by Louise Hay
Do not think your mind is in control. You are in control of your mind. You use your mind. You can stop thinking those old thoughts.
When your old thinking tries to come back and say, “It’s so hard to change,” take mental control. Say to your mind, “I now choose to believe it is becoming easier for me to make changes.” You may have to have this conversation with your mind several times for it to acknowledge that you are in control and that what you say goes.
The Only Thing You Ever Have Any Control of Is Your Current Thought
Your old thoughts are gone; there is nothing you can do about them except live out the experiences they caused. Your current thought, the one you are thinking right now, is totally under your control.
Example
If you have a little child who has been allowed to stay up as late as he wishes for a long time, and then you make a decision that you now want this child to go to bed at 8:00 every night, what do you think the first night will be like?
The child will rebel against this new rule and may kick and scream and do his best to stay out of bed. If you relent at this time, the child wins and will try to control you forever.
However, if you calmly stick to your decision and firmly insist that this is the new bedtime, the rebellion will lessen. In two or three nights, the new routine will be established.
It is the same thing with your mind. Of course it will rebel at first. It does not want to be retrained. But you are in control, and if you stay focused and firm, in a very short time the new way of thinking will be established. And you will feel so good to realize that you are not a helpless victim of your own thoughts, but rather a master of your own mind.
Exercise: Letting Go
As you read this, take a deep breath and, as you exhale, allow all the tension to leave your body. Let your scalp and your forehead and your face relax. Your head does not need to be tense in order for you to read. Let your tongue and your throat and your shoulders relax. You can hold a book with relaxed arms and hands. Do that now. Let your back and your abdomen and your pelvis relax. Let your breathing be at peace as you relax your legs and feet.
Is there a big change in your body since you began the previous paragraph? Notice how much you hold on. If you are doing it with your body, you are doing it with your mind.
In this relaxed, comfortable position, say to yourself, “I am willing to let go. I release. I let go. I release all tension. I release all fear. I release all anger. I release all guilt. I release all sadness. I let go of all old limitations. I let go, and I am at peace. I am at peace with myself. I am at peace with the process of life. I am safe.”
Go over this exercise two or three times. Feel the ease of letting go. Repeat it whenever you feel thoughts of difficulty coming up. It takes a little practice for the routine to become a part of you. When you put yourself into this peaceful state first, it becomes easy for your affirmations to take hold. You become open and receptive to them. There is no need to struggle or stress or strain. Just relax and think the appropriate thoughts. Yes, it is this easy.
Physical Releasing
Sometimes we need to experience a physical letting go. Experiences and emotions can get locked in the body. Screaming in the car with all the windows rolled up can be very releasing if we have been stifling our verbal expression. Beating the bed or kicking pillows is a harmless way to release pent-up anger, as is playing tennis or running.
Awhile ago, I had a pain in my shoulder for a day or two. I tried to ignore it, but it wouldn’t go away. Finally, I sat down and asked myself, “What is happening here? What am I feeling?”
I realized, “It feels like burning. Burning…burning…that means anger. What are you angry about?”
I couldn’t think of what I was angry about, so I said, “Well, let’s see if we can find out.” I put two large pillows on the bed and began to hit them with a lot of energy.
After about twelve hits, I realized exactly what I was angry about. It was so clear. So I beat the pillows even harder and made some noise and released the emotions from my body. When I got through, I felt much better, and the next day my shoulder was fine.
Letting the Past Hold You Back
Many people come to me and say they cannot enjoy today because of something that happened in the past. Because they did not do something or do it in a certain way in the past, they cannot live a full life today. Because they no longer have something they had in the past, they cannot enjoy today. Because they were hurt in the past, they will not accept love now. Because something unpleasant happened when they did something once, they are sure it will happen again today. Because they once did something that they are sorry for, they are sure they are bad people forever. Because once someone did something to them, it is now all the other person’s fault that their life is not where they want it to be. Because they became angry over a situation in the past, they will hold on to that self-righteousness. Because of some very old experience where they were treated badly, they will never forgive and forget.
Because I did not get invited to the high school prom, I cannot enjoy life today.
Because I did poorly at my first audition, I will be terrified of auditions forever.
Because I am no longer married, I cannot live a full life today.
Because I was hurt by a remark once, I will never trust anyone again.
Because I stole something once, I must punish myself forever.
Because I was poor as a child, I will never get anywhere.
What we often refuse to realize is that holding on to the past—no matter what it was or how awful it was—is ONLY HURTING US. “They” really don’t care. Usually, “they” are not even aware. We are only hurting ourselves by refusing to live in this moment to the fullest.
The past is over and done and cannot be changed. This is the only moment we can experience. Even when we lament about the past, we are experiencing our memory of it in this moment, and losing the real experience of this moment in the process.
