by Finn
“Okay, okay. Fine. I’ll go,” Blaire muttered, throwing her hands up in surrender.
“I’ll be fine. I’m going to find Trent, so I won’t eat alone. Just… Leroy probably needs you more than I do.”
“You still like him, don’t you?” Blaire asked as both our eyes landed on Leroy.
His head was resting on his arms that were folded on the table. He had been like that since we had walked outside, and Andy had been beside him the whole time, bent over close to him, looking as though he was whispering to him.
Yes. I did still like him. Of course, I did. As a friend and more. I couldn’t get over him that quickly. I could still see all the little mannerisms I fell for clearly in my mind. Each little laugh and how he rustled his own hair when he was nervous. My heart still fluttered at the thought of him and his smile.
I couldn’t forget those. I didn’t want to, but at the same time, I wish that I could stop thinking about them. About him.
“Yeah,” I said quietly and looked away from him, toward the ground. “Go. I’ll talk to you later.”
Keeping my eyes down, I felt Blaire’s hand on my back for a second before I felt her move away, and glancing up, I saw her walking toward Andy and Leroy.
Taking a deep breath and fighting against every fibre in my body not to follow her over there, I scanned the rest of the field, trying to find Trent. However, before I was able to locate him, another hand rested on my back, and I jumped at the touch, spinning around to see who it was.
“Oh, my fuck. Sorry,” a small voice met my ears, and my eyes rested on someone the same height as me.
Their dark brown hair was shaved at both sides, only leaving the top long, and it hung partly in front of their face, which they made a move to push it away. Their light browns eyes were filled with kindness along with surprise after I had startled them.
“No, I’m sorry. Just kinda scared me,” I said with a soft laugh, placing my hand on heart, feeling it thumping under my palm.
“Which is why I’m sorry. I’m Luc—fuck. Cooper. I’m Cooper.”
“I’m glad you clarified. Because Luc—fuck Cooper is an odd name.”
Cooper let out a small laugh, and I saw their face get redder.
“I’m… uh, still getting used to introducing myself as Cooper.”
“Oh?’ I questioned before it clicked in my mind. “Oh! I’m sorry if my joke was inappropriate!” I said quickly, feeling my own face heat as I watched Cooper shake their head.
“Oh, no, no. Not at all. Don’t worry. I’m just an idiot,” Cooper spoke just as quickly as me and looked to the ground.
“Uh, so, uh… he and him?” I asked timidly, unsure of if it was okay to ask that question.
Probably not. I’m a fucking idiot.
“Yes,” Cooper said, and he looked up and smiled at me. “I’m still getting used to this. Telling people other than my mum.”
“When did you tell her?” I asked, regretting it instantly. “I mean if it’s okay to ask that. I’m sorry. Forget it. I’m bad at communication.”
“It’s okay, Pete,” Cooper said with another laugh, and I did a double-take as I questioned how he knew my name.
The video.
“I only told her on Saturday. After I saw your video.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I mean, congratulations? That’s good. I’m really bad at this. I’m sorry.”
Cooper laughed at my rambling before composing himself and wrapping his arm around my shoulder.
“How about we stop talking about it, and you come and sit with Trent and me.”
“You know Trent?” I asked, letting myself be steered by Cooper in the opposite direction of my Leroy.
“Yeah, we met up on Monday. Kind of stuck together. After all, we’re the only other two people who came out as not your average Joe.”
Continuing to walk across the field, I kept scanning in front of me until my eyes fell on Trent, who was lounging on the grass alone. His black hair was waving slightly in the wind, and as he turned to look our way, I saw his green eyes sparkle.
“We would have collected you up, too, but…” Cooper trailed off as he waved at Trent who returned it as he looked at me.
“I’m sorry about that. There was a lot on my mind,” I said quietly, nodding at Trent as we came to stand in front of him.
“Hey, Pete!” Trent greeted me cheerfully, gesturing to a spot on the grass in front of him, and I sat down.
