She rubbed the cuts on her arm, what she now realized would’ve probably been that same man’s mark. Mac’s face paled as she recalled what Logan and the deep voiced man were arguing about. Her head ached as she thought of the storage units, the cabin, and now the center, all working for the same cause and most likely the same person. And she had now destroyed all three. The last one out in the open where enough people knew her name, and now they all knew her face. Taylor was hinting at more than he even knew.
“Are the guards all on the same page?” she asked.
“For the most part, yeah. There were a few who didn’t care where this place was going either way, happy to be in the position they were. I’m pretty sure they’ll go along. We have an eye on them though regardless, and they don’t have AR’s.”
“Ok. First step is new leadership. Hold a vote. Watch yourselves. Keep shit clean. You’re good people here.” Mac didn’t know what else to say. She didn’t regret what she did, maybe how she did it, but not ending those two bastards. But she did leave them in a rough spot where their next few decisions were crucial.
Steps echoed towards them as another guard walked in. “Sir, the dark fighters are gone.”
“Gone?” He started walking out of the locker room, and back towards the center.
“DeMarcus said they must’ve caught wind of what happened in here.” The other guard’s eyes shot over to Mac and then back to Taylor again. “One by one, they left the gym. Nobody even noticed until the last one was gone. Ivan at the front said all five just walked out the front minutes ago. Packs on backs.”
Officer Taylor thought for a minute. “That doesn’t sit right with me, but I can’t say it doesn’t check one problem off my list. For now. I wasn’t sure how they were going to take the news. I rather them be gone than stick around angry they just lost their jobs and standing.”
“Violet said they were all outsiders. They obviously still have a place to go.” Mac looked at him, remembering what they were just discussing before the guard came in to inform them.
They walked the rest of the way in silence, the halls eerily empty and quiet. When they reached the market its starkness was jarring. They looked to the front desk. Taylor headed over to the gate guard, DeMarcus, who had let them in, but before he could even ask, the man spoke.
“Outside, Sir.”
Out the front doors you could see a great crowd standing on top of the trailer bed. Mac walked outside, worried for the three people from the Block. When she stepped up onto the empty space where a semi-trailer would have sat, she saw down into the path. At the bottom of the other set of steps, sat the rusted green truck she sent the girls back in. The bed was now filled with baskets of greens and produce, bags of smoked fish, bottles of house brews ,and wrapped up strips of dried meat. Melody stood at the back with Cara, Joe, and Jack, beaming from ear to ear. She waved her hand at her, beckoning her down.
As she made her way down, she noticed the young girl Carmichael commented on in the center market. The one that had sparked the fire. She was standing next to her father, but on the other side of her, holding her hand was what looked to be her little sister. She couldn’t have been older than six. The little girl pulled away and stood in front of her. She placed her three little fingers to her upper arm. Mac stopped dead. Her mind raced. Flashes of faces, moments, mistakes all being thrown at her. She wanted to take solace in the fact that once they moved to her sister, they would’ve come for the little one eventually as well. And she had stopped that. For now. And it was that last part that pulled the final piece holding her together from her chest. She still had stopped nothing. She realized she wasn’t capable of finishing anything, just delaying the inevitable. That tiny voice began to ring in her ears, his cries for her tearing through her soul. She was lost again.
The father stepped over and gently pulled the little girl away, giving Mac a look of gratitude, and a quick tap to his arm with three fingers. She didn’t want this. It was too much. Too many. Like on autopilot, she walked off the truck’s flatbed, and Melody wrapped her arms around her again.
“This is closer to what you deserve,” she whispered in her ear.
And for a moment, Mac thought she was talking about how she felt right then. The battle she was fighting in her head. The screaming in her ears that only she could hear. She looked at Melody with confusion and shame, but then saw the food again, behind her. She was slipping. She had to get out of there. Mac gave her a nod, grabbed a flask sized bottle from the back and got into the passenger side of the green truck.