Exercise: Releasing
Let us now clean up the past in our minds. Release the emotional attachment to it. Allow the memories to be just memories.
If you think back to what you used to wear in the third grade, usually there is no emotional attachment. It’s just a memory.
It can be the same for all of the past events in our lives. As we let go, we become free to use all of our mental power to enjoy this moment and to create a great future.
List all the things you are willing to let go of. How willing are you to do this? Notice your reactions. What will you have to do to let these things go? How willing are you to do so? What is your resistance level?
Forgiveness
Next step, forgiveness. Forgiveness of ourselves and of others releases us from the past. The Course in Miracles says over and over that forgiveness is the answer to almost everything. I know that when we are stuck, it usually means there is some more forgiving to be done. When we do not flow freely with life in the present moment, it usually means we are holding on to a past moment. It can be regret, sadness, hurt, fear, or guilt, blame, anger, resentment, and sometimes even the desire for revenge. Each one of these states comes from a space of unforgiveness, a refusal to let go and come into the present moment.
Love is always the answer to healing of any sort. And the pathway to love is forgiveness. Forgiveness dissolves resentment. There are several ways in which I approach this.
Exercise: Dissolving Resentment
There is an old Emmet Fox exercise for dissolving resentment that always works. He recommends that you sit quietly, close your eyes, and allow your mind and body to relax. Then, imagine yourself sitting in a darkened theater, and in front of you is a small stage. On that stage, place the person you resent the most. It could be someone in the past or present, living or dead. When you see this person clearly, visualize good things happening to this person—things that would be meaningful to him. See him smiling and happy.
Hold this image for a few minut
es, then let it fade away. I like to add another step. As this person leaves the stage, put yourself up there. See good things happening to you. See yourself smiling and happy. Be aware that the abundance of the Universe is available to all of us.
The above exercise dissolves the dark clouds of resentment most of us carry. For some, it will be very difficult to do. Each time you do it, you may get a different person. Do it once a day for a month, and notice how much lighter you feel.
Exercise: Revenge
Those on the spiritual pathway know the importance of forgiveness. For some of us, there is a step that is necessary before we can totally forgive. Sometimes the little kid in us needs to have revenge before it is free to forgive. For that, this exercise is very helpful.
Close your eyes, sit quietly and peacefully. Think of the people who are hardest to forgive. What would you really like to do to them? What do they need to do to get your forgiveness? Imagine that happening now. Get into the details. How long do you want them to suffer or do penance?
When you feel complete, condense time and let it be over forever. Usually at this point you feel lighter, and it is easier to think about forgiveness. To indulge in this every day would not be good for you. To do it once as a closing exercise can be freeing.
Exercise: Forgiveness
Now we are ready to forgive. Do this exercise with a partner if you can, or do it out loud if you are alone.
Again, sit quietly with your eyes closed and say, “The person I need to forgive is ___________ and I forgive you for ___________.”
Do this over and over. You will have many things to forgive some for and only one or two to forgive others for. If you have a partner, let him say to you, “Thank you, I set you free now.” If you do not, then imagine the person you are forgiving saying it to you. Do this for at least five or ten minutes. Search your heart for the injustices you still carry. Then let them go.
When you have cleared as much as you can for now, turn your attention to yourself. Say out loud to yourself, “I forgive myself for ___________.” Do this for another five minutes or so. These are powerful exercises and good to do at least once a week to clear out any remaining rubbish. Some experiences are easy to let go and some we have to chip away at, until suddenly one day they let go and dissolve.
Exercise: Visualization
Another good exercise. Have someone read this one to you if you can, or put it on tape and listen to it.
Begin to visualize yourself as a little child of five or six. Look deeply into this little child’s eyes. See the longing that is there and realize that there is only one thing this little child wants from you, and that is love. So reach out your arms and embrace this child. Hold it with love and tenderness. Tell it how much you love it, how much you care. Admire everything about this child and say that it’s okay to make mistakes while learning. Promise that you will always be there no matter what. Now let this little child get very small, until it is just the size to fit into your heart. Put it there so whenever you look down, you can see this little face looking up at you, and you can give it lots of love.
Now visualize your mother as a little girl of four or five, frightened and looking for love and not knowing where to find it. Reach out your arms and hold this little girl and let her know how much you love her, how much you care. Let her know she can rely on you to always be there, no matter what. When she quiets down and begins to feel safe, let her get very small, just the size to fit into your heart. Put her there with your own little child. Let them give each other lots of love.
Now imagine your father as a little boy of three or four—frightened, crying, and looking for love. See the tears rolling down his little face when he doesn’t know where to turn. You have become good at comforting frightened little children, so reach out your arms and hold his trembling little body. Comfort him. Croon to him. Let him feel how much you love him. Let him feel that you will always be there for him.
