by A. G. Khaliq
"Prison?" Steve remarked. "You do realise he's appealing against the decision? He's telling them that he stabbed you in self-defense. And it's true." He paused. "We still need him dead."
I gulped, wondering why I hadn't thought of that. I knew something was wrong the minute Mum broke the news to me in the hospital. There’s two sides to every story… and Thomas probably gave them his. I knew that Thomas wasn’t going to go down with a fight. That he wasn’t going to let this go so easily.
"And while he's still alive, he can go telling the police about me," Steve went on, rage written all over his face. "Do you realise how serious this is?! He's gonna get away with stabbing you and I'm gonna get dobbed in too!"
Steve spat in my face, grabbing hold of my shoulders, shaking me so hard I almost fell over.
"W - what do we do?" I stammered.
I felt helpless. I felt so weak and stupid. I wished there was a way that I could rectify the situation.
"What do we do? You mean, what do YOU do!" Steve roared. "I gave you one job, remember. Just one! And that still needs to be completed. You need to kill him!"
I looked down to the ground, unable to process my thoughts. How was I going to do this? I had no idea.
Obviously Steve was going to leave me in the fucking lurch again. Leave everything to me to take care of, abandoning me and using me like he always fucking did. If he was such a big Mafia man like he claimed, then why couldn’t he get men to take care of it himself?! Why the hell did he have to get me involved?!
Obviously because he was fucking blackmailing me, and he didn’t want to get his own hands dirty. He knew that it was too risky for him to get involved himself… but he clearly didn’t care if I went to prison for it, or if I got stabbed for it.
He didn’t care about me at all.
And I was so fucking triggered. I was so triggered that I’d been living my life under the influence of this man… But even in desperate times, he refused to help me when I needed it the most.
And now I had to clean up my own damn mess. If I wasn’t so damn weak, I would’ve been able to kill Thomas. I obviously didn’t have the guts to do it. I’d turned around at the wrong fucking time to check if there was somebody at the door. I’d fucked it up my damn self. I lost focus… At the time that I needed to stay focused.
I snapped out of my thoughts, folding my arms awkwardly as Mum came bustling through the door, with shopping bags in her arms. It pained me how little my Mum really knew about my life…
She had no idea that her husband was using me. She had no idea that Steve was a Mafia man.
"Steve! What a nice surprise!" Mum said dryly, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "Do you fancy staying for tea?"
"I'd love to," Steve said, sarcasm equally dripping from his voice.
"Lovely," Mum said condescendingly. "I'll just go get the food on."
Steve rolled his eyes, his face still as pissed off as it was when he was raging at me.
CHAPTER 12
CRIMINAL LIFESTYLE
LOUIS
I lay in bed listening to Changes by Bugzy Malone, staring out of the window. What had I got myself into?
Now catch me rollin' on a late night
Mesmerized just staring at the street lights
Looking at my phone waiting for a notification
Or a text message I just want a conversation
I just need that, real feedback
Please feed my ego
Cah psychologically my family's got me feeling feeble
Now every member of my family's unstable
Both of my parents, dysfunctional people.
There was going to be a court hearing on Tuesday where Thomas was going to back his claim of stabbing me in self-defense. I didn't know what to do. I couldn’t go to jail.
Just watching TV shows like Prison Break made me fucking paranoid. The way T-Bag held out his pocket for people to become his slaves, and raped men in prison. The way everybody rolled around with shanks, and you had to pick sides, rather than just bide your time and mind your own business.
I knew that going to prison would just put me over-breaking point. It would fuck my mental health up even more than it already was. And that was something that I just couldn’t deal with. Being locked in a room, for the rest of my life…
"You may now leave for home time," said Mr Mahmood, as the school bell rang, and everybody gathered their books. I didn't even know why I bothered coming to school. I just had so much on my mind.
I got up, ready to leave the classroom and meet Keelan outside. I hadn’t spoken to him in such a long time. I needed to tell Keelan everything. Talking to somebody would probably be the only way for me to get some of the weight and burden off my shoulders.
