by L. B. Dunbar
Riverwalk.
It’s a weekly street fair encouraging people in the community to gather and support the local businesses. Restaurants sell food. Stores have sales, and local services like the public library offer an area for kid’s games. There’s also a band playing cover songs. It’s more than I want to deal with, especially when the first person I see is Gabe Carpenter standing on the corner as though he’s waiting for someone.
“What are you doing here?” I ask. There’s no way for me to avoid him as he leans in for a friendly—and unwanted—hug.
“Came over to see Mom and Dad.” He slides his arm over my shoulder, which makes me uncomfortable. I didn’t come here for this. I just want some dinner.
Standing so I face an ambulance and fire truck parked for children to gather around, I instantly spot Jess.
The signature ponytail. The clench to his jaw. The denim blue eyes fixing me with a glare.
Only I match that glare as I see fluorescent orange fingernails climb his black T-shirt covered chest and a head of midnight hair lands on his shoulder. The woman next to him wraps around his body like a snake on a pole. Nothing wrong with that if that’s what he wants, right?
Only I’m shattered.
Are you freaking kidding me?
I recognize that Jess and I don’t seem to fit together in many ways, but then I think of our bodies joined as one.
Was it not as good for him?
I’m distracted from my thoughts the second I see Katie has noticed me. She’s wearing a pair of fireman boots, which come to her hips, and her smile breaks the tension inside me. Her arms flail as she attempts to walk, and I see her pitch forward.
“Katie!” I call out, and Jess goes into action, catching her before she falls to the concrete. He scoops her out of the boots with his hands under her armpits, and she kicks out for him to put her down. Once her feet are on the ground, she runs to me, wrapping her arms around my thighs.
“Hey, Katie bug,” I coo as I brush a hand over her blond locks. I’m reminded I want to talk to her about my nana and prepare her for the fact I need to leave soon. I squat down until I’m eye-level with her and she wraps her arms around my neck, similar to the way she did the time I left for Chicago. It’s as if she senses something’s coming, and I don’t feel good about that.
“What’s this?” I whisper to her as both Jess and Sami approach. Fluorescent nails reach for Katie’s back, but she flinches in my arms, and I twist to pull Katie away from the unwanted touch.
“Come to Auntie Sami,” the woman purrs, sounding every bit like Ursula the sea witch from The Little Mermaid, and suddenly, I’m curious if she cast the spell on Katie. I can just imagine her breaking into a rendition of “Poor Unfortunate Souls.”
“Auntie Sami,” I mutter, willing myself not to look at Jess. How could he do this after what he said about her earlier today?
“We’re old friends, Katie and me.” Sami’s high-pitched voice grates over my skin.
“Old friends,” I mock, finally giving in and glaring at Jess.
“What’s he doing here?” Jess snaps, chin tipping in the direction of Gabe.
“We just bumped—”
“She’s my date,” Gabe announces, slipping his arm back over my shoulder. Fortunately, Katie pushes it off, and I bite my lip, grateful for her protection. Us girls who don’t want touches from creepy people need to stick together.
“That’s not true,” I correct, meeting Jess’s gaze.
“Gabe.” Sami addresses him with a curt nod, and it’s evident there’s history here. Then she extends a hand to me. “I’m Samantha Knight, but you can call me Sami. Jess does.” I stare at her hand. My own hands are full from holding Katie.
“Emily Post.”
Her brow instantly curls upward as her false smile falls. “So, you’re Emily.”
“She’s Emily,” Jess says, getting my attention once again. The tension between all of us is thicker than ice cream, but we’re adult enough not to make a scene in front of Katie. At least, I hope so. Jess reaches for her, his hands coming to her sides, but she holds tighter to me.
“Let me take her,” Jess mutters.
“I have her,” I state. “I need to find some dinner.” I’m not speaking to anyone in particular. I just want to walk away from this group. For the second time, I find myself thinking coming uptown was a horrible idea.
Thankfully, Tricia Carter catches my eye and comes to my rescue. “Hey Katie, let’s go to the kid’s corner.”
