“This young woman is Chelsea. I presume she was not named after the neighborhood, I have, however, informed her that I love it and miss it and wish I were there.”
“It’s only an hour on the train, if you want to go into the city,” I said.
“We can’t afford the city,” Linda sighed. “My brilliant husband Reginald — say hi Reginald.”
“Hello,” Reginald monotoned.
“Reginald squandered our retirement on a foolish European investment.”
“I bought several thousand acres in the Netherlands that don’t actually exist,” Reginald said. “That’s what I get for trusting my brother.”
I stammered. “Oh. That’s terrible. The land...isn’t there?”
“That’s what he said, Chelsea. Keep up.” Linda shook her head. “Everyone is so slow upstate.”
I may be slow, but at least I’m not a Turtle.
“My apologies,” I said, doing my best to remain civil. “I’m sorry about your land.”
“Yes,” Reginald said. “As am I. As we all are in the family. My younger brother was never a good boy, yet I trusted his schemes. One after another. Until, well, we’ve told you of the land. It’s not real.”
Linda glared at Reginald. “We had planned to spend our retirement based in Manhattan, with frequent trips to Europe, or perhaps Bali or Dubai. Instead, all we can afford is this little dumpy town. So here we are. Pine Grove. Disgusting.”
If I weren’t on the job, I would have karate-kicked Linda Turtle in the face. But the Thomas Family Fruit and Fir Farm was famous for our customer service, and I refused to let a couple Turtles break me down.
“Well, Pine Grove is happy to have you,” I said. “And if you give this little dumpy town a chance, I promise you’ll grow to love it. We’ve been ranked a ‘Top Small Town in America’ for ten consecutive years.”
“Yes. But not by any publications that matter,” Linda said. “The Times, the Journal, etcetera.”
I smiled, or at least I bared my teeth in the vague shape of a smile. "To each his own. How did you say I could help you today?"
“Right,” Reginald said. “We were at the market this morning, where we overhead several people tittering in anticipation of your candy apples. I inquired about said apples, and an older woman directed us here. She was wearing a purple hat for which I did not care.”
“Reginald, hush,” Linda said. “You’re telling it all wrong!”
Reginald hung his head. “I sensed your disapproval as I spoke. Please correct me, darling.”
“The purple hat woman did not direct us here,” Linda said. “She informed us that the apples would not be available until this weekend. And that we should not come here until then.”
“That’s true,” I said. “We don’t sell any candy apples until the hoedown.”
“Yes. The purple hat woman regaled us with tales of the ‘hoedown.’ It sounded dreadful. Long lines. Local people. Horrid music. Hence, we are here now, to purchase candy apples. Though descriptions of your hoedown struck terror into my heart, descriptions of your candy apples delighted me and caused me to salivate.”
“We’ve both salivated over thoughts of the apples,” Reginald said. “We eat sweets as a way to forget the pain my foolish land investment—”
“Land investment implies there was land, Reginald. There was no land.”
“Right,” Reginald said. “We eat sweets to forget.”
I tried to fight it, but my eyes widened and my lips parted. These people are too much.
“You look shocked,” Linda said. “This must be the first time you’ve met a couple for whom travel to Bali is routine.”
Nope. This is the first time I’ve met aliens from the Planet Snob.
That wasn’t a hundred percent accurate. I had dealt with plenty of demanding clients in Manhattan through my interior design business. But the Turtles took elitism to a whole new level. They were...remarkable specimens.
Linda waved a hand in front of my face. “Hello?”
“Sorry,” I said. “I’m processing everything you’ve told me. Basically, you’re here to buy candy apples before they’re released.”
“You’re quicker than you look,” Linda said. “That’s what we’re after.”
I shrugged. “I’m sorry. The release is a big deal. We can’t sell any candy apples until the hoedown.”
“We’ll pay three times as much,” Reginald said.
“Reginald! Do not leap to squander more of our hard-earned money. This is what happened in the Netherlands! What’s gotten into you? Do you need to see a brain doctor?”
Reginald cringed, like Linda had slapped him. “I’m sorry, Linda.” He turned to me. “We can pay twice as much. Not a penny more.”
“Um. I’m not sure about that,” I said. “My aunt makes the business decisions. I do the decorating.”
