by Karen Deen
I think I should just go with the oblivious tact and keep moving forward.
“Shit week, but that happens. I should keep working out, it helps soothe the beast.” My comment makes her look up from her phone. Her face changes instantly.
“Are you okay, Kane?” She can tell I’m not my normal cocky self.
“Yeah, just working out some frustration from the job. I’ll be fine. Nothing unusual for me. Enjoy your night and thanks for asking.” I don’t want her to see me when I’m not worth talking to, so I turn to head back into the gym.
“Kane,” Lilly calls me. I stop but keep facing forward.
“If you need to talk, as a friend, I’m always here.” Her voice is not the strong sexy purr I remember. It’s more the softness I hear from Alesha at times. Not what I expect from Lilly and definitely too sweet for someone like me who will just break that.
“Thanks, but I’m good.” Walking away, I know I’ve probably hurt her again but it’s for the best. My darkness doesn’t need to taint her brightness.
Sitting on the weight bench staring into nothing, I keep seeing the picture of my missing woman. My logic makes me think that she’s already dead even though my gut thinks differently. If I was taking the logical approach then she is probably lying somewhere waiting for me to connect together the puzzle pieces, so we can find her and bring her home to her family. To give them their loved one to mourn. Then find the bastard who did this to her and make him pay. We owe her justice and I intend to make sure that happens.
The girls are long gone from the apartment and I didn’t even bother to crank the music up loud again after they left. My mood just got lower after seeing Lilly. Her face just made me remember what we had and what I was missing all week. I should never have gone there with her. Just looking at her, I should have known she would be different.
I’m not sure how long I sit with my thoughts scrambling between different topics in my crazy mind. I should head home, shower and settle in for the night with plenty of beers. My body is now feeling the lack of energy after my run and workout. Standing up, I reach over to grab my towel to wipe down the equipment before remembering I’m out of beer. Fuck it, I’ll just steal Xavier’s and replace it tomorrow. That’s what he would do if the roles were reversed.
***
Walking into my dark apartment, I put the beers in the fridge and decide I only need the lamp on in the living room. If I’m going to sit and drown my sorrows on my own, then I’d rather do it in the shadows.
Not sure what it is about a hot shower but some days you can just stand under there for hours, or until the hot water runs out. At different times, the relief it gives is different. Tonight, it’s like it is washing away the frustration. Frustration at not being able to find my victim, not having answers for her mother and father who are beside themselves. Frustration at the feeling my boss is about to drop something on me Monday and I have no idea what it will mean for me. Frustration that I can’t pursue Lilly and be the man she’s looking for. Just fucking frustration at life.
I just don’t know some days if I can do this job for a lifetime. Not sure I can survive the pain and darkness it brings.
I need a beer or… six.
9
Lilly
“DO WE REALLY NEED to go to Xavier’s on the way home? Surely you can drop me off first then head over there,” I complain as we drive out of the office parking garage.
“That’s just stupid. Why would I do that when I’m driving right past it on the way to your place, then I can continue on to my place.” Alesha glares, wondering what’s agitating me.
“Fine. Just don’t be too long in there. I want to get home and run a hot bath.” I return to scanning social media on my phone as she cautiously moves through the city traffic that builds up on a Friday afternoon.
“You’ve been in a bad mood all week since we got back from New York. I know you aren’t PMSing because we’re on the same cycle. So, what’s got your knickers all twisted up?” Keeping her eyes on the road, ever the cautious driver, Alesha is waiting for an answer.
“I haven’t been in a bad mood, what are you talking about?”
She just starts laughing. “Right, let’s call the boys on a conference call, shall we, and ask their opinions? You’ve been snapping everyone’s heads off. I think something happened in New York you aren’t sharing.” Stopping at the traffic light, she looks across at me with loving eyes of my big sister. I really want to tell her, but I know I can’t. I made a deal with Kane and I still think it’s for the best to keep it between us. Otherwise, it’ll just make it too awkward for everyone.
How do I say to Lesh that I’m sulking because I had the best sex of my life with Kane and we made an agreement that it was a one-time-only chance? I want to scream at her that I’m pissy because I want more of Kane. I know normally I’m the one who overshares my sex life, but I can’t this time and it’s driving me crazy. How can I hold in this vital information about our amazing night? The way he played my body like he owned it. Even if I could share, I’m not sure Alesha would be the right person. She’s close to Kane and it would be weird for them both. Don’t know why that worries me now, but it does.
I need to try to change the topic of conversation. I know I’m not very good at lying. God, why did she have to ask me in the car when I’ve got nowhere to run?
“I’m just tired this week, after travelling. The weekend partying left me exhausted, that’s all. Sorry if I’ve been a growly bear all week. I just need to get home and relax. Tomorrow I’ll be a new woman.” I doubt it but there’s always hope.
***
Getting out of the elevator for Xavier’s floor, I hear the music pumping away. I can feel my heart skipping a few little beats. That loud music means one of two things; Xavier is home working out or it’s Kane.