Ignoring the rumble in my stomach, I mouth my gratitude as our entourage moves to the designated children’s area, set up with oversized games like Connect Four and a giant checkers board, along with hula hoops and bubble blowing. Katie doesn’t want the games, and I agree with her. I’m too old to play any of the games around me.
Sami lingers near us but no longer touches Jess.
“What’s she doing here?” Tricia grumbles at her brother, not so under her breath.
He shrugs, and I want to punch him for his noncommittal answer. “Suppose she’s enjoying the atmosphere, like Gabe.”
Oh no, he doesn’t. This is not tit for tat. I did not invite Gabe, but it’s clear Sami is here with Jess.
She didn’t get the memo he’s not interested. Or maybe he still is after I reminded him I’m leaving soon.
I turn in the direction of the band and walk toward it, bypassing all the food stands. I no longer feel hungry.
“Katie bug, let’s dance.” After setting her on her feet, I wiggle my brows at her as the band begins playing a popular song. She takes my hand, and we head into the small crowd of young people dancing with their hands up. I smile down at her as we wave our arms and twirl around. Katie bites her little lip, fighting a grin and watching my silly antics. I’m not afraid to shake my thing. My breath catches, and I wait on a giggle—just one little squeak to let me know she’s having fun—but it doesn’t happen.
“We forgot your crown, Princess Katie,” I say, leaning down to her. Her eyes snap to mine before she follows the direction of my finger as I point at the girls wearing tiaras. Pageantry is a big thing in small towns, and the local beauty queens mingle in the crowd with their crowns and sashes.
The band switches to another song about Romeo and Juliet, and I grab Katie’s hands, tugging her to me as we awkwardly waltz. I dip her, aware of a whispering buzz around us and a few eyes boring into me. As the song nears the end, applause begins, and I turn us toward those gathered along the edge of the dancing area. When someone calls Katie’s name from the crowd and whistles, I look at Jess, but it wasn’t him. With his arms crossed, he watches us, and I can’t read him. Thankfully, Sami’s gone for the moment.
I take Katie’s hand one more time, smile at her, and gently tug her into a curtsy, showing our appreciation to those applauding us. Then I giggle as I pull Katie in for a hug and swing her upward to sit on my hip. She’s heavy for me, but I carry her a few feet to her father. Tricia intercepts us.
“Katie, let Daddy dance with Emily,” Tricia suggests.
“Oh, that’s okay,” I say as I lower Katie to the ground. Jess glares at his sister.
“Who knew you could dance so well, beauty queen?” Tricia questions her niece as the band chatters behind me. I want to ask about Sami, but I don’t. And I don’t want to dance with him, either.
“How about some ice cream?” I suggest to Katie, smiling down at her as I avoid the glare of Jess’s eyes on the side of my head.
Tricia looks at me and then narrows her eyes on her brother, growling his name.
The band strikes up again, playing a popular slow country song, and a few older couples drift into the makeshift dance circle.
“Let’s dance,” he says, his voice low but demanding.
“I don’t think so,” I say, but he reaches for my hand, holding firm.
“One dance.” My statement goes to Katie as I look down at her while her father tugs us a few feet away. I call back to her. “Then ice cream.”
>
Suddenly, Jess wraps his arms around me, and we fall silent as the singer croons about love lost and second chances.
“Jess . . .”
“Shh,” he mutters as he pulls me a little closer, almost as close as two people can be. But I know what it’s like to be closer to him. How did we get to this place where I feel so distant even in his arms?
“Did you just shush me?”
Jess snorts and admits nothing.
“Where’s Sami?” I snap.
“Where’s Gabe?” he retorts.
“I did not come here with him.”
“And I didn’t come here with her.”
We stand at an impasse. Actually, we sway to the beat of a slow song, and I’m reminded of dancing in my nana’s living room, when I felt for a just a moment like happily ever after could be a real thing.
Not for you, Emily.
“God, I want to kiss that mouth of yours,” he mutters.