“Hey, Trent,” I said as Cooper sat down beside me.
“How are you holding up? I saw what happened with Leroy yesterday,” Trent said, stealing a glance at Leroy before looking back at me.
“I’m okay.”
“He’s not like…” Cooper started but trailed off, though I knew what he was trying to say.
“No. I don’t think so. He’s just… I don’t know.”
I really had no idea what to say. I didn’t want to think that Leroy was homophobic, but at this point, I had no clue. It sure did seem like he was, but I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t want to. No matter how angry I was at him.
“Let’s talk about not me,” I said quickly, trying to take the focus off of all my problems.
That’s all that I seemed to have been focusing on for the past few days, and I didn’t want to think about them anymore. I needed a break from everything going on in my life.
“Let’s talk about you guys. Trent?” I asked, looking at the boy sitting across from me, who gave me a crooked smile.
“Uh, well, I’m also okay,” Trent said awkwardly. “Not much to talk about on my end. I, uh, bought a new laptop? Well, my dad bought it.”
“Does he know you’re gay?” Cooper asked, and Trent nodded.
“Oh, yeah. I told my family ages ago. My dad actually bought me the laptop so I could watch gay porn in peace instead of on the family TV.”
I snorted at Trent’s words, and Cooper’s jaw dropped, while Trent laughed.
“Well, at least he has your interests at heart,” I said, and Cooper finally joined in on the laughter.
I had no idea that it would be so easy to feel comfortable talking with people I barely knew, or how quickly time would go by while I was with them. After we finished laughing, our conversation turned into random things, from games to school and sports. There was barely any mention of each other’s personal lives, and it was so easy. So calming.
Maybe this could be the new normal.
Too soon, the bell signalling the end of lunch rang through the grounds, and everyone began making their way to their next class. Cooper, Trent, and I all got to our feet and making sure we had our bags, we joined the other students.
Sadly, we were all in different years, and as we made our way to our classes, we said a quick goodbye before splitting up.
Hitching up the one strap of my bag that was on my shoulder, I looked around the hall I had walked into, and I saw Leroy through the crowd of students, looking back toward me. I felt my stomach swirl inside me, but I ignored it. I didn’t care. I had to learn to push that feeling away because as soon as he caught my eye, he quickly turned away and disappeared into the crowd.
Sighing deeply, I readjusted my bag again, trying to keep it from falling off my shoulder but failing miserably. Just before it managed to slip down my arm, I felt someone grab the strap and pull it back up for me, before moving around behind me and settling on my left side.
“You do know that there are two straps for a reason?” Donny’s voice drifted into my ear, and I turned to look at him.
“Yeah, I was, uh, just trying something different,” I muttered.
If I hadn’t been shocked the other day when Donny defended me, I was definitely shocked now. The person who had tormented me for most of my high school life was acting as if we had been friends for ages.
“I can sense a ‘badass’ vibe coming from you,” Donny stated with a laugh, and I shook my head, praying that this wasn’t some ploy to gain my trust then beat the shit out of me.
“I
wasn’t really going for that, but I’ll take it.” I forced a smile as we both continued to walk down the hall together.
Suddenly, someone else grabbed my shoulder and pulled me away from Donny. Turning to see who it was, Mitchell’s eyes greeted mine.
“Fancy seeing you here,” Mitchell said with a smirk, and my heart made its way into my throat, making it very difficult for me to find any words.
Thankfully, Donny had moved with us and spoke for me.
“What the fuck did I say the other day, Mitch,” Donny growled, and Mitchell turned to look at him.
“Didn’t think you’d seriously stand up for this fag—”
In a split second, Mitchell was doubled over as Donny’s fist planted itself into his stomach, and I felt myself being pulled away from him as Donny dragged me down the hall.
“You don’t have to deal with shit, Pete,” he snarled, and I could hear the anger in his voice.
After walking a little more down the hall, we came to a stop in front of the classroom I assumed he needed to go to.
