His gaze lingered in the direction where Lancer had disappeared. “He’s not in there anymore, Arthur. Not one fiber of humanity is left.” The priest’s chin quivered. “Mordred’s killed my father’s soul, and I don’t think I can get it back.”
“That’s what I was afraid of,” I muttered, sighing heavily. “Come on, we’ll be needed inside.”
Once back inside the safety of Caliburn’s stone walls, I shed the armor and stretched my arms above my head. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be used to such a quick change.
“Avalon!”
My head whipped around to see Alexandria running down the hall toward me.
All reason went out of the window.
I met her halfway, catching her in my arms and holding her tightly.
“You’re not hurt?” She quickly backed away and began investigating my chest and arms.
Taking her hands in mine, I offered a small smile. “I’m fine.”
She nodded, opening her mouth but then quickly shutting it.
There were questions in her eyes, and I answered them. “Lancer is gone, but you need to know, he’s not the same man you once knew.”
“I know. I mean, I’ve known for a long time something was wrong, but now …” Her voice trailed off.
“You can stay here for as long as you need.” Cupping her face in my hands, I brought her gaze back to mine. I wanted to swim in her eyes until I drowned. “Shall I have Merlin send your bags up that are still in the car?”
Her eyes widened, surprised at my assumption. “How did you know?”
“Vivian may or may not have told me.” I pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I don’t know how we can bring back your memories, but I vow I will always be by your side.”
Alexandria’s eyes misted with tears. “I believe you.”
And I thanked God for that.
FOURTEEN
Lancer
Anger surged through my veins, powering my way through the back entrance of G.R.A.I.L. and praying I could avoid Mordred until I’d tempered my rage.
“Fuck!”
Kicking a chair out of my way in a large conference room I’d sought solace in, I lowered myself onto the top of the table.
This couldn’t be happening.
Alexandria was mine.
She would be safe so long as I held her and controlled her.
But now …
I raked my hands through sweat-drenched hair.
Now Mordred would see her as the enemy and go after her full throttle.
Somehow, I’d failed even though the odds tipped in my favor.
“By the way your heart is racing, and the tension’s tight in your shoulders, I assume you haven’t had a good day.”
Groaning, I turned to face the small, shimmering light glowing from the podium stand. Shame on me to believe I could hide in this building.
“Hello to you too, Ren.” I mumbled. “Do you always sneak up on people?”
The form of a human woman took shape, and she crossed her arms. “Perhaps, but only if I feel something can be learned from observing.”
I snorted. “Of course.”
Her luminous blue eyes narrowed on mine. “Mordred has been looking everywhere for you, and Dr. Tristan had a hunch you lost our girl.” I stiffened visibly without realizing it. “So you did lose her?”
“I’m not going to sit here and take the third degree from a fucking hologram,” I snapped, glowering at the figure.
For a moment, I regretted my outburst as her face fell from stern to sorrow.
My shoulders slumped, and I rubbed my palm over my face. “Forgive me, Ren. I shouldn’t be so cruel.”
“It’s fine.” She hugged herself, shrinking back slightly. “It is what I am now.”
As I opened my mouth to apologize further, the doors slammed open, and the boss walked in, flanked by Tristan, Morgan, and Gareth.
“How the hell do you lose a mindless brat without a memory?” Mordred’s booming voice made me flinch. “I hope you understand what this means for your precious Alexandria.” His blue gaze danced with fire the closer he drew. “You had one job, Lancer, and you lost. Now we play by my rules.”
“Mordred, I—” A strong fist clobbered me in the jaw before I could finish.
Staggering to the side, I tried to catch my footing.
“And what’s worse, you lost Bedivere to your holier than thou son!” Another blow to match on the opposite side sent me careening into the wall.
“How dare you come back here and try to hide from me?” Mordred fisted my shirt collar and dragged me to my feet. “How dare you fail me?”
Mordred, though blond-haired and blue-eyed, looked too much like his father. In fact, they could be twins with how time had stopped Arthur from aging. But I knew the distance between them continued to widen.
It was as though Arthur cast off all of his sinful, vile nature into one spawn, and thus became Mordred.
How could a son hate a father so much?
And then I thought of John.
My own son.
No.
I couldn’t think about him now, or I’d think about his mother.
Elaine …
The woman I jilted for a queen.
The woman I killed because of her broken heart.
“I’m sorry, Mordred. Truly, I am.” Finally finding my voice to speak, I did so. “I had no idea Alexandria was suspicious of anything. I hid everything from her.” I swallowed hard. “I had Elaine hide everything from her in her apartment as well.
“Not good enough, I’m afraid,” Tristan spat.
Ah, this trickster wanted a go?
Tristan always considered himself a lone wolf out of all the knights. He’d never really liked team efforts and looked out for himself. Until he fell in love, and she died because of his selfish desires. What brought him to Mordred’s side, I’d never know. He’d always been a favorite of Arthur’s and an eager servant to his ego-inflated master.
My gaze narrowed on him.
So why was he working here?