“Not after you kissed her last night,” I say. “Not to mention, you smell like her.” I exaggerate a sniff and lie because he smells like Jess, all man and sunshine with a hint of cinnamon. But I’m still upset that she was hanging on him like he was her next pole routine, and he did nothing about it.
Jess tugs me tighter. “You have no idea what you’re talking about, but I like your jealous streak.” He looks over my head as he speaks instead of addressing me directly.
“Jealous? Of that?” I snap, no longer worried about defending the sisterhood of scorned women.
“Hey, kids.”
Jess groans, and I peek around his arm to see his brother dancing with Karyn.
“Aw, ain’t you two so cute,” Tom coos.
“Shut up,” Jess growls, spinning us so my back is to his brother, but Tom isn’t having it. He moves so he and his wife are next to us.
“Did I see you dancing with Katie?” Tom asks as of me, surprise in his voice. “Got her moves from her father, eh?”
“Eh? What are you, Canadian now?” Jess glowers.
I glance at Karyn, in the hopes I’ll find about the source of the tension that rolls off one brother without affecting the other. She’s used to the banter between them—the teasing from older brother and the brooding responses of the younger—but I sense this is more than friendly fire.
“You’re quite the dancing queen yourself, Emily. Don’t you think so, Jess?” Tom continues. “Bet you could teach Jess a move or two. He’s out of practice.”
Jess stops and turns on his brother, but I rest my hands on his firm chest, pressing against him to keep him where he is.
“Now boys, let’s play nicely. Tom, you pay attention to this dancing queen,” Karyn addresses her husband while winking at me. Jess’s heart thunders through his tight T-shirt.
“Jess,” I say gently as I slide my hand up to his shoulder. He turns his attention back to me.
“Aw, look how she tames the beast,” Tom mutters. Karyn playfully smacks her husband’s chest, but he continues. “If only he’d accept his feelings for the beauty.”
My mouth falls open again, and I wonder what Tom means by his comments. However, Jess has had enough and guides us out of the dance circle.
“Wait.” Tom stops dancing but still holds his wife as his eyes meet his brother’s. “Did you tell her?”
“Later,” Jess commands. My head swivels as I glance from brother to brother. Something passes between them, and Tom shakes his head in disappointment. His eyes meet mine with a touch of concern, and then he spins his wife, falling back into his playful self. He smiles at someone in the crowd and then dramatically dips Karyn.
“What was that all about?” I ask.
“Nothing,” Jess grumbles. He releases my hand like he doesn’t want people seeing us holding on to each other. I look around and notice a few people are watching us. They’re probably wondering who I am and why I’m with him.
“People are watching us,” I mutter, warning him.
“People are watching you. They’re curious about the woman who danced with my baby girl.”
I tug my head back to look up at his face.
“Well, I’m just Emily.”
“There’s nothing just about you, darlin’,” he drawls and then slips his hand to my lower back.
“Jess, you don’t like liars and cheaters. Well, I don’t like secrets. What was that with Tom?”
He looks down at me and then shifts his gaze. “Please, can we talk about it later?”
Fine. I need to get Katie some ice cream and get back to Nana’s. I’m no longer hungry myself. This day needs to be over. We find Tricia and Katie on the sidewalk waiting for me, but Sami intercepts Jess again, and I have no patience for this type of nonsense.
I take Katie’s hand in mine, and we swing our arms as we walk to the ice cream shop where Katie points at the picture of the Superman ice cream as her order. It’s a Michigan favorite of bright pink, blue, and yellow swirls. We step back outside, and Gabe appears, sulking as he greets people who recognize him. Jess and Sami stand off to the side. She’s clearly arguing with him, but he’s not having it.
What a shitshow.
“She’s a clinger,” Tricia says, and I look over at her, not understanding her meaning. “She can’t seem to take the blatant truth. He doesn’t want to date her or whatever he was doing with her anymore. He has you.” Tricia winks at me, and I open my mouth to protest. “My soon-to-be ex is like that. Can’t accept what’s right in front of him, that it’s over. It’s that easy. Not rocket science. Done. Finished.” Tricia claps once, sharp and loud, and then wiggles her fingers like an explosion.
