by Sera Trevor
1
Six months later...
Noah did up the last snap on Bette’s Christmas outfit. The white top had the words “MY FIRST CHRISTMAS” in red and green sparkles, with a picture of a Christmas tree. The cherry red skirt consisted of three layers of ruffles. Her legs looked like chubby little candy canes in her striped stockings. A headband with a red-and-green bow completed the ensemble.
He gave one striped foot a tickle as he slipped on her black patent shoes. “There! You are so precious! Don’t you love your Christmas dress?”
Bette grabbed her headband and threw it off. Noah sighed. One of these days, he’d get her to keep her bows on.
Noah stuffed the headband in his pocket. He slung the diaper bag over his shoulder before picking Bette up and heading down the stairs of their condo.
Oscar waited for him by the door. He grinned. “Lost the battle of the headband again, eh?”
“I’m bringing it with me. I will get a picture of the complete Christmas ensemble if it’s the last thing I do.” He handed Bette to Oscar. “Let me do a gift check.” He rummaged through the bags by the door, making sure they hadn’t forgotten any gifts.
Oscar held Bette up. “Look at you! You are so cute that you are going to kill your Grandma. She’s just going to keel over—bam! Death by cute overload.
Bette giggled and kicked her feet, causing one of her shoes to fly off. Noah picked it up and put it back on her.
“You know the minute we get there, those shoes are coming off,” Oscar said.
“They are part of the ensemble,” Noah said firmly.
Oscar handed Bette back to Noah. “All presents accounted for?”
“Yup.”
Oscar rubbed his temple. “You know we didn’t have to get a present for every single adult.”
Noah ran his hand over a shiny green bow before standing. “I know. It’s just that I have a lot of Christmases to make up for.”
A pained expression flickered across Oscar’s face. Noah didn’t bring up his Jehovah’s Witness upbringing often. It made Oscar too sad. But the expression only lasted a moment before shifting to something more mischievous. “So,” he waggled his eyebrows. “Are you wearing it?”
Noah lifted up his tastefully festive sweater to reveal the shirt underneath. It had a picture of a candy cane on it. Underneath were scrawled the words LICK ME.
Oscar laughed—no, he giggled. “Oh yes, Daddy—give me your pepperminty goodness.”
Noah rolled his eyes, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “The things I do for you.”
“I’ve got one too. Check it out.” He handed Bette over and then pulled up the ends of his sweater while gyrating sensually. The T-shirt was revealed—it said SANTA’S FAVORITE HO.
Bette squealed and clapped. “Don’t encourage Papa,” Noah said, trying to contain his laughter. She blew a raspberry. “You better not take off that sweater when we’re over there.”
Oscar pulled his sweater back into place. “Not making any promises.” He picked up the bags and gestured with his head toward the garage. “Let’s get out of here before my arms fall off.”
The ride to the Lozada house was short. They’d bought their condo to be close to Oscar’s parents, since Oscar’s mom, Carmen, watched Bette while they worked. Noah still felt guilty that they were getting free daycare, but Oscar said that his mom would pay them for the privilege of having Bette. Noah couldn’t deny how delighted Carmen was every time he dropped Bette off.
When they reached the house, Noah spotted the cars of the Lozada siblings. Alex and Chad, Oscar’s sister and her husband, drove a BMW. His sisters Stephanie and Sophia had a Civic and a Tesla, respectively. Nikki, Oscar’s youngest sister, probably got a ride with Stephanie. “Looks like we’re the last ones here.”
Oscar parked at the curb. He took the presents while Noah handled Bette and the baby gear. Everyone was gathered in the living room. Alex and her husband, Chad, were dressed in matching red-and-green cardigans. Stephanie wore a green sweatshirt that featured a picture of Yoda in a Santa hat. She also wore a new pair of glasses. They were a daring cat’s eye shape—he wondered if it had been Nikki or Sophia who had talked her into them.
Sophia was in a tasteful black turtleneck with a Christmas tree necklace; her son Jean-Michael was in reindeer pajamas, playing happily with the toys Santa brought him. Noah looked around for Sophia’s partner Christophe, but he didn’t seem to be there. Unsurprising. He wasn’t one for family gatherings, even on Christmas. He and Sophia had been together seven years and Noah could count the times he’d seen him on one hand.
