Eventually the pattern of Fallon’s breathing shifted and became slow and regular. He nudged her slightly. “Fallon.”
Nothing.
“Babe.”
Still nothing. Funny. She couldn’t keep her eyes open while he wasn’t sure his would ever shut again. He rose with her in his arms and carried her slowly up the steps. She moved, nuzzling his neck and mumbling his name.
“We’re going to bed. To sleep.” He wasn’t sure if he’d said that out loud for his sake, or hers.
He laid her on the bed and covered her with a blanket. She said his name again.
“Yeah. I’m here.” He unbuttoned his shirt and slung it on a hanger nearby. Tossed his pants and slipped under the covers next to her.
She rolled towards him and murmured two words quite clearly: “Hold me.”
But he’d already reached for her even before she’d asked. “All night long. And then in the morning I’ll bring you coffee. With cream.”
One last time.
18
Fallon always woke early when David spent the night. Call it mother’s intuition. She usually managed to wake before he did. Even so, when she heard the shower going and noted Jack’s absence next to her, she assumed he’d beat her to the shower again. There was no cup of coffee on the nightstand, possibly because it hadn’t been made. Good. Call her crazy sentimental, but if Jack brought her a cup of coffee this morning she might burst into tears and embarrass them both. She threw off the covers, remembering all too well that she’d fallen asleep last night listening to the steady beat of Jack’s strong heart. Several times during the night her eyes had drifted open to find one arm slung over her. He slept soundly but still held her because he always kept his promises. Too well.
Fallon peeked in on David snuggled in bed. She made her way downstairs to the empty kitchen and started the coffee. When Mom padded into the kitchen a few minutes later, Fallon was searching for the mixing bowl.
“What are you looking for?” Mom asked.
“I want to make pancakes for David.”
“Here.” Mom reached in a cupboard and set a large bowl on the counter. “Where’s Bud? He’s always up before you are.”
“He’s in the shower. I’m sure he’ll be down in a few minutes.”
“I’ll want to say goodbye. He’s a wonderful man, that one. I wish he’d stay for Christmas.”
“He has to work.” Fallon added the flour, milk and cracked an egg.
“Shame.” Mom grabbed a mug and poured some coffee. “Christmas is a time for family.”
Fallon took a deep breath and stopped stirring. “I want to talk to you before David gets up.”
“What about?”
“I know I’ve made a lot of mistakes in the past, but haven’t I been a good mother to David?”
“Of course! What on earth does that have to do—”
Fallon held up her hand. “Whatever you think about my personal life is one thing but please don’t say it in front of David. He needs to hear good things about me, especially from you.”
There was a long beat of silence as Mom sipped her coffee.
“You’re right,” Mom said, meeting Fallon’s gaze. “After your father died, maybe I was too tough on you. I’ll try and do better.”
“That’s all I can ask.”
“But David loves you and there’s nothing in the world anyone could say to change that.”
David ran into the kitchen two minutes later. “Pancakes? Yay! Dad says whenever I’m with you guys I don’t eat right so I have to eat all kinds of disgusting vegetables at his house. I love being here!”
Mom scowled. “Let me tell you something, dear, pancakes are not exactly junk food. And your mother is a wonderful cook.”
Fallon gave her mother a grateful smile. She kissed David’s cheek and served him a short stack.
“Can we go Christmas shopping today?” David asked between bites. “I didn’t get you or grandma anything.”
Fallon and Mom exchanged a look. Fallon had always helped David pick a present for his father. In years past, Ted had done the same. “Your Dad didn’t take you shopping for us?”
David shook his head.
Perfect. Exactly what she’d wanted to do four days before Christmas. “Okay, we’ll get ready and go after we finish eating.”
“I’ll take him,” Mom said. “That way he can surprise you.”
“We’ll all go and he can take turns surprising us both,” Fallon said. “But I need to stop by the Curl Up and Dye.”
“Morning.” Jack strode in the kitchen, came up behind Fallon and kissed her neck. He helped himself to a cup of coffee as if he’d lived here all his life and then ruffled David’s hair. “Hey, kiddo.”
David tipped his head back and smiled, a mouthful of pancakes in his mouth.
“Excuse me. I need to get out of this housecoat.” Mom pointed to Jack. “Now don’t you leave without saying goodbye.”
“No ma’am.” He sat across from David. “Is it okay if I have some of your pancakes?”
David shook his head and giggled.
“C’mon. It’s Christmas.”
David shook his head double-time.
Fallon set a plate in front of Jack. “You can have some of your own.”
“Sweet.”
For the next few minutes, Fallon endured pure torture. Her womb contracted at the sight of Jack teasing her son and racing to see who could finish first. Worse, she had to pretend this was business as usual when it would all be over forever in a matter of minutes. She didn’t know how much more of this her weak heart could take. It seemed so easy for Jack to walk away. He might never see her again and he seemed okay with that. She wasn’t but she would learn to be. Whether he had a plan for his life, whether or not he was the right man for her, none of it mattered any longer. She’d managed to fall in love with him. And what good timing on her part to love someone for the first time in her life enough to let him go. The first man she shouldn’t let go at all.
