by Shmuel David
“It’s not like that,” again I tried to protect him. “He just wants to be left alone to live life his own way. He doesn’t want other people to dictate to him.” I motioned with my finger for emphasis, “And he especially doesn’t like all the external, ceremonial aspects of religion.”
“It doesn’t matter. Let’s not get into it now, because it’s not what I wanted to talk to you about.”
“What did you want to talk to me about?”
“About the fact that people are talking about us, pointing a finger at me when I go past.”
“So what? It’s probably just a few bored chatterers.”
“What’s that? Did you just invent a new word again?”
“I can’t believe you’re influenced by the fact that people are talking about you and want to change your behavior because of it. You of all people. I always thought you were strong-willed and independent. Now you tell me you’re influenced by gossip?”
“When it comes to such matters, maybe I’m not as strong as you think I am, Hanne. Please try to understand where I’m coming from.”
“Look, Inge, about my father. I can talk to him; find out what he really thinks.”
“No, no! Don’t talk to him. Maybe we just shouldn’t be seen so much in public together.”
“I think you’re just imagining things.”
“I’m not imagining anything, Hanne.”
“What are you saying? That we won’t be meeting on the bridge this evening?”
“No. And I don’t think we’ll be meeting tomorrow evening either. Let’s just try and give each other some space for a while,” she said and turned to leave.
I stood there, rooted to the spot for a few seconds. I hadn’t expected anything like that. I understand the people in Mizrahi. I’m not angry at them. It’s just their way of life. But my father? Why was he letting Inge feel unwanted? I joylessly turned back to the freezing water in the bucket. The pile I’d already cleared had returned to its original height with new plates Pauli had brought.
The dining room at the Tzar Dusan was already full when I got there. The youth sat on the floor and the adults on the surrounding benches. I sought Inge among them in vain. She didn’t come. I was afraid she was already trying to avoid me.
We all deeply admired Zeev, the eternal boy scout. We called him that because he was a member of the boy scouts in Germany, then he was in charge of Hechalutz training and the Aliyat Hano’ar organization in Austria. Dizzy, his girlfriend, a short, smiley woman, was on the boat with him, and they spent a lot of time together.
This was our third meeting with him, and each one was more fascinating than the last. He spoke about topics related to our lives on the boats, as well as news from the war. Today, he spoke about day and night navigation and navigation systems on sea and land. He promised we’d go up on deck on a bright night, and he’d teach us to recognize the stars and constellations, especially the North Star.
At the end of the meeting, Zeev suggested that we try and solve a geographical quiz he’d prepared on the subject. I raised my hand and told him I had a crossword puzzle we could all solve together about the same subject—rivers, mountains, cities, and towns all over the world.
“Only if you’ll draw it on the blackboard for us,” said Zeev. “Next lesson, come a few minutes early and draw the crossword puzzle on the blackboard.”
I agreed, and meanwhile, Zeev began with his quiz. Even though I knew the answers to most of the questions, the winner, as usual, was Haim’ke, a fifteen-year-old boy from the Blau-Weiss group for whom everyone predicted a great future.
Zeev prepared us for the following day’s lesson, after Mr. Goldman’s Hebrew lesson.
“Tomorrow, we’ll talk about survival and learn to make knots. Those who can should bring a short rope. Just don’t cut ropes off the boat…”
After the lesson, I went back to the Tzar Nikolai and joined my parents for lunch. We stood quietly in line, when raised voices were heard from the distribution area.
“This is already the second time I’ve seen you do that!” someone shouted.
“Get your hand off me! You rude idiot!” yelled another voice, thicker and louder.
“You took more than your share yesterday as well!” the first one shouted.
The line dispersed, and everyone hurried to see what was going on.
“I’m stopping the distribution,” said Mrs. Deutsch, who stood next to the pots with a ladle in one hand and a large serving spoon in the other.
It turned out that Mr. Gaetzer, the rumormonger, had asked for a larger portion of rice, and Mr. Goldman was trying to stop him from taking it.
“You’re not alone here! There are people who haven’t received anything yet.”
“It’s none of your business!” screamed Gaetzer, Goldman still holding his arm.
He yanked his arm free of Mr. Goldman’s grip, and the latter just couldn’t contain his anger and slapped his face. Gaetzer immediately retaliated by punching Goldman’s shoulder.
“You miserable parasite!” Mr. Goldman raged and tried to punch him back, but Father was already behind him and grabbed both his arms.
“Take it easy, Abraham, take it easy,” Father tried to calm things down.
“Don’t tell me to take it easy. That bastard is eating at our expense. I’ve seen it with my own eyes!”
Meanwhile, Teddy arrived, grabbed Gaetzer’s arm, and twisted it back, just like the self-defense grip they’d taught us in Akiba.
Things gradually settled down and Mrs. Deutsch continued to distribute food.
Mr. Goldman whispered to Father, “If I were you, I would have given up long ago and escaped from this cursed trap with my family.”
“What have we gained by being here?” asked Mr. Goldman. “Absolutely nothing! They promise you the world and give you absolutely nothing.”
