Scarlett listened intently, filled with relief that her worst fears were groundless, but dreading what fresh secrets her mum was about to reveal.
‘Way back before I met your father, when we were both single and very young – and I’m talking seventeen here – I had a very brief fling with Hayden while I was staying with Joan. Even in my starry-eyed youth, I knew deep down that it couldn’t come to anything, but I was still heartbroken when I had to go home. Hayden seemed less worried and by the time I’d come down the following Christmas, he was already going out with another girl.’
She sighed.
‘I put it down to experience and a few years later, I met your father and realised what real love is. It deepens and grows. It weathers many storms. It must do, or why would Fiona have stayed with Hayden through all these years and all his betrayals?’ She patted Scarlett’s hand. ‘It’s a storm that your dad and I are going through now.’
‘Will you weather it?’ Scarlett said softly, hardly daring to hear the answer.
‘I hope so. I want to very much. Rest assured that I have never slept with Hayden, or dreamed of it, since we were teenage sweethearts.’
Scarlett sank into her chair. There was hope then that her parents would get back together. And Jude wasn’t related to her. It was hard not to scream out with the sheer relief.
‘So what was the postcard? That wasn’t sent to you thirty years ago, was it?’
‘No, it was sent to me a decade ago. It was Hayden referring to our youthful fling, and tormenting me. He can’t resist reminding me – or any woman – that I was once one of his conquests.’
‘He’s such a creep!’
‘And nothing if not persistent. I almost kneed him in the balls, to be honest. The nerve of the man. He didn’t come right out and ask me to sleep with him, but he said I was free and single now, there was nothing to lose and we’d had such a wonderful night.’
‘So why is the postcard at Jude’s now? It was hidden away in a cupboard.’
‘I have no idea. You’ll have to ask Jude.’
‘And tell him about the two of you?’ Scarlett shook her head. ‘I don’t think I can.’
‘It’s up to you … look, I do like Jude. He’s handsome and charming in a modest way, but I don’t want you to be hurt, that’s all. I’ve had a hard time accepting that my lovely daughter, who deserves the best of everything, especially after all that’s happened, has fallen for the son of a man like Hayden.’
‘I don’t think you can inherit cheating genes, Mum.’
‘Really? Actually, you can … I read about it, you see, since the test, there’s good evidence that the tendency to be unfaithful can be passed on.’
‘Mum! Surely you don’t really believe one pseudo-science article?’
‘No. I suppose not. But it’s hard not to assume “like father, like son”. You do know he broke it off with his fiancée?’
‘Who told you that?’ Scarlett asked.
‘Hayden.’
‘Why would he do that? It isn’t true. Fiona told me what really happened and it was Jude’s ex who dumped him and hurt him badly,’ Scarlett told her. ‘It’s rubbish. Hayden’s spreading lies.’
‘Why would he paint his own son as the villain?’ her mother asked. ‘Unless it’s true and Fiona’s trying to protect Jude …’
‘I don’t know. Maybe he feels ashamed that any son of his might get dumped by a woman! He’s arrogant enough to believe that.’
Anna wrung her hands. ‘I think you must be right. Darling, I’m so sorry. I believed Hayden.’
Scarlett screamed silently in frustration. ‘Why does Fiona stay with that horrible man?’
‘Perhaps because the alternative is worse? Because she loves him and doesn’t want to lose him? Don’t let what’s happened to me and your father, or Jude’s parents, sour your view of marriage or love. I don’t want you hurt like I was and I’m very sorry to have misjudged Jude. It sounds like you need to have a conversation with him.’ Anna squeezed her hand. ‘If you don’t believe me about Hayden, we can do a test. It will prove that you’re not related to Jude in any way.’
‘There’s no need. I don’t want to do any more tests,’ Scarlett said. ‘I don’t want this to turn into Jerry Springer … But you do know who my biological dad is?’
Anna nodded. ‘Of course I know, but I promise that knowing will not bring you, Ellie or anyone in this family the slightest scrap of joy or peace.’
She took a breath then started speaking.