Well. No one had ever accused her of good timing. Her timing when it came to romantic love more or less sucked.
Appetite non-existent, Fallon cleaned up the dishes.
“Mom, can I go play video games for a while?”
“Twenty minutes. Then we have to get ready to go shopping.”
David dashed off, probably unwilling to waste any one of those precious minutes. Jack brought their plates to the sink.
“You okay?” He looped his arms around her waist from behind and pulled her close.
“Of course. I have so much to do today. I didn’t plan on the Christmas shopping.” She stiffened her spine and didn’t lean in to him as she normally might. Her hands were wet and sudsy, after all.
Not taking the hint, he nuzzled her neck. “You’re going to be alright.”
“I know.” Let him think that. She would be eventually because she was nothing if not a survivor.
“Good.” He took a step back, his voice curt. “So how do you want to do this?”
She dried her hands with a dish towel and turned to him. “Do what?”
“Act four.” He met her gaze, his eyes unreadable again. “Say goodbye.”
Of course. Now they were going to have to figure out how to say goodbye. As if she needed one more thing dumped on her plate today. Saying ‘so long’ to the love of her life would have to fit between cleaning up the kitchen and last minute Christmas shopping.
“I think we should…keep pretending.” Just like she would pretend that her heart wasn’t breaking.
“Right.” He stuffed hands in his pockets. “Like we’re going to see each other again soon. Not a big goodbye.”
She wouldn’t look at him. “That’s the only goodbye I want.”
“A fake one.”
“Why not? We’ve been faking all along.” She moved past him, heading upstairs to get dressed.
He didn’t follow.
* * *
Jack had been tasked with locking up. He stood and w
aved to Beverly, David, and Fallon as all three prepared to drive off in Beverly’s sedan. Fallon had her attention riveted to the road and wouldn’t look at him again, after the ‘fake’ goodbye. It had involved a frozen smile from her, a short peck on the lips, and a promise to see him back in L.A.
We’ve been faking all along.
The words stung. He hadn’t been pretending for some time. If he were being honest with himself, he hadn’t been from the moment she’d turned around and come back to the auto shop rather than fly home on his dime. Maybe he’d fooled himself into thinking that she felt the way he did. That despite their circumstances and timing being off from the beginning, they had something. Something pretty special. Something rare.
Eventually Jack couldn’t avoid it any longer. Because he wasn’t the type to leave anything undone, he oiled the door hinges of the bedroom where he’d spent the two most erotic nights of his life. Except he wasn’t going to think about that now. He went downstairs to make sure the bathroom sink still drained and the back screen door still shut. For good measure, even though he hadn’t been asked, he tried every lock in the house to make sure that it worked. Fallon would likely be living here with her mother until she found a place of her own in town. Safe small town or not, no sense in not having a house protected from all the elements.
Then there was nothing left to do but leave.
He slid two more presents under the tree. One for David (baseball cards) and another for Beverly. He grabbed his bag and the present from Fallon. He’d never promised he wouldn’t open it until he got to Oregon, so he sat at the kitchen table alone and tore into the candy cane wrapping paper. He took out a model of a red Mustang convertible. She’d cut out the shape of the two of them from one of the photos he’d taken and taped it behind the driver’s wheel of the car. Outside, there was a typed label which read: Road Trip on Pacific Coast Highway, ‘The One.’ There was a card with the present, too, and Fallon had written him a note.
Thank you for the best Christmas ever. You’re a good man, Jack, no matter where you land or what you do for a living. Don’t worry about your family. They will understand and support your decision. I know you won’t believe this, but it’s going to be hard for me to stay here without you. You make this place feel like home again, and I know that makes no sense at all. It’s my home. If you’re ever in Starlight Hill again, you know where to find me.
Love,
Fallon
Jack took a deep breath and slipped the card back in the envelope. Rubbed his chest, which ached again. He hoped he wasn’t getting the flu. Or having a heart attack. This card didn’t change anything, of course, as she hadn’t expected him to open his present until he was in Oregon. She wanted him to go. He locked the house and put the key under a rock as he’d been instructed to do. That pissed him off, but he did it anyway since they both promised it wasn’t a normal occurrence to leave a spare key where anyone could find it. Outside, he opened the car trunk and threw his bag in the back. The present he put in the passenger seat next to him along with the card.
He hung a left on Main Street and headed through town on his way to the freeway. A long drive lay ahead of him if he wanted to make it to Oregon before Christmas Eve. His parents and brother were expecting him. There would be roasted pork on Christmas Day and Spanish rice. Flan for dessert. Fallon was right, and they’d all eventually understand why he’d quit homicide and accept his decision to move on. They loved him, and supported all of his decisions, even the ones he hadn’t yet made. He only wished he felt as confident about what lay ahead for Fallon. She hadn’t had the support she’d needed, and he could see it had led to some bad decisions on her part in the past. But it couldn’t be just him who saw inside to the heart of the woman who loved her family. Her friends.