“Get her on the phone then! We’ve already wasted ten minutes waiting for you to arrive and four more minutes talking to you. I refuse to waste more time standing in a line at a ridiculous ‘hoedown.’”
“Someone looking for me?”
Linda, Reginald and I turned in unison as Miss May marched out of the orchard, lugging a bushel of apples.
“Mabel Thomas. Great to meet you.”
Miss May put the apples down and shook the Turtles’ hands. She listened as they retold their story about the woman in the purple hat. But once the Turtles finished talking, Miss May answered as I had.
“Sorry,” she said. “If we sold candy apples to you before the hoedown, half the town would be up here trying to get an early bird special, and we’re not ready for that.”
“That is so stupid,” Linda said.
Miss May smiled. “Not the first time I’ve heard that. I’m sorry I can’t help. Hopefully we’ll see you Saturday.”
“Perhaps you don’t understand,” Linda said. “Economically speaking. We’re offering you a two-times multiple on your candy apples. You can’t afford to turn us away.”
Miss May held up her hands. “I do understand, and I apologize for the inconvenience. If you’ll excuse us, Chelsea and I need to get back to work. Feel free to stroll through the orchard. It’s a beautiful day.”
With that, Miss May unlocked the bake shop and went inside. I followed her, wiping my sweaty palms on my jeans.
Phewph. Crisis averted.
I glanced back at Linda and Reginald, who had returned to bickering. Each time Linda yelled, Reginald’s neck seemed to withdraw further into his shoulders.
I wonder if Miss May thinks that guy looks like a turtle?
Did you enjoy this sneak preview of Book Three?
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A Note From the Authors
DEAR READERS,
First of all, if we haven’t met yet, hi! We are the married writing team Chelsea and Matthew Thomas, AKA “Chelsea Thomas.” Second of all, THANK YOU for reading this book! We know you have tons of options when it comes to what to read, and we appreciate you taking the time to check out our second book.
“Second book.” Just typing those words makes us smile. A few months ago, we were a couple of screenwriters to whom writing a novel was a formidable task. But writing these cozies has been nothing but fun. More importantly, engaging with the community of readers and authors, online and in person, has been more rewarding than we could have expected.
As screenwriters, we have written dozens of projects that have then sat on our hard drives for years. But people read these cozies! And they send nice notes, and they’re supportive. It’s amazing and about as far from the “Hollywood Experience” as possible. In the best way!
We love talking to all of you and le
arning about you. And we hope you enjoy reading these books as much as we enjoy writing them. Reviews help other readers decide if they want to buy a book, so please review this book if you can! Even short reviews help, and we love reading them.
In Book Three, there’s a new couple in town, and it seems they know a dangerous secret...
Wayne‘s on the case. Things start to heat up between him and Chelsea. And the resident tiny horse See-Saw continues in his role as Chelsea's friend and confidante.
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Until next time,
Chelsea and Matt
AKA
Chelsea Thomas
Check out these other titles by Chelsea Thomas. Available for purchase or preorder on Amazon. : )
Apple Die (Book 1)
Candy Apple Killer (Book 3)
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Table of Contents
Title Page
Cooking the Books (Apple Orchard Murder Mystery Series, #2)
1 Dollars and Deception
2 Midnight Marauders
3 Deadly Donuts
4 Murder a la Mode
5 Slay Riding
6 Malicious Messages
7 Investigation Initiation
8 High School Blues
9 Chopping and Cheating
10 Hunting for Clues
11 Antique Analysis
12 Flamingo Flamingo
13 Pitbulls and Butterflies
14 Peaches and Teen
15 The $500,000 Question
16 Elevators and Assassins
17 Pot Roast and Planning
18 Tiny Horse Therapy
19 Reservation Rumination
20 Noodles of Clues
21 Assault and Arrest
22 Detectives and Dialogue
23 Dammed If We Do
24 Raising the Stakeouts
25 The Date-Gate Scandal
26 Alpacas and Emails
27 Curvy and Carsick
28 Madmen and Mansions
29 Hide Nor Hairdresser
30 Beach Bunny
31 Bad Guys and Girls
32 Confessions and Captures
33 Dancing on the Tables
Book 3 Preview
A Note From the Authors
Don't Forget to Join the Secret Recipe Club
Cooking the Books Page 20