I glanced back at Brittany before ducking back into the tent and noticed she went right back to burning a hole through Leah. Leah didn’t seem to notice, and if she did, she didn’t seem to care. I smiled at her and continued to help my mom.
“All right, my love. We’re done here. Are you ready to tell me what you wanted to talk about? Brittany isn’t pregnant, is she? Please tell me she’s not,” Mom said.
“What? No. Wait, why would that be a bad thing?” I responded.
“Honey, I love you more than all of the stars in the sky and all of the droplets of water in the ocean, but I do not like that girl. And I can’t stand the fact that you’re going to marry her. I know it’s none of my business, and I promise to always love and support your decisions no matter what, but if I could choose your future wife, it would definitely not be Brittany,” she admitted. She shrugged her shoulders and tilted her head as a half-ass apology.
“Well, then. You just started the conversation I was about to have with you. I had a feeling you weren’t her biggest fan, but I didn’t realize this was the level of detest you felt for her,” I said.
We stood and looked at each other for a moment, a sad smile on both our faces. I grabbed my mom and pulled her in tight for a giant bear hug.
“You’re the best mother anyone could ever have. I don’t know what I would do without you,” I said, kissing her on the cheek. “Now, what am I going to do about this mess I’ve made?”
“Honey, if you truly love her and want to be with her, then do so. I’m not going anywhere and you have my blessing. But if you don’t want to be with her, you have to let her go. It isn’t fair to her to string her along,” she advised. “Just be careful because her stuff is still at our house.”
“Mom,” I laughed, “you’re bad. She would never do anything like that, but I’m pretty sure her bags are packed. She threatened going back on the last train tonight about five times today.”
My mom’s mouth and eyes opened wide. “You have got to be kidding me. What is she, twelve? Caleb, honey, I think you already know the answer to this problem.”
“Yeah, you’re right. Let’s head back to the festival. I want to see the kids sing, and I think I want to decorate a gingerbread house. I haven’t done that in ages.”
27
Caleb
The walk back to the festival was comforting. The snow glistened against the full moon. The children laughed and ran through it, probably happy they were getting to stay out past their bedtimes. Many couples strolled hand in hand, stopping to take in all the decorated storefronts.
“Mrs. Kratz won again this year,” my mom told me. “I’m beginning to think the contest is rigged.”
“She probably bribed the judges with her sugar cookies.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t put it past her,” she said. “Hey, there’s Brittany. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.”
“Thanks, Mom. I love you,” I said.
“Love you too, kiddo,” she replied and kissed my hands, squeezing tightly. “And remember, this is your life. Choose wisely.”
I winked at my mom and walked over to the gazebo to find Brittany. The show was about to start, and all the children were carefully taking their places in the center, appearing to be on the verge of intense laughter. On the other side of the green, Leah and Josh stood talking. I couldn’t stop finding them, no matter where I went or what I did. Was that a sign or an omen?
“There you are! Took you long enough. I thought you went back to Tennessee without me,” Brittany attempted to be funny through her overly rude demeanor. “I picked this spot because there’s no way you have any view of Leah over here.”
“Brittany, be quiet and be respectful of the kids, please. They’ve worked so hard on this. At least just pretend you give a damn about someone other than yourself.” Word vomit spewed from my mouth and Brittany looked stunned. I didn’t care.
She kept her mouth shut and watched the kids perform, but unbeknownst to her, I could still see Leah, and Leah was definitely watching us. My height advantage was working in my favor this evening because I could see clearly over the top rail. Leah was watching us through the balusters, and I don’t think she knew we saw her.
She looked happy, peaceful. It was a nice sight to take in after all the seriousness that had taken place over the last few days. I watched her as she twirled her hair between her thumb, pointer, and middle finger. It was something she’d done since she was a young girl, a tell that she was thinking about something important, and I wanted to know what it was.
“They’re quite the bunch, aren’t they?” a voice came from behind me, causing me to jump.
“Hey, Paul,” I said, extending a hand to shake Paul’s hand. “How are you tonight?”
“Good, thanks. Love watching these kids every year. Reminds me of when you guys were little,” Paul said. “Do you know we still have Leah’s red sweatshirts? Lucia bought a red bin and stacked them in there. I don’t know what in the world she’ll ever do with fifteen red sweatshirts that don’t even fit anymore, but you gotta love the sentiment.”
“Hey now! Don’t make fun,” my mom chimed in, sneaking in from the side. “Lucia and I bought those bins together. I have one in the attic with all of Caleb’s, too.”
“You ladies were too much,” Paul howled with laughter. “Way too much! Caleb, you and Brittany need to have kids and move back to Grace Valley so you can pass yours along.”
“Yeah, right,” Brittany mumbled under her breath. “That’ll be the day.”
“What did you say, dear?” my mom asked.
“Oh, nothing,” Brittany said, a fake smile stretched across her face. “I was just thinking out loud.”
My mom and Paul exchanged glances and began to talk about something that had happened earlier in the day, so I took this opportunity to talk to Brittany.
“Walk with me,” I said, extending my hand to her.
