“Gods, I’ve never seen an insect this size,” he muttered. Looking up from the sheep-sized beetle to Rafe he asked, “And you say the two of you found it on a planet where everything was on this scale?”
“Almost everything.” Rafe ran a hand through his hair tiredly. “I’ll put it all in my report. But at this moment, I am weary, Commander. Weary beyond anything I have ever felt before. May I be debriefed later? Right now I just want to rest.”
“Of course.” Sylvan’s pale blue eyes softened. “But this is most irregular—both the report of where you’ve been and the fact that you’ve been gone over a standard solar week and yet somehow came back only a few minutes after you left. There is much I don’t understand.”
“That makes two of us,” Rafe growled wearily. “Thank you, Commander—with your permission I’m going to my quarters. I’ll speak to you later.”
Then he left the ship and the Docking Bay, walking fast despite his weariness to try and put what had happened with Whitney behind him. He walked faster and faster until at last he was almost jogging.
But try as he might, he couldn’t outrun the pain.
* * * * *
Whitney almost ran headlong into Kat and Sophie and Liv as they charged down the hallway leading to the Docking Bay.
“Here she is!” Kat exclaimed, gripping her by the shoulders. “I told you we wouldn’t miss her, girls!”
“We…we came running as soon as Sylvan bespoke me and told me…told me he was sending you out early,” Sophie exclaimed, puffing for breath between the words. “Wow—that’s a pretty dress,” she added, looking Kat up and down. “Where’s your lab coat?”
“We wanted to tell you goodbye and good luck—and to make it back before the Halloween party,” Kat added. “There’s going to be a karaoke machine you know—I got it just for you.”
“I’m so glad we were in time,” Liv added, smiling at her. “We got to you just before you and your Protector blasted off!”
“What?” Whitney stared at the three of them. “What are you talking about? Rafe and I already left and came back. Hell, we were gone over a week and got taken prisoner and held in cages as pets. Then we escaped and came back here—but not without a whole hell of a lot of trouble.”
“What?” Kat stared at her blankly. “What are you saying, doll? If you don’t mind me saying so, that sounds like crazy talk.”
“It felt even crazier to live through it,” Whitney assured them. Suddenly the words came pouring out of her and she couldn’t stop them. “We were held by these huge blue elephant-looking aliens called Tuskers and Rafe and I were put into a kind of pet show. Then Mama Tusker—the one who captured us—gave me a special food that made me, uh, kind of crazy. And after that Rafe had to…we, uh…we kind of bonded and oh, Liv,” she said, turning to the blonde woman who was looking at her anxiously. “I’m so afraid I’m pregnant—can you please give me a test? Right now? Right away?”
Then she broke down crying and her knees buckled as she sank to the ground with her three friends surrounding her anxiously.
“When will we know?” Whitney looked at the tiny machine which looked a little like a miniature coffee-pot sitting on the counter in Liv’s office. She had cried herself out and now she only felt a cold sense of anticipation—a feeling of being resigned to knowing the news, no matter what it was.
Kat and Sophie had tried to talk her out of taking the pregnancy test right away but Liv had overruled them both.
“She needs to know and I’m going to help her find out,” she’d said firmly. As a former nurse and now currently a doctor, her word carried more weight and they all trooped over to her office as soon as Whitney had been able to stand.
Liv had drawn a vial of blood and placed it into the little machine on her desk. Now they were all just sitting around, waiting for the news.
It only took five minutes but Whitney felt they were the longest five minutes of her life. Finally, after it seemed like an ice age had past, the machine made a soft chiming sound and something fell out of its slot.
Then something else fell out. And then again.
“Oh my!” Sophie exclaimed, as Liv caught the machine’s results and cupped them in her hands. “One…two…three blue flowers.”
Kat looked at her, eyes wide with sympathy.
“Three little boys. Well, you’re going to be busy, doll, I can promise you that.”
“Three?” Whitney couldn’t believe her ears. “Did you really say three?”
