by Daisy Styles
‘Why would anybody do that to an innocent young girl?’ Emily said, puzzled. ‘It’s damn inhuman.’
Deep in sad thought, the girls jumped as the curtains around Isla’s bed were swished open.
‘Hellfire! I hope it’s not Matron come visiting again,’ Isla hissed, then sighed with relief as Ada appeared carrying a metal kidney bowl containing warm water.
When she saw their guilty faces, Ada joked, ‘Who are you three whispering about?’
The women looked at each other.
‘Shirley gave us this to read,’ Isla said, as she held up Shirley’s letter, which she knew from Shirley that Ada had read.
Ada slumped down on the bed beside her friends.
‘It truly beggars belief!’ she exclaimed.
‘So we need to work together to get to the bottom of Matron’s dark secret,’ Emily told Ada.
‘I agree!’ she cried. ‘You don’t know what she’s going to do next; she needs watching like a hawk – one thing’s for sure, we can’t trust her.’
Her friends nodded in agreement with Ada’s sentiments.
‘And whatever we find out, we should pass on to each other,’ Isla urged. ‘Keep a mental file of where Matron’s been and who she’s talked to, but without arousing suspicion,’ she warned.
‘Talking of files,’ Emily said, ‘isn’t it time we checked Tom and Bertie’s adoption records? You must know where they’re kept, Ada?’
Ada nodded. ‘Copies are kept in the convent and in Matron’s office.’
‘Is there any chance you could have a peek at Matron’s files?’ Isla asked.
‘I think I would risk losing my job if I did that,’ Ada answered honestly. ‘But,’ she added with a cunning smile, ‘if I could lay my hands on Sister Ann’s skeleton key, you could do the job yourself.’
‘Yes!’ daring Isla exclaimed. ‘One of us can do it. We might get dragged through the coals if she finds us at it, but at least she can’t sack us.’
‘Matron’s off-duty tomorrow afternoon; if Sister Ann agrees, I could slip you the key once Matron’s left the ward.’
Emily and Gloria looked at each other, then nodded conspiratorially.
‘You’re on!’ said Em.
‘And when Shirley’s back on her feet,’ Gloria added, ‘we’ll involve her too. She’d make a perfect spy, wandering around the Home with her mop and bucket!’
‘Oh, how I wish the darling girl could stay here forever!’ Gloria said with passionate fervour.
‘Well, clearly she can’t if wretched Matron’s got anything to do with it,’ Isla pointed out.
‘One thing is for sure,’ Ada assured her friends, ‘Shirley’s going nowhere that Sister Ann and I don’t approve of.’
‘I told her she could stay with me at Jeannie’s until a safe place is found for her,’ Isla announced.
‘Now that is a wonderful idea!’ Ada cried. ‘But you must check with Jeannie, Isla,’ she added anxiously.
‘Of course,’ Isla replied. ‘Jeannie’s due to visit soon, to see Heather,’ she said. ‘I’ll ask her then,’ she promised.
‘Now if you’ll excuse me, ladies,’ Ada said, getting to her feet, ‘I need to examine Isla.’
Isla groaned as she lay back on the bed. ‘I had a feeling this wasn’t just a social call.’
Ada grinned. ‘Open wide!’
‘Think that’s my cue to go!’ Emily groaned, as she hauled herself to her feet. ‘I envy you having a baby outside of your body rather than inside, Isla.’
Ada smiled at the two heavily pregnant women. ‘Your turn will come soon enough,’ she teased.
While Ada deftly examined her patient, Isla mentioned to her that Matron had popped in to see Heather.
‘I can’t stand the sight of the woman!’ she declared. ‘I’ve never liked her, but, after reading poor Shirley’s tragic letter, I could cheerfully strangle her! She was here three times yesterday,’ she grumbled. ‘She said she wanted to examine Heather, even though I told her you’d already been in and checked her. I wish she’d leave me and my baby alone,’ she muttered crossly. ‘The wretched woman just gives me the creeps!’
Seeing that Isla was getting irate, Ada said calmly, ‘Don’t worry, darling, given the discussion we’ve just had, we’ll all be keeping a beady eye on Matron – and Heather – from now on.’