“Why? You just told me to acknowledge these kids and now you want me to leave?” she asked, raising her eyebrows and placing her hands on her hips.
“Just walk with me.”
“Fine, but then can we go? It’s freezing and I’m ready to take a hot bath and go to sleep,” she whined.
“I never realized just how much you complain until you came to Grace Valley. What’s so wrong with spending a little quality time with my family during the holidays?” I asked her.
“I didn’t mean it like that. I just miss the warm weather and my own bed. You know I like to be around what I know,” she said, batting her eyelashes. Her charm didn’t work that time
I looked at her, wondering if all couples went through rough patches like these, or if our troubles were non-negotiable. I knew what I had with Leah was different because we were so young, but I couldn’t help but look at Brittany and wish I was having an entirely different conversation with an entirely different girl.
“Brittany, I know you don’t like to be out of your own delusional bubble. You put yourself before everyone every chance you get. When my grandmother died, you asked if I could sell her house to get you a bigger ring,” I countered.
“Oh, please. I was only kidding.” She laughed, using her thumb to roll her ring around on her finger. “Why are you acting like this? It’s because of her, isn’t it? You’re still in love with her. I knew it!”
This wasn’t happening the way I had played it out in my mind, but it was happening. I wasn’t sure what to do or say, and before I knew it, I was doing what I had known I should be doing for a while.
“As a matter of fact, Brittany, I am. But I know she’s happy with some other guy. That’s fine because I would never try to take her away from anyone, and I’m so sorry, but I can’t hide the fact that you and I just don’t work.”
Brittany took a step back. Her nostrils started to flare and her knuckles turned white as she fisted her hands. “You’re damn right we don’t work, Caleb. Because I’ll never be her. Look at her! Plain Jane over there. Little miss simple. I ha
ve more class and sophistication than she could ever hope to have. You’re making a big mistake, Caleb Patterson. A big mistake!”
“I’m gonna need to ask you for that ring back, Britt. I’m so sorry. I never intended for this to happen,” I told her, not wanting this to drag on any longer than it already had. “I really did love you.”
“Oh, save it for someone who actually gives a damn! You’re so full of shit, Caleb,” Brittany yelled, throwing the ring at me. “Do you know how many men are lined up waiting for me back home?”
“Oh, good, so you won’t be lonely then,” I snapped back. I knew it was immature and uncalled for but it felt good.
I watched the ring bounce off my chest and bury itself in the snow at my feet. I looked down to see the spot it landed and looked back up at Brittany.
“I can take you to the train station first thing in the morning. I’ll stay at Dooley’s house tonight so you don’t have to see me,” I offered.
“Nope. My bags are already packed and the last train leaves at nine-thirty tonight so I’m leaving now,” she yelled. “Don’t look me up when you get back, either.”
I watched her walk away and then bent down to pick up the ring, wiping off the snow and carefully placed it in my pocket. I looked over to the gazebo before I wandered around more and saw Leah and Josh walk past Brittany, who was storming off the green.
“Have a good night, Brittany,” Leah called out genuinely.
“Oh, shut up,” Brittany replied before disappearing into the night.
“Somebody’s not in a good mood,” Josh said, holding out a hand to Leah. “I had a wonderful time with you, Ms. Abernathy. What do you say we call it a night and go watch a movie by the fire? I think there’s a cat that’s really going to miss me when I leave tomorrow.”
Leah smiled so wide it almost reached her eyes. She kissed Josh on the cheek and leaned in for a hug. “Thank you for everything. I couldn’t have made it through all this without you.”
I stood frozen as I watched them walk back to Leah’s house arm in arm. In a split second, I had lost both of the women I had loved. I looked at my watch and saw I had a half-hour before Brittany would be out of Grace Valley for good, so I made my way over to the gingerbread house station and got to work.
By the time I was done, I could finally go home and go to bed and—hopefully—forget about this day completely.
LEAH
“Okay, red or white?” I asked Josh as I stood on my toes trying to reach the wine above the fridge. I never understood why my parents kept it there when we had a bar set up on the other side of the den.
“Red,” he replied. “What movie should we watch? I’m thinking a Christmas comedy.”
“Yeah, I’m down for that. Let me get the wine glasses and I’ll be right in,” I replied. “Did you want something to eat? I’m kind of hungry and we have all the food left over from the funeral.”
“I could eat,” he said and laughed. We both knew that meant he was starving, too.
“Okay, why don’t you come grab the wine from me and set the movie up, and I’ll grab a couple of plates and some food.”
“Sounds good. What movie?” he asked me.
“You pick.” I knew if I chose, it would be something he wouldn’t be in the mood for.
Josh sat on the couch with Gnocchi, and I sprawled out on the loveseat in my mom’s sweater, snuggled up under one of the many blankets she had crocheted over the years. Every so often, I would glance over at him, watching him pet Gnocchi and laugh at the movie.
“Refill?” he asked, holding the bottle of wine up for me to see.
“Yes, please,” I said, leaning over the arm of the loveseat so he wouldn’t have to reach too far.
“This has been really nice, Leah. Thank you for letting me be a part of your family for a few days. I know it wasn’t easy for you.”