Nikki wore one of the tackiest sweaters Noah had ever seen. Santa’s face was plastered across her chest, his eyes right over her breasts which made them seem to bug out. She’d dyed her hair with red and green stripes.
Carmen screamed with glee when she saw Bette. She ran toward them, arms outstretched, the bells on her sweater jingling. “Give me that Christmas baby!” Noah dutifully handed her over. “Look at you, mama!” she squealed. “I could just eat you, you are so sweet!”
Bette flailed her limbs and gurgled in pleasure. As Carmen cooed at the baby, Oscar’s dad, Miguel, came in from the kitchen, carrying two steaming mugs. He was the only one not festively dressed, wearing his usual worn jeans and a T-shirt. “Here, coffee.” He handed a mug to each of them. “I put in peppermint creamer.”
Oscar took a sip and locked eyes with Noah. “Mmm, pepperminty goodness.”
Noah’s cheeks heated, but he didn’t break their gaze. “Ho ho ho,” he said, deadpan.
Oscar’s face flushed and he sputtered, spraying coffee. He mumbled an apology and went to the kitchen to grab a towel. Noah grinned—a rare victory. Making Oscar blush was damn near impossible.
Oscar and Noah made the rounds, greeting everyone, while Carmen sat on the sofa with Bette in her ample lap. By the time Noah had returned to her, she’d already presented Bette with her first gift—a new rattle. Bette had it in her chubby little fist and shook it vigorously.
“Hey!” Noah said, mock-offended. “Did you give Bette her first Christmas present without me?”
“Sorry!” Carmen held out her phone. “But here, I took a picture.”
Noah accepted it. Carmen’s photo roll was almost entirely pictures of Bette. Jean-Michael was her only other grandchild, much to her consternation. Alex and Chad were holding firm on their no-kid policy, Sophia seemed unlikely to have another, and Stephanie showed no interest in romance. Carmen held out hopes for Nikki, who was still young, but given that she repeatedly said Bette would be her sole contribution to future generations, Noah doubted it.
Nikki sat down beside them and opened her arms. “Here—let me hold the fruit of my loins.” Carmen handed the baby over. Nikki gave her a kiss. In response, Bette thwacked her in the head with her rattle. Nikki let out a cry of pain while laughing. “You little stinker! You really are more Oscar than me.” She handed Bette back to Carmen.
“You were also a stinker,” Carmen said. “But happy. All my babies were happy.” With one final kiss, she gave Bette back to Noah. “Now, I have breakfast to finish!”
The warm, savory smell of breakfast poured from the kitchen, impossible to resist. Soon the dining room table was piled with food, steaming hot chilaquiles, soaked in a rich, red sauce with dollops of cream, cheese, and onion slices; sweet pan dulce with sugary crusts; a plate of bright melon and another of creamy green slices of avocado; crisp, oven-roasted diced potatoes with green chilies and cheese.
Noah’s mouth watered, but first he’d take care of Bette. He put a bib that was more like a smock over her outfit before attempting to feed her some mashed avocado.
While he was feeding Bette, Oscar put together a plate for him. The chatter died down as everyone ate. Food this good required concentration. Noah hadn’t celebrated Christmas as a child, or any other holiday. It had taken him a couple of years to get used to Carmen’s lavish feasts. The indulgence still overwhelmed him sometimes.
As the clink of silverware against plates slowed, conversation picked up again. At last, Alex pushed her plate back. “Are we ready for grown-up presents?”
“Why?” Oscar asked. “You got some place to be, Scroogette? I thought even lawyers took Christmas off.”
She stuck out her tongue. “Well, I was excited to give you your present, but I’m starting to feel a little miserly.”
Chad nudged her. “Babe...”
She rolled her eyes. “I’m only kidding.” She stood. “Come on—I’ll get us started.”
They all returned to the living room. Alex plucked an envelope from the Christmas tree branches and handed it to Oscar. Noah looked over his shoulder as he opened it. It contained the receipt for reservations at a luxury retreat in Napa Valley, two plane tickets, and another printout.