Since I know Xavier is at work then it only leaves option two.
Shit, I’m not prepared for this.
I need to play it cool and calm.
Grabbing my phone out of my bag, I use it to look like I’m really busy as Lesh is talking away to me.
I’m not really looking at anything in particular, but it does the trick.
Alesha disappears down the hall leaving me standing awkwardly in the middle of the living room pretending to be messaging someone really important.
I hear his voice and my body is already responding. Down, girl, you can’t go there, so just relax. Easier said than done as he walks into the room with no shirt on and all sweaty.
Good Lord, this man is a hot specimen!
Eyes down, woman, and try to pretend you haven’t even noticed him. Well, not until he gets close enough, I can’t ignore it anymore. I quickly flick my eyes up to look at him and then back down again.
“Kane.”
“Lilly, how are you?” he asks. There’s something flat in his voice, though. It’s lost its powerful tone and just sounds tired. Hearing him saying his week at work hasn’t been good, I can feel his body telling me how sad it feels. I want to wrap him in my arms and comfort him, but I know I lost that chance.
The best I can do is to offer my friendship. It’s the furthest from where I would like to be but at least he knows I’m here if he wants me. He thanks me and disappears again into the hall. It’s like feeling him walk away again in New York, except this time I get to see his back as he leaves. In New York he just disappeared, which pissed me off. The sunken eyes and dropped shoulders this time, though, tells me today is different. He’s struggling, and I feel bad for him. I wish I didn’t have to leave him here, but I have no other option.
Alesha is talking away about Mom and Dad and dinner. “Why don’t you come too? You know they’d love to see you. Plus, you can rescue me from Mom and wedding talk. She’s not getting the message that we just want something simple and small.” Although I’m normally the first to jump at a dinner invitation, tonight I just don’t feel like being around people. Between my bad mood funk that has been hanging over my head all week
and worrying about Kane, I know I’ll be bad company.
“Thanks, Lesh, but not tonight, you guys are on your own to be punished. I’m too tired to put up with Mom on a mission. I’ll think of you while I lie in my hot bath with a glass of champagne. Good luck with it all.” I laugh at her rolling her eyes at me.
“One day this will be you with Mom wanting to plan your wedding. Don’t come looking for me to save you. I’ll be throwing you under the bus just like you are tonight to me. I have a very long memory, little sister.” She pulls into the visitor spot outside of the building so I can get out.
“Well, we both know that my marriage will be many, many, many years from now. I’m not even ready to have a relationship, so how the hell can we be thinking of a wedding. Hold that thought in the memory vault for a long time.” I lean across the center console and give her hug. “Give Mom and Dad a hug from me. Tell them I’ll catch up with them over the weekend. Have fun.” She groans as I get out of the car laughing.
“Call me tomorrow and tell me all about it. Just not too early.”
“You bet it’ll be early, that’s your punishment for not coming.” She laughs as I close the door, and she pulls out of the spot.
Any other night I’d go, I’m just not feeling it tonight.
***
Stripping off all my clothes, the steam of the bath water rushing from the tap is starting to rise up and fill the room. My mind is elsewhere looking into the mirror. I see the strain on my face, and I know that thought that’s been sitting there in my mind, just waiting. That’s exactly what I need. Sometimes you’ve just got to trust your gut. No matter how stupid your head is telling you that you are. Time for action, screw the repercussions.
***
Everything is falling into place as I take the last few steps.
Breathing deep, I put my hand up and knock.
No looking back now. What’s the worst that can happen?
He turns me away, and I humiliate myself?
I’ve survived worse before.
Hearing footsteps, my stomach lurches.
The door opens and standing before me is Kane in the dim light, wet messy hair, water droplets running down his bare chest and just a towel around his waist. My dreams have been full of perfect images but the one before me is so hot.
Oh. My. God.
This man is sinfully good-looking.
“Lilly, what are you doing here?” I bite my lip and step past him into his apartment. Turning back to face him, I slowly undo the belt on my coat and let it start to slip open. Revealing a sneak peek of the white baby doll outfit I purchased in Victoria’s Secret in New York.
“Let me help you forget, Kane. Use me to take it all away, at least for tonight,” I say softly to him as I hold out my hand. Offering myself to him.
He already has the door closed and steps towards me. His face has changed from the sad-looking man I saw earlier tonight and only moments ago when he opened the door.
“Coat off now!” His voice is low and forceful. My body is tingling all over already. I obey his words straight away. Shivering from anticipation, Kane starts to circle me. It’s like he’s circling his prey. Assessing where to start first, what will satisfy his hunger.
“Fuck, Red! I’m not the man you need, yet here you are offering me more than I deserve.” I can’t move or talk. It’s like his words have frozen me in the one spot. “I’m a greedy man, though. I can’t say no to such beauty.” His finger is running up my arm towards my shoulder, such a gentle touch.
“Then don’t say no,” I manage to whisper. I’m so on edge just with his eyes and single finger on me.