Father answered that he too could simply leave and seek his fortune elsewhere.
“But that’s the difference between us,” said Mr. Goldman. “You are in your own country here, surrounded by people who speak your language. You could simply take a train from Prahovo and be back in Belgrade in two hours. You yourself have said that.”
“It’s not that simple,” Father explained to him. “What exactly would I go back to?”
“Don’t you have a house? Relatives? Someone who would welcome you?” asked Mr. Goldman, surprised.
“I sold most of my property before boarding the ship. Closed my office as well. I hardly had any work anyway in the last few months before we left,” Father answered resentfully.
Mr. Goldman walked away and Father, Mother, and I sat in a remote corner, silently eating. Everyone was lost in their own thoughts, thinking of the unpleasant scene they’d just witnessed. Mother hissed, “Emil, we simply cannot go on like this.”
In the afternoon, I went down for my daily walk along the riverbank. The snow had frozen into a slippery layer of ice and was too dangerous to walk on. I went along the platform and looked at all the boats docking there. Many boats were completely empty, while ours were overcrowded to bursting. I wondered why they couldn’t arrange another boat for us, to ease the crowded conditions a little. I took the same path I had taken many times before, to the net-storage shed. On my way, I saw three guys from Hechalutz trying to skate on the ice using improvised wooden skates. They laughed loudly every time one of them fell down.
I found old Petrović slowly sipping from his small glass. The pleasant smell of black coffee hung in the air.
“You’re just in time. Come on, I’ll make you a cup.”
“No, there’s no need,” I tried, but he was already kneeling next to the red-hot coals. In one hand, he held the coffee pot, and in the other, he held a cigarette stub. He beckoned me closer.
“Promise you won’t tell anyone?” he whispered secretively.
“Of course I won’t. Just tell me.”
“Your cook won’t be coming back anymore,” he said.
“Who? Shishko?”
“Yes. He and his girlfriend Anita slept here in the net-storage shed last night. She cried all night.”
“Yes, what happened the day before yesterday in the evening was terrible,” I recalled the degrading scene. “Everyone was shocked, especially Mother, who tried to protect her from all the ‘righteous people,’ as she called those who humiliated Anita and spat in her face.”
“She was a wreck. I couldn’t refuse them and gave them permission to sleep in the shed. I just can’t understand you people. This is how animals behave,” he said and placed his coffee glass on the large stone beside him.
“We think the same,” I told him. “My mother couldn’t sleep that night. She thinks these women feel jealous or threatened.”
“You should know, Hanne, there isn’t much love in this terrible world. There’s a lot of jealousy and bad blood.” He took a long sip from his coffee. “And when there’s love, you need to protect it, honor it. Especially on your boat, where it’s so cold and crowded.”
“Some people on our boat thought just like you and called her ‘Romantic Anita.’ But there were a lot of others, especially women, who called her ‘Anita the whore.’”
“Why call a girl who has found someone to love her a whore? She told me a little bit about herself last night,” he said, and his eyes filled with tears. “She told me about her childhood in Bratislava. Her father never loved her, and her mother was a sickly woman and couldn’t help her much. She had nothing going for her in life. And now, fortune smiled on her at last and sent her Shishko, the cook. He gave her love. He warmed her with his hugs during the cold nights on the boat, made her feel she was special, and then…”
A tear dropped down his wrinkle-furrowed cheek.
“I haven’t slept either. I felt very bad about what they did to her,” I answered.
“It’s a shame that you’re exposed to these ugly sides of love at your age. I saw you here two days ago with that beautiful girl. Is it serious between the two of you?”
“We met here, on the boat. I really like her, but I can’t tell you if it’s love or not. I think about her a lot.”
“You’re still young. One day you’ll understand. Sometimes people fall in love without even realizing it.”
“So how can you know for sure?”
“I’ll tell you,” he took a crumpled packet of cigarettes from his inner coat pocket, toyed with it, and replaced it. “My wife died many years ago. She came down with an illness none of the doctors in the area knew how to cure.”
“Did you love her?” I asked.
“I wasn’t sure either, back then. I was a young fisherman and spent many nights in my boat, away from home. I did a lot of the foolish things young men do. Always wanted more. And she, Tanya, was always with the children. When I came back with a boatful of fresh fish, I’d give them to her and she would sell them at the market.”
“You still haven’t told me if you loved her.”
“Most of the time, I was looking for women to excite me and saw her as no more than the mother of my children, not as a woman one would desire every night. But then one night, about four years ago, she got ill; there was a terrible storm, and I had to return early from my fishing. I reached the dock, tied my boat, and ran home. From afar, I could see a faint light from the kitchen window. Normally, the houses were completely dark at night. I got closer and saw a bicycle leaning against the plane tree in the yard, and my heart pounded insanely.” He stopped his story for a moment and lightly patted his coat pocket, “I don’t even know why I’m telling you all this…”
He took the packet of cigarettes from his pocket again, lightly tapped the bottom, and took out another cigarette with two fingers.