“Mordred, Ren has found something.” Morgan’s voice cut into the fray, turning my attention to her.
The sorceress. The woman who’d betrayed her own brother yet softened by the day. I stared at her as hard as I could. She leaned over the podium, and Ren brought up a large map of England, homing in on a familiar place. Too familiar.
“That’s Alexandria’s grandmother’s house.”
“Correct.” Ren enlarged the map. “Yesterday, we noted the barrier protecting her from any of our advances vanished.”
“She had a protection barrier around her house?” I mused, stepping closer to the image in front of us while rubbing my aching chin.
“Yes,” Morgan chimed in. “And that barrier transferred today.” Her onyx eyes met mine. “I assume you had issues breaking through Merlin and Vivian’s protection spells along with John’s holy zone?” One of her brows quirked, and a sound caught in my throat. “The protection barrier from Margaret York’s house is now over Caliburn.”
“Wh-what?” My head spun. “How is that possible? What did she have that could have created that? I’ve met her. She’s a regular human. She knows nothing about us.”
“Wrong again.” Tristan scoffed.
“Fuck off,” I shot back with a growl.
Mordred’s hand gripped the back of my neck like an iron vise. “Think, you idiot. What is the one thing that we’ve never found and would be strong enough to put out a protective barrier around a large area?”
Panicked, I scanned my memories.
Nothing came to mind.
“I think you knocked what little of his brain he had left out when you hit him,” Tristan quipped, crossing his arms over his chest.
Ren touched a few holographic buttons on her keyboard, and a familiar picture popped up, rotating in the air before us. “The sheath of Excalibur. Formerly lost before Arthur’s death. Destination unknown and until ten years ago, unable to be sought out by magic.” S
he flicked the picture back to one of Margaret’s house. “Someone gave the sheath to Margaret to protect Alexandria growing up. It’s why it took us so long to find her, and once we did, this barrier kept us from getting to her. And now we know why.”
“And now, it’s gone.” Mordred forced my neck to turn and look at him, a sinister smirk on his face. “Do you know what that means?”
I didn’t like this.
“No, what?” I glanced at Morgan and then Ren, who both looked away from me, unable to meet my gaze.
“It means you’re going to play this game my way.” Cold steel pressed into my palm and Mordred forced my fingers to wrap around the device. “A simple injection and Grandma York falls fast asleep. All you have to do is get close enough.”
He wanted me to kill Alexandria’s grandmother?
The last living relation of the woman I love?
“No … I can’t.”
Mordred’s fingers dug into my skin. “You will do exactly as I command or else I will spill all of Alexandria’s blood over the altar.” His voice hissed in my ear. “And she will never return. She’ll finally be dead, and you will follow her.”
I shook in fear. I trembled in self-loathing. But I lowered my chin in submission.
“Yes, sir.”
He slapped my shoulder roughly. “Good boy.”
I would do this heinous thing, but only because it would give Alexandria more time.
She wouldn’t ever forgive me.
And no matter how damned John said I was, after this act, no amount of penance could save me from the fire already licking at my feet.
FIFTEEN
Alexandria
The moon shone down through the open windows and flooded the wooden floors of the large chamber Avalon and Vivian helped me move into. Swaths of rich fabrics and even grander styles of carpentry lined every inch of this opulent room. Avalon said they called it the duchess’s chambers. My personal feeling was that it felt like it belonged to more like a queen.
I ran my fingertips along the windowsill before turning my back on the midnight sun and flopping down on the soft mattress. My engagement ring gleamed on the side table by the head of the bed, reminding me of the craziness I’d woken up to. Lancer and Elaine had obviously lied to me, and now I knew to what extent.
Something possessed Lancer. I’d never seen his eyes go so black before. He almost didn’t seem human. Butterflies fluttered low in my belly as my memory recalled how Avalon had looked at me. His gray eyes, tinged with emerald bursts, cut through my skin and penetrated into my soul.
My soul …
That part of me longed for this tall, dark, and dangerous man to make me remember and force me back to life. How many wonderful moments were lost because of what Lancer did to me?
I rubbed my palms over my bare arms and stood to rummage around in a bag to find a sweater. Even though the castle had heating, my tank top wouldn’t be enough in the chilly night air.
“I know I packed one in here.” Muttering to myself, I tossed underwear and socks aside. “Come on.”
Suddenly, my fingers brushed smooth, rounded beads, and I paused.
A jolt of energy raced down my arm and pooled in my chest, urging me to pull out whatever I held. The black beaded rosary gleamed in the dim light of the bedside lamp and the lit fireplace.
“Where did I get this again?”
Expecting silence to greet me, I wrapped the beads around my palm and fingered the silver cross at the very point of the beads.
This belongs to you.
A hushed whisper sent a chill up my spine. The room grew colder, and shadows appeared to move along the walls.
Licking my lips, I felt my heart thunder against my ribs.
“Hello?”
The voice had sounded as if a person was sitting right next to me.
But no one was there. I squeezed my eyes shut and prayed whichever ghostly spirit decided to pick me to play with would be nice.
