by Karen Deen
Kane wrapped around Jessie like he owned her. Her in a red dress.
I marched into that building thinking it was some little secret bar, where he’d been sneaking around with her. I watched him disappear the first time through the door while I had that big guy taking my bag and phone. Body searching me that was way too touchy-feely. He’s lucky I didn’t knee him in the balls. He got the message with my verbal spray I was giving him, so he saved himself the pain.
Then when I entered that room, I knew straight away it was somewhere I didn’t belong. The vibe was all wrong, it smelled like sex and the noises and screams I was hearing made me shiver with nerves. There wasn’t euphoria in the screams, it was sheer pain.
That guy touching me, me trying to act brave when deep down I was petrified. Kane appearing, and then everything just turned crazy. A blur of mixed emotions, finally seeing him yet so frightened about what was happening.
I can’t stop my head from playing it on repeat. I’m so confused, what has happened?
Closing my eyes to try to sleep isn’t helping. I just see things I don’t want to see. The only thing keeping me calm enough to be lying here is the smell of Kane on this shirt I’m all wrapped in. It’s like he’s all around me keeping me safe. When Alesha put me into bed, I instantly shuffled across to his side. He may not have been here for a few weeks, but it still smells like him. It still has smudges of the chocolate on the sheets from our last night together. These are the visions I need to hang on to. Kane painting his hard cock with chocolate and then ordering me to suck it off. Him eating the panties right off my body. The sweet lovemaking of the next morning. Because that’s what it was, making love. Kane couldn’t tell me, but he was showing me the only way he knew how.
That’s why I had so much trouble letting go. My body knew everything he was trying to tell me. I felt it right to my core.
I’m not sure how long I’ve been lying here like a lifeless doll, when I hear a murmur of voices in the hall outside the bedroom. Barely able to hear anything clearly, I start to sit up as the door slowly opens. The bright light from the hall is glowing behind him but I know it’s Kane. The silhouette stands staring at me. I can’t see much of his face in the shadows. My body wants to rush to him, but my head is telling me to stay where I am. He slowly places something on the ground inside the door and then turns off the hall light. The apartment’s quiet, so I’m guessing Alesha and Xavier have left us alone.
“I was convinced I’d never see you lying in my bed again after what I did. I know I don’t deserve you, yet here you are. My angel, waiting with your light of goodness radiating from you.” His voice is so soft and tender. Gone is the deep growl. This is coming from that place deep in his heart. “There’s so much I want to say but I need to shower and scrub away the filth before I touch you. Can you wait just a little longer, baby, please?” His voice is pleading like he’s worried I’ll say no.
I’m so tongue-tied, I can’t even speak. Nodding my head, I lower myself back down on to the pillow and just watch as he disappears into the bathroom. It’s not like him, but this time he closes the door and leaves me in the glow of the bedside lamp. I couldn’t lie in the dark, I just feel too unsure to be completely isolated. The light is just enough to remind me where I am and that I’m safe.
Hearing the water running, I understand the feeling of washing away the night. I stood in there for what felt like forever. Washing my skin over and over again with Kane’s soap. The smell made me feel close to him while he wasn’t here. The shower stops and I can hear him moving around in the bathroom. I don’t know why I’m so nervous. It’s not like I haven’t seen him naked before. Then it dawns on me.
I’ve seen him naked before but never fully exposed. When he walks through that door, I know for the first time I’m going to get every part of Kane, including the parts that he has hidden for so long. I need to be able to show him I’m strong enough to cope with this. That I will always be strong enough to be his shoulder, even though right this moment I feel so weak. For him I will find the strength. That’s who I am.
The door opens and I take a deep breath. He walks towards the bed, shoulders drooping, and all the fight gone from his body. Whatever he’s been through has taken its toll on him emotionally and physically. Stopping at the side of the bed, he stands with a towel wrapped around his waist. His naked chest looks as good as I remember. He’s hesitating and I’m not sure why.
