Riley lifted her chin and met her eyes. “Hey. No crying.”
“I almost lost you.”
“But you didn’t.”
“Because you’re so tough?”
“Well…yeah.” He proceeded to help her off with her jeans and top, then kicked off his boots and pants.
Too bad she didn’t believe that his strength alone could save him from getting hurt on the job. Risk was everywhere for a police officer. At least he was no longer in a war zone, but the past couple of weeks had proved that danger seemed to follow Riley Jacobs.
But when Riley gently pushed her back onto the bed, Sophia blocked the world out.
If only she could live right here in their own universe forever, where the only thing that mattered was how much they loved each other. Where the only truth was how perfect they’d been together from the moment they’d first danced to no music at Henry’s long ago. Right now all she wanted was to kiss every fear away, put it to bed, and let it rest for a while. Riley was right. She hadn’t lost him, and the important thing was to remove all possibility of it ever happening again.
Before Riley could take control, Sophia slid down the length of his body, taking care not to hurt his ribs, and took him in her mouth. He groaned as she continued to rhythmically suck until she felt every muscle in his body tense tight as a cord about to break.
“Let go, baby. Just let go.”
She went down on him again, but minutes later Riley pulled her up and hands on her hips, he lifted her to him and plunged deep inside. Her muscles tensed immediately and she gasped, the pressure building rapidly as Riley rocked into her. The pulsing sensations drew her in and she clutched tight to him as her body nearly split in two.
* * *
Sophia cried out his name as she shuddered and came, and that was it for him. She was it for him. Always had been, from the moment she’d first said his name with such pleasure and he realized he never wanted any other name to come out of her lips again. He followed her with his own release, the pleasure so intense he forgot all pain.
Hell, he’d missed this. Her. He was married to a wild woman.
Two weeks was way too long to be without his Sophia fix. Without her lying next to him, under him, on top of him. That last one might be his favorite.
Today went a long way to relieve the sense he’d had lately that she’d pulled away from him. While he’d been at the hospital, they’d been no more bed climbing. She’d been the dutiful wife, sure, but she walked in to his room and got busy arranging his covers, fluffing his pillow, reading the cards on all the flowers he’d received. Often not meeting his eyes. The accident had terrified her, he understood. But she was stronger than she realized.
He tucked her in beside him and felt her relax and mold her body to his. For several minutes neither one of them could speak.
“I was talking to Wallace the other day,” Sophia finally said.
“Yeah? How’s he doing?”
“So good. Business is booming. He can hardly keep up with all the work. And of course, with all the children now he has less time to work so he’s thinking about hiring a general manager to take some of the load off.”
“That’s great, baby.” He kissed her shoulder. “I’m happy for him and Gen.”
“Me too. And even better, he thought maybe you’d like the job.” She propped her chin on his chest and gazed at him, practically batting her eyelashes.
Riley froze. “Why would I want the job?”
“Just listen for a minute. It’s a good job. Wallace doesn’t skimp on his employees. He’s generous. To a fault.”
“I have a job.” Granted, he’d likely be paid better with Wallace but that wasn’t the point. He’d finally landed somewhere he could make a difference.
“A dangerous job.”
“It’s not a dangerous job. I’m the chief of police in a small town and spend a lot of my time behind a desk.”
“You just got run over!”
“By my sister’s ex. That was personal. It had nothing to do with my job.”
“But there are bad people everywhere! What if you make a decision they don’t agree with? And you’re still doing patrol. How many nuts own a gun?”
So they were finally getting right down to it. At least she was no longer skirting the issue, avoiding his eyes and his arms. Still, it hurt like hell to think she couldn’t accept him completely. He told himself it was because of her abandonment fears, going back all the way to her mother. But it didn’t help the bile rising in his gut. He could change his profession a thousand times.
He couldn’t change who he was.
Deep inside, he’d believed she loved the man he was, warts and all. But maybe he’d been kidding himself all along. Just because he loved her so completely didn’t mean the feeling would be mutual.
“I’m not working for Wallace.” He rolled out of bed, ignoring the pain that caused, and started shoving his pants on.
“Do you have to be so stubborn? Why won’t you even think about it?”
“There’s nothing to think about. I have a job, and I love my job.”
“Don’t go,” she said. “Let’s talk about this.”
He picked his shirt off the floor by the bed where it had landed. “Nothing to talk about. I can’t change who I am, not even for you.”
“But I’m not asking you—”
He squatted next to her, pants on, shirt still off. “You have to take the good with the bad. That’s love.”
“And I do love you…” her voice trailed off, and she reached for him, burying her face in his neck.
This is where he had a heart attack, and his heart did seem to literally stop beating for a split second. He heard her sentence trail off, incomplete. “But?”
“I can’t do this.” That small voice whimpering near his ear broke away the last slice of hope. “I’m so sorry.”
His heart seemed to slide right out of his body. Again, he’d asked too much of her but even now he couldn’t hate her. Couldn’t be angry or blame her. He simply let her cling to him a few more minutes and held her tight.
“That’s okay. It’s okay, baby.” He brushed away her tears and let her cry and cling to him one last time.
