly trying to work out if I was lying or not. I guess he’d never know.
Eventually I turned us off the main path up into the woods, hunting for the star shaped rock I’d placed on the hatch that would lead us into the secret tunnel.
When I found it, I pulled it open, shining the flashlight on my phone down at the dark steps. JJ adjusted the pack on his shoulders and moved forward to take the lead. Fox caught his arm, pulling him back as he glared at me.
Carnival Hill (The Harlequin Crew Book 3) Page 39