The following afternoon, after receiving Sister Ann’s skeleton key from Ada, who winked, then went about her business, Gloria and Emily made their way to Matron’s office, where Emily would stand on guard while Gloria slipped inside to check the files.
‘Be as quick as you can,’ Emily urged. ‘I’ll hang about in the corridor pretending I’m waiting for somebody,’ she promised.
With a nod, Gloria slipped the key into the lock and opened the office door. Once inside, she made her way to the filing cabinet, which, to her enormous relief, slid smoothly open: before her were a great number of paper files all arranged in neat alphabetical order.
‘W … W … W …’ she murmured as she went through the surnames beginning with the letter w. ‘Wallace and Wheelan,’ she whispered as she double-checked. ‘Wood … Wilmer … Walker … Waters …?’ Starting to feel hot and shaky, Gloria checked the files beginning with u and v. ‘Maybe they’ve been put back in the wrong place?’ But the files didn’t appear to be anywhere in the cabinet. ‘They’re both missing!’ she said out loud, before moving quickly to cover her tracks and hurry out of the room to join Emily who was loitering at the end of the corridor.
‘You’re never going to believe this,’ she gasped, as she and Emily made their way into the main corridor that led away from Matron’s office. ‘Bertie’s and Tom’s files aren’t there – I couldn’t find them.’
Emily stopped dead in her tracks. ‘And it doesn’t take a genius to guess who removed them, does it?’
Catching Ada on the ward, Gloria repeated her news. Ada’s brow creased in dismay. ‘Oh, God,’ she breathed. ‘She would only have gone to the trouble of removing those files for one reason – she took the babies!’
‘Thanks to brave little Shirley, we know that Matron took Tom to the Grange on the night he was supposed to have died,’ Gloria said darkly.
‘If Shirley heard him crying, he couldn’t have been dead,’ Emily pointed out. ‘Who knows if he ever died at all!’ she exclaimed.
An angry flush spread across Emily’s high cheekbones. ‘It’s not safe to turn our backs on that evil woman – we don’t know what she’ll do next!’
Ada’s face set hard. ‘There’s another new baby in Mary Vale.’
With the same terrifying thought in their heads, the three women looked at each other.
‘Heather,’ Gloria whispered fearfully. ‘I checked under Isla’s surname, Ross. Her file wasn’t there either.’
‘Without alarming poor Isla, we’ve got to watch her baby like a hawk, day and night – we can’t risk taking our eyes off the child, not for a minute,’ Ada finished grimly.
29. God
When Jeannie arrived one bitterly cold afternoon shortly afterwards, with blustery snow blowing at the windows, she had to fight back tears when she saw her great-grandchild lying fast asleep in her bassinet. Overcome with emotion at seeing her grandmother so moved, Isla threw herself into her arms.
‘Oh, Jeannie, it’s wonderful to see you,’ she sobbed, as all the pain and anxiety of the last few days poured out of her in a torrent of relief.
Jeannie held her close for several minutes before she spoke. ‘I all but had a heart attack when I heard you’d gone into labour three weeks early,’ she admitted. ‘Only you, silly girl, would go striding over the marsh in the middle of a raging storm!’
‘Good job we did, though,’ Isla reminded Jeannie, who’d heard the full story over the phone from Sister Ada.
‘And how is Shirley – and poor Emily?’ Jeannie inquired. ‘Imagine if you’d both gone into labour out there in the cold!’
‘Emily’s fine,’ Isla laughed. ‘You’ll
see her before you go; she pops down to see Heather at least twice a day.’
‘Heather!’ Jeannie exclaimed in delight. ‘What a lovely name.’
‘I named her after you,’ Isla said proudly. ‘Her full name is Jennifer, like yours, then Heather …’ Her happy smile faded as she added, ‘Though what her adoptive parents will name her, I have no idea.’
Looking at the baby, who had fallen fast asleep, Jeannie had the urge to snatch her up and keep her close, but she knew that was not what Isla wanted; Heather was destined to be adopted in a few weeks’ time, and Isla would come home to Windermere for a brief spell before she resumed her university education. Completely changing the subject away from such a painful thought, Jeannie opened the hamper of food she’d brought along with her.
‘If you’ve an appetite, I have three kinds of sandwiches, a ginger cake and some scones.’
‘IF I’ve an appetite!’ hungry Isla joked. ‘I’m ravenous!’