“Should I get clothes? It’s okay if you say yes. I understand.” He looks like a little boy looking down at me with those sunken eyes. I don’t even bother answering with words. I just push up from the bed onto my knees and pull the towel off him, dropping it to the ground and running my hands up his chest. He lets out a sigh of relief and my body instantly reacts to the sight of him fully naked and hard.
“I know that we’ve got to talk, but can I just hold you for a while? I just need to hold you.” Dropping back onto the bed, I flick back the blankets for us both to lie down and get comfortable before pulling them back up. He lies flat on his back and I immediately curl into my favorite position. Head on his chest listening to his heart, legs curled in with his, and hands wrapped around his body. He brings his arms around me and hugs me tighter than he ever has before. Almost like he’s hanging on and scared to let go. I take my hand and start to draw slow circles over his chest like I used to. I know it helped to center him last time.
We lie like this for a while just letting our bodies reconnect. It’s not a sexual connection, it’s a spiritual one. So different from the intense sexual chemistry we have. Tonight is more about connecting on that deeper level that we both need and crave.
“I’m so sorry.” His voice is soft and emotional. “Sorry for what I did to you. Sorry for the hurt you felt and so incredibly sorry for what you went through tonight. That should’ve never happened. If I had told you the truth, then you might’ve trusted me.” He lets out a big sigh, like he’s been trying to work out how to deal with this in his head.
“Kane, you can’t blame yourself for tonight. It was my choice to go storming in there. You weren’t the one doing those atrocious things. You were doing your job and trying to protect those women. I almost blew the whole thing for you. I’m sorry for putting you in that position.” Pausing, I crawl up so I can see his face. We need to get to the bottom of it all. “But yes, you’re right about the trust. It’s something that goes both ways. You need to trust me enough to cope with your life as a policeman and that I’m strong enough to catch you when you fall. Then I need to trust you to protect me and let you do your job without question. Accepting that I can’t know it all and just trusting you anyway. I think I can do my part, can you do yours? Can you put your life in my hands to protect you too and keep you safe?” He runs his hands through his hair. “I won’t always be good at it, we will argue and hurt each other but I will always be there for you no matter what. But you have to want to let me in. Otherwise we’re wasting our time.”
“Fuck, Lilly, you have no idea how much you tear me open. Like no one has ever been able to open me up. You see deeper into my soul than I’ve ever seen. I was so busy worrying about not hurting you and not being the man for you and being able to keep you safe because of my job. But by pushing you away and keeping you in the dark, I did everything I was trying not to do. I hurt you and I put you in such danger that my heart nearly stopped when I realized you were in the club. You have no idea what could’ve happened to you if I didn’t get there in time.”
I put my finger on his lips to stop him from talking. “Shhh, you did get there in time. You did what you thought you couldn’t do; you protected me and kept me safe. I don’t want to know what could’ve happened because it didn’t and that’s all that matters. I just keep remembering you saving me. You need to be thinking about that part too.” I can’t wait any longer. Leaning up, I take his lips in mine, so softly, letting him know I’m still here.
Our lips just slowly take the kiss that little bit further until there is
no holding Kane back. I know he needs this. He needs to be in control and show me what he can’t say. I break the kiss for a moment, looking deep into his eyes.
“I love you, Kane. Show me you love me too.” Little tears start to run down my face.
“Lilly, I love you more than I know how to handle in words, but you’re about to be shown.”
The kiss is now raw, passionate and hard. Unleashing all the pent-up emotions we’ve both been dealing with.
“You sure, Red? Because when I let loose there’s no going back. I’m never letting you go again.” By now I’m already panting, and he hasn’t even touched me. “Don’t think about what we saw tonight. That wasn’t sex and there was no love it that place. Let’s erase those visions with all the love we feel.”
“Oh Wolf, please take me,” I beg. I need to feel him just as much as he needs me.
“Get ready to be calling my name. There is no way I can be gentle tonight. I need to own you, so you never forget that your man loves you more than words!”
