by L. T. Ryan
A whine slipped under the crack of a door off to her left. When she pressed her ear to the wood and heard it again, she whispered an apology to Lisa before twisting the handle and pushing her way inside.
A mass of fur launched itself off the bed in the center of the room and tackled Cassie just as she closed the door behind her. For the first time in days, she laughed as the giant German Shepherd licked every inch of her face.
“Bear.” She tried to keep her voice stern, but she couldn’t find it in her heart. “Bear, come on. Sit down.”
Bear relented, but instead of sitting, he crawled into Cassie’s lap and flipped over so she could rub his belly. His tail thumped rhythmically against the ground as his entire body wriggled with happiness.
“Oh, I know.” Cassie couldn’t stop giggling. “It’s been days since I saw you last. Did you miss me? I missed you.”
Bear answered with another whine and buried himself closer.
“David loved you so much.” Cassie’s giggles transformed into a sob. Bear sat up and stared directly into her eyes. “I’m sorry you didn’t get to spend more time with him.”
Whether Bear understood Cassie’s words or just their sentiment hardly mattered. When he inched his head closer and laid it on her shoulder, Cassie wrapped her arms around him and pressed her face into his fur. Bear’s fuzzy mane muffled her sobs and soaked up her tears as his stoic form held her upright.
When the door clicked open behind her, Cassie jumped. She brushed the fur from her face and looked up to find Lisa standing there, a small smile on her face.
“I thought you might be in here.”
“I’m so sorry.” Cassie stood and brushed off her dress. “I didn’t mean to intrude. It was so packed downstairs. I just needed to get away for a minute.”
Lisa shook her head and wrapped her hands around Cassie’s shoulders, squeezing them until Cassie looked her in the eye. “You’re family. Nothing has changed that. You’re welcome here any time. Besides, Bear was looking forward to seeing you.”
The dog jumped up on the bed and laid his head on his paws. The excitement in his eyes at seeing Cassie faded, soon replaced by a sadness she knew all too well.
“How’s he doing?”
“He’s sad. He knows David is gone.” Lisa led Cassie to the bed and they sat down. Bear shifted so his head was in Cassie’s lap. “He kept looking for him over the last few days. At first, he was confused, but now I think he understands. I felt bad keeping him in here, but I just wasn’t sure how he would react with all those people downstairs.”
Cassie placed a hand on Lisa’s arm. “How are you doing?”
“I’m okay. For now, at least. It helps to have a purpose. Once the house is empty again, it’ll be harder. But the girls are going to stay with me for a while. I won’t be alone. It’ll take some getting used to, but I’ll survive.”
“If you need anything from me, please let me know. You and David were my family when I didn’t think I had any.”
“Actually, there is something I wanted to ask you.”
As Lisa looked down at her hands, Cassie’s stomach filled with dread. She had known this moment would come eventually, but she had hoped to stave it off for as long as possible.
“Have you seen David?” Lisa looked back to Cassie. Her eyes were full of hope. “Have you talked to him at all?”
Cassie didn’t blame Lisa for asking. If the roles were reversed, she’d want to know, too. But the desperation in the other woman’s eyes made Cassie’s stomach twist. Either answer would’ve been difficult to hear. If Cassie had seen David, that meant his soul wasn’t at peace. If she hadn’t seen him, that meant he was truly gone.
Tears spilled over from Lisa’s eyes. Her voice was thick with emotion. “I can tell by the look on your face that you haven’t.”
“I’m so sorry.” Cassie squeezed Lisa’s hand. “I wish I had a different answer for you.”
“I think this is for the best.” Lisa wiped away her tears. “Really. He wouldn’t have wanted to put that kind of pressure on you.”
“He told me that once.” Cassie couldn’t help the laugh that escaped her mouth. “He said he hoped I wouldn’t have to look at his ugly mug after he was gone.”
Lisa joined in Cassie’s laughter, and the two women hugged each other tightly. When Lisa let go, she looked a little lighter. “I can sleep better knowing he’s where he belongs.”
Cassie wished she could say the same. “I’ll sleep better when they find out who did this.”