“Standing here in your little white sexy outfit you’re teasing me again, just like you did in the shop. You always knew you bought this for me, didn’t you, Red. You tried to tell yourself you didn’t, but we both know no other man is ever seeing this, is he?” His hand is now running ever so slowly across my breasts, making my nipples hard as pebbles and pushing against the satin.
“No. God, no.”
He chuckles as I continue to struggle with words.
“You are a contradiction tonight, aren’t you, my little siren. Dressed in your little white virginal outfit, while we both want to release the red vixen who is hiding underneath. Let’s see how good a girl you can be until the bad girl returns.”
Gripping my face, he takes what we both have been waiting for. A consuming kiss, where he takes me and every bit of my rational thought with it. “Fuck, I missed your taste on my lips.” He picks me up in one swift movement. Wrapping my legs around his waist, I cling my arms around his neck.
“More fucking heels,” Kane grumbles as he walks towards his room, my heels digging into his back as he carries me.
“You love them.” I smile sweetly at him and he looks down at me with such burning desire.
“Too fucking right, I do. Don’t you dare take them off.”
Stopping at the foot of his bed, he slides me back down his body to put me on my feet. His towel falls to his feet, leaving him stark naked with every hard muscle on display.
“Are you sure, Lilly? You said you didn’t want this to happen.” His voice is soft for a moment. It’s like it’s his last restraint and he’s double-checking I agree to this.
“I came to you, offering my body. Please, Kane, I have ached all week for you.” His softness is gone; I’m thrown on his bed, my legs spread, and his head is between them. Before I’ve even got time to take a deep breath. His fingers are pushing the satin panties to the side while his tongue devours me. It’s like he’s been starved and can’t get enough of me. My body is soaring upwards with stimulation and he wastes no time in pushing me over the edge. I explode, screaming his name and arching my body to the ceiling, taking my pleasure and release what has been building all week.
There’s no time to rest and regain my breath. His mouth is on me, ravaging me with his tongue. Sharing the taste of my orgasm. It’s surprising how much it’s a turn-on to taste myself on his lips. Knowing he is the one that gave me that pleasure.
“I want to fuck my good little girl while she’s still in white. Sit up and ride me little girl so I can watch you bounce those little tits in front of me, so pure and perfect.” This man has the dirtiest mouth during sex, yet it makes me unbelievably wet every time he talks.
I see him leaning to his wallet for the condom while I position myself above him. “I hope you’ve got a big packet. I think we’re going to need…”
Before I can finish my sentence, he’s slamming my body down onto his cock. We both groan loudly together. Me with both pleasure and pleasurable pain from his size. He stills for a moment until my muscles relax a little and I sink that little farther down onto him.
He’s lying back, staring at me like a wolf. “Just stunning. You are too hard to resist.” He starts to fuck me, and I join his rhythm. It feels so amazing and as much as he’s watching me, I’m wrapped up in watching the muscles in his chest and neck flex as he lifts me up and down and pounds into me with force.
“You’re almost there, aren’t you, my good little girl. I can feel you tightening around me.”
I’m struggling to hold on as my body is about to explode for the second time.
“Don’t you fucking dare come yet. I want your tits on display. Show me now. I want you to play with them while I fuck you. Show me your magnificent tits, Red.”
I’m almost delirious trying to hold back this orgasm as he controls my body.
“Kane, please, let me.”
“So early in the night, yet we’re already begging. Have you been a good girl?”
“Yes. Please, Kane!” I scream.
“You’re wrong. You’ve been a very bad little girl, Red, but that’s what I want. My bad little sexy Red. Show me what a bad girl you are. Fucking cum all over me. Make me all dirty too.”
I can’t hold off now that he’s given me permission. My release is epic, I flop forward on to Kane as he then starts to softly stroke my head while
he pumps through his own release.
“I’ve got you, Red, I’ve always got you. Let me take care of you.” Our bodies rise and fall together as our breathing starts to slow.
Why is it I feel like I’m right where I’m meant to be?
I can’t shake the feeling there’s more to this than either of us can understand or want.
I start to sit up, but Kane pulls me tighter against him. “Just stay here, just for a bit.” My head lies with my ear above his heart. I can hear the strong beat slowing to a steady rhythm. I can tell Kane just needs a moment to process his emotions. To be honest, I do too.
What the fuck have I just done?
I’ve broken both our rules.
Don’t they say rules are meant to be broken?
That’s my job, to be the rule breaker in the family.
The way I’m feeling right now, I’m damn glad I broke my own rule.
That sex was off-the-charts hot. I know that’s just the beginning of the night.
I wonder if I’ll be punished for breaking our rule.
One can only hope.
***
We lie in silence for a little longer until Kane slowly rolls me to the side and gently puts me on the bed. Standing, he takes one look at me and walks towards his bathroom. He isn’t gone more than a second and I notice he’s cleaned himself up as he stands next to the bed, just glaring at me. His softness is receding, and the sexy Kane is rising again.