“Now I know you can’t do a long getaway,” Alex said before either of them could respond. “So that’s why we’re flying you up there. And I’ve made a schedule for you to maximize your winery tours.”
“I will take the baby!” Carmen piped in.
Noah bit his lip. “It’s too much.”
Alex put her hands on her hips. “They’re nonrefundable. You’re going.”
“Hell yeah, we’re going,” Oscar said. He hugged his sister. “Thanks. We got you a new bathrobe.”
“Oscar!” Noah yelped. “Let her open it before you tell her!”
After that, the gifts were exchanged in earnest. Noah unwrapped each of his presents with reverence. A cherry red apron with wide pockets for utensils. A biography of Bette Davis. Noise-canceling headphones. A sleek insulated coffee mug with the slogan “Nurses Are Real-Life Heroes” embossed on the side. Each thoughtful gift reflected his adopted family’s care for him.
It gave him just as much pleasure that his own gifts were hits with the family. He’d even done well with little Jean-Michael—he loved the origami kit. Noah sat with him for a bit and helped him with the simplest designs, and soon he was folding cranes all by himself. As a child, Noah had spent many hours folding little paper friends for himself.
The only present that had given him pause was Nikki’s. Oscar had picked it out: a pack of Tarot cards. Noah had been surprised by his squeamishness. He was over his past—really—but every once in a while, an old taboo would wiggle its way into his consciousness.
He’d been taught to fear and scorn the occult, which ran from actual practicing witches to horoscopes and Harry Potter. It was ridiculous, and yet the cards made him nervous.
After the presents had all been opened, Oscar grabbed a bottle for Bette and went into one of the bedrooms to put her down for her morning nap. The family chatted and fiddled with their new gifts. Noah sat on the sofa, reading his new book. He tried to ignore the soft shuffling sound of Nikki’s cards. The sound stopped. He looked over the top of his book only to come face to face with Nikki, who was sitting at his feet.
“You want a reading?” she asked.
His heart thudded. “Oh, no thanks.” He attempted to sound casual.
“Oh, come on,” she said. “I need to practice! My ex tried to teach me, but she said I was insufficiently attuned to the universe. Gotta prove her wrong.”
“And which ex is that?” Noah asked. Nikki collected exes of all genders the same way some people collected stamps.
“Skye. You know, the blonde with the dreadlocks.” She put her head on his knee and pouted. “Please?”
Noah was going to decline again, but then he paused. Who was in charge of his life, present Noah, who was a happily married gay man with a new baby and a rewarding nursing career, or past Noah, a frightened, brainwashed child? He set his jaw. “All right.”
He got on the floor with Nikki. She handed him the cards. “Go on, shuffle them. Put your energies into them.”
“How do I do that?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m insufficiently attuned to the universe, remember? Just stop when you feel like you did it.”
Noah shut his eyes and breathed in. The cards were big and clumsy in his hands, but then something inside him stilled. He shuffled them three times and handed them back to Nikki.
Nikki closed her eyes and tapped the deck three times. “Okay, here we go. First card represents you.” She dealt a card in front of him, a figure sitting up in bed, their face in their hands as if weeping. Nine swords hung on the wall behind them
Nikki flipped through a booklet. “Let’s see, nine of swords—anxiety, worry, fear, inner torment.” She looked up at him. “Any of that seem accurate?”
Noah frowned. “Not really. I’m pretty happy right now.”
“Well, let’s see what’s next. This is your past.” She dealt another card crossed over the first.
Noah started. It was the devil. Two enormous horns sprouted from his forehead. His grotesque, hairy legs ended in talons, which perched on a black obelisk, to which two nude figures were chained. The devil was looking straight at him, his hand raised as if in greeting. Noah broke into a sweat.
Nikki cocked her head. “You okay?”
He swallowed. Was he really letting himself get swept up in this? It wasn’t real. “Yeah,” he said as casually as possible. He wouldn’t allow himself to be ruled by his parents’ ridiculous superstitions. “So, what does that mean?”
Nikki consulted her booklet again. “Negative forces constrain you, holding you back.”