‘When Marcus was tiny, not much more than four months old, your dad had to go and work abroad for a few months. So, I came down to stay with Auntie Joan. It was company for me and Joan said she loved having the little ones around …
‘Things had been very difficult between your father and me and I think – I now realise – that I must have been suffering from post-natal depression after Marcus’s birth, but at the time, I thought I was only tired and stressed. Your father … your father was away a lot and very busy. He was worried that his firm would collapse and he’d lose his job, so he had to take the assignment abroad. With Ellie and Marcus to look after, and I wasn’t working at the time, he was terrified we’d lose the house. I don’t think he understood how I was feeling and why. I didn’t understand myself.’
Scarlett choked back a gasp of horror. She’d never heard anything about her mother’s depression or their marriage problems before. ‘Mum … I’m so sorry.’
‘Don’t be. You weren’t even born.’ She let out a sigh. ‘I remember his words: “I’m working all the hours God sends to keep a roof over this family’s heads. Do you think I like being away from home all the time? Spending my life in bloody hotel rooms, living out of a suitcase. No, I can’t get another job. I daren’t, not in this economy. I need to work harder than anyone else just to keep my job.” He said: “If it’s the baby blues, it’ll pass. Go to the doc if you have to, but you’ll have to put up with it.”’
Scarlett couldn’t speak but she could imagine her dad, in one of his morose moods, in another time, saying those words. She really had no idea of what had gone on between her parents.
‘And?’ she murmured, willing her mum to go on, even though she dreaded hearing the full story.
‘While I was down here, there was a barbecue party on the beach and I was invited. I had no intention of going, but Joan said it would do me good to let my hair down and have a night off from the children. I didn’t feel in a party mood but she said she’d love to babysit and I’d only be five minutes away. I could keep popping back to check on them any time. And I thought: maybe she’s right, and this is exactly the thing I need to perk me up.’
Anna held Scarlett’s hand. ‘So, I went and I did pop back a couple of times but Ellie and Marcus had settled so Joan told me to go back and relax. I can’t say I wish I hadn’t returned to the party. I’ll never regret what happened because if I’d stayed at home, I would never have had you, dear, darling Scarlett. And that’s something I couldn’t bear to even think about.’ There were tears in Anna’s eyes.
Scarlett’s cheeks were wet but she daren’t move.
‘There were dozens of the younger villagers dancing on the beach. Hayden Penberth was there, of course, and he was flirting with me as usual.’
‘But if Hayden isn’t my father, who is?’
‘His name is Julian Mallory …’
Scarlett reeled. Oh Christ, Ellie … not Mallory. Anyone but him.
‘He was young then, not long out of his PhD and a junior lecturer at the local college. He’d been invited to the party with some of his students – he wasn’t much older than them, I suppose. He said I seemed sad and we started talking. He was kind, gentle, cultured – he really listened to me and for the first time in a long while I felt like I was me again. Not a mother of two young children or someone’s wife. Me. I told him how low I was feeling and he said he was having problems too. He said he’d recently found out his wife had been having an affair.
�
�I believed him at the time. I’m not even sure it was true now. His wife seems lovely and you saw her earlier in the café. He did remember me, and he tried to talk to me while you and his wife were in the loo. I realise now what kind of a man Julian is: cowardly and narcissistic. But back then he seemed fresh and sensitive – he made me feel like I mattered. But I didn’t intend to sleep with him, of course not.’
Scarlett hid her face in her hands, wishing she didn’t have to hear the truth but knowing she must.
‘The booze flowed and the music played and people started to pair off and we, Julian and I, ended up on our own by the beach fire. It was such a beautiful evening. He kissed me. And … then I can’t really remember because I was drunk or high or both, but I do know we had sex. I cheated on your dad.
‘Afterwards, I must have passed out completely. The moment I woke, the shame started. Julian had gone: he’d left me on the beach, the coward. Although I was relieved that I didn’t have to see him again. I crept home as dawn was breaking, and Joan heard me. I went upstairs to throw up and Joan came into the bathroom and asked me where I’d been. I told her I’d been smoking weed and drinking all night with one of the villagers.