I couldn’t talk to Mum about this, or she’d go frantic.
"Wait a minute," called Mr Mahmood, as I made my way to the door. "I'm talking to you, Louis. Can you just stay behind for a sec please?"
I sighed, long and hard. What the hell did he want? I turned on my heel and made my way back to the classroom, pissed off, because I was getting sick of school at this point. It was just a waste of time. I didn’t bother to study for my exams. I was going through too much shit in my personal life to even bother or care.
"Hurry up bruv!" Keelan shouted impatiently, folding his arms. "Our Subway isn't gonna buy itself."
"Alright!" I snapped.
Mr Mahmood shut the door and walked up to me, taking his hands out of his trouser pockets. "Now Louis, I just wanted to ask how you're getting on."
"I'm fine, sir," I said, shrugging. "Why do you ask?"
"Well, after being in hospital for so long, I just wanted to make sure you're making a full recovery," Mr Mahmood confirmed, stroking his thick moustache. He took a step closer to me. "Louis, is everything alright at home?"
I took my eyes away from him and stared at the floor. "Never been better, sir," I said bluntly. I hated when teachers tried to interfere with my private business. They should just focus on the job that they’re being paid to do, rather than interfere with my life and poke their nose where it doesn’t belong.
"Are you sure?" he said. "Come on Louis, I'm your teacher. I know I'm not one of your boys you spend your Friday night with, but I'm not that bad!" He chuckled to himself.
I couldn't help but laugh at how cheesy and lame he was. "Honestly sir, I'm fine." I scratched my arm awkwardly, wanting this interrogation to be over.
"I'm here for you if you need me," he went on. "Look, it's your GCSE's and you've just got so much going on. You've got two weeks left till your exams start and you've been stabbed. I can only imagine how..."
"I'm coping with revision fine, thanks very much," I replied bitterly. "I can look after myself sir. I don't need your help."
Mr Mahmood looked taken aback. "Fine," he shrugged. "But if you don't get your grades back up in these next few weeks I don't know for you. Your future is in your hands, Louis."
I rolled my eyes, annoyed. I got enough grief from Mum at home when she talked about school. The last thing I needed was a teacher barking down my throat about my education too.
I looked through the door to see Keelan tapping his shoe against the floor impatiently. "Bye sir," I said quickly, and bolted out of the door before he could protest or call me back. Mr Mahmood shook his head.
"About time!" Keelan hissed, and then broke into a laugh. "Bro, I've missed you man. I've been bare worried about you, you know."
"Fam I'm fine, trust me," I reassured him.
"That bastard stabbed you on your fucking birthday!" Keelan shouted, suddenly angry. "The audacity bro. I need to get my hands on him..." He balled his hand into a fist, fuming.
"Never mind about that," I said quickly. "There's so much I need to tell you."
"Tell me then," Keelan replied. "Come on, we'll talk over a Subway."
I nodded and we made our way down to town.
I'd told Keelan everything. About how I found out about what my stepdad was really li
ke, about Thomas, about what Steve wanted me to do for him, and about the trouble I was in now. Having to stab Thomas, there being a court hearing, and my life being on the line.
Keelan stared at me, unable to eat his sandwich properly. "Bro, this is madness." He paused, long and hard. “This is the kinda shit you hear about in movies, not real life,” he sighed, exhaustedly. "What are you gonna do, man?" He folded his arms, looking genuinely concerned.
"I don't know!" I said, and I took my head into my hands, rocking myself backwards and forwards. "If I don't kill Thomas, my stepdad won't let me live!"
Keelan put his hand on my arm. "Bro, you have to tell the police about this."
My face shot up. "Are you fucking crazy?" I snapped. "He's my stepdad, I can't go the police!"
But the truth was… I could. I didn’t owe Steve anything, especially after what he’d put me through… but there was something in me that kept stopping me from snitching on him. I still cared about Steve deep down, despite everything that had happened these past few years, and it pissed me off. Why couldn’t I just forget about him and live my life like a normal teenager?!