“Well, yes—but so far they’re all healthy,” Liv offered as she handed Whitney the three perfect blue flowers. “But you say Rafe is the father? It’s very unusual for a Beast Kindred to father triplets—that only usually happens when you’re bonded to Twin Kindred like Kat is.”
Whitney’s head was spinning. “It must have been the special food,” she muttered, staring down at the flowers. “It seemed to cause the tweedles to conceive multiple babies—it must have done the same thing to me.” She rubbed her temples. “God, what am I going to do? I was prepared to raise one baby on my own but three…”
“Wait a minute—tweedles?” Liv asked, frowning.
“And why would you raise the babies on your own?” Sophie demanded. “I thought you told us you were bonded to Rafe?”
“I am—but he doesn’t want me.” Whitney’s voice wavered and the three blue flowers grew fuzzy as her vision blurred. “He…he said he’s going to try to find a way to break our bond. Something about a machine made by the Scourge—”
“What?” Kat demanded. “Let me tell you, doll—I went through that with my guys and it’s horribly painful. You can’t seriously be considering it!”
“I don’t know what I’m considering,” Whitney whispered. “I only know he doesn’t want me. And now I have three babies to raise on my own and what am I going to do?”
Then she broke down crying again and this time she couldn’t seem to stop.
Chapter Thirty-six
“I’m glad you’re coming to the party tonight,” Kat said, smiling at her in the 3-D viewer they were sharing as they got ready to go. Her two husbands, Deep and Lock, had taken their three boys out trick-or-treating up and down the halls of the Mother Ship, leaving Kat time to get ready for the big party.
“I thought it was a good way to say goodbye to the Mother Ship.” Whitney sniffed and dabbed at her eye-make up. Rather than going as a cat, as she had first planned, she had traded costumes with Kat and was wearing a Cleopatra outfit instead. It came complete with a golden asp headpiece, a flowing white gown, sandals that laced up to her knees, and elaborate make-up. Which she was not going to cry off, she swore to herself. No matter how crazy the pregnancy hormones were making her.
“Wait…what? Say goodbye to the Mother Ship? What are you talking about?” Kat gave her a startled look in the mirror as she adjusted her own cat makeup. “Where are you going?”
“Kat…” Whitney sighed and put a hand on her friend’s arm. “You and Liv and Sophie are wonderful and I love being here but I can’t raise three babies on my own! I mean, you have two husbands to help you and still you’re always telling me what a handful three is.”
“But the Mother Ship is a great place for single mothers!” Kat protested. “We have free health care, free daycare, paid maternity leave for the whole first year—”
“Yes, but what you don’t have is my mom and my sisters and my Grannie,” Whitney interrupted her. “I’m going to need all the support my family can give me to get through this.”
“But…what about your job?” Kat protested. “You love being part of the BEGI—Sylvan recruited you specially.”
Whitney sighed. “Yeah, I’m going to miss it,” she admitted. “But there’s just no way I can stay here and keep going on dangerous missions when I’m raising three babies all by myself.”
Kat frowned and put a hand on her hip.
“I don’t think you’d have to raise them by yourself if you’d just tell that big stupid Beast Kindred of y
ours about them! I mean it, Whitney—tell Rafe you’re pregnant times three and he’ll come running back in a heartbeat.”
“Which is exactly what I don’t want,” Whitney exclaimed. “I don’t want him coming back because he feels obligated.”
“Well he is obligated!” Kat said indignantly. “He had a little something to do with putting those buns in your oven too—you didn’t get preggers all by yourself!”
Whitney sighed. “I know but he didn’t want to bond me to him in the first place. He only did it because the special food Mama Tusker had given me was going to kill me if he didn’t, uh, you know, service me.” She had picked up that much through their bond—it made her a little less angry at Rafe for bonding her to him when he really didn’t want to—though no less sad.
“Too bad—it was still his sperm that made those babies,” Kat said stubbornly. “And if he tells you he didn’t enjoy the act of bonding, that’s a big fat lie. Bonding sex is the best sex going so it’s not like he didn’t have some fun. It’s like the two of you enjoyed a really expensive fancy dinner and now he’s sticking you with the entire bill!”