He’d only driven a few blocks before he pulled over in front of Brooke’s Wine Tasting Room to take another look at the Christmas card Fallon had given him. Read it again. Twice.
Love, Fallon.
Did she mean it? Could you love someone after having known them for only two weeks? He would have never thought so before meeting Fallon McQueen. But then again, most people didn’t experience as much as the two of them had since first meeting. An attempted crime in progress, a road trip on the Pacific Coast Highway, an accident with several Christmas trees, a small town America tree lighting and parade, two erotic nights that would forever headline his wildest fantasies, and pretending to be in love while…actually falling. Because dammit, that’s exactly what he’d done.
He’d fallen for her. Hard.
Someone in a car behind him honked and stopped next to him, the window rolled down. “Hey, Bud! You need any help there? Car okay?” Hank again, who seemed obsessed with the Mustang.
“I’m good,” he called out and pulled back on to the street.
The car was good. Him, not so much. He seemed a little bit lost and a whole lot confused. Sort of helpless and weak, his two least favorite words in the English language. Vulnerable. There was another word he hated. As a detective he always dealt in facts and there were a few obvious ones he couldn’t run away from. He found Fallon beautiful and kind and he didn’t care what anyone else thought of her. She smelled like sunshine and tasted so damned sweet. She was loyal to her friends and a good mother to her son. She’d done nothing to deserve the way some treated her despite her past mistakes. And she’d found the courage to come home despite all that. Speaking of difficult pasts, he wasn’t exactly a prince, but he had a feeling she saw him that way. Which was only one of the many things he loved about her.
Damn it.
If she was serious about loving him, it meant she’d take him warts and all. No plan or just a basic life plan. He hoped that loving her the way he did would make him the right man for her one way or another. Jack turned the Mustang around and headed back to town.
Someone else he recognized from the parade called out, “Hiya, Bud!”
Sooner or later, if he would stay in this town the way he wanted to, and create a life here with Fallon and David, he’d get people to stop calling him ‘Bud.’ For now, it was a small price to pay. He pulled in front of the empty salon shop she wanted to lease and renovate. She would need some help with that. He could pound nails for his brother up in Oregon, or he could pound them right here for the woman who turned him inside out and upside down until damned if he wasn’t right side up again.
There. He had a plan.
He rapped on the door with a sign that read ‘Closed, Please Come Back Later.’ Yeah, not a chance. The time was here. Now.
She opened the door. “What’s wrong?”
Her eyes were red rimmed which hit him hard.
“Did you mean it?” He held up the card.
“You weren’t supposed to open it…” She glanced at the ground and then met his eyes. “Yes. It’s crazy, I know, but—”
“But we already established we’re doing crazy.”
“From the moment we met, wouldn’t you say?” Her hands fluttered in front of her. “I’m sorry to put that weight on you. I had to be honest. But I don’t want you to…to feel like you need to return my feelings. I didn’t plan on this happening. I didn’t plan on fake becoming so real.”
He pulled her into his arms. “Babe, it’s safe to say neither one of us planned this. We only wanted to fool a few people but the joke was on us.”
“Don’t feel like you have to—”
“Fallon, the point is I haven’t really felt anything for a long time. Until you.” He kissed the palm of her hand. “You were right. I’m a cop and eventually I’ll go back to being what I am. I love the helping people part. I don’t necessarily enjoy all the other stuff, so maybe being a small town cop is who I am.”
Her eyes were watery. “You don’t have to stay here because of me. Not just because it’s going to be hard for me to be here…without you.”
“I don’t have to. I want to. Babe, I have a new plan and it’s you. You and David. If you’ll have me.” He tugged he
r in tighter. “I know this all started out as a lie, but somewhere it became real to me, too. And I’m never letting go.”
He kissed her with a fierceness that matched the way she made him feel inside. She loved him even when he didn’t have a plan. When he couldn’t offer her all the security and safety that he wanted to. Someday. He’d work on that because she was everything he’d ever wanted or needed. The rest would all fall into place. The rest would be easy.
“I love you so much, Jack.”
“That’s good because I love you, too.”
She gave him one of her heart-stopping smiles. “I guess we really are crazy.”
“Speak for yourself. The only crazy I am is crazy for you.”
“Fair warning, but I told Mom the whole truth. That your name isn’t Bud but Jack and that we haven’t known each other for six months. I was rather vague on how long I’ve known you. Baby steps.”
“What did she say?”
“There was some eye-rolling involved. She’ll be okay. It helps that she really likes you.”
“Well. I took care of her Honey-Do list.” He nuzzled her neck. “We’ll take it slow from here on out.”
“We sure can’t take it any faster. Can you stay for Christmas?”
“Try and stop me.”
“But what’s your family going to say?”
“When I tell them I’m not coming because I’m spending Christmas with the beautiful woman that drove up the coast with me? The woman I want to spend the rest of my life with?” He chuckled.
“I bet they say: well, hell, son, it’s about freaking time!”
Epilogue
Christmas Eve, one year later
THE STARLIGHT HILL COMPLETE COLLECTION: 1-8 Page 126