"Fam, it's not fair how he's treating you like this. No amount of presents can make up for what he's doing to you." Keelan paused. "It's emotional blackmail, Louis. It's not fair how he's throwing this all on you, when you've got exams. You're only sixteen man, for God's sake."
I shook my head.
"Trust me bruv. Look how long we've known each other. We're bros, we help each other through everything man," he pushed on. "And as your brother from another mother I'm not letting you get involved in this bullshit. You've got your whole life ahead of you bro, don't waste it away on shit like this."
I got up from my seat, draining the last few sips of my milkshake. "Keelan, as much as I appreciate you and stuff, you're really not helping," I spat at him. I made my way to the exit door of Subway.
Keelan was giving me good advice… Good advice that I didn’t want to hear. I was so trapped in my own little bubble, that I ignored the real world, and my real surroundings.
"Bro, where are you going?!" Keelan shouted. I didn't reply to him.
I walked down the pathway, only for him to catch up with me. "Bro, don't do anything stupid, please," he begged.
"Stupid?" I repeated. "Stupid?!" Rage was boiling over me. "Keelan, just leave me alone man. I don't need anyone anymore. I just wanna be on my own."
"I'm not gonna tell the police about what you told me bro," Keelan said, despite me having a go at him. "Please just promise me you'll stay safe. I don't care how much you try and fucking avoid me, I'm still your brother. And I'm still gonna look out for you."
"I've got nothing to lose," I said, swallowing. There was a huge lump in my throat. "Keelan, I love you man," I said, hugging him.
Keelan and me had been through so much together. We’d endured so much, and been through the worst fights, but our friendship was still going on strong. I didn’t treat Keelan with the respect that he deserved. He didn’t deserve a friend like me. I was always just complaining about my own life, forever moaning about my own shit, while never asking about his. He was always there for me, yet I couldn’t even take his advice, when he was speaking to me sincerely. I was a selfish bastard, and I fucking hated myself for it. I was a shit friend. I didn’t deserve anything good in life. Keelan was a good person. He wasn’t like me. He didn’t take part in robberies, or do any of the fucked up shit that I’d done throughout my time. He always put his head down. He was a family man, and he studied hard. I wished I was in his shoes…
"I love you too my g," he said. "I’ve known you for so long man, like..."
"Don't worry about me man," I reassured him, a sad expression on my face. I couldn’t even bear to look at him anymore. "Bye Keelan." My voice cracked. I needed to be on my own, to gather my thoughts and decide what I was going to fucking do, moving forward with my life. And without another word, I turned around and started sprinting out of town.
I made my way to my stepdad's house, listening to a Mist track, Smokey. I started enjoying the lyrics.
Late night cruising on a graft, smoking on the lemon or the am. Rolling on the passenger, cos I'm on a ban. Not long left now new whip soon land. Superbike daily cause I can, beamer try chase me, yeah it's mad kinda aggy lost the chase on the path. I'm weighing up the math, ain't worth the jail, are you daft? Said it ain't worth the jail, are you daft?
I turned off the song abruptly and rewinded.
Ain't worth the jail, are you daft?
Who knew this scenario would have fitted my life so perfectly right now? Was chasing Thomas and killing him really worth it? The consequences for me could be brutal. Why couldn't I just let my stepdad be thrown into prison?! Why did I still have such a soft spot for him?
I brushed off my thoughts as I reached the front door of his house. I didn’t know why my feet carried me here. I didn’t know what the hell I was doing, or thinking at this point.
I just knew that what I was about to tell Steve was going to change my life forever.
The conversation that I was about to have with him… the things that I was about to tell him.
There was no turning back after this.
And the truth is…
I didn’t want to.
I knocked on the door, hard, and one of his friends opened it.
"You alright cuz?" the guy said.
"Erm, yeah," I said vaguely. "I've come to see my stepdad."
"He's out mate, but you can come inside and wait if you want," he said, shrugging. I guess he was confused because he’d never seen me before. "My name's Ijaz, by the way. What's your name cuz?"
"Louis," I replied, smiling at him. He smiled back and shook my hand.
