by L. B. Dunbar
And then she still left him.
What a piece of work she was, but it also explains a lot. He’s keeping up a wall because I’m going to walk away. It’s not that I want to go, but I just don’t have assurances from him that I should stay.
While still in the alley, I pull my phone from my purse and call Grace, telling her everything. The sex. The dates. The blowout at the Tavern. I saunter home as I tell my tale.
“You had sex, and you didn’t tell me?” my sister shrieks, followed by a giggle.
“Grace, you have sex all the time. You’re about to have your fifth child, for heaven’s sake.”
“Yeah, but it’s not the same, and it’s so difficult when I’m this huge. I’m living vicariously through you.” She’s teasing me, trying to break the tension she hears in my voice.
“Sounds like someone was jealous,” she adds.
“He sounded broken, Grace. His wife slept with someone, he caught her, and then he took her back. And she still left him.”
“Fragile heart,” Grace whispers. “He sounds like you.”
“I don’t have a fragile heart.” I laugh. I’m the one left behind. I’ve become hard-hearted to it.
“Yes, you do, Em. You get dumped, and you’re so hurt, but it’s always a sign that he was not the right guy, not that you’re the wrong girl.”
Tears prick my eyes at her words.
“So what are you going to do?” she asks.
“Go home,” I say with a shrug. I’ve arrived at Nana’s house, and I climb the steps to sit on the porch swing. It’s getting even harder to be inside now that new memories have been made with Jess. The living room. The shower. My bed.
“Do you want to go?”
“I don’t have a choice, do I? My job awaits.” I sigh.
“Quit it,” my sister commands, her tone serious. “You aren’t happy there.”
“Grace, I’m not independently wealthy. I can’t just leave my job.”
“You’re a single woman who’s worked a decade at the same place. You haven’t taken a vacation in over a year. I know you save money for a rainy day. Here’s your rainy day.”
I laugh at my sister’s wisdom, but she isn’t totally wrong. It just feels like such a big risk, and for what? Jess just walked away from me as I stood there wanting to help.
You offering me something?
Nope. The popping sound in his rejection resounds in my head.
“Nah, Grace. The sun is still shining for me,” I lie. “And I’m going back where I belong.”
+ + +
I didn’t hear from Jess at all the next day, and I used the time to organize what needs to be done and make some calls to set up appointments. Most places closed early—typical for a Friday before a holiday weekend—but I’ve set some things up and arranged for Sue Carpenter to let the workers into the house. It’s not ideal, but Sue offered her help, and I need her support.
Today is the biggest day of the Harbor Day weekend festivities, and everything will be closed while people celebrate with their family and friends.
Most people will be spending today in town or at the beach, and I decide to take a walk up to the local parade in the morning. The celebration begins with a display of the youthful beauties from various pageant courts along with celebrated veterans, first responders, and community businesses.
Jess and Tom are in the parade, but Jess doesn’t notice me.
He’s not looking, I tell myself. Nope, nope, nope.
Katie spots me instead. Sitting next to her father with a tiara on her head, she waves to me. I wave back, and then she taps her father’s shoulder. He makes eye contact, and I get the chin tip. The same one I got when I first met him.
So, we’ve come full circle.
With that, I turn to leave and run into Tricia Carter.
“Hey,” I say.
“Hey.” She watches me a second. “Are you leaving?”
“Yeah, I have stuff to do back at the house.”
Tricia nods. “But it’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood.”
We both laugh at her words.
“I’ve still got some packing to do and appointments to arrange.”
Her brows rise. “So, you’re really leaving, as in going away?” Her voice drifts off at the end of her question, and I’m surprised. What did she think I would do?
“I’ll walk you back,” she says and turns to walk with me back to Nana’s. Immediately, she dives into the awkward stuff. “I heard what happened the other night. I was running late thanks to my own drama.” She squints in the sunlight, and I know I should ask, but she continues before I can. “Men suck.”
I chuckle next to her. You said it, sista.