Whitney shook her head. “It’s not like that.”
“Oh no?” Kat put a hand on her ample hip. “What’s it like then?”
“I…can’t explain it.” Whitney couldn’t even explain it to herself, let alone her friend. How could it be that she felt such intense love coming from Rafe’s side of their bond, and yet such intense regret at the same time?
It wasn’t just that he had broken his oath as a Protector, either. She had inquired discretely of Sylvan and found out this wasn’t the first time a Protector had fallen in love with the female he was protecting. It wasn’t considered optimal but when the two of them ended up bonded, it wasn’t looked down on either. So Rafe would have been forgiven for breaking his vow—which made her think something else was behind his confusing feelings for her.
Well, he’s going to have to stay up here and figure them out himself, she told herself firmly. After the party tonight I’m taking the first shuttle down to Earth and I’ll probably never see him again.
The idea of never seeing the big Beast Kindred again for the rest of her life caused desolation to well up and threaten to suck her under like quicksand. Taking a deep breath, Whitney braced herself She was going to have a good time at the party with her friends tonight and she was not going to spare a single thought for Rafe.
“There,” she said, putting the final touches on her elaborate blue and gold eyeliner. “How do I look?”
“Fabulous, doll.” Kat put an arm around her and gave her a squeeze. There were tears in her eyes as she admitted, “I’m really going to miss you around here! And Liv and Sophie and all the rest of our bunch are going to be devastated too. Are you sure you can’t just bring your family to live up here?”
Whitney gave a little laugh that was really more than half sob.
“I would if my sister’s husbands didn’t have jobs down on Earth. But my mom will never go so far away from all her grandbabies and since my sisters are stuck down there, she is too.”
“Makes sense,” Kat admitted nodding. “Oh shoot—I’m ruining my eye makeup!” she exclaimed, dabbing at her watery eyes.
“Don’t you dare start crying,” Whitney warned her. “These crazy accelerated pregnancy hormones already have me on edge. I don’t need to start bawling myself.”
“I wished for an accelerated pregnancy when I was carrying my three,” Kat remarked, touching up the damaged makeup. “Considering that Kindred buns usually take an entire year to bake. By the time my fourth quadmester rolled around, I wanted to die.”
“Liv and Commander Sylvan say it won’t take that long for me,” Whitney said. “Apparently I’m due in six months.” Which was why she had asked to trade costumes with Kat. The tight black cat suit that went with her original costume clearly showed her already-pronounced baby bump.
“That is so unfair,” Kat grumbled. “I mean, not that I’m not happy for you,” she added. “But the fact that you only have to go through six months of the preggy blues instead of an entire year just doesn’t seem fair to those of us who already went through it.”
“Everybody says the same,” Whitney agreed. “But to me, it gives me less time to prepare for the babies. And with three, there’s a lot to prepare for.”
“You don’t have to tell me,” Kat said dryly. “Although if they’re anything like my three, they should get along pretty well,” she added, clearly trying to cheer Whitney up. “Oh, look at the time! People are going to start arriving soon and I have to help Lock put the boys to bed.” She sighed. “If I can get them to bed now that they’re all sugared up that is.” She turned to go but Whitney just stood there, looking in the mirror. “You coming, doll?” she asked, a note of concern in her voice.
“In a minute.” Whitney sighed and put a hand on her belly, glad that the flowing white Cleopatra gown hid her bump. “I just…don’t feel like facing people just yet,” she admitted to Kat.
“I understand.” Kat squeezed her arm gently. “Take your time—no one will bother you. But I hope you’ll sing for us before you go—I’ve got the karaoke machine all set up.”
Whitney smiled. “We’ll see.”
“All right, see you in a few minutes.” Kat closed the door quietly behind her and Whitney looked at her own reflection in the viewer and promised herself that she would not cry.
No matter how much she wanted to.
* * * * *
“Warrior—come here!”