‘You’re not eating for two any more,’ Jeannie joked, as Isla tucked into the delicious egg-and-cress sandwiches.
Munching appreciatively, Isla took the opportunity to discuss Shirley’s potential short-term future with Jeannie.
‘She’s had a shocking time,’ Isla confided. ‘And she might need a bolt hole until things settle down.’
Jeannie cocked her head to one side. ‘So, I could end up with TWO Mary Vale girls instead of one?’ she teased.
Isla gave an apologetic nod. ‘If you wouldn’t mind?’
‘Of course I’ll help the poor girl out,’ Jeannie answered with her characteristic generosity. ‘Now, come on, give me a sandwich before you scoff the lot!’
Surrounded by loving, caring friends, Shirley recovered quickly from her awful ordeal. Though she was absolutely terrified of bumping into Matron, she insisted that she wanted to get back to work in the kitchen, where Matron rarely went, and do some cleaning around the Home too, as long as Matron wasn’t around.
‘If you’re sure?’ Ada asked.
‘I can’t loll around in bed all day when there’s work to be done,’ Shirley cried. ‘Anyway, I’ve got some serious thinking to do,’ she added with a mysterious smile. ‘And I always think best when I’ve got a mop in my hand!’
The fact was, Shirley had something very important to discuss with Sister Ann, something so profound she was almost too scared to talk about it. One evening she slipped out of the kitchen (where she’d been preparing trays of cheese-and-onion pies for the following lunch-time with Sister Mary Paul) and waited in the corridor that connected the convent to the Home for Sister Ann to appear. When she did, Shirley stepped out from the shadows and startled the nun.
‘Jesus, Mary and Joseph!’ Sister Ann exclaimed clutching her heart. ‘You put the fear of God in me, child.’
‘Sorry, Sister, I was waiting for you,’ Shirley said shyly. If it hadn’t been so dark, the nun would have seen that poor Shirley was blushing bright red. ‘I have to speak to you about –’
Thinking she knew what was coming next – a plea not to be sent back home – Sister Ann gently laid a hand on Shirley’s shoulder. ‘We’re in the process of sorting things out: try not to worry, dear.’
Terrified that she’d lose her strength and determination, Shirley stopped the nun mid-flow and blurted out in a loud voice that echoed around the cold, dark corridor, ‘Sister!’ she exclaimed. ‘I’ve decided. I want to be a nun!’
Speechless, Sister Ann gazed in wonder at Shirley, who, now that she’d started talking, was finding it hard to stop. ‘I know what you’re thinking, I only want to be a nun so I can stay here and get free bed and board at Mary Vale – well it’s not true! I want to join your order – I want to dedicate my life to Christ. I know I’m not suitable, I’m stupid and I’m stained with sin –’
Now it was time for Sister Ann to interrupt Shirley. ‘Stop, Shirley,’ she said firmly. Taking hold of the girl’s hand, she squeezed it hard. ‘This might be one of the most important decisions of your life; we need to talk about it clearly and calmly.’
Seeing Shirley’s expression fade from happiness to fear, she quickly reassured her. ‘Not that I’m doubting you. I’d just prefer to have this conversation in the cold light of day, if that’s all right with you, child?’
Shirley nodded, then asked, ‘Please, may I come to chapel with you while you say your office?’
‘How would you know that’s where I’m going now?’
‘Because I’ve been following you every night and I know that’s where you go to say your evening prayers,’ Shirley shyly admitted. ‘Please let me come with you?’ she begged. ‘It would make a nice change from hiding from you behind the back pew!’ she added with a mischievous giggle.
‘Of course,’ Sister Ann replied.
Arm in arm, they walked past the statue of Our Lady, before which they both stopped to make the sign of the cross, before entering the candle-lit chapel, where they knelt down on a wooden bench and said their night prayers together.
Over the next few days Sister Ann had several long, intense conversations with Shirley, asking her what had prompted her to reach the enormous decision to become a nun. ‘You never mentioned it when you lived among us,’ she pointed out.
‘I never even thought of it!’ Shirley said with a laugh. ‘I was happy just to be here and clean for you all. I vividly remember thinking how much I loved being among you and the sisters – it felt like family.’