“But Debbie was a bitch, and Jess is just . . . loyal. Her charm was thick. She could weasel herself out of a paper bag. Cheating on her husband. Mistreating her child. She had excuses and reasons for everything.”
I listen in silence.
“Here’s the thing—when someone treats you like that, you start to believe the things they say and do are your fault.” She pauses, and I can’t help but think that no truer words were ever spoken. In the relationships I’ve had, I’d believed it really was me and not them. Something wasn’t right with me. I wasn’t the relationship type. I’ve started to realize that I’ve ignored the bigger picture—the reality that all of my previous lovers weren’t right for me, like Grace said. Walking with Tricia makes me miss Grace even more.
“You fall for the lies and believe them as truths,” Tricia adds. Her voice grows harder, and I’m suddenly wondering if she can relate.
“I’m sorry all that happened to Jess.”
“Me too.” She sighs. “Because at heart, he’s a great guy. Smart. Funny. Good dad. Great son. Upstanding man of the community. He’s perfect, right? Like a prince?” Her eyes shift to me.
“Perfect,” I mutter, only he doesn’t want me. “But Prince Charming might have a thing or two on your brother.”
“How’s that?” Tricia asks.
“Well, for one, as perfect as your brother might be, he isn’t interested in me.”
She stares at me, incredulity written across her face. “Girl, are you blind?”
“Look,” I say harshly. I stop walking and look directly at her. “Your brother has been very clear he doesn’t want anything from me. Not my love for Katie. Not my interest in him. He’s fine to just fu . . . sleep with me for a few days, but he’s not offering more.” I can’t believe I’ve just said all this to his sister, admitting that I’ve slept with her brother, but we’re adults. It happens.
“Did he say that? Say not to love Katie?”
“Yes.”
Tricia stares at me, blinking rapidly. “I . . . I’ll never understand men. What an idiot.” She chuckles as she shakes her head in disbelief. “I’m going to tell you something about my brother even though I probably shouldn’t. He won’t shut up about you. From the moment you entered town, it’s been Emily this and Emily that. First, you were always pissing him off, and that’s because he didn’t know what to do with you. Said you were always showing up wherever he was. When Katie took an interest in you, it just confused him more. Then his tune shifted, and he started acting like you’re some miracle worker by introducing Katie to sign language and the communication app. Then he sang more praises about you and smiled more often and started sneaking off to see you. He’s included you in every family function lately, which he has never ever done with a woman, and he’s . . . he’s fucking happy . . . so I do not understand. If that’s not an interested man, I don’t know what is.”
I quietly retort, “There are those lies we wish were truths.”
+ + +
After returning to Nana’s, I couldn’t seem to concentrate on any one task, so I gave up. With a beach bag over my shoulder and sunglasses on my face, I decide I deserve some beach time before I leave Elk Lake City. I exit Nana’s through the screened-in porch and walk around the house to find Jess sitting on the front porch
steps. He’s wearing board shorts, a T-shirt, and dark aviator sunglasses over his eyes. He’s a beach boy dream today, and I marvel at the many variations of Jess Carter.
“What are you doing?”
“I knocked, but you didn’t answer.”
“I was upstairs, I guess.” How did I not hear him? He reaches beside him and holds up a Styrofoam container. “I brought you lunch. It’s the Rotary Club’s famous barbecue chicken and coleslaw.”
“You didn’t have to do that.”
“Tricia said she couldn’t convince you to come to the tent.”
“Was she supposed to?” I question. She hadn’t mentioned lunch.
“My family is sending in reinforcements because apparently, I’m an idiot.” He pauses and gazes out at my yard. He avoids looking directly at me. “They aren’t wrong. I’m always apologizing to you.”
He shifts his attention and glances up at me from behind his sunglasses.
“I can’t believe I accused you of wanting Gabe when I know you’re too smart for a man like him. And I shouldn’t have blurted out to the entire fucking bar his indiscretion with my wife. I’d promised myself I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of knowing I still held it against him.”