“Have you heard anything?” Lisa’s voice was even, but her eyes couldn’t hide her desperation. “Do they have any leads?”
“Harris hasn’t told me much. Just that they think it has something to do with some drug lord operating in Savannah. But they’re still trying to piece it all together.”
“Well, you know as much as I do then. That’s some small comfort.”
Cassie wasn’t sure she agreed, but she kept it to herself. She looked down at Bear and rubbed the top of his head until the dog closed his eyes and began to snore.
“Not to spring this on you,” Lisa said, “but David had hoped you’d want Bear back at one point or another.”
“Oh.” Cassie looked up at her. “You don’t want to keep him?”
“He was never mine to keep. David’s either. David told me about how you rescued him. You two have a connection.”
A sense of warmth spread throughout Cassie’s body. “I’m not sure how Apollo is going to feel about this, but I’ll make it work.”
“Oh, and there’s one more thing.” Lisa shifted to one side and pulled an envelope out of her dress pocket. David had scrawled Cassie’s name across the front. “This is for you.”
Cassie didn’t lift her hand to take it. “What is it?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t read it.” Lisa waited until Cassie took the envelope with a shaking hand. “David wrote it about a month ago. Every couple of years, we made it a point to discuss what would happen if he died. Somber, I know. And at first, I hated it. I didn’t even want to think about it. But now, I’m grateful. Nothing can prepare you for this, but I can at least say I don’t have any regrets. I knew how much David loved me, and he knew how much I loved him. At the end of the day, that’s all that matters.”
She lifted the envelope. “And this?”
“If I were to guess, I’d think that letter holds the same sentiment. He loved you like a daughter, Cassie. He’d want to make sure you knew that, even after he was gone.”
Cassie nodded, but she couldn’t smile. The letter was like a rock tied to her ankle, pulling her beneath the surface of her own grief. She’d open it someday, but not until she stopped hoping that whatever David had to tell her, he could do it face to face.
3
Cassie opened her fridge and surveyed the options as the cool air washed over her skin. Goosebumps formed, and she rubbed them away. Harris paced the length of Cassie’s living room like she was going for a world record. “Options are limited. Water or tea? Beer or wine?”
“Something stronger?”
“Jose Cuervo?”
“I’ll stick with the beer.”
Cassie grabbed a bottle for Harris and a glass of wine for herself. It had been her first day back to work since she found out about David, and it had been long and miserable. Her head was pounding in rhythm with her heartbeat. If the wine didn’t relieve the tension in her body, maybe it would put her to sleep.
Harris took the bottle and slammed half of it back. She wiped her mouth and sat in the recliner opposite Cassie on the couch. “Thanks.”
Cassie eyed the other woman and contemplated her decision to ask Harris to watch the house for her this week while she went on a work trip. Agitation had replaced Harris’ normally calm demeanor. She would sit back in the chair for a few seconds, then lean forward again. She’d shift to one side, put her ankle up on the opposite knee, then drop her foot and do the same thing with the other one. The beer was gone before Cassie
had taken her second sip of wine.
Harris held the bottle up. “Mind if I grab another?”
“Go for it.”
Cassie waited until she returned, but Harris didn’t seem any calmer. It’d probably take something stronger than beer to do that. “How’ve you been?”
“You know.” Harris shrugged. She didn’t bother finishing the sentence, and Cassie didn’t need her to. The detective pointed at Apollo and Bear, who were curled up together on the couch, inches from Cassie. “These two seem to get along.”
“Yeah.” Cassie couldn’t help the smile that spread over her face. Only one good thing had come out of all of this, and that was having Bear by her side. “When I brought Bear home, they sniffed each other for a solid minute before he took off to explore the house. Next thing I know, they’re curled up like this in the middle of my bed. Bear’s still walking on eggshells. Probably afraid I’ll ship him off to another house soon. But Apollo is obsessed with him.”
“That’s cute.” Harris looked like she meant it. “I think David would be happy he’s with you.”