I smiled and curled back under the blanket, swirling my wine around in the glass. I simply nodded before taking a sip.
“As much as I thought I wanted to be alone, I appreciate you coming here,” I said in return. “You know, Josh, I really loved our time together as a couple, but I think I like our friendship even better. As weird as that sounds.”
“No, I hear you. I didn’t want to admit it because I always thought we would end up old and gray together, but I agree. We have a lot of fun together.”
The back door opened and a gust of wind tore through the den, causing us both to shiver. “Dad? Is that you?” I called out.
“Well, it isn’t Santa Claus,” my dad replied. “What are you two up to?”
“Just watching a movie and having some wine. Care to join us?” Josh asked him.
“Sure, let me grab some more wine,” he said, sneaking off to the pantry and coming back with another bottle.
“Hey! Where did you get that?” I asked, confused.
“The pantry. On the wine rack. Where else would it be?”
Josh started to laugh and looked to the fridge.
“Leah, you climbed up there for wine? That’s the overflow,” my dad said, equally as humored as Josh at my apparent brain fart.
“I left when I was seventeen. How was I supposed to know this?”
“You guys are funny together. My parents are a bit, well, uptight,” Josh said. “They think they know how to have fun, but it’s pretty stiff. They definitely don’t know how to take a joke. I love them, of course, but I wish they would ease up a bit.”
My dad smiled at him and patted him on the back. “I’m sure they love you just the same, though.”
“No doubt about that,” Josh said, smiling back. “I think I’m gonna call it a night. I’ll see you both in the morning.”
“See you in the morning,” my dad said.
“Good night, Josh,” I said. “And thank you again.”
He smiled and walked to the guest room, disappearing down the hall.
“Sit with me,” my dad said, pointing to the kitchen table.
I sat down slowly, not quite sure where this conversation was headed. My dad filled the teapot and turned the stove burner on. If he offered tea, this would be a brief and comforting conversation. If he offered coffee, we would be here all night. I watched as he walked over to the cabinet that held both, and he quickly grabbed the tea tin. I quietly let out the breath I was holding in.
“Is chamomile okay?” he asked.
“Of course. Thank you.”
It was quiet as we waited for the water to boil. Once it was ready, he brought the tea to the table and we sat in silence a bit longer. It was comforting to be able to just sit and enjoy each other’s company in a place we both loved so dearly.
“How are you doing, pumpkin? I know it’s been quite the week,” he said.
I knew him so well, so I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. I knew he wasn’t making tea and sitting because he wanted to know how I was feeling.
“I’m surprisingly okay. I feel at peace after reading everything from Mom, and although I still feel guilty, I know she would want me to move on.”
“Good,” he said, sipping his tea.
I played with the string on my tea bag and looked at him, waiting for him to say more.
“Is that all,” I asked.
“No, actually. I’ve been thinking,” he replied.
“Uh-oh, that can’t be good,” I teased.
“Funny.” He smirked back at me. “Listen, I know you and Josh are just friends, but I was thinking it might be nice to ask him if he’d like to stay through the weekend and spend Christmas with us. It doesn’t sound like his family is having a warm and cozy holiday. It’s totally up to you, though.”
“Dad, I think that’s a wonderful idea, and you should definitely ask him. I think Mom would have done the same,” I said, smiling. My heart was full knowing this was what he was thinking about during such a tragic time.
He stood up and pulled me in for a hug. I was so happy to be home.
28
Waking up in this house was
getting easier for me every day. I missed my apartment and all the things I had accumulated over the seven years in the city, but this truly was home. It was early, so I went downstairs and made myself a cup of coffee, grabbed one of my mom’s afghans, and sat outside on the porch swing. There was something about being wrapped up with a hot drink while taking in a fresh blanket of snow.
I was about halfway through my cup when the mudroom door opened and out popped my dad with a fresh pot and his own mug.
“Can I top you off?” he asked, holding out the coffee and some sugar packets. “I know you’ll want this, too.”
I smiled and nodded. I missed how well he knew me and how easy it was to be around him. Seeing him visit me in the city just wasn’t cutting it anymore. I wondered if I would be able to convince him to come back with me.
“Dad?” I said.
“Yes, pumpkin?”
“I miss it here and I miss you. I wish I would have visited more.”
“I know,” he said softly. “I know. But the past is the past and you can only look forward now. Use what you’ve learned and make different decisions now. Nothing is holding you back.”
We spent the next hour drinking our coffee and talking about Mom. We laughed and we cried and then we laughed because we cried. It was a wonderful feeling. Before we knew it, the sun had come up, and we could hear Josh in the house talking to Gnocchi. I swore he was going to adopt a cat when he got back to the city.
“Let’s go inside and get changed. I’ve been craving Tammy’s western omelette and home fries. Hope Josh is ready to eat everything in the entire restaurant,” my dad said, his eyes sparkling at the thought of food.
I was definitely this man’s daughter.
“Paul. Leah. What a pleasant surprise,” Tammy said, as she came around the side of the counter to hug us. “Josh, I didn’t know you were still here. Please, come take a seat.”
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