Then she turns to her niece. “Katie girl, ready for fireworks on Saturday?”
“There’s fireworks?” Of course, there’s fireworks. How could I forget? Instantly, I recall the times when Grace and I would run around Nana’s yard with sparklers and then walk down to the harbor to watch the display that always marked the end of summer.
Marking the end of days.
My brows crease, and suddenly, Jess is at my side. “What’s wrong?”
I shake my head, but the desire to go home is strong. I’m hit by a tidal wave of emotions slamming into me over Nana and her house. How could I forget something so innocent as fireworks?
“Katie bug,” I address her. “How about if I walk you home? Then this old gal is going to bed.” I gaze down at her sweet face all covered in pink, yellow, and blue and then take the napkin from her fingers and help her wipe her face.
“You’re so good with her,” Tricia comments. “Isn’t she good to her, Jess?”
Jess grumbles something, but I don’t hear him. I focus on Katie, who offers me her dripping ice cream cone.
“Are you offering me a lick?” I ask, taking the sugary confection from her. “All finished?”
Katie nods, and I take the treat, swirl my tongue around the edges once, and then open my mouth to suck from the top. Jess groans nearby, and I’m reminded of what I did to him. I hope he’s thinking of it as well. When I glance up, I find Sami lingering as if waiting on Jess, and think, Never gonna have that again, pal.
If he never gets it again, neither do you, girl, my inner libido weeps.
On that note . . .
“Time to go, Katie bug. This fairy needs sleep.” I point at myself, and Katie’s eyes light up. I toss her cone in the nearby trash bin and reach for her hand, but she lifts her arms. She’s too big for me to carry for too long, but I don’t want to deny her.
“I’ll take her,” Jess offers. He reaches out for her, but Katie shifts away from him, stepping toward me, so I scoop her up. I don’t meet his eyes because I imagine her rebuff hurt his feelings.
“Where are you going?” Gabe calls after me as I step in the opposite direction of Nana’s. “I wanted to walk you home.”
“I have her,” Jess calls out, answering for me. In fact, he turns to face Gabe for a second. I don’t twist to see what transpires but instead continue in the direction of Jess’s house.
“A.G.? Don’t you mean O.G.? Original Gangster,” I correct.
“Nope, we call him A.G. for Asshole Gabester.” She giggles, and I can’t help but laugh along with her. My thought is poor Gabe, only I don’t feel too sorry for him if he helped Jess’s wife leave him. There must be even more to that story, but I’m not privy to the details. More secrets.
When we arrive at the Carter family home, all the lights are on. Jess caught up to us, but I follow Tricia’s lead into the house and carry a very sleepy Katie up the stairs despite her weight. Jess steadies me with a hand at my back. When we get to the second floor, he steers me to a room at the end of the hall. He reaches around me to open the door to a bedroom and then guides me to another door within the room.
The second door opens into a tandem room, which is overwhelmingly pink. Katie’s space has a twin-size bed covered in a pink patchwork quilt, a small nightstand, and a princess lamp that gives off a soft glow. Jess pulls the covers back before maneuvering out of the way, and I lay Katie down on the bed. She rolls toward the wall, and I reach down to remove her tennis shoes. I turn to Jess and mouth pajamas, but he shakes his head. He covers Katie with the patchwork quilt and kisses her sticky cheek. It’s sweet and intimate, and I feel like I’m intruding when he says, “I love you.” I step back, preparing to exit the room and give them a moment, but Katie shifts in the bed.
Her eyes meet mine. Her little thumb points to her sternum. Then she crosses her arms over her chest like a giant X before pointing her index finger at me.
I love you, the gesture signs. I love you, she said.
To me.
My heart patters and pings around in my chest like a loose pinball. My fingers shake as I raise my arms and sign back as I speak. “I love you, too.”
My eyes meet Jess’s, and the normal denim blue color has turned to deadly midnight. He turns back to his child and reaches for her head to brush back her hair and kiss her one more time.
The image before me is too much. I want that.
Her silent words were too much. I want that, too.
Emotion slams into me once again.