“Look, can I apologise to you?” Donny asked, no more anger in his voice as he looked down at me.
I always forgot how tall he was as I tilted my head up to look at him properly.
“I, honestly, don’t care what you do. But, uh, thank you for yesterday. And just now. I’m not sure what would have happened,” I said truthfully, shuddering at the thought of what Mitchell would have done.
“Oh, yeah, anytime.” Donny gave me a small smile before looking toward the ground.
I had never seen him like this before. His face was not the usual hardened, glaring, most evil-looking thing ever, but instead soft and… caring?
“I know I’ve treated you pretty shitty over the past few years,” Donny continued, still avoiding looking into my eyes. “I’ve been a dick over something that wasn’t any of my business, and I’m sorry.”
“Are you only apologising now because you know I’m gay and that’s the reason I didn’t date your sister?” I asked, raising my eyebrows, trying to get him to look at me.
I wasn’t too sure on where I got the confidence from to say that, but I was glad I’d managed to get some. Still… it was still fucking weird to say that I was gay out loud in front of people. But I couldn’t deny it now, could I?
“No! I mean… maybe,” Donny muttered, clearly unsure of what to say, but either way, the thought was welcome. I think. “It’s just… after I saw the video, I spoke with Georgie, and she said that there were no hard feelings and I don’t know, man. I don’t know why I was a dick, but I am sorry.”
“Thanks, Donny. You don’t need to apologise, though. Life moves on. It’s fine,” I said, and Donny finally looked at me. “Plus, you keep standing up for me, so I can’t really stay angry at you.”
“Well, my cousin is gay, and he went through a lot. So, I’m here for you. Honestly, it’s the least I could do.” Donny smiled again and held out his hand, which I took. “New beginnings?”
“Why not.”
After shaking Donny’s hand and letting my arm fall back to my side, I looked back to where we had come from and saw Mitchell stumbling down the hall, holding his stomach.
I guess the new normal had some kinks. I just hoped that I could work them out before they became a problem.
Nodding once more at Donny and watching him walk into the classroom we were standing outside of, I continued making my way to my math’s class, hoping I didn’t run into anyone else who shared Mitchell’s ideals.
Thankfully, I didn’t, but as I reached the class, I saw Leroy standing at the door, and I realised I still had other problems to take care of.
-Nineteen-
Emotions
“Pete, Pete, Lemonade, ‘round the corner… Cooper is here!” Cooper’s voice slid into my ear as I leant up against the wall outside of the school.
I had been waiting there for a while, out of the way of the other students, watching them walk down into the parking lot, and others heading in the other direction to the buses.
I wouldn’t usually wait around here after school, but I had a few reasons for doing so today. The main one was to avoid Leroy. I knew that he would be heading into the carpark with Andy—however, I didn’t know when, and I wasn’t about to make myself deal with the awkwardness and even hostility between us. I’d already had to push through that during math class.
You would think it would be easy to ignore someone who you’re trying to avoid when they’re sitting on the other side of a classroom. But, for some reason, I always found my attention drifting to him. My eyes lingered on him for countless minutes at a time as I wondered what was going through his head, and what was making him act this way toward me.
There were times he would look toward me as I was staring, and I would have to quickly look away. Other times, I would glance over at him to see him already looking at me. This made what was usually a fifty-minute class turn into an eternity as the endless churn in my stomach and in my heart fuelled my emotions.
The emotions that I couldn’t get a hold on, or even a read on. One moment I was angry at Leroy. Silently cursing him and wanting nothing to do with him. Then, the next, I was pitying him. Sad for what was happening in his home, and to him. Making up excuses for the way he was acting.
Yes, maybe he did have good excuses. Perhaps what was happening with his father was more than what I had seen. But was that enough to forgive him for turning away from me? For not saying anything or giving me a reason?