‘Nothing was said out loud, but I could tell she didn’t believe me. Joan was a sharp old bird. She’d had too many regrets of her own not to recognise them in others. She knew who’d been at the party and I think she thought that I was having a fling with Hayden Penberth.’
‘Why didn’t you tell us before?’
‘Because I was ashamed and guilty and most of all, how could I tell you that Julian was your father? He ended up being Ellie’s tutor and I suspected she had a bit of a crush on him. I even wondered for a while if she left college partly because he broke her heart, though Ellie wouldn’t say.’
My God, if her mother knew the whole truth about Julian, Scarlett thought … But her main concern was for her mother. She was the product of an assault. Her poor mother.
She put her arm around her. ‘Mum, if you were that drunk, then Mallory is a bastard. He should have made one hundred per cent sure you consented. You could have reported him to the police.’ Scarlett wanted to blurt out that her mum wasn’t the only woman to have been taken in by Julian, and have her life changed forever by him.
‘It would have been my word against his, and I had been flirting with him. I encouraged him and well – it was a different time; you just didn’t say anything in those days. I’d have had to admit I was attracted to Julian and that I couldn’t remember the exact details. How would that have looked in court?’
‘Oh, Mum. I’m so sorry for everything. For what that man did to you, for Dad not understanding how bad you were feeling and for bringing all of this pain to light and hurting you all over again.’
Anna smiled and kissed Scarlett’s cheek. ‘You know what? I’m glad you dragged it into the light. It’s almost a relief, and I’m going to tell your father everything – and then Ellie and Marcus. I’ll take the consequences of what I did.’
‘You’ve already been punished enough, not that you should ever, ever think you need to be punished. I feel so angry for you!’
‘It won’t be a punishment to admit the truth. Nothing can be worse than living a lie all these years, though I’m worried your father might come down here and punch Mallory’s lights out.’
‘It would serve him right!’ Scarlett declared, ready to march out and give Mallory a thumping herself.
‘But I’d have to tell him the whole truth … I don’t want him to think I’m shifting the blame onto him.’
‘Dad must be so hurt and lost … he knows he’s been part of it. He hinted as much to me on the phone the other day. But why does there have to be blame? Why does someone have to feel guilty?’
Her mother kissed her hair. ‘You’re right. No one should feel guilty but that’s not how human nature works. I’m glad I’ve told you, and I know it sounds trite but truly, a burden has been lifted from me, one that’s crushed almost every drop of enjoyment from my life lately.’ She took a breath. ‘Now, I just have to hope that your dad and I can move on from this somehow. I hope that we move on together, but I simply don’t know until I’ve told him everything.’
Scarlett wanted to wave a wand and make it all OK, but had to accept that there might be no ‘happy ending’ for her parents. All she could do for now was whisper, ‘OK, Mum,’ and hug her mother again.
They’d barely parted when they heard the key in the front door. She waited for Ellie to call ‘hello’ but there was only the thunk of keys being tossed onto the hall table.
Scarlett tensed all over again. They had to break the news to Ellie and she had no idea how her sister would react – or if she’d tell her mother that she, too, had been so closely involved with Julian Mallory. Would the revelation that they’d both been taken in by Mallory help to heal her mother and her sister, or simply create new and wider scars?
Chapter Thirty-Two
On her way back from the café to her car, Ellie looked in despair at the five missed texts, calls and WhatsApp messages from Aaron. It had been a hell of a day, serving up Christmas food and festive spirit to an endless stream of tourists who were down for the holidays and in the mood to party.
She’d smiled and exchanged season’s greetings until her jaw ached and she never wanted to see another slice of stollen as long as she lived. It might be uncharitable of her, but any seasonal goodwill she’d had had shrivelled up like a balloon. She’d also been tense in case Aaron turned up at the café, and torn between dreading him appearing and hoping that he might fight for her, even though she could still not see a way of forgiving him. It was hardly likely, given that she’d left him in no doubt of her anger and shock the previous evening.