"Alright then Louis," he said, and lead me to the lounge. There were several stunning girls sitting on the couch wearing incredibly revealing clothes. They started giggling when they saw me walk in with Ijaz. Ijaz winked at them seductively, but they wouldn’t even look at him. I rolled my eyes. Thirsty bitches.
I turned away from them, not wanting to get involved with any girls, since every single one I'd come across had been a sket. I made my way to the kitchen to pour myself a cup of water. I just wanted Steve to hurry the fuck up and get back to his house already, so that I could talk to him. My patience was wearing thin.
I grabbed a cup from the rack to pour my water into, only to have a girl's pale hand cover mine. She dragged her long, red nails across the bare skin of my hands, and I swallowed. I slowly turned my head around to see an incredibly beautiful girl with big brown eyes and long jet black hair, staring right at me. "Let me pour it for you," she smiled.
"I'm fine, honestly..." I mumbled.
"No no, I insist," she said, pouring the cup for me and placing it between my hands. I began drinking from it slowly, and wanted to bolt out of the door away from all of these people, but my body failed me. The girl wouldn't stop staring at me. She bit her lip, as she held her gaze with mine.
"You're absolutely gorgeous," she said, stroking my face with her slender hands. "Milky brown chocolate skin, mmmm..."
Part of me wanted her to stroke my face because of how good it felt… but I slapped her hand off me abruptly. "I'm sixteen," I barked. "Get off me." I tried to walk away but she wouldn't let me.
"Age is just a number baby," she whispered, slowly unbuttoning her shirt.
I gulped. "No it isn't," I said, laughing awkwardly. The last thing I wanted was sex with this sket, as pretty as she was. I tried to shove past her again but she pushed me back. Even if I was of legal age… She looked like a fucking adult, and I was a fucking kid. Twisted bitch.
"Will you just move out of my fucking way?" I shouted. Her hand started skimming over my body and I started sweating. "Please go," I tried to say, but it came out as a mumble.
"Sorry, I didn't quite catch that," she said, her face leaning closer to me, and she started kissing my neck. I pushed her off me, hard. She fell to the floor. Ever since I
’d seen Maddy tongue-tied with Keelan on my birthday, I knew I couldn’t trust a woman again so easily.
"You bastard!" she shouted, tears in her eyes. "No wonder your dad disowned you!"
"Got a big mouth haven't you," I retorted bitterly, wondering how the fuck she knew so much about me, when I’d never even met her before. "Wonder how many dicks it's been round."
She gasped, taken aback. I immediately regretted what I said. I felt bad for having such a shit attitude towards women, but I couldn’t help myself. Steve had fashioned me into this bent, twisted character, and it was fucked up.
"Hey, hey, hey, what's going on in here?!" Ijaz shouted as he walked into the room. He saw the girl lying on the floor.
"He hit me!" she cried.
Ijaz stared at me, his face stricken with thunder.
"No I never!" I shouted back in my own defense. "She tried seducing me, the little sket. Your house is full of whores!"
Ijaz grabbed me by the arm and hauled me out the room. "Watch your mouth you idiot," he hissed.
"Fam what do you lot get out of having all these girls in your house?" I snapped.
Ijaz laughed whole-heartedly. "Free sex, that's what we get. Banging sex as well," he smirked.
"For God's sake, spare me the details," I said bitterly. "Where the fuck's my stepdad!?"
"Here," came a voice from the front door. Steve came into full focus as he walked into the lounge. "Louis, Louis, Louis, what do we have here?" He smirked. "I thought you didn't want to hear from me again."
"Steve, I wanna speak to you alone," I said.
"I'm all yours son," Steve replied, narrowing his eyes, wondering what I could possibly want.
I looked at Ijaz, who was still standing there, looking amused.
"Do you not know what the word alone means, or did you fail GCSE English as well?!" I accused.
Ijaz laughed, departing from the room. I shut the door and Steve shut the other one. We took a seat on the sofa, and Steve rolled up a spliff for himself.
"So, have you had a think about Thomas then?" Steve asked.
"Yeah..." I said slowly.