“It’s a pretty big thing, though,” I admit as I recall my own surprise at his forgiveness.
“I knew if I told everyone, it wouldn’t be him who looked like an ass, but me. I’m the one who failed so much at my own marriage that another man took my place in our bed.” He sits straighter and exhales. “Only I didn’t fail Deb. She failed me. We had vows and promises, and we should have sought therapy. Hell, we probably should have never been married, but I can’t undo the past. I can only live in the present.”
Live for now.
I step up the few treads and take a seat next to him on the porch. My stomach rumbles, and he turns to me.
“Eat. That’s the best chicken ever.”
I open the lid, ripping away the top to better balance the square container on my lap. Jess makes no movement to leave, so I unwrap the plastic utensils before cutting into the meat. I take my first bite and groan at the delicious flavor.
“Can’t blame a man like Gabe for wanting you.” He sighs, and I feel the weight of his eyes on the side of my face. His glance falls to my lips after I finish another bite. “You’re sort of perfect.”
I swallow the remaining piece in my mouth before teasing him in return. “Only sort of?”
“I wasted a night,” he whispers. His voice is full of regret. “Actually, two.” I immediately recall all the touches and kisses over the past week. The way he caresses my body, outlines my form, and touches my skin sets me ablaze. I’m a live wire near him, always waiting to connect with something and spark.
He glances out at the street and watches as a family, laden with beach gear, walks past the house. The couple waves, and Jess lifts a hand in recognition.
“Where’s Katie?” I ask before I stick my fork into the tender poultry once more.
“My mom has her at the beach. I need to get there soon for the sandcastle building competition. Champion designer right here,” he teases, patting at his light gray tee-covered chest. “Come with me. Forgive me again, if you can. Spend the day with us.”
“Your stubbornness is unnerving,” I mock, bumping his shoulder with mine to let him know I’m teasing him. However, the back and forth is a little unsettling, and my emotions are all over the place.
“And you’re pushy,” he retorts as he wraps an arm over my shoulder and tugs me to him. His lips meet mine briefly. “But I like it when you push me. You unnerve me.”
There’s a compliment in his voice, but like so many things about this man, I can’t get a solid read on it.
I eat more of the chicken and slaw, and once I’ve had enough, Jess and I stand so we can make our way to the beach. He takes my bag from my shoulder, slings it over his, and then takes my hand as though he’s announcing to every person we pass that I’m his.
I’m his, if only for the day.
I’m too old for a summer romance but the memories of dalliances from long ago filter through my head. The all-consuming emotions wrapped up in someone from another place for only a limited period. The now. The sense of urgency fueled by the ticking clock and the off-the-charts passion when inhibitions are removed. The moments that pass as you ignore the end approaching.
Once we arrive at the crowded beach, we quickly find Katie with Tricia and Jess’s mother. Buckets and toy shovels litter the space around them.
“Presenting Princess Katie,” I call out as we near, and Katie looks up at me. She stands up, quickly closes the distance between us, and reaches out to hug my legs. I bend at the waist, curling over her, and I’m overwhelmed by how much I will miss this little girl. I blink quickly at the sudden rush of tears and rub her back before she breaks free from me.
Katie scrambles back to the spot in the sand she’s been digging in, and Jess falls to his knees near her.
“Time to build my princess a castle,” he teases. He gives directions on filling buckets and sends Katie to find twigs for drawbridges and pebbles to line the edges of the castle. I sit back and observe the science behind Jess’s structure. He isn’t wrong. He’s a champion builder.
His mother sits nearby and regales me with tales of Jess as a child. Tricia adds in her own memories of hanging out on the beach as a teen. The stories remind me of the rightness of this family, and the love they feel for one another. When Mary mentions her deceased husband, she smiles fondly, but I hear the sadness infused in her voice. She lost her husband too young and to such senseless tragedy. It’s a reminder to soak up the small minutes because we never know when something will end.
Jess finishes building, and Katie sits back to admire his masterpiece.
