by Jan Moran
While Ariana waited on a corner to cross a busy street, she thought about her parents. Her father had a second family and hadn’t contacted her in years. And when Ariana had called her mother with the news about the wedding, Mari’s reaction disappointed her.
“Two weeks? Oh no, you’ll have to postpone it if you want me there,” Mari had said in her brittle, business-like voice. “You should have planned farther ahead.”
Ariana heard no excitement or apology in her mother’s voice. “That’s the only date available at the church until next year.” It was a small church, but perfect for the intimate ceremony Ariana wanted.
“Then find another venue,” Mari retorted. “I’ll have my new assistant check my calendar and give you some dates. Six months out, at least, I should say.”
Once again, Ariana’s time with her mother was dictated by someone else. “Mom, Phillip wants to get married now.” She didn’t mention why.
“Come back east,” Mari said. “If you’re determined to do this, maybe I can fit in a weekend. I’ll have to cancel an event, of course. My assistant can—”
“Check your schedule. I know.”
Her mother’s brittle voice crackled over the line. “You can’t expect me to shift my schedule due to your lack of planning. And you know how I feel about marriage. I honestly don’t know why you feel the need to possibly destroy your life.”
“Maybe you’re right.” Ariana tried not to let on how hurt she was. Still, she felt like screaming, even though she knew from experience that would be futile.
Would her mother have come if she’d told her she was pregnant? No, that wouldn’t have made a difference. Likely, that news would have generated another lecture on Ariana’s failure to protect herself.
* * *
Now, as Ariana wove through the throng of tourists on Rodeo Drive, she felt her chest constrict, and her pulse quicken. With her heart pounding, she hurried up a flight of concrete stairs to her car. A flush of heat blazed on her neck, and she pushed back her hair. By the time she reached her car, she’d broken out in a cold sweat.
She attributed this sudden attack to fluctuating hormones. However, she’d had intermittent episodes for at least a couple of months before her pregnancy.
Ariana slid into her vintage MGB convertible—which she’d probably have to trade for a practical mom-car—and fumbled open the thermos bottle she kept there. After taking a long swig of water, she drew measured breaths until she felt her heartbeat slowing. She rested her head against the steering wheel and kept breathing. In, two, three. Out, two, three.
In her purse, her phone rang, and she dug it out. “Hi, Phillip.” She tried to keep the distress from her voice.
“Babe, glad I caught you. There’s this thing—big producer in town from New York with his wife. They want to meet us. You’ll have to leave right now.”
She caught her breath. “Phillip, I’m working.”
“You sound like you’ve been running,” he said. “Take the rest of the day off. Kingsley will understand.”
She’d never thought to put those two words together. Her boss wasn’t a man known for being understanding about anything. Kingsley once berated a woman for missing work to take her little boy to the hospital for an emergency appendectomy. Wasn’t there anyone else you could get to do that?
“Phillip, I’ve already taken time off to select Solani Marie’s jewelry. And I still have to fix the sleeves on her outfit.”
“Don’t you have an assistant to do that?”
She did, but that was beside the point. Phillip didn’t ask her to drop everything for him. He expected it. And her boss, Kingsley Powers—what kind of parents strapped a kid with a name like that?—wasn’t understanding. Quite the opposite. She’d come under increasing pressure from him. What Ariana had always found relaxing—designing, sketching, draping, and even sewing fine stitches by hand—was now a source of anxiety.
“Just meet us for a cocktail.”
“Phillip—”
On the other end of the phone, Phillip erupted. “Don’t you know how important this is to me?”
“Like my work isn’t?”
“Come on, babe. How much longer are you going to stay at the studio? You said yourself you wished you could do something else.”
Something else. Yes, she had. Ariana closed her eyes.
A horn blared in back of her, jolting her. A man in an expensive, growling sportscar waved his hand. “Hey lady, are you coming out of that space or what? I don’t have all day.”
“What’s going on?” Phillip demanded.
Ariana turned the ignition and shifted her phone to hands-free. “I’m in a parking garage. Some guy is getting anxious.”