“I flung open the door. I was sure I was going to kill someone. I only managed to see his back. The bedroom window opened with a loud noise, and he was gone. She sat by the kitchen table, her long hair flowing about her shoulders, and a look I’d never seen before on her face. A kind of longing or desire I’d only seen on other women’s faces. I saw her as a mother, always badly dressed.”
He took another long drag from his cigarette.
“At first, I couldn’t understand the terrible emotion that overwhelmed me. Only after I calmed down did I realize it was jealousy. But not just jealously. I banged my fist on the table and was raising my hand to slap her, but only then, when I noticed that special look on her face, did I realize something else,” he said, flicking away the cigarette stub. “It took some time, but I finally understood I was living like a fool. I realized I’d been stupid not to love her enough, that she was a treasure. I realized that for all those years…” he choked for a moment, his shoulders trembled, and he fell silent. A moment later, he regained his composure and was back with me.
“What about, what’s her name, your girl? Does she love you?”
“Her name is Inge. I don’t know. We don’t talk about it. We are simply in this…experience…”
“I’m sorry for getting so emotional. It’s been years since I’ve opened my heart to anyone like that, even to those who are close to me. Now with you, it just simply…”
“No, I think it’s wonderful. I see you really trust me,” I said and looked into his tear-drenched eyes. “Maybe we could make another crossword puzzle?” I suggested, trying to change his emotional mood.
He agreed and started rummaging through his pockets again to look for the papers. I suggested we make another crossword puzzle about geography and history, one that would be more challenging, so I could bring it to Zeev’s class and make everyone sweat a little.
Petrović surprised me with his knowledge of areas in the world I had never even heard of—ruined cities, submerged ports from King Herod’s era, and the kingdoms of the crusaders. I ended up asking him to make the crossword puzzle less difficult, so the children wouldn’t just give up. When we finished the crossword puzzle, I parted from him with a handshake.
“See you tomorrow,” I said.
“Goodbye, comrade,” he said laughingly.
I ran quickly along the icy path across the Danube until I reached the ship’s gangway.
“You look pale, Hanne,” Mother said worriedly. “Are you feeling all right?”
“I’m fine, Mother. I have to go and meet Inge now.”
I found her in the floating isolation ward, cleaning the infirmary with typical nimbleness, her hands fluttering with a rag that emitted the sharp smell of alcohol. At first, she didn’t even turn her head to look at me.
“I’ve no time now, Hanne,” she said when she finally noticed my presence.
“Just for a minute,” I tried. “I want us to sit down and talk.”
“But we’ve already agreed on something, haven’t we?” she said decisively, as if the subject was closed.
“Perhaps you did. I never agreed to the idea of surrendering to the chattering of a few gossips,” I said, realizing that pleading with her would get me nowhere. “If you decide you want to see me after all, you know where to find me,” I said and left her.
At night, I listened to the whispers exchanged by my parents again. I learned how to distinguish their words, even when they spoke in low voices. Father spoke of Mr. Gaetzer, that troublesome man who keeps spreading rumors.
“He’s convinced we’re not stuck here because of the ice.”
“Why then?”
“He’s talking about some conspiracy, as if someone is deliberately trying to sabotage our transport for some obscure reason.”
“And he says that…based on what information exactly?”
“He’s in correspondence with someone from Vienna, who says he knows for a fact there isn’t a ship waiting for us at the confluence of the Danube.”
“T
his simply can’t go on, Emil.” Mother sighed.
“We need to be patient. Things will work out eventually,” said Father, but I could hear he wasn’t very certain of that himself.
“How will it work out? How? Have you seen how skinny the boys are? And not only them. Look at the other children. At their age, they need proper nutrition for their growth,” she continued in a whisper.
“What would you like me to do?” Father grumbled. “Do you want me to start a local black market for eggs and butter, like Mr. Gaetzer?”
“I wish we hadn’t embarked on this adventure in the first place. I’d go back to Belgrade right now, if I could.”
“You know that’s impossible,” Father whispered.
“I feel so bad for taking the children out of school. We’ve ruined their entire future,” she said.
“You think it’s not hard for me to see everything that’s going on here? At least you have something to keep you busy…”
“So what! Just a few hours in the storage room, that’s all. It’s not that I gain something from it, not even an egg for the children or a piece of sausage,” said Mother and then was silent.
“Maybe I’ll go to the Kladovo market tomorrow. Although we don’t have much cash left.”
“I told you not to give all the money to your sister, Lela, but you are so stubborn.”
“We’ll need that money in Israel yet. Carrying it with us just seemed impractical.”
“Do you want me to go to the market tomorrow? You were always better at haggling with the peddlers.”
“I’ll go tomorrow morning. I promise, all right?”
“At least you know the language better than Gaetzer.”
“You know he’s asked me to teach him Serbo-Croatian? I thought of sending him to Hanne…”
“Everyone knows he goes to the market every Wednesday to buy food from the villagers. God knows where the money comes from. He doesn’t look like someone with assets in Vienna.”