“No!” It came out a lot louder than he intended. He cleared his throat. “I mean, I don’t think that’s true. Nothing’s holding me back.”
Nikki peered at him. “Are you sure you’re okay? We can stop if you want.”
“No.” Noah grit his teeth. “I want to see the rest.”
“If you’re sure.” She hesitated before dealing the next card above the other two. “This crowns you.” She relaxed when she set it down. A man and a woman stood, their back to them. They each had an arm wrapped around the other, with their free hands held up in joy at ten golden cups arranged in a rainbow in the sky. Two children danced off to the side. “Aha! I don’t even need the book for this one. It’s total domestic bliss.”
Noah relaxed too. “That’s more like it. So what does it mean that it crowns me? That that’s what my life is?”
She consulted her booklet. “Uh, not exactly. It’s what you hope for. Your idea of happiness.”
“True enough. What’s next?”
“This is what you have to work with to get that ideal.” She dealt the card: Death. Noah’s heart jumped.
Nikki held up a hand. “Don’t panic—it’s not a bad card! It’s the card of transformation, leaving the old shit behind. Makes sense in this position, don’t you think?”
Noah wiped sweat from his brow. “If you say so. What’s next?”
“Your immediate future.”
Nikki dealt another card—a tower being struck by lightning. Two figures tumbled away from the burning building.
Noah swallowed. “So is this another good card, like Death?”
She rubbed her neck. “Well—look at it this way. Once the absolute worst happens, you can rebuild from scratch. Kind of liberating, right?”
Noah’s heart fluttered. “What do you mean, the worst happening?”
“Let’s do the last card,” she said quickly. “How it all turns out.” She grinned when she saw it: a happy baby riding a horse, surrounded by sunflowers. An enormous sun smiled down at him. “See, it all turns out for the best. A happily ever after.”
Noah eyed the tower. A feeling of foreboding swept over him. He forced a smile. “So you feeling more in tune with the universe?”
Nikki shrugged. “Dunno. Thanks for playing along, though.” She bit her lip. “You know it’s just bullshit, right?”
“Right.” He stood shakily and wiped his sweaty palms on his pants. “I’m going to get some more coffee.”
As he was pouring his coffee, Oscar came into the kitchen with something in his arms. “Did you see this cool plant Nikki got me?” It
was an arrangement of succulents, but with something extra—a demon’s face, with two cacti for horns.
Noah startled so violently that he spilled coffee everywhere.
Oscar put down the pot. “Whoa. What’s got you so jumpy?”
“Nothing,” Noah said a little too quickly. He got a towel to clean up the spill. “Why did Nikki give you a devil plant for Christmas?”
Oscar bent down to help. “It’s Krampus. In some European cultures, he’s like Santa’s evil twin. He deals with the naughty list. Can’t wait to hang it on our porch!”
Noah did not want that thing scaring him every time he left the house, but he didn’t want to argue. “So you got Bette down?”
“Yup.” Oscar pretended to polish his nails on his shirt. “Papa has the magic touch.” He peered at Noah. “Seriously, is there something wrong? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
Noah forced himself to relax. “I’m fine. Really.” He kissed him.
Oscar kissed back. “Me and Stephanie are going to watch The Princess Bride. Wanna join us?”
“I thought I’d help your mom get dinner ready.”
“Suck up,” he teased. “So when do you think Uncle Zeke’ll be over?”
“He said around two.”
Oscar paused. “You think Rebecca will come too?” he added, a little too casually.
Noah tensed. “I hope so. Don’t you?”
“Oh yeah, of course,” Oscar said. He cleared his throat. “I’m going to go get that movie on.”
When he was gone, Noah sighed. The one blight on his happiness was his sister’s continued problems. After she had left her parents to live with their Uncle Zeke, she had been in and out of trouble, first with drinking, then with drugs. While Noah had blossomed after getting away from his parents, Rebecca seemed utterly lost. She couldn’t hold down a job. She would disappear from time to time. The first time it happened, Noah had actually filed a missing persons report, only to have her show up a few days later, hungover and not particularly repentant. The absences grew longer and more frequent. Noah was at a loss.