Melody raised an eyebrow at the strange behavior, but her smile never left her face. Two men came over and spread a tarp across the fully stocked back, tucking it in to keep their offerings covered and protected.
“She’s tired,” Cara said, noticing Melody’s face, but also recognizing the far off look in Mac’s eyes. They had to get her back again. “Thank you so much,” she told the young woman, and Melody hugged her too.
Jack and Joe shook her hand, and they all squeezed into the long front seat. As they drove down the path, arms of the lost reached out for them from their tethers. Mac stared out at the seemingly endless rows of cars and wanderers. Her bottle was almost a third of the way gone in the couple of minutes it took to get back to the Jeep. Jack and Evie stayed in the truck, while Joe and Cara drove behind them in the Jeep.
The hour drive went by quickly, even though a word was never spoken between them. Jack would glance over every now and again, and see that the murky liquid in the bottle was a little lower, but he kept driving. He noticed her arms started to go a little loose, the bottle sliding off her thigh every now and again, letting him catch a glimpse of the large patch of sticky blood on her knee. At its center was a strange line, like a row of dash marks on a paper or a perforated edge. His eyes kept glancing from the road to her knee, trying to decipher what he was seeing. Something shiny gleamed from the dark wetness, and she adjusted her leg, pulling her knee up to rest her foot on the seat. The profile was what gave it away. He recognized the spikes of the dog collar he had seen her wear on her wrist poking through the fabric. She had it wrapped around her leg under her pants, just above her knee.
CHAPTER 31
Wandering
They came back in the dark, all of the Block tucked away in their rooms asleep, save for the front guards who opened the gate to let them in. They drove to the back, rolling up the garage door, and took the goods inside. Jack looked over at Mac while he drove down the ramp into the lot. She was slumped against the door, eyelids heavy on her expressionless face, still staring unfocused out the window. In her limp hand sat the bottle of homemade liquor, now with only a fourth of its contents left. As he parked next to the Cherokee, Joe and Cara were climbing out. He turned to say something to Evie.
“You know, you’re an-“ but she was opening the door and getting out as soon as he put the car in park. He saved his words for when they would be heard and climbed out of the truck. Joe and Cara were already pulling the tarp off, ready to unload the amazing stock the Center gifted them with.
Cara nudged Jack in the side as he got to the back. He looked up to see Mac walking up the ramp, still taking swigs from the bottle as she melted into the darkness in the back. He let out a soft sigh and looked at the other two who watched her go.
“Let her go. She deserves to be left alone for a while.” Jack reached in the back and grabbed a basket filled with carrots and onions, then walked away from them too.
Joe looked to Cara, but there was nothing more to say. She grabbed a basket and made her way to the cafeteria kitchen to stock the food away. When the truck was empty, they went back upstairs. The space was quiet, looking even more desolate than usual since being to the Center. But it was a little more welcoming now, too. Too much of anything isn’t a good thing, including people. Jack said good night to them as they went up to the third floor to go to bed, but instead of going to his room, he took a turn in the opposite direction. He knocked softly when he got
to the door, knowing it was late and you could hear a pin drop in the silence of the night. Patiently he waited, knowing she would have been asleep. When he heard some shuffling coming towards the door, he stepped back as it opened.
“Mr. Reed?” Magda said a bit confused and surprised as she yanked the belt of her robe tighter. “I’m glad to see you’re back. Is everything alright?”
“We’re ok. I mean, more than ok.” He scoffed at the notion a bit, then continued. “We have a new truck, and it was filled with fresh and dried food. Meat.”
She looked at him, pausing for a moment. Her eyes were slightly squinted at the thought, unable to believe it yet.
“How did-“ Then she stopped herself, changing approach, and stepped out of the door frame gesturing for him to come in and sit. When they were situated she started again. “What did she have to do?”