The voice was so loud and sudden that it made Rafe, who had been sitting slumped on the couch in his quarters, jump.
“What?” he asked, looking around wildly. He had been contemplating a tall glass of fireflower juice he had poured for himself but hadn’t started to drink yet. He was going to have to soon, though. Only the stupefying effects of the strong liquor helped block out the terrible emotions inside him—both the ones he was feeling himself, and the ones he was getting from Whitney through their link.
It had been days since they had come back from the Mother Ship, inexplicably appearing only minutes after they had left. Commander Sylvan had said he thought it was some kind of space-time anomaly and since no one else had a better explanation, that was how it was noted in the official expedition logs of the BEGI. And now it had been days since he had seen Whitney or even tried to contact her.
He kept telling himself he would look into the Scourge machine which cut the ties between a bonded couple but somehow he hadn’t gotten around to it. In fact, he hadn’t gotten around to much of anything except feeling miserable.
I should go to her and beg her forgiveness, he thought to himself a dozen times a day. But the knowledge that he didn’t deserve her—that he was too much of a coward to love her the way she ought to be loved—stopped him. For her part, Whitney never contacted him either and it was his distinct impression that she wanted nothing more to do with him—not that he blamed her.
“Come here,” the strangely familiar voice demanded again and Rafe found himself getting up and wandering into the sleeping chamber, which was where it seemed to be coming from.
“Yes?” he asked uncertainly. “Goddess, is that you?” In the days since their escape from the giant world he had somehow managed to convince himself that hearing the Mother of All Life speak to him had been some kind of waking dream, brought on by stress. Now he knew he had been fooling himself. There was no one else it could possibly be.
“Yes, it is I and I am not pleased with you, warrior!” The Goddess’s voice seemed to be issuing from the 3-D viewer across from his sleeping platform. Indeed, a brilliant light was pouring from it—so bright he could barely see. Rafe shaded his eyes and went over to it cautiously, knowing that he was in a very dangerous position indeed.
“What have I done to anger you Goddess?” he asked the light.
“You have flouted my gift—the female I have given you has been left alone without help or protection!” the
Goddess exclaimed.
“The female?” Rafe asked, feeling stupid. “Do you mean…Whitney?”
“Is she not the one you are bonded to?” the Goddess demanded. “And yet now you talk of cutting the tie between you—a sacrilege of the highest order. I am most seriously displeased, warrior!”
“But…but I don’t deserve her,” Rafe protested. “I couldn’t protect her on the giant planet, just as I couldn’t protect…”
He trailed off but the Goddess finished his sentence for him.
“Tenda.” She spoke the name of his lost love with gentleness. “Warrior, I know how her loss hurt and embittered you—I felt every bit of your pain, tasted every drop of your bitterness.”
“Then why did you not stop it from happening?” Rafe was suddenly roaring, so angry he could barely see. “Why did you take her from me? Why did you let her die?”
“My son…” The Goddess’s voice was gentler still, despite the fact that he had committed blasphemy by raging at her. “We do not live in a perfect universe,” she told him. “I cannot stop every tragedy from happening or keep my children from every pain that occurs, though I wish that I could. I can only help you bear it and be near you when it hurts the most.”
“I loved her. She was my life.” Rafe’s voice was a whisper now and when he looked into the viewer the light had softened.
“I know the agony you have gone through,” the Goddess assured him. “Which is why I wanted to give you a second chance. But you must be brave enough to stretch out your hand and take it.”
The viewer cleared but instead of showing Rafe his own face, it showed Whitney’s. Her long black braids had been piled on top of her head in an elaborate up-do and she was wearing a lot of gold and blue make up which emphasized her lovely dark eyes. She was beautiful—gorgeous, he thought yearningly. But her face was sad and withdrawn.
“Go to her,” the Goddess whispered. “I put the two of you together for a reason. You will never lack for laughter in your house if you will only take the love that I offer you. If you will only go to her before she leaves forever—which she is planning to do tonight.”
Pairing with the Protector: A Kindred Tales Novel (Brides of the Kindred) Page 22