She reached home, relieved to see the lights on at the manor. This was one time when she was glad to have some company, even if it might mean answering more questions. What she needed right now was a sit down and a cuppa – or preferably, a large glass of something cold and white. She was sure that Scarlett would have a bottle chilling, unless she’d decided to go to Jude’s … or perhaps not, given Ellie had a feeling that all was not well between them either, though Scarlett hadn’t said so.
The sitting room door was pulled open by Scarlett, red in the face. Ellie was sure she’d been crying.
‘What’s the matter? Is it Jude?’
‘No. Yes. Not really. It’s Mum … and my father. My biological dad. I – I – you’d better come and hear for yourself.’
‘Mum?’ With a sense of foreboding, Ellie hurried after Scarlett into the sitting room, wishing that she’d found time for a heart to heart with her sister, and not been so preoccupied with her own troubles.
Anna was waiting by the fire, clasping her hands together and clearly agitated. Ellie’s alarm bells clanged.
‘Ellie, I need to tell you something.’
‘We both do,’ Scarlett said.
Ellie’s heart pounded.
‘It’s about my dad,’ Scarlett told her. ‘And about Julian Mallory.’
She swallowed. ‘Julian? What’s Julian got to do with this?’
Mother and sister exchanged a look again. Ellie’s mind whirled … what could Julian possibly have to do with Scarlett’s father?
‘Oh Jesus. I can’t do this.’ Scarlett put her head in her hands.
Anna sat next to Ellie. ‘Earlier today, I – we – saw him in town. I couldn’t tell you what happened between us before and it’s almost impossible now. How could I? Julian and I had a one-night stand at a party on the beach here.’ She took a deep breath. ‘He’s Scarlett’s father.’
‘And it wasn’t Mum’s fault,’ Scarlett hurried to add. ‘She was hurt and depressed and drunk, and Mallory took advantage of that. He is a shit, a cowardly lying user – but you know that already.’
Ellie had listened without uttering a word. Numb was the only way to describe how she felt. Anaesthetised. Julian Mallory was Scarlett’s father. Julian Mallory had been the fath
er of her own lost child. How could she tell her mother that?
‘You’re very shocked. I can see why. He was your tutor. I think you had a crush on him. I was very drunk—’
‘So drunk it was technically assault!’ Scarlett broke in. ‘And you had post-natal depression. I hate that man! I can’t believe he’s my dad.’
‘Julian? Julian …’ was all Ellie could say. ‘Julian?’
Ellie was dumbstruck while her mother unfurled the story of what had happened that summer night at the beach. Scarlett was in tears and swearing … and the more her mother talked, the more vivid Ellie’s memories became of another summer night, many years later. The flattery, the careful sympathy, the lies and the crushing realisation that actually, Julian Mallory didn’t care about anyone but himself. His world revolved around Julian alone, he existed only to gratify his ego and his addiction to using people.
‘You were in love with him at college, weren’t you, Ellie?’ Anna asked. ‘I heard the way you spoke about him and I guessed, even though you never actually said it. That was why you really left early, wasn’t it? I should have warned you about him but I didn’t dare. I was too ashamed and too proud to tell you what I knew about him.’
‘Mum, don’t you ever be ashamed. I fell for him too,’ she said, horrified that they’d both gone through the same experience with the same man. ‘In fact, I was madly in love with him. I thought he liked me too, but I was wrong, and so I left rather than face him every day. But I don’t regret leaving, or knowing him or anything that happened because travelling has made me the person I am now, and I hope I’m able to understand what you’re going through. Most of all, I’m determined that none of us should let Julian Mallory dominate our lives ever again.’
Anna let out a howl and Ellie reached for her, each comforting the other.
Scarlett joined them and they hugged each other. Anna was sobbing, but over her head, Ellie shared a look with Scarlett and made her decision. Now was the time to tell her sister everything; that Mallory hadn’t only had affairs with them, but that he’d also fathered two children, only one of whom had ever been born.
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