He took a breath, not quite sure what he wanted to say. He began describing the Center, its people, its way of life, and its leadership. Then he finished with how it stood now, why, and the state Evie was in. She thought on it for a moment, her hands clasped on her lap.
“I fear we have roused something we have no way of resolving in her.” She rubbed her forehead, her eyes looking up to the ceiling in an attempt to fight the moisture forming at the bottom of them.
“I know we shouldn’t feel liable, but I can’t help but hurt and feel responsible. How can we help this woman who has countlessly shown up for us for no reason, but to ensure our safety? I want to help her for once.”
Magda gave him a small knowing smile. “Sometimes, just showing up is the greatest thing we can do. Be there. Don’t try and fix her. Just be there with her and for her. She is at a place where she alone can start her healing. Or maybe it’s more of finally fighting a battle for herself. Facing what she’s been warring with head on. We can let her know she matters, and what she’s done for us matters. What it means.”
Jack thought on that for a while, and all of the things she’s shared with him, and the things he’s learned from other people close to her. He thought of the things he’s seen her do and go through. He’s seen her in so much pain, so many times. How do you reach someone who’s not willing to stop and take a breath? Is it a practice in futility or simply something you need to decide is worth it enough to keep coming back to? Even if it doesn’t seem like it can help? He started to wonder why it was so important to him. Evie had saved his life and the others, put herself out there for them over and over again. She deserved his thoughts and concerns. She was his friend.
He took a deep breath. “Just show up, huh?”
She smiled again. “I think, especially with Ms. MacNamara, that’s the first thing and best thing we need to do. For now.”
He nodded at her, letting it all soak in. Then he rose from his chair and walked towards the door. “Thanks.”
“Thank you,” she said, standing at her door again. He turned to head off to bed, but then she whispered him a question, poking her head out into the hall. “Where is she now?”
He turned back to Magda. “Doing her own thing, as usual.” He gave her a sad smile, and she nodded.
“Get some rest, Mr. Reed.”
“I will.” He gave her a wave. “Good night.”
When he got into his bed, he wondered if he should go look for Evie, or see if she was in her room. Be there. Magda’s words sounded in his head, but he decided to give her space for now and check on her in the morning. He turned on his side, staring off into his dark apartment. He could feel his body’s exhaustion, his mind’s, but he just couldn’t fall asleep. He swung his feet over the side and stood up. He grabbed his bow, and headed off to the fourth floor. He needed to be alone too, but maybe she would find her way there, or was already there, again to watch his failings, and smile. Like they’d done once before.
✽✽✽
When he woke in the morning, the sun was already high. He had gotten back to his room late and finally fell asleep after a bit more tossing and turning. His stomach growled, reminding him he hadn’t eaten since they left yesterday. He dressed and headed down to the cafeteria with the hopes of some fresh concoction from some of the new food. He passed the common room, and the kids were sitting there eating lunch. Was it that late?
As he entered the cafeteria, he saw a few people there already. Mike and Keith sat eating. Jack figured they had just woken up too having worked the night shift at the gate. Cara was talking with Nate at another table. Joe was off by the kitchen watching his meal rotating in the microwave. Jack gave them all a nod as he passed, heading for the pitcher on the counter, a large bowl of fresh salad sat half emptied next to a stack of plates. His eyes widened. He scooped some out with the large spoon sitting inside and headed for a table.
He pierced through lettuce leaves and kale, a few strips of carrots, sliced peppers, and onions stuck in the mix. When he chewed, the sudden flavor almost startled him. There was even some kind of dressing on it, and he bit down on a tiny slice of jerky hidden within. Mike saw his face and laughed.
“Yeah, seriously, right?” He held up his bowl, almost empty. “They took one of those weird relishes and cut it with something. Made a dressing.” He shoved a forkful into his mouth and got back to it. “To think I had been missing those freezer burned chicken nuggets we’d run out of half a year ago.”
“I can’t believe you guys got all this stuff. If we keep up with the garden, the fields, chickens, and get back to hunting, we can really get through, can’t we?” Keith said looking into the bottom of his bowl.