Time for talking is pushed aside. This is how we’ve always communicated. Our unspoken feelings. It’s when we are at our best. Fully immersed in each other.
He flips me over, my back on the bed, so he is lying on top of me, pinning me down.
“You are overdressed, Red. Shirt off now.” Throwing the blankets back, he goes up on his knees, straddling over my legs. Dragging his shirt up my body and over my head, he lets out a moan at seeing me fully naked. “You don’t know how beautiful you are in my eyes, Red, stunning, mesmerizing and mine.” He leans down and places kisses all along my neck. Slowly making his way down across my shoulder. My body is responding the way it always does to his touch and his words. My mind is slipping into that place where I only know pleasure and his touch. The place where I am free.
His tongue lathing over my nipples has me squirming as the anticipation builds. I’m craving him. I’ve never been so desperate to be touched as I am tonight.
“Please, Kane, please fuck me.”
“Back to begging are we, Red? Maybe I’ll make you wait. What do you think about that?” He laughs as he kisses down my body, now pushing my legs apart and flat onto the bed. “Now, that’s a view I want to see every day. You glistening and ready for me.”
I don’t even get to reply before he licks me and starts to devour my pussy. I can’t stop the moans that are escaping my mouth from every sensation buzzing through me. He plays me with perfection, building me to a point I know I can’t stop the explosion of orgasm from hitting. Screaming his name, he laps up every drop and rises up to then share the same with me through a savage kiss.
Barely hanging on by a thread, he sinks into me as we both groan and moan into the room for everyone and no one to hear.
Kane takes no time in pumping into me, finding his rhythm.
“Fuck, Red, so fucking good. You feel so fucking good. Missed you…” He tenses as we both fall over into the post-orgasmic glow for a few moments. White noise, stars and the warmest flush moves right through the body. Oh god, I never want this to end.
“Jesus, Red. I missed you so fucking much.” He lies on top of me, kissing me with all the love he’s feeling at the moment. I just take it all, I can’t get enough of him. He’s breaking the starvation I’ve been feeling for weeks.
Worrying he is crushing me, he rolls over on to his back, dragging me with him, so I’m lying flat on top of him and our kiss doesn’t break for one second. His hands find their way down, so they’re splayed over my ass cheeks. Like they belong there. I grab hold of his face and run my hands through the light beard he has on his face. Like he hasn’t shaved since the day he walked out. I loved his smooth face but I kinda have a thing going for the roughness of this. I certainly wasn’t complaining when he had his face buried between my legs.
“Don’t worry, I’ll shave tomorrow. I just wasn’t wasting time getting back to you.” Kane kisses me on both cheeks and then my nose.
“Hmm, we might have to negotiate that. Maybe I like it.” I giggle a little as he smiles, knowing exactly what I’m talking about.
“Do you now. Well, let’s discuss that later. Right now, we need to talk and then I’m showing you again how much I love you, little lady.” The muscles in his face are finally starting to relax a little. I’m not sure I want to talk anymore as the exhaustion is starting to hit, but he’s right, we need to clear the air before we close our eyes tonight.
Then tomorrow is a brand-new day, and a new beginning.
Kane
My mind has never been so full of commotion, yet clearer than ever. I hate that it took something bad to happen for me to get to this point. Regardless, now I know exactly what I want and who I want it with. It’s like a huge fog has cleared. One that I was hiding behind for the fear of being hurt or my greatest fear of hurting someone else.
“That first night in New York, I knew you were different. Together, we were something way more than either of us was expecting. I wasn’t prepared for how you made me feel. I ran because I didn’t know how to deal with that. I knew if we spent the next night together then I was in real trouble. For someone who thinks they have their life in control and the boundaries made, the roads they’re going to travel, it was so confusing for me. I just told myself that was it. To stay away and you’d move on.”