He was such a damned good liar. It wasn’t okay and it never would be, but he’d learn to live with it. Somehow.
Because he and Sophia were done.
* * *
How are you doing?
Oh hey, dude. What’s up?
Not much. Good thing Lyric couldn’t see Sophia right now, sitting at her keyboard, raccoon mascara streaks lining her eyes and a Rudolph-red nose. Two days after her break-up with Riley, she was still a bit of a hot mess.
I got an A on my English paper! It was an essay on social media and its effect on personal relationships.
I’d like to read it sometime.
I think I’d like to be a journalist. Media can shape and change the world. Don’t you think?
Sure do.
Hey, how are you and your husband doing? Hot Guy?
Sophia typed a sad face emoticon. We broke up.
No way! For real?
I don’t want to talk about it. Actually, I have something in the oven. I’ll check back with you later.
TTYL!
She had nothing in the oven because she had no appetite. Today marked the third day she’d called in sick to work, a record. Daddy-o had said he’d cover and despite how Angie might feel about that, Sophia couldn’t seem to muster up enough energy to care. Anyway, she’d be back to the restaurant tomorrow and throw herself into her work. From now on, the restaurant and her friends would be all she had. All she’d need.
She needed a break from love. Her signed divorce papers still sat in the same desk drawer and she realized she’d eventually have to give them to Riley again. For now they weren’t going anywhere. She was avoiding him, and he was avoiding her.
She’d heard from Diana that Riley had wanted to honor the two teen boys who had saved his life with a
ceremony at city hall. They were getting some kind of distinctive medal from the city that the mayor had created. Something about Future Community Leaders. Sophia felt like she should be there to personally thank them because, whether or not Riley would be her husband, he would never stop being the man she loved. Her first love, her one and only. Too bad he was so stubborn. She couldn’t stop thinking about the night he’d been run off the road and reliving how she’d felt when she thought she might lose him forever.
The thought brought on a fresh new wail of sobs. Hershee jumped on Sophia’s lap and started whining. For the first time she was ignoring her dog. All she’d done the past few days was sleep, surf the internet and cry. Not necessarily in that order.
Her doorbell rang and Hershee skittered off her lap and marched to the door to do her duty. She yipped and twirled, in case Sophia had missed the doorbell. She glanced at the time. Ten o’clock at night, and she worried it was Riley. That wouldn’t do. If he caught her now, in a moment of weakness, she’d bounce right back into his arms and beg him to take her back. But she couldn’t do that. He wouldn’t quit his job and she couldn’t bear for him to be hurt again. So they were at an impasse.
It wasn’t Riley, but her friends Lizzie and Angie, holding a bag.
Sophia opened the door and let them inside. “I hope everything was all right tonight with my Dad.”
“Now you care.” Angie pouted, whisking past Sophia to the kitchen.
“Hey, I’m sorry. I’m sick.” She sniffed and blew her nose.
“Yes, you are.” Lizzie frowned, and one hand on Sophia’s back, pretty much shoved her to the couch. “Sit down, boss.”
“Why? What happened? Did someone quit tonight because of my father?”
“No,” Lizzie said. “But I might quit because of you.”
“Why? What did I do?”
“I don’t believe in working for anyone who’s crazier than I am. It’s like a thing with me.”
“Who’s crazy?”
“You are if you think you’re doing the right thing by breaking it off with Riley.”
Sophia sighed.
Angie, who’d been banging around in the kitchen, strode in with plates and a big slice of cake. “Did you really think we wouldn’t find out?”
“I was going to tell you, but I haven’t wanted to talk about it. Anyway, I’ve got some good news for you, so I’m glad you both stopped by. We’re not closing on Mondays.”
“Really?” Angie gave a huge smile. Lizzie elbowed her and the smile slipped off Angie’s face. “Oh. But why?”
“Why should we close? We can work something out. You were right, Angie!” It was always best to stay busy. Together they’d find a way to drag people in on Monday night, even if they had to give away food.
“I was?” Angie said.
Another elbow from Lizzie. “No. You weren’t. Neither one of you are right about this. Stop using the restaurant as a reason to hide. You work enough. We all do.”
“Maybe I’d like to work more. I’m going to keep busy working and going back to school. And sleeping. Lots and lots of sleeping.” She glanced at Hershee, propped on her perch on the couch licking her paw and observing them all with a sense of worrisome entitlement. “I might even take Hershee to obedience school.”
“Your dad is worried,” Angie said. “And you know how I hate for pseudo-Frank Sinatra to be worried.”
The one person she’d told about the break-up was Eileen. Realistically, Sophia realized Eileen would tell Daddy-o and it’s not like she’d asked her to keep it a secret. Sophia had called Eileen that same night and wailed and sobbed over the phone. She’d come over and stayed with Sophia all night long.
“He said we should come over and try to stop you from making the biggest mistake of your life,” Lizzie said. “And I happen to agree with him.”
“Again, how many times have you been married? Either one of you?”
Lizzie rolled her eyes. “I don’t need to be married to know what it’s like to love someone so much it hurts.”
“You?”
“Yes, me.” Lizzie pointed to her chest. “But we’re not talking about me. We’re talking about you.”