A soft, tinkering laugh drifted through the air again.
I will not harm you. Please do not fear me. I merely mean to show you the truth.
It took all I had not to bolt from the room.
Whatever it was, was actually speaking to me in full sentences.
“W-who are you?” My voice shook as my gaze darted around the dark corners of the room. “Don’t jump out at me, please.”
Another chuckle.
I cannot make myself seen—only heard.
Breathing a sigh of relief, I clung to the rosary in my hand. “Who are you?”
This time, my question came with a bit more assurance.
May I show you who I am?
I frowned. “I thought you couldn’t show yourself?”
I cannot, but I can still show you through your mind.
Rising to my feet, I swallowed hard. “You want to me to invite you into my mind?”
No, silly girl. The voice sounded slightly amused. I’m merely going to show you who we are.
“Who we are?” Adrenaline surged through my veins, and the palms of my hands grew clammy. “I am me. What I don’t know is who you are.”
The voice sighed. I cannot show you here.
Immediately on the defensive, I took a cautious step back to the bed. “Where do I have to go?”
Just around the corner and down the hall. In front of the lion tapestry, you will find a door hidden behind it. Open it and go up the steps and you will be standing in one of the oldest parts of this castle.
“How do I know you’re being honest with me?”
Because you staying alive is in my best interest.
A cold burst of air hit my lower back, and I felt myself move forward.
Go on, then.
Pursing my lips, I walked slowly over the threshold of the bedroom and into the sitting area of the set chamber. The door loomed suddenly very large in front of me, and I glanced at my wristwatch.
12:34a.m.
I should be fine to wander around without anyone catching me, shouldn’t I?
You’ll be fine. The voice caused me to jump.
“Please don’t speak so closely.” My hand went over my heart, trying to steady my breathing. “I’m having a hard time not thinking this is all a bad dream.”
This is all very real, Alexandria. The voice urged me on. Just keep a hold on your rosary and step out into the hall.
“You sound like a woman. Are you?” I whispered, opening the heavy door carefully and poking my head out to survey the hall.
I am.
Once my blood pressure lowered back to normal, I stepped one socked foot cautiously out onto the carpeted hall. And that was pretty much how I tiptoed my way along, searching the walls for a lion tapestry. Luckily for me, the dim lights held in their scones cast enough of a glow to discern, and after turning a corner, there it was.
The once chatty voice had fallen silent, and I waited for her to give me any instructions, but none came.
“Okay, strange,” I muttered to myself, lifting the heavy fabric from the wall, expecting to just see a stone wall.
Instead, an ancient looking wooden door hid behind the large wall decoration.
The voice hadn’t lied.
Normally, I wouldn’t be caught dead sneaking around a stranger’s house, let alone the home of a duke, but something about the voice prompted me to grab the handle and open the door just a crack.
An icy burst blasted me in the chest, and I stared up the long set of stone stairs, trying to gather my wits.
The oldest part of the castle, huh?
What could possibly be lurking on the second story of a centuries-old structure?
Step by step, stone by stone, I made the ascent.
I ran my fingers along the cold stone next to me, marveling at the double doors at the very top. A worn and tattered banner hung from directly above, but I couldn’t make out the coat of arms on the door.
Pressing my palm against the door, I felt a sense of familiarity fall upon my shoulders.
>
Had I been here before?
All fear left as I pushed the doors open and gazed upward at the high-vaulted ceiling and gothic, arched windows. This, at one point in the castle’s life, had to have been the Great Hall, the place where dining and celebrating would have occurred.
Obviously, this part of the castle hadn’t the luxury of heat. Thank goodness I’d grabbed a sweater.
Magnificent, isn’t it?
I didn’t jump this time as the voice returned.
“It is. I assume this used to be the Great Hall?”
It felt very strange to wander deeper into an ancient and almost ruin-like area with a spirit acting as my tour guide. A multitude of glass casings lined the walls, holding precious artifacts.
“Did Avalon have a museum at one time up here?” I asked, staring down into a case holding the most breathtaking tiara I’d ever seen.
Gold wove delicate branches around and sprouted gilded leaves and held precious gemstones. Whoever wore this must have had status and wealth behind her.
I leaned closer to the glass, squinting to see more detail, when the reflection of a woman caught my attention. Expecting her to be a portrait, I turned around to look, but there wasn’t anyone there.
No picture.
Just stone.
Suddenly, the creep factor slid back up to overwhelming on the fear scale.
When I glanced back at the case, the reflection smirked. “This is the only way you can see me.”
I forced myself to swallow a scream.
She looked just like me!
Only where I had brown hair, hers fell to her waist and gleamed amber-gold.
“You ... are you ...?”
No words would form into proper sentences.
“I am me. I am her. And I am you.” She spoke directly to me. “This tiara is mine, as it is yours. And the rosary in your hand belonged to me until I was sent away.”
The rosary wrapped around my left hand seemed to throb with life.
“You’re Guinevere.”
Finally, a full statement.
Her lips tilted up even more. “I am, and you are also me but also yourself.”
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