Though it was a joy to see Shirley speak so openly, Sister Ann had to take a hard line; if she was to be the child’s spiritual mentor, she had to prepare her for what lay ahead; Shirley could start her postulancy only if she really had a true vocation. No matter how much she loved the girl and rejoiced in her decision, Sister Ann couldn’t afford to be soft or sentimental; for Shirley’s sake, she had to remain objective and honest, and that meant asking tough and uncomfortable questions.
‘I suppose I only really seriously thought about becoming a nun when I was sent back home,’ Shirley admitted. ‘I was grateful that you’d taught me to pray, Sister,’ she said. I prayed a lot in those terrible times. I prayed he’d leave me alone, which he didn’t, and I prayed during him, you know, doing it.’ She blushed to the roots of her hair to say such crude things to a nun. ‘I began to realize that prayer helped me. You’ll never believe this, Sister, but it was prayer that led me to thinking about taking my own life.’
‘Well, that’s a contradiction in terms!’ Sister Ann exclaimed.
‘I know suicide is a sin in the eyes of the Church, but I thought, like I wrote to you in my letter, that if I was dead, I’d be safe with God in heaven,’ Shirley said with such simple, naive conviction that Sister Ann had to turn away to hide her tears. ‘Then, when I was lying on the marsh, I stared up at the sky and I swear I saw God in the clouds. I thought He was waiting for me and I was so, so happy to go to Him. The last thing I remember before everything went black was holding out my hand and saying, “Take me, please take me home.”’
‘But God saved you,’ Sister Ann reminded Shirley. ‘He clearly wanted you to live.’
Shirley’s plain face glowed with joy. ‘Yes, he saved me because He has a job He wants me to do for Him,’ she announced. ‘God’s given me a lot of gifts – I can read and write, clean and polish, but most important of all, I can pray,’ she said happily. ‘I’m good at praying, Sister,’ she said with a modest smile. ‘Prayers go round my head like a joyful song night and day.’
Sister Ann, who’d been struggling for the kind of prayer Shirley had so blithely described, couldn’t believe she was hearing right; this simple, uneducated girl, who had suffered abuse and ill treatment all her life, was speaking with such clarity and conviction, with a love so palpable – who could doubt her sense of vocation? Concealing a pleasure that edged on awe, Sister Ann told Shirley that her next step was to talk to the Reverend Mother. ‘She might take some convincing,’ she warned.
‘I’ll put all my trust in God,’ Shirley answered with a co
nfident smile.
30. Latin Lessons
Anxious that her interest in the new arrival might have drawn too much attention, Matron avoided any further visits to Heather and her rude, unsociable mother. However, it was pleasing to see that Isla was a picture of health and would no doubt soon be discharged, leaving charming little Heather in Matron’s tender care. Percival was also enthusiastic about the new arrival. Courtesy of the grateful Bennetts, who fawned on their new son (no longer plain Tom but Rupert with a title), they’d provided Percival with two new clients. One of them definitely wanted a son, so Heather was out of the question, but the second couple had stated that the sex of the child was unimportant but good breeding was essential.
‘Well,’ Percival thought smugly. ‘Nobody could fault Baby Ross’s breeding; she might have been born on the wrong side of the blanket, but she has good blood running through her veins and she’s probably got a fine brain too.’
Telling the eager (and wealthy) childless couple that they might have a little bundle of joy by Christmas, Percival sat back and, like Matron, eagerly awaited Isla’s departure.
While Shirley made preparations to start her postulancy, she was under the convent’s wing and, though she lived in constant fear of Matron, who gave her looks of sheer malice every time she passed by, Shirley was, to some extent, freer than she’d ever been before. Though nobody asked her to, she still continued devotedly to wash, mop, polish and scrub Mary Vale’s floors daily, but she always made sure she had time for her schoolwork, which now, with her heart set on joining the religious order, was more important to her than ever. Robin was ecstatic to have his friend Shirley back in the schoolroom.
‘Come and sit here,’ he begged tapping the bench next to him.
‘We’ve missed you so much,’ Gloria said with genuine warmth.
‘It was boring, just me and Mum!’ cheeky Robin added.
Gloria gave her irrepressible son a mock-glare before she addressed Shirley. ‘So, is there anything special you want to study now that you’re back?’