The smile slid off Cassie’s face at the mention of David’s name. “Yeah. I wish I didn’t have to leave so soon. I’m afraid Bear will think I’ve abandoned him again. I really appreciate you staying here for a few days. Sending him somewhere else would make him more anxious.”
“It’s not a problem, I told you that.” Harris tilted her bottle back and downed a third of it this time. At least she seemed to be slowing down. “But are you sure you have to leave? You can’t get out of it?”
“I didn’t ask.” When Harris pinched her eyebrows together, Cassie rushed on. “I just took off a bunch of time visiting with my sister, and then going to Charlotte to see my parents. It didn’t feel right to get out of this trip, too.”
“I’m sure they’d understand. Did you tell them what happened?”
“No. Nobody knows.” She refused to feel guilty about that. “I’m not ready to talk to them about it.”
Harris looked away, but she stayed silent. Whatever she was feeling, she kept it locked down. “Where are you going again? New Orleans?”
Cassie bobbed her head up and down, grateful for the change in subject. “We’re lending a couple pieces to the NOMA, and my boss wants me to oversee the installation and build a better relationship with the staff.”
“The NOMA?”
“New Orleans Museum of Art.” Cassie smirked. Harris seemed so far removed from her world at the museum. “It’s one of about a dozen museums around the country to take part in a program to increase collaboration in the hope that it sparks community interest and visitation.”
“You sound like you studied the brochure.”
“They told me there would be a test.” Their usual banter was flat. Neither of them put their heart into it. “Look, I’m sorry if it seems like I’m running out on you—”
“No, no.” Harris set her bottle down, then rubbed her hands down her face and sighed into her palms. When she looked up, Cassie could see the pain and confusion in her eyes for the first time. “I’m not trying to get in between you and your job. I just—I don’t really have anyone, okay? I can’t talk to Lisa, I’m not about to talk to the Chief, and no one else knew David like you did.”
There was a lingering question in the air that Harris seemed too afraid to posit. Cassie couldn’t be mad at Harris for wanting to know, but that didn’t make it any easier. “I don’t have answers for you.”
The pain on Harris’ face aged her twenty years. She looked so tired. “It’s not fair to ask you.”
“You wouldn’t be the first.” Cassie had resigned herself to the fact a long time ago. “And you won’t be the last.”
“Have you seen him?” Harris had to choke out the words. “Talked to him?”
“No.”
The detective stood up and peeked through Cassie’s window. Bear lifted his head and watched her, then settled back down. Apollo kept snoring. When Harris faced Cassie again, the mask she’d been wearing for the last few days had returned. “I don’t know what I was hoping for.”
“Well, if you’re anything like me, you wished the answer was ‘yes,’ because at least you’d have a shot at answering more questions. But you’re also relieved the answer was ‘no,’ because maybe that means he’s at peace.”
“But someone murdered him.” The mask flickered, but Harris forced it back into place. “How could he be at peace?”
“I don’t know.” Cassie remembered what she’d told Lisa about David not wanting to visit her after he died. “Maybe he doesn’t want to.”
“Does it always happen right away?”
“Not always.” Cassie tucked her feet underneath her. Talking about this, even to Harris, still felt strange. And vulnerable. Like exposing the rawest nerve in her body to someone who had been a stranger a few months ago. “It’s not like there’s a rule book. Spirits come and go in whatever way they can. Sometimes it’s their choice. Sometimes there are other factors at play.”
“That doesn’t help us solve David’s case.” Harris put her hands on her hips and tipped her head back. She sighed at the ceiling before looking back down at Cassie. “I didn’t mean it like that. I know you can’t control any of this. I’m just frustrated.” She sat down and drained the rest of her beer. “Not at you. At the case. At David. At myself. At the world.”
“I am, too. Trust me.” Cassie took another sip of wine and felt the liquid warm her body. “But you’ll figure it out. We’ll figure it out. I shouldn’t be in New Orleans more than a couple days. Maybe by then you’ll have learned something else.”
And maybe by then I’ll be ready to solve my best friend’s murder. But I doubt it.
“I hope we have that kind of time.”