“Mac got it for us,” Jack said. His thoughts of her reached his face, casting a sad droop to his features. Cara looked over at him.
“She sure did.” She nodded her head at him, knowing why he needed to say it.
Keith let out a long breath and shook his head a little. “She is on a whole other level. I don’t know anyone else who would go out in the pitch black of the middle of the night for some shit.”
Jack chewed on his salad looking at him and Mike, who was nodding in agreement. “What do you mean?”
Mike and Keith looked at each other, and back at Jack. “When you guys got back last night, she went out for something. I mean we figured that’s why she wanted out. She just kind of stood there until we opened the gate. Then she left.”
“What?” Jack said abruptly, standing up from his seat.
The men looked at each other again, trying to figure out why Jack had that reaction.
“She left… last night, right after you guys came back. It kind of seemed normal, for her. She looked a little tired or something, but-“
Jack didn’t let Keith finish. He was out of the cafeteria, through the garage and up the ramp before any of the others knew what was happening. He raced passed Laila and Charlie as they were talking about getting more defenses on the back wall.
“Woah, woah, Jack. What’s going on?” Charlie caught up to him as he waited for Gabe to open the gate.
“Evie, she’s out there,” he shot back at him.
Laila and Charlie just looked at each other wondering why that was such a reason for panic.
Jack was trying to figure out if it was. Was this her leaving? But she didn’t have her pack, not even her gun. It was still stashed in the locked Cherokee sitting in the garage. He turned back to them realizing they didn’t know.
“She was drinking when we got back. Drunk, I’m sure. I thought she was just walking around the grounds and the Block. I didn’t think-“
“Ok, ok.” Laila put her hands on his shoulders to steady him. “We’ll go take a look with you. Just hold on.” She looked at Gabe. “We’ll be right back. When you see us coming, open it up.”
“What?” Jack looked at her like she was crazy. “We need to get out there now.”
“Jack.” Charlie put his hands out at his sides. “You don’t have any weapons on you. Not even a jacket, or water.”
Jack looked down at himself. He was in a T-shirt and jeans. His boots were on, but he d
idn’t even have his gun on him. He was ready for lunch, not for leaving the grounds. Laila and Charlie looked at each other again as Jack calmed himself a bit.
“Alright, you’re right.” He shook his head up and down, and ran a hand through his hair. He turned back to the Block, Laila and Charlie following him. Then he heard the look out, Sunny’s Dad, Mr. Tarkani, standing on the little tower they had built, looking over the brick wall. He was hollering at Gabe.
“Open the gate! She’s coming,” he said, looking down at them.
Gabe looked back at the three, Jack jogging back to the metal door waiting for him to open it. Charlie walked up to Mr. Tarkani.
“Is she…” he faded off not finishing the thought, but he knew what he meant.
“She does not look good,” he told him quietly, “but she is still here.”
Before Charlie could respond, there was a bang on the sheet metal of the gate. He nodded, then turned to Gabe. “Open it up.”
Gabe gave him a worried glance, but did as he was told. Jack moved over to the side that was opening, peeking through, too impatient to wait. After two feet worth of metal slid by, he stood in the opening. She stood waiting on the other side. She was swaying slightly, filthy head to toe. Her hands were both covered in the black sludge of rotten blood. Was she going after wanderers in the fucking pitch black last night? Her pant legs and face had smudges across them where she had half heartedly wiped her hands at some point. Her long, unraveling braid blew to the side a bit in the spring breeze. The black bottom half contrasted with the honey colored roots on the top of her head.
He realized how lucky she was between the booze and cold night that she hadn’t passed out somewhere and gotten hyperthermia. It may technically be spring at this point, but you could still get it if it dropped into the fifties, which he was pretty sure it did. He realized he was even cold now just standing there in his T-shirt, and she was out all night in one, but he couldn’t get himself to move just yet.
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