She starts laughing quietly at me. “Yes, well you didn’t realize how stubborn I was, then.” Her hand slowly runs through my hair on my head. The sensation is so amazing.
“Tell me about it. It’s one of the things I love about you. You kept fighting for us even though you weren’t admitting to yourself that there was even an us. Just like I wasn’t admitting that this was always something more than being fuck buddies. Can I just say, I actually hate those words, but I needed to keep some distance. Then every time I was with you, whether we were in bed or not, you had me feeling all turned upside down. Here I was thinking I was the one in control, but you had me drawn into your world and I didn’t know how to escape or if I even wanted to. No matter how much I had my life mapped out, you were my GPS and rerouting after every time I turned.” Running the backs of my fingers down her cheek, I feel her shiver with my touch. It encourages me to continue.
“Then the undercover job surfaced. I already knew I had to pull back from you because I didn’t want to let you believe I could give you more. I never wanted to be the one to cause a woman the pain from having a spouse who works a dangerous job each day. So, the day we went to Zach’s farm for lunch, I was told that Monday I was leaving. I’m sorry, Lil, but I was so selfish. I took everything you offered me that last night to help me get through the hurt that was to come. That night was like nothing I have ever experienced. I knew making love to you that next morning, that I was going to break both our hearts to a thousand pieces. I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I was protecting you even though I was hurting you. Didn’t that backfire on me, though?” Taking a deep breath, I pull her head down to lay it on my chest. I want her as close as possible. Taking a moment, Lilly lets me pull my thoughts together to keep going.
I explained to Lilly everything about Jessie and what happened on the job.
“Last night after visiting the sex club for the first time… it was such a shock to see everything that was going on in there, hard to handle for both of us. I got drunk and called you, which I’m sorry for putting you through that, but I had spent all night talking to Jessie about you. She understood what I had been thinking but then convinced me how stupid I am and what I’ll miss out on if I choose to live my life like that. I had been missing you so much that I knew I was finishing this case and coming for you. I was desperate to know you were okay and I needed to hear your voice. You always calm me, in your crazy chaotic way.” That earns me a slap on the chest and has us both laughing. Breaking a bit of the seriousness of my words
“I won’t lie,” Lilly says. “I was a complete wreck when you left. I couldn’t eat or sleep. I couldn’t even be the annoying ex and sta
lk you, begging you to take me back, because you just dropped off the face of the earth. When I saw you tonight from my car, I was so mad. My adrenaline rushed and I had to chase you. I kinda saw red literally when I saw you all over Jessie in a red dress. I was ready to murder you.” I can picture her face when she spotted me.
“There is and will only ever be, one Red in my life and that’s the woman wrapped in my arms. My little Red vixen.” Kissing her again, it starts to heat up quickly, but I pull back. We need to get through this. “I need to tell you this, Red, you need to know how I feel.” I lay her on her side so she’s facing me, I can then look her in the eye when I say it.
“I can see how wrong I was, baby. I want to tell you how sorry I am. If you can forgive me, can we start again and scrap the arrangement? I want to date you and let every man alive know that you’re off the market. You are mine and I’m the only one who gets to cuff you to my bed.” Her eyes twinkle with a little excitement. The first I’ve seen from her tonight. “Maybe just not for a little while, too many visions at the moment.”
She nods at me in agreement.
“However, I want you pushing my buttons, flirting your cute little ass in front of me and surprising me every day. As long as I get to keep rule number two. I’m the boss in here and I will never hurt you. Only ever show you pleasure and how much I love you. Can you cope with that? Will you be mine, baby, and let me try to protect you? I can’t promise I won’t screw up again, but we’ll have fun trying to make this work.” Moments like this are where Lilly takes every part of my soul and locks it into her heart safe and sound.
The tears are streaming down her face. “I’ve always been yours, Kane. You claimed me that first night and never let me go. We don’t have to try to make anything work. We just have to be us. It works just fine. Although, I won’t say no to trying lots more things in here. That last night was pretty good.”