I lean forward, and question, “Good enough for a princess? Perhaps Princess Katie lives in a castle like this.” My comment is a reminder of the story we wrote together. Katie looks up at me, eyes wide with recognition.
“Katie’s excited for the fireworks tonight,” Tricia interjects as if her niece has told her such a thing.
“Fireworks?” I repeat the word in question. “As in, a night of fire in the sky.” I continue speaking and hold Katie’s gaze. “All kinds of magical things could happen today.”
Jess shakes his head next to me. “You and your make-believe.”
“Us fairies know of what we speak.”
Katie’s eyes widen.
“Oh, did I forget to mention my fairy abilities?” I wink at her. “Three secrets shared and the strength to give a secret in return.”
I tip my head, acting all-powerful like the great Wizard of Oz, who wasn’t a wizard at all.
Jess chuckles.
“Your castle needs a king,” Tricia says, still teasing her niece.
“I’m the king,” Jess declares, reaching out to playfully tug at his daughter’s braid.
“A beast is more like it,” his mother states. I laugh and recall reading Katie the story of Beauty and the Beast. On that day, her little head tilted toward the kitchen where her father worked as if she’s heard him referenced as a beast before. Now, I understand the connection.
“Perhaps the castle needs a queen?” Tricia states. She raises an eyebrow as she stares at her brother, who shakes his head again.
“I’m surrounded by estrogen.” He sits up and brushes the sand off his backside, then holds out a hand for his daughter. “Let’s swim, baby girl.” She stands and takes his hand, and I watch them walk to the water. What princess needs a prince when her daddy is such a great king? I’d never known such things since my father left when I was still young.
“He doesn’t know it, but he needs a queen. Just not the pretentious kind he had before.” Mary Carter snorts. “Maybe this time, he needs one with a gentle spirt and a good heart.” I blush at her indirect compliment. I’m no queen, but I admit, there’s a rightness to the thought of being a part of this royal family. If only . .
.
We fall into easy chatter as women can until Katie returns from the water with her father, who glistens like a Greek god. His hair is slicked back, and water ripples down his tight abs.
“If I tell you a secret, will you tell me one?” I say to Katie once she returns to the beach. She’s snuggled in a towel to dry off the water, and I tug her to my lap. She doesn’t answer me, but I knew she wouldn’t, and I continue despite her silence.
“Princess Katie has the best father king,” I say into her ear. “He loves her very much but so does this fairy.” Katie shifts in her seat to look at me. “Your daddy is strong on the outside, but people can be strong in here too,” I say, pointing over her heart. “You are one of the strongest people I know, Katie bug. Inside you is love and happiness and hope, and sometimes we need to share those strengths with other people. Do you know what I mean?”
I keep my voice low, but I sense Jess listening to me from his position at my side.
“Katie, let’s get some ice cream,” he interjects, pulling his child away from me and my serious tone. He hops to his feet without looking at me and takes her hand once again, walking away from me.
You’re pushing, I warn myself.
But I have nothing to lose.
I’ll lose them both come tomorrow.
Rule 19
Having a heart is magical.
[Jess]
She’s so fucking pushy and just can’t leave shit alone. More fairy this and princess that, and I saw how Katie stiffened on Emily’s lap. She’s my child. Why does Emily think she’s the one who can get Katie to break? If it hasn’t happened for me, it won’t happen for her.
Despite my frustration, Emily feels more familiar to me after a few short weeks than Debbie ever did, and I’d known Deb most of my life. And Katie’s taken to Emily in ways I could never have expected.
Still, she’s so relentless.
After ice cream and an afternoon of lazing in the sun, we leave the beach to clean up, and I tell Emily I’ll pick her up around seven. The fireworks are a big thing tonight and mark the end of the festival, and in many ways, the end of summer. Although school won’t start for another few weeks, the summer season will slowly roll to a halt as tourists exit, summer homes board up, and permanent town residents return from their summer visits elsewhere.