When his tears are dry, and you feel the love and peace in his little body, let him get very small, just the size to fit into your heart. Put him there so those three little children can give each other lots of love and you can love them all.
* * *
There is so much love in your heart that you could heal the entire planet. But just for now let us use this love to heal you. Feel a warmth beginning to glow in your heart center, a softness, a gentleness. Let this feeling begin to change the way you think and talk about yourself.
In the infinity of life where I am,
all is perfect, whole, and complete.
Change is the natural law of my life. I welcome change.
I am willing to change. I choose to change my thinking.
I choose to change the words I use.
I move from the old to the new with ease and with joy.
It is easier for me to forgive than I thought.
Forgiving makes me feel free and light.
It is with joy that I learn to love myself more and more.
The more resentment I release, the more love I have to express.
Changing my thoughts makes me feel good.
I am learning to choose to make today a pleasure to experience.
All is well in my world.
Chapter Eight
BUILDING THE NEW
“The answers within me come to my awareness with ease.”
I don’t want to be fat.
I don’t want to be broke.
I don’t want to be old.
I don’t want to live here.
I don’t want to have this relationship.
I don’t want to be like my mother/father.
I don’t want to be stuck in this job.
I don’t want to have this hair/nose/body.
I don’t want to be lonely.
I don’t want to be unhappy.
I don’t want to be sick.
What You Put Your Attention on Grows
The above shows how we are culturally taught to fight the negative mentally—thinking that if we do so, the positive will automatically come to us. It doesn’t work that way.
How often have you lamented about what you didn’t want? Did it ever bring you what you really wanted? Fighting the negative is a total waste of time if you really want to make changes in your life. The more you dwell on what you don’t want, the more of it you create. The things about yourself or your life that you have always disliked are probably still with you.
What you put your attention on grows and becomes permanent in your life. Move away from the negative, and put your attention on what it is that you really do want to be or have. Let’s turn the above negative affirmations into positive affirmations.
I am slender.
I am prosperous.
I am eternally young.
I now move to a better place.
I have a wonderful new relationship.
I am my own person.
I love my hair/nose/body.
I am filled with love and affection.
I am joyous and happy and free.
I am totally healthy.
Affirmations
Learn to think in positive affirmations. Affirmations can be any statement you make. Too often we think in negative affirmations. Negative affirmations only create more of what you say you don’t want. Saying, “I hate my job,” will get you nowhere. Declaring, “I now accept a wonderful new job,” will open the channels in your consciousness to create that.
Continually make positive statements about how you want your life to be. However, there is one point that is very important in this: Always make your statement in the PRESENT TENSE, such as “I am” or “I have.” Your subconscious mind is such an obedient servant that if you declare in the future tense, “I want,” or “I will have,” then that is where that idea will always stay—just out of your reach in the future!
The Process of Loving the Self
As I have said before, no matter what the problem, the main issue to work on is LOVING THE SELF. This is the �
�magic wand” that dissolves problems. Remember the times when you have felt good about yourself and how well your life was going? Remember the times when you were in love and for those periods you seemed to have no problems? Well, loving yourself is going to bring such a surge of good feelings and good fortune to you that you will be dancing on air. LOVING YOURSELF MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD.
It is impossible to really love yourself unless you have self-approval and self-acceptance. This means no criticism whatsoever. I can hear all the objections right now.
“But I have always criticized myself.”
“How can I possibly like that about myself?”
“My parents/teachers/lovers always criticized me.”
“How will I be motivated?”
“But it is wrong for me to do those things.”
“How am I going to change if I don’t criticize myself?”
Training the Mind
Self-criticism such as that illustrated above is just the mind going on with old chatter. See how you have trained your mind to berate you and be resistant to change? Ignore those thoughts and get on with the important work at hand!
Let’s go back to an exercise we did earlier. Look into the mirror again, and say, “I love and approve of myself exactly as I am.”
How does that feel now? Is it a little easier after the forgiveness work we have done? This is still the main issue. Self-approval and self-acceptance are the keys to positive changes.
In the days when my own self-denial was so prevalent, I would occasionally slap my own face. I didn’t know the meaning of self-acceptance. My belief in my own lacks and limitations was stronger than anything anyone else could say to the contrary. If someone told me I was loved, my immediate reaction was, “Why? What could anyone possibly see in me?” Or the classic thought, “If they only knew what I was really like inside, they wouldn’t love me.”
I was not aware that all good begins with accepting that which is within one’s self, and loving that self which is you. It took quite a while to develop a peaceful, loving relationship with myself.
First, I used to hunt for the little things about myself that I thought were “good qualities.” Even this helped, and my own health began to improve. Good health begins with loving the self. So do prosperity and love and creative self-expression. Later I learned to love and approve of all of me, even those qualities I thought were “not good enough.” That was when I really began to make progress.