“You always let people get to you. Tell him to—”
“Stop telling me what to do, Phillip.” Her heartbeat sped up again. Reversing, she pulled out of the space. Another horn blared.
“Phillip, I have to go.” She tapped the phone off while he was still in mid-reply.
An angry voice rang out. “Look first, why don’t you?”
As Ariana slammed on the brakes, another wave of heat coursed through her. This is too much, she thought.
I. Can’t. Do. This.
Ariana escaped the garage and pulled to the side of the road. Panting through another attack, she sent a message to Kingsley that she wasn’t feeling well and another one to her assistant. Undoubtedly, Solani Marie would pout because Ariana wasn’t there for the star’s umpteenth fitting, but a fingerbreadth off the sleeves was certainly something Ariana’s assistant could handle.
I have to get away.
Kingsley and Solani Marie could manage their tantrums without her. Ariana turned her car toward the highway.
And so could Phillip.
As if on autopilot, she set her course toward the distant mountains to the east of Los Angeles.
Two hours later, Ariana cleared the mountain pass into the Coachella Valley, where the temperature rose several degrees. Passing the windmill farms that blanketed the desert, she veered from the highway toward Palm Springs.
Her aunt lived in a quiet, historic section known as the Movie Colony, where film stars had sought refuge from the glare of stardom. The area had been home to Marilyn Monroe, Cary Grant, Jack Benny, and Dinah Shore. Most of the houses were built between the 1930s and the 1960s, including her aunt’s sprawling mid-century compound, which she’d bought after one of her early big movie deals.
Ariana tapped her entry code on the keypad, and the gates swung open to reveal a shady desert-scape under softly rustling stands of palm trees. Ruby’s vintage Cadillac convertible was parked in front under the porte-cochère. Ariana pulled in behind it.
Moments later, Ruby’s houseman Stefano opened the door. A smile lit his face. “What a surprise. Is Ruby expecting you?”
Ariana flung her arms around the solid man who’d looked after Ruby and her home for years. Now in his fifties, Stefano had once been a serious bodybuilder and still had the muscles to prove it. With Stefano around, Ariana never worried about her aunt’s safety. He was Ruby’s houseman, chef, and confidante.
“Is that who I think it is?” Ruby’s voice rang out, and she appeared behind Stefano. “Didn’t expect you, darling, but always delighted.”
“I took the rest of the day off.” Ariana hugged her aunt, noticing how vital she seemed, even at her age.
“Come on in and kick your shoes off,” Ruby said, a slight Texan drawl still evident. She cast an appraising eye over Ariana but did not comment on her obvious distress. “Up for a cool Bellini? I had the most magnificent one in Bellagio. Stefano has everything we need to make them.”
“Sounds perfect.” Ariana stepped inside the high-ceilinged house. “Would you make mine without alcohol? A little early for me to start drinking.”
Ariana hadn’t told Ruby she was pregnant. A part of her was still in disbelief. She couldn’t be more than six weeks right now, and she wanted to make sure she didn’t have an early miscarr
iage. The sort of queasiness her friends experienced hadn’t hit her yet. But she was definitely pregnant. The doctor had confirmed the home test.
A thought taunted the frayed edges of her consciousness. Would I be getting married if I weren’t pregnant?
That was a question Ariana didn’t want to think about.
Opposite the entry was a wall of glass that framed the nearby San Jacinto mountains. The pool glimmered in the sun, looking inviting. Ariana’s chic black dress and heels—perfect for the city—now felt restrictive and overdone.
“I’m going to change,” Ariana said. “And Aunt Ruby—thanks for coming back from Italy so quickly.”
“Sweetheart, you couldn’t keep me away from this wedding if you tried,” Ruby said.
After kissing her aunt on the cheeks, Ariana slipped off her heels and padded across the cool tile floor toward her old bedroom. When she reached the room, she slid open a glass door, drinking in the clear desert air. Inside, the décor was classic Palm Springs. Pale pink walls with white furnishings and a turquoise duvet with shell-shaped pillows. Her aunt’s home was stylish, yet frozen in time. Still, Ariana loved it. It was home.
Ariana shimmied out of her dress and into an orange one-piece swimsuit she preferred for lap swimming. Glancing in the mirror, she placed a hand on her abdomen.