“You!” Angie cut a slice of the cake.
Great. Sophia was surrounded by the Love Squad. “I know what you’re trying to do, guys, and it won’t work. He did this once before. Signed up, volunteered, for another deployment! I begged him not to go and he did it anyway.”
“Sounds fearless. Kinda sexy.”
“Stop it, you! It is definitely not sexy. It’s dangerous and he’s one stubborn son of a gun! And guess what? We’re right back where we started, with the reason we broke up in the first place. Because he’s one stubborn son of a gun!”
“Look at you! Do you even realize how ridiculous you sound? He’s the chief of police in Grape Town. When were you ever this worried about Bert?”
But Bert wasn’t her husband. He was also nothing like Riley, who seemed to invite danger. His whole attitude was I-dare-you-to-mess-with-me, while Bert was a kind and complacent man who handed out speeding tickets along with an invitation to supper with his family.
“Look! I don’t expect you to understand, but something happened when I saw him lying on that hospital gurney. And I can’t go through that again.”
“Here,” Angie said, handing Sophia a plate. “Eat and feel better.”
Lizzie sat next to Sophia. “I can’t blame you because you’ve been through a lot lately and I get it. But you’re acting like someone scrambled your brains. You can’t expect Riley to drop his job and go to work for Wallace because that would make you feel better. Are you really going to be ‘that girl’?”
“That’s awful.” Angie shook her head. “Don’t be like that, honey.”
“But I don’t want anyone to hurt him.”
“And yet you did,” Angie said.
Oh, God she had. She’d hurt him and maybe made him think she only loved him with conditions. Which was so totally not true. She had only one condition: he had to stay alive.
“What happened to the girl who went with me to my ex’s wedding—may he choke on a cannoli—and told the bride she had a hair on her chin when she asked me whether I’d gained thirty pounds?” Angie asked.
“You’re braver than you know!” Lizzie said.
“Or stupid.”
“I can’t let you do this for one other extremely important reason,” Lizzie said. “Your New Year’s resolution.”
Oh no, not that come back to haunt her.
“I’ve lost five pounds,” Angie said. “My resolution was to lose weight.”
“And I was going to get my comedy routine down and go to open mike night,” Lizzie said. “I’m going next month. I think I’m ready.”
“I was going to stop being stuck and move forward. No more fear,” Sophia said slowly.
It also hadn’t escaped her that today was Valentine’s Day. She could have been with Riley today, but so far she’d spent the day with her dog and a bunch of strangers on Facebook and Twitter.
“Listen,” Lizzie said, “You’re making a choice as to whether you’ll be with a man who doesn’t shy away from conflict. Who doesn’t retreat when he sees trouble. Who might, maybe, someday in the far off future get himself hurt again. That’s your only decision. Because loving him? I don’t think you have that choice.”
23
On Friday, Sophia came to dinner alone.
Of course, she wasn’t really alone at dinner, not at Eileen and Daddy-o’s house. But Riley wasn’t with her, and he would have been had he taken the job with Wallace. He’d be sitting right next to her at the dining table, maybe squeezing her hand. Not only were Wallace, Genevieve, Billy, Brooke, Scott and all the children at dinner but so was Diana. She’d been taken off bed rest and all evening she’d been acting like a woman who’d been sprung from her jail cell.
“My mom was driving me nuts! If I heard one more horror story about women giving birth too early in toilet bowl
s I was going to take away her mom card.”
Sophia winced. “Why would she tell you that?”
“When I was little she used fear to control me. And apparently nothing much has changed. Even as a thirty-six-year-old grown woman she thinks that will still work.”
“Did it keep you in bed?”
“Well…yeah. But it wasn’t because of the stories. I wanted to get away from her.”
“Whatever works.” Sophia sighed.
At least no one talked about Riley. If they wondered why he wasn’t here tonight, at least they’d been kind enough not to ask for more details. Sophia felt fairly sure Eileen had informed everyone that she and Riley were ‘off’ again.
“Auntie Fia,” Chloe spoke up from between Scott and Diana. “Where’s Uncle Riley?”
Spoke too soon. “He’s probably working.”
“He works hard,” Diana explained.
“He the powice shief!” Courtney said.
“And a damn good one, too,” Scott said.
“Scott…” Diana said in a sing-song voice.
He cleared his throat. “A gosh darned good one, I mean.”
After everyone had their fill of Eileen’s pot roast and mashed potatoes, the large group dispersed. The smaller kids ran out on to the plush green rolling lawn to kick around a ball with Scott, Hershee at their heels. The older boys were playing catch with Billy. Wallace instructed his oldest son on something or the other and patted his shoulder. Gen was inside with her daughters talking with Brooke and her daughter about some strange new hairstyle they were trying to copy.
Was it possible to feel old at twenty-nine? Sophia was out of the loop on so much. If it didn’t happen on social media, she wasn’t sure it happened. And yet, right here there was so much life. Her online friendships and ‘dating’ had been about somehow being part of the world but not in it. Safer that way.
Sophia followed Diana out to the balcony overlooking the backyard. While Diana sat in a chaise lounge and watched her girls play, Sophia leaned on the porch rail.
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