To everyone else, it might not seem like anything. To the rest of the school, it might seem like I was overreacting. But Leroy was my best friend. If there was anyone who I thought would stay by my side, it would have been him. Forget everything that happened. My feelings for him and the kiss that had almost happened that he didn’t even know about.
After everything we had been through together—the late-night gaming and all-nighters we’d pulled. To the dangerous stunts we did together after school, along with Andy and Blaire. I thought he would be by my side no matter what. No matter who I was.
I wanted to be angry. I had the right to be angry. I was. But I could never stay that way because it was Leroy. It was the boy whose eyes sparkled when he smiled, and the one who bit his lip after saying a joke.
It was the boy who I knew had lost so much. From his mother to a father who used to care who was now slowly unravelling.
Andy was right. I had never been one to turn my back or judge someone when I didn’t know everything. But I did know everything, didn’t I?
Fuck knows anymore. I just wanted to confront him, though, at the same time, I wanted to let it go. To let him go. Why the fuck was that so hard?
To make things worse, that was only one of the reasons I was waiting in a little hiding spot. The others involved Mitchell and his gang of five that I had spotted throughout the day, all hanging around together, glaring in my direction. I had no doubt Cooper and Trent had been getting the same treatment, so hearing Cooper’s cheerful voice sent a wave of relief through me.
He was okay.
“Trent’s also here,” Trent said, and I turned to Cooper walking over to me, and Trent peering around from behind him.
Both of them looking happy and unharmed.
Maybe I was giving Mitchell and his gang too much credit. Did they really have the guts to attack one of us? Everyone else in the school seemed to support us, so it would be social suicide to try anything to harm us.
Then again, if Donny hadn’t been with me when Mitchell was around before…
“You look a little sick. Are you okay, Pete?” Cooper asked, and I waved his question off as he came to a stop in front of me. Trent at his side.
“I’m fine. Just a few things on my mind,” I muttered, eternally thankful for the trees surrounding the area we were in.
The shade and coolness they gave was calming, which was something I could not get enough of.
“Is it the Mitchell thing?” Cooper asked, and I looked at him in
surprise.
How the hell did he know?
“Oh, yeah. Are you okay?” Trent pressed, moving away from Cooper and coming to rest beside me, leaning on the wall. “Donny cornered us before last period and told us what happened and to be careful.”
“Really?” I questioned, surprise still written on my face as I looked from Trent to Cooper.
I had never seen Donny as the type to care about anyone else other than himself. Well, and his sister, I guess. So, the fact that he was, first of all, apologising to me and protecting me, and then warning Cooper and Trent about Mitchell was…
I have no idea. There were no words.
“Yeah!” Cooper exclaimed with a light chuckle, playing with a few low hanging leaves on one of the trees. “At first, I was a little scared. ‘Cause, you know, it’s Donny. But then he came out with that.”
“I peed a little,” Trent said with a sigh, and both Cooper and I looked at him with raised eyebrows. “What? I’m smaller than both of you, and he is an enormous human.”
“Seriously, though, are you okay?” Cooper asked me, shaking his head at Trent who shrugged his shoulders.
“Yes, I’m fine—” I started but was cut off by another familiar voice.
“Jesus, Pete. Could you have picked a more secluded spot?”
I looked away from Trent and past Cooper to see Blaire do a little skip toward us, a broad smile plastered on her face as she scanned our small group.
“I like the trees,” I said, replicating Blaire’s smile, though she was no longer looking at me.
Following her line of sight, I saw it had fallen on Cooper.
“Hi! I’m Blaire!” She said brightly, holding out her hand for Cooper to take, which he did.
“I know.” Cooper grinned, continuing to hold Blaire’s hand. Neither of them letting go, and neither of them shaking. “I’m Cooper.”
“Hi, Cooper. I’m Blaire,” Blaire repeated. Her cheeks quickly flushing red as she finally dropped Cooper’s hand.
“Oh, for the love of fuck,” I muttered, rolling my eyes and looking toward the ground.