Not much sign yet.
After scooping up a fluffy white towel, she made her way toward the pool and draped the towel over a chaise lounge. She stepped to the edge of the pool, raised her arms overhead, and dove into the cool water.
Instantly, the world around her fell away. Focusing on her rhythm, she swam the length of the pool with a vengeance, flipped with a kick against the tile, and raced toward the other end. After several fast laps, her muscles had awakened, and she’d regained control of her breathing, though she was winded. She felt good, cleansed of the turmoil she’d left behind in L.A.
Ariana swept back her wet hair and pulled herself from the pool before toweling off.
Ruby sat at a table in the shade watching her. “You sure attacked that water.”
Stefano served a pair of chilled cocktails in champagne glasses. “And your virgin cocktail,” he said to Ariana.
“Thanks, Stefano.” Ariana slid into a comfortable stuffed lounge chair and took a long sip, feeling grateful that she had a place to run away to—not that she was proud of what she’d done. As Ariana sipped her drink, she noticed Ruby’s unusual pendant. It was a curved, filigree design accented with a small ruby. “I’ve never seen you wear that necklace. Did you get it in Italy?”
Ruby touched it with reverence. “Years ago.”
“It’s not your usual style,” Ariana said, detecting a deeper meaning in her aunt’s voice, though Ruby did not elaborate.
After Stefano left, Ruby leaned forward and changed the subject. “What’s bothering you, honey?”
“I just got overwhelmed. Between my work, the city…” Ariana hesitated. She didn’t want to tell her she was pregnant. Not yet. She wanted it to be special. After the wedding, she decided. Yet, after she and Phillip were married, she couldn’t just flee on a whim and hide out here.
Ariana fidgeted with the edge of her towel. Ruby was waiting. “It’s Phillip.”
“Ah, yes. The great director,” Ruby said.
Her aunt had once told her that Phillip put on airs he hadn’t earned. Ariana gazed toward the mountains. “He’s been after me to design and manage costumes for his new film. He put an extravagant amount into the budget for it.”
“Would that mean leaving the studio?”
“Probably.”
“You always wanted to be independent.”
“Then I would be.” Ariana knew she should be pleased about this plan.
“No. You’d be dependent on Phillip.”
For everything. Ariana leaned over, putting her elbows on her knees. The constriction around her ribcage started again, and she tried to breathe against it.
“Darling, are you okay?” Ruby lowered her sunglasses to peer at her.
“Just a flush of some sort.” Ariana straightened in her chair, trying to alleviate the pressure. Next came the racing heartbeat, then the heat that began in her torso. She wrapped her towel around her.
“Indigestion?”
“Maybe,” Ariana said, although she hadn’t had anything to eat. She sipped the icy mocktail.
Ruby leaned forward and placed a smooth hand over Ariana’s. “I have a lot to tell you about my trip to Lake Como.”
Heat ripped up Ariana’s neck and face, and her pulse throbbed in her temples. She passed a hand over her forehead. “Can we talk about it later?”
Staring at her, Ruby drew her finely arched eyebrows together. “You don’t look well.”
Ariana jerked her hand back. “I’m fine. Just stressed over…everything,” she said, finishing with a wave of her hand.
Ruby stared at her, which elevated Ariana’s heart rate even more. “You don’t have to do this,” Ruby said evenly.
“No? Then what else could I possibly do? This is my life.” Ariana pushed back from the table and lurched toward the pool. Feeling light-headed, she stumbled on a step. Flailing, she felt herself falling. From the corner of her eye, she saw Ruby racing toward her.
When Ariana came to, Stefano was kneeling beside her. His fingers were pressed on her wrist, monitoring her pulse, while Ruby was adjusting a cushion from a chair beneath her head.
“You fainted, and you nearly had a hard fall,” Ruby said. “Have you seen a doctor for this?” When Ariana shook her head, her aunt pressed on. “Could you be pregnant?”
Ariana squeezed her eyes shut, though hot tears slipped from her eyes. “I hadn’t meant to tell you like this.”