Cassie cocked her head to the side. “What do you mean? Isn’t this a top priority for the department?”
“Of course.” Harris shrugged. “But that doesn’t mean they’ll catch the right person.”
“I don’t follow.”
“We were meeting a witness who wanted to turn on Aguilar. Then David winds up dead and the witness is missing? It was either a setup or a lucky break for Aguilar. Either way, this man is powerful. He’s always been untouchable, which means even if we catch his guy, the one who killed David, it doesn’t mean we’ll catch him. Just because someone else pulled the trigger doesn’t mean Aguilar isn’t responsible, but it’s a lot harder to prove that in a court of law.”
Cassie sat with that for a minute. She knew David’s job was dangerous, but as the years went by, she must’ve gotten accustomed to it. Of all the people they’d tracked down together, she always felt like David was in control. Or that he’d made the right decision. And she hadn’t even heard of Aguilar before now. Cassie wasn’t one to doubt Harris’ judgment, but all this information was coming in too fast for her to process.
“Something isn’t right.” Harris said. She leaned forward now, her elbows on her knees, one hand wrapped around the back of her neck. She was staring a hole through the floor. “David didn’t want me to be with him that night. Either he was trying to protect me, or he was trying to keep something from me.”
“What would he possibly want to keep from you?”
“Your guess is as good as mine.” Harris’ laugh was hollow. “Probably better, actually.”
“If anything comes to me, you’ll be the first person I contact. I promise.”
“I appreciate that.” Harris stood. “I should go.”
“I’ll drop the keys off to you tomorrow morning.”
Harris scratched the top of Apollo’s head, and then ruffled Bear’s fur. “I promise I’ll take good care of them.” Harris made her way to the door with Cassie at her heels but stopped shy of opening it. “When you get back, maybe we can team up. Find real justice for David. Make sure he’s at peace.”
“Yeah. Of course.” Cassie smiled and watched as Harris left, pulling the door shut behind her. But as soon as the detective was out of
sight, Cassie sank to the ground. Bear jumped off the couch and nuzzled her hand with his nose. “Hey, handsome man. I’m glad you’re here.”
Apollo meowed from the couch but didn’t bother moving.
“You, too, Apollo. I don’t know what I’d do without you guys.”
Cassie let the tears slide down her face, and Bear cleaned them away one by one. She thought she’d feel some relief now that she’d made it through David’s funeral, but the pressure still sat on her chest like a ten-ton elephant. She’d even been looking forward to this trip, to forgetting what she’d left behind in Savannah, but now it was simply an inconvenience.
Cassie didn’t fault Harris for wanting her help. If the situation were reversed, Cassie would ask the same thing of the detective. It wasn’t like she didn’t want to solve David’s murder. It would bring her as much peace as it would bring him. But the journey to justice was rarely an easy one.
And something told her she wouldn’t like the answers she’d find.
4
Cassie stood in a darkened hospital room surrounded by the rhythmic beeping of machines. Though her dream had stolen her sense of smell, she could imagine the antiseptic burn that clung to the air and assaulted her nose. She was grateful for the reprieve, but confusion and heartbreak soon replaced her relief.
A clean-shaven man sat in a chair next to her. He had a buzzcut and wore wire-rimmed spectacles. Whether it was the sadness in his walnut eyes or the way his shoulders sagged under the weight of an invisible burden, Cassie thought he looked ten years older than he was. When he removed his glasses and set them on the bedside table, Cassie saw the lines on his face. They weren’t from age, but from life.
As the man wrapped his fingers around the hand of the woman in the bed, Cassie’s gaze traveled up her arm until it stopped at a tube inserted into one of her veins. A clear liquid Cassie couldn’t identify filled the line, but something told her it wouldn’t be enough to save the woman’s life.
Cassie forced her eyes to keep moving up the woman’s shoulder, through her mass of corkscrew curls, and to her face. Her once rich brown skin was now dull and ashen. Her lips were dry, and tears had turned to crust along her lashes. Minuscule beads of sweat gathered along her forehead. The man wiped them away with a damp cloth.