Ruby’s face lit with joy. “A baby! Oh, my stars, think of that. We’ll have a little one toddling around here in no time. Come, let’s sit in the lanai.” Ruby helped Ariana to a covered area open to the breeze, where fans in the shape of palm fronds spun lazily overhead.
Stefano brought her a thick, terry cloth robe and a fresh towel for her hair.
Feeling cared for, Ariana managed a wan smile.
Ruby tucked the robe around Ariana. “That explains why you didn’t want any alcohol. No wonder you fainted.”
“It’s not that.” Though Ariana’s first inclination was to minimize her symptoms, Ruby was the only one she could talk to without reservation.
“This began before I found out I was pregnant,” Ariana said, bringing her hands to her torso. “It begins with this vise-like grip around my ribcage, and then I get extremely hot. Dizziness sets in, and I feel like I might faint.” Twisting her lips to one side, she added, “This time I actually did. Anyway, the feeling passes in a few minutes, but I feel weak afterward.”
Ruby nodded. “Stress can cause panic attacks. I had something similar years ago during my first live Broadway show run. Stage fright, which hit me off-stage, too. Still, you should be examined. Dr. Espinoza—Lettie—is still practicing in Palm Springs. Stefano can make an appointment with her right away.”
“I should return to work. And Phillip…” Ariana sighed. “He wouldn’t be happy.”
“It’s almost the weekend,” Ruby said. “Take Friday off. A break from Phillip won’t hurt.” Ruby hesitated. “Is he pleased about the baby?”
“That’s why he proposed.”
Ruby pursed her lips and nodded.
“I’ll stay.” While Ariana hated missing work, she dreaded the morning drive back to Los Angeles. As for Phillip, Ariana needed this time with Ruby more.
On a table beside her in the lanai sat an open box of vintage photo albums and mementos. Ariana peered inside, anxious to avoid further comments Ruby might have about Phillip. “What are all these photos?”
“Those are from early in my career,” Ruby said. “I haven’t looked at them in ages. Stefano found that box when he was cleaning out the storage room. Now, about Phillip. Are you sure this is what you want? Today, you don’t have to g
et married.”
“I’m thirty-two.”
“So?”
Deflecting Ruby’s interest in her relationship, Ariana rifled through the box. “These are really old.” She pulled out a faded cigar box. “Why are you looking through all this stuff now?”
Ruby didn’t answer her, but Ariana heard her aunt suck in a breath. The brand name of King Edward the Seventh was emblazoned across the gold printed top, with the word, Invincible. Ariana lifted the lid. A portrait and miniature crowns graced the interior lid, which proclaimed, A Distinctive Blend of Fine Tobaccos. “What’s all this?”
“Souvenirs,” Ruby said.
Stefano appeared beside them with a tray. “Herbal tea for Ariana, and the rest of your Bellini.”
Ruby beamed at him. “Stefano, you’re a dream. Thank you, darling.”
“Look at this,” Ariana said. “Aida at Terme di Caracalla, 1952.” She lifted out an old opera program. “You must have enjoyed it. You drew hearts on the program.” She handed it to her aunt, who held it in her hands as if it were a rare artifact.
Ruby pressed the program to her chest. “In the summer, the world-renowned opera company, Teatro dell’Opera, performs at Terme di Caracalla, the ancient Roman baths in the middle of Rome. I remember this performance so well.” Her hands sketched out the scene in mid-air. “Maria Pedrini’s magical voice soaring through the balmy night air, the stage set between the enormous propylaea of the calidarium. Utterly colossal. An enchanting evening…” Her voice trailed off.
“Sounds memorable.”
“I’ll never forget it,” Ruby said softly.
Her aunt’s voice held a note of melancholy that Ariana seldom heard, aside from Ruby’s onscreen performances. Studying her aunt, she saw her blink back raw emotion. This was real, not manufactured for directors or cameras. Ariana reached out to her, smoothing her hand over Ruby’s shoulder. “Did something happen there, Auntie?”
Ruby sniffed in annoyance. “Reminiscing doesn’t accomplish anything. Live in the present, that’s what you must always do.” She returned the program to the cigar box and